For nearly four years, I've worked on Intuitive Eating. I worked with an eating disorder therapist for a couple of years, and she is the one who directed me on this journey. I stopped dieting. I've - for the most part - never been happier. Dieting made me miserable, insecure and it didn't work. My weight has basically stabilized. I base that on how my rings and clothes fit. I've fluctuated, but probably not more than 10 pounds in either direction.
For the most part, I eat what I like when I'm hungry. food stopped being an enemy. I'm not yo-yo dieting up and down 30 pounds a year (and it was always more up than down).
I'm happily married. I have a husband who loves me for who I am, not what I look like. I was 380 pounds on our wedding day seven years ago, so it's not like he married me thin and then I got fat. I truly know I am loved for who I am as a person, and not the size of my clothes or a number on the scale.
I haven't gotten on a scale in almost four years. I live someplace that is, for the most part, not as superficial as the rest of the world. I lived in NYC for six years and I don't think I could've come to the emotional place I am at now while living there... where a size 8 is too fat, and everyone is judged for how they look.
So, why am I here? A friend had this type of surgery a year ago. I'd never heard of it before I read some of her blog posts about it. I knew about the other types of WLS and I knew - with no doubt - that they were not for me. I knew too many people who had WLS and suffered unpleasant side effects afterwards due to absorption issues and "dumping syndrome..." even sometimes with foods that one day they could eat without problem, but the next day it made them sick! I never wanted to go through that, even when I wanted to lose weight desperately.
I no longer want to lose weight desperately. In fact, there are only a few reasons I *want* to lose weight at all. There's the obvious inconveniences that come with being more than 200 pounds overweight. I need 2 airplane tickets, for example, which pretty much eliminates the potential for air travel. Which usually doesn't matter, as we prefer road trips anyway... but at the same time, it would be nice to have flying be an option. I am also somewhat concerned about the potential health issues. I'm not diabetic, but it is in the family. I don't have any heart issues I wouldn't have anyway (benign palpitations), but I'd also like to keep it that way. My father died of a heart attack in January. He was 58, almost 59. I am 35, and I'm not really fond of the thought of dying young. Granted, he was diabetic and did not control it even slightly for years... which led to kidney failure and dialysis. The point being, he had medical issues I don't currently have. I'd like to keep it that way, though.
I have fibromyalgia. Exercise is extremely painful for me. I don't really know that it would be easier if I lost weight, but it might be... however, I do have some concerns that eating so little - as is required following surgery - might be a problem for me because of the fibro... because I am already so tired and have so little energy.
Here's where things get complicated, though. I don't ever wanna know what I weigh again. I just don't. It's not good for me emotionally. I am so much happier not knowing, and *if* I were to undergo this procedure, I wouldn't want to know what I started out at or where I finish. I'm just pretty sure no doctor is going to work with me on that. I don't want a goal weight. They can assign me one, and weigh me... but I don't want to know about it. I'm not considering this radical procedure because I want to be thin. I'm not dreaming of wearing a bikini, and frankly, given the extra skin I'd likely have to deal with, I might look even worse after surgery than I sometimes feel I do now (though generally, I don't really think of my looks at all - it's been part of my eating disorder recovery process).
If I were to have surgery, I'd only tell my husband and a few very close friends. It's none of anyone's business, but I also think that people are quick to jump on a bandwagon - so to speak... and surgery is an extreme choice to deal with a lifelong problem. I don't want to influence others in a way that might be negative. But mostly, it's just that I'm a fairly private person.
I've accepted my body and my limitations. I love myself the way I am now. But I can't deny that life would be so much easier if I could lose weight. Dieting won't get me there, and it will make me absolutely miserable. I have two medical conditions that make weight loss challenging (polycystic ovarian syndrome and Hashimoto's Disease). However, I know that I can follow a medically necessary change to my diet. Last year I had gallbladder surgery and for 2 months had to eat a very low fat diet. It didn't make me crazy, I didn't really feel any sort of deprivation and I wasn't obsessing about my weight during that time... because it wasn't about that. I get that WLS is about losing weight, but for me it wouldn't be the focus. It would just be a means to an end that makes life less challenging and hopefully makes me feel better than I do now (due to the fibromyalgia).
I'm just curious... I'm doubtful I'll find anyone who doesn't check the scale regularly, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask...
