I started this journey 13 days ago. I woke up, like every other day, but something was different. I felt pissed off, unhappy, ugly and uncomfortable. I sat there and thought for a moment... "Is this how it's going to be?" I am 42 years old, divorced, the kid is grown and out, and I am unhappy and cynical at age 42. I have the whole second half of my life to live and I want it to be great.

I realized at that moment that nobody was going to bring that happiness to me on a silver platter or riding on a white horse... It was up to me. I am responsible for my happiness, my self worth, my future, and it is going to require an enormous amount of self discipline. It all rests on my shoulders... how bad do I want this new, bright future to be? I sat down and made out a list of things that I want to accomplish in the second half of my life. Nothing so shallow as wealth and accumulation of things. I want personal accomplishment. The first thing on my list was quit smoking. I had been smoking since age 15. I quit cold turkey 13 days ago and I feel proud for the first time in years. The second thing is to lose these extra 125 pounds so that I am physically capable of accomplishing the rest of my list... learning to Kayak and scuba dive and getting back in the saddle ( I was once an accomplished equestrian rider ) are a few of them. The list is my hearts wish and it keeps me motivated.

I am following my doctors instructions to the letter and I am down 11 pounds so far and I am still pre op. My surgery is in a couple months.

I am happy today and a little proud of myself and most of all I am determined.

Thanks for being the supportive, informative group that you are, and it is comforting to know that I am not taking this journey alone.

You will do it! With the help of the sleeve all those fun things you want to do will be possible! Kayaks... love them.. so much easier than a canoe and horses.. I used to love to ride but that was many years and pounds ago. It will be possible for both of us down the line.

Khy

Congrats on your "wake up!" WTG on the quiting smoking!!! Weight loss so far is awesome!! I will be 40 this year, married my first daughter off on 1-1-11 and my youngest just turned 16 and of course is so adult LOL I decided this year was for ME! I started the process in January and was just sleeved Monday. Someone posted this on facebook a week or so ago and it really hit home for me -

The one person I can truly count on... that I want in the front of my cheering section... that I must love above all others... that I know is going to pick me up when I'm down... that is going to be with me until I die... is me.

Basically it says what you realized, no one is bringing anything to you on a silver platter or white horse, you have to love yourself enough to take the steps to get what you want!!

You SHOULD be proud. Way to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and figure this all out for yourself. Great going on the weight loss already. Remember, the more you lose BEFORE surgery, the better. I wish I had lost more pre-op. Also, congrats on quitting smoking.

You are definitely not alone in this journey. You can come here anytime for 24/7 'counseling' !