Wednesday when I saw my general doctor for her preop exam she said she had never seen someone so excited about weight loss surgery. And I am excited- excited to have the chance to solve a situation that has bedeviled me for years, grateful to have insurance that covers it, and ready to do it armed with the incredible knowledge and support I have received here.

But today I was full of a wistful sadness too- a melancholy that surprised me. My husband and son took me to one of my favorite spots for an early dinner since it is liquids for me tomorrow until my surgery 5/9. Inexplicably I burst into tears. It was hard to give words to my feelings. I think that though I am excited and anxious to sart this new chapter in my life I am also letting myself feel the pain of many years of being overweight- just how much that has affected me. And with that comes the pain that in the end I really have no choice (yes of course I do but in a sense I don't- I think you know what I mean) but to remove 85% of my stomach. That is sad- there is no other way to hold that- after all my dear husband and son are not having theirs removed. And there really isn't a way to put a totally positive spin on what lies ahead - a very positive one to be sure but there is that little sad part that came up today.

I guess I am mourning a bit. I will get over it. I need to feel it, heal it, and release it..... And I knew that everyone here would understand.

Thank heaven for that!

You know Meggie I understand you so well. Food was such a big part of my life (and still is in a way). I did mourn food, big time!

A few saturday nights after all the excitement of surgery I cried, because I couldn't enjoy food with my family. We have a saturday night routine, where the girls and my husband make homemade pizza and we sit and eat pizza and watch one of our favourite TV programmes, it's called Casualty, the ENglish version of E.R (my husband and I are both doctors and we love any programmes to do with medicine). I was mourning food, i felt so sad, I literally had to go to my room while they ate and I sobbed my eyes out as if someone had died!!

9 months out, I can enjoy saturday night pizza with my family, only now I have 1 piece now as opposed to 5-6 pieces and I love it, I love being and feeling normal, and as some model (probably an anorexic one) said, nothing tastes as good as skinny feel (not that I'm skinny-yet)! I know you'll love your sleeve, and remember, when you want food so badly that you will be able to enjoy all your favourite foods eventually, only in "normal" amounts!! Good luck

Dont be sad Meggie, like my husband told me....dont think of it as the last day you will be able to eat , think of it as the first day of your new improved, healthier life!! The liquids can be tuff at first but you will get through it..just think of the light at the end of the tunnel. Be strong this is your time to prove all you can be!!

Oh I sooo know how you feel. I have 2 weeks until I have to start my liquid pre-op diet, and am trying to eat very healthy in preparation as well. Because of that, I have started having these little "goodbye" moments where I think about how this is really the last time I'll be able to eat this or that, in a certain amount or a certain way. And it's hard, really really hard.

I think you're right about how making this decision suddenly has you feeling every feeling about being overweight that you may have been pushing down for a very long time. I also think food has been a better friend to a lot of us than maybe some of our actual friends have been. I know that food has been more of a constant and comfort in my life than any people I know, and how would that not be hard to say goodbye to? How will we feel and cope when that's not there anymore? It's truly like letting go of a relationship you've had for a very long time, even if it is a toxic one!

All we can do is wait it out I think...there are better things than we can imagine coming down the pike. In the meantime, never doubt that we all completely understand the nameless feeling you're describing.

I can't tell you how much your answers touched and comforted me. Today I have a better feeling- the one that led me down this path- the feeling of HOPE.

Meggie, I know actually were you are coming from. Saturday I went to BBQ with my husband and I packed my lquids so I would have something When it was time for everyone to eat. I cried. Everyone was having a good time eating and drinking. I think that is when I realized I was in mourning. My good friend came sat with me and let all the emotions come out. I think I need that cry and now I am still sad but everyday is getting better. May 4 here I come. I will be thinking about you.

Connie

MeggieP-

You are feeling the same emotions many of us have felt as we prepped for surgery. I reacted the same as you except I was a little more melodramatic. I started crying on the way home from the "last supper". When my husband asked what the heck was wrong I blurted that I felt I was voluntarily murdering the best friend I ever had! And, it's true. That's exactly what I felt like.

The good news is that at almost two months on the otherside, although I still struggle at times, I am mostly at peace with my choice to end my toxic relationship with food. I think you have the perfect attitude of embracing and dealing with these feelings. You will get through it!

*HUGS!*

Amanda

Thank you!!!!! mwa mwah to all of you.

All, I'm two days post-op now and finally feeling great! I never felt like I need to have a "last supper" because I know I'll be eating again in 6 weeks. I even went to the big Mexican Easter fiesta surrounded by food, food, and more food. I didn't waiver. All I kept thinking was "I can have smaller portions of this next Easter!!".