For nearly four years, I've worked on Intuitive Eating. I worked with an eating disorder therapist for a couple of years, and she is the one who directed me on this journey. I stopped dieting. I've - for the most part - never been happier. Dieting made me miserable, insecure and it didn't work. My weight has basically stabilized. I base that on how my rings and clothes fit. I've fluctuated, but probably not more than 10 pounds in either direction.
For the most part, I eat what I like when I'm hungry. food stopped being an enemy. I'm not yo-yo dieting up and down 30 pounds a year (and it was always more up than down).
I'm happily married. I have a husband who loves me for who I am, not what I look like. I was 380 pounds on our wedding day seven years ago, so it's not like he married me thin and then I got fat. I truly know I am loved for who I am as a person, and not the size of my clothes or a number on the scale.
I haven't gotten on a scale in almost four years. I live someplace that is, for the most part, not as superficial as the rest of the world. I lived in NYC for six years and I don't think I could've come to the emotional place I am at now while living there... where a size 8 is too fat, and everyone is judged for how they look.
So, why am I here? A friend had this type of surgery a year ago. I'd never heard of it before I read some of her blog posts about it. I knew about the other types of WLS and I knew - with no doubt - that they were not for me. I knew too many people who had WLS and suffered unpleasant side effects afterwards due to absorption issues and "dumping syndrome..." even sometimes with foods that one day they could eat without problem, but the next day it made them sick! I never wanted to go through that, even when I wanted to lose weight desperately.
I no longer want to lose weight desperately. In fact, there are only a few reasons I *want* to lose weight at all. There's the obvious inconveniences that come with being more than 200 pounds overweight. I need 2 airplane tickets, for example, which pretty much eliminates the potential for air travel. Which usually doesn't matter, as we prefer road trips anyway... but at the same time, it would be nice to have flying be an option. I am also somewhat concerned about the potential health issues. I'm not diabetic, but it is in the family. I don't have any heart issues I wouldn't have anyway (benign palpitations), but I'd also like to keep it that way. My father died of a heart attack in January. He was 58, almost 59. I am 35, and I'm not really fond of the thought of dying young. Granted, he was diabetic and did not control it even slightly for years... which led to kidney failure and dialysis. The point being, he had medical issues I don't currently have. I'd like to keep it that way, though.
I have fibromyalgia. Exercise is extremely painful for me. I don't really know that it would be easier if I lost weight, but it might be... however, I do have some concerns that eating so little - as is required following surgery - might be a problem for me because of the fibro... because I am already so tired and have so little energy.
Here's where things get complicated, though. I don't ever wanna know what I weigh again. I just don't. It's not good for me emotionally. I am so much happier not knowing, and *if* I were to undergo this procedure, I wouldn't want to know what I started out at or where I finish. I'm just pretty sure no doctor is going to work with me on that. I don't want a goal weight. They can assign me one, and weigh me... but I don't want to know about it. I'm not considering this radical procedure because I want to be thin. I'm not dreaming of wearing a bikini, and frankly, given the extra skin I'd likely have to deal with, I might look even worse after surgery than I sometimes feel I do now (though generally, I don't really think of my looks at all - it's been part of my eating disorder recovery process).
If I were to have surgery, I'd only tell my husband and a few very close friends. It's none of anyone's business, but I also think that people are quick to jump on a bandwagon - so to speak... and surgery is an extreme choice to deal with a lifelong problem. I don't want to influence others in a way that might be negative. But mostly, it's just that I'm a fairly private person.
I've accepted my body and my limitations. I love myself the way I am now. But I can't deny that life would be so much easier if I could lose weight. Dieting won't get me there, and it will make me absolutely miserable. I have two medical conditions that make weight loss challenging (polycystic ovarian syndrome and Hashimoto's Disease). However, I know that I can follow a medically necessary change to my diet. Last year I had gallbladder surgery and for 2 months had to eat a very low fat diet. It didn't make me crazy, I didn't really feel any sort of deprivation and I wasn't obsessing about my weight during that time... because it wasn't about that. I get that WLS is about losing weight, but for me it wouldn't be the focus. It would just be a means to an end that makes life less challenging and hopefully makes me feel better than I do now (due to the fibromyalgia).
I'm just curious... I'm doubtful I'll find anyone who doesn't check the scale regularly, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask...