I had an incident in my restaurant today that just made me fume.

Firstly, I've been banded since June 8th and with the pre-op/post-op diet have dropped about 30 lbs. I was once carrying 250 lbs on a small 5' frame....so I know what its like to be a heavy person. By no means is this point of view, or any of my comments coming from the fact that I am now banded or losing weight, I would have felt exactly the same months ago when I was up to 250.

A man, woman, and their daughter came for lunch today. The man and the daughter weighed about the same, I would estimate approx 400 lbs. The mother was average weight. The daughter was approx 25 but you could tell she had a slight mental disability.

When it came time to order the Father did all the talking, he asked me "do you have french fries?"....I replied "no sir, this is fine dining, we don't even have a fryer"......he said "my daughter only eats french fries, do you have any kind of fried potatoes, or maybe something like onion rings or chicken fingers will do?"....I repeated, "sorry sir, we do not have a fryer, even if we did, this is not what our restaurant is all about, we do not cook fried food".

We have a sandwich on our menu we call a "Grilled Cheese", but its done with a gourmet flair.....Pancetta, thinly sliced tomato and red onion, and Gruyere cheese on home baked brioche. That is what they ordered for their daughter along with our housemade beef barley Soup.

For a girl who only eats fries, let me tell you, she had no problem at all eating this lunch....and seemed to have been enjoying it, without any fuss or bother. So why....was the Father so insistant on ordering her fries when it was so easy to get her to eat something else?

Then, when everyone was finished the man and the woman didn't want anything else, I asked the daughter and she said she was full...then the Father spoke up....."do you have ice cream?"...."yes sir, we make our own".....he said in return...."bring my daughter an order of ice cream".....the daughter commented again that she was full but he insisted that I bring the ice cream for her.

Of course, because it was right in front of her she ate it.

What is this man doing to his daughter?....she obviously is not capable of making most decisions like heathier eating choices for herself so the parents do need to help her order her food....but why these choices when obviously she will eat other foods. And why order stuff she doesn't want, especially when she is full.

I really felt for her.....because her weight problem will only get worse considering these circumstances. :think

Carol

Wow... I don't really know what else to say other than that..

I agree there is nothing you can do. Only someone who knows them could intervene.

Its just sad, just send out a little prayer. Sometimes parents think they are helping when in fact they are not. I can't give any other advice because this is just sad, very sad.

That is sad, but it happens more than u think. I know someone who does the exact same thing. She has a 4 year old son and a 6 year old son, and she always brings them to fast food restaurants and buys them t.v. dinners. we went out for lunch one time and all she ordered for her 4 year old was french fries and cocacola. I asked her why she didnt get him a regular lunch, and she said he wouldnt eat it all. I told her to wrap what he didnt eat, and take it home. She replied that she wasnt gonna spend the money if he didnt eat it. well he ate his fries and wanted some of her lunch too, which she didnt give him. I was disgusted. This woman never cooks anything healthy for her children. always processed foods and fast foods. She is severely obese herself, and shes making her kids the same way. They should consider that a form of child abuse, cuz thats what it is. I mean it doesn't hurt to go out to fast food once in a while, but to neglect your childs nutritional neesds is unacceptable.

Thats a crime, he should be slapped up side the head.... sorry but that pisses me off.

What a sad story.

When people like that cross my path - I usually think that its Gods Will and remember them often in prayer. That father needs it (prayer). He is obviously sick.

He is an ass.... and the girl needs an advocate...LOL hopefully they paid by credit card???? If you know there names you can report them to your states guardian board.... The state can take away guardianship if found to be negligent....and he sounds like he is!!!!

So sad...I will remember them in my prayers.

As a mother of four mentally disabled children. It is very hard sometimes to get them to eat right. (Now mine do eat lots and lots of variety and fruit and some veggies- but we started out that way) But my son will eat fries first! No matter what- but most 6 year olds will do this, then bread!

I do have the hardest time. We actually get one or two happy meals with fruit and the other two with fries and share (me included!) We try to eat chicken and other thing- but the kids menu is not the greatest source for healthy cuisine! especially if you have a bunch.

I feel for this young lady- because it is next to impossible to get or teach most typically developping adults to eat healthy (an occasionally that can include fries by the way) working with an adult with developmental delays can be overwhelming if not down near next to impossible!

food is love to some people. This dad "loves" his daughter and this is how he shows it. Yea, I know - disfunctional love. Just my .02

Terry

The father AND the daughter are both 400 pounds. Clearly, the father needs help as much as the daughter does. The mother is a normal weight and obviously sat there not supporting her daughter. Sounds like the family dynamics are VERY dysfunctional.

Jane...I agree with you.....however, two points I made perfectly clear in my original post was that she ate was I served her with absolutely no fuss or resistance and enjoyed it.....she didn't even fuss when I took the order and she knew she wasn't getting fries. The second point....she said twice that she was full but the Father insisted that she have the ice cream....there is something definately wrong there.

Carol

Some people are definitely 'feeders'. Misery loves company, or they equate 'love' with food. I have people in my family that constantly stuff everyone around them. Aunts who raised their kids saying 'are you hungry', instead of 'I love you'.. lol, Do I LOOK hungry?? I think maybe the Dad is as developmentally challenged as his daughter??

It's all so sad I could cry...

Sounds like the dad could do with cleaning out his ears, and start to LISTEN to what's being said and done around him...

We have a family friend who does similar things with her son, saying, "oh he won't eat this, he won't eat that, he only eats potatoes and meat" etc etc. basically making all his food decisions for him. They're both as big as houses. Her hubby was too - until he left her, and lost heaps of his weight.

For me and mine, I try REALLY hard not to impress my views of food onto my family - so that they don't end up like me. I try not to dish up too much (maybe this will bea easier post-banding...), and also try to promote positive messages about food - eg. never saying to finish all on the plate, not labelling food as "good" or "bad", encouraging wide choice of healthy foods, appropriate / inappropriate times for meals and snacking. In Australia dieticians have recently started talking about "traffic light foods" to aid children's nutritional learning - Red = occasionally (less than 1 per week), Amber = sometimes (few times per week), Green = everyday. This is a simple concept, and wish that we were taught in a similar manner - maybe wouldn't have so many diet & weight issues now... hmmm...

I agree that this behaviour is definately child abuse / neglect. I have a friend that has a daughter that they have taught to eat horribly! She is eleven years old and has been obese since she was 6. They were told when she was 9 that she was pre-diabetic and that she has to have a major change in diet and it never phased them. They don't care whatsoever. The mother says that she thinks that the daughter will just outgrow the weight, and the father complains that the daughter is overweight because the mother lets her eat junk constantly, but he feeds her junk all the time too.

I personally feel that this is child abuse. She wears adult plus sized clothes, has hair that is never brushed, teeth that are stained yellow and the soles of her feet are constantly filthy. She is tormented at school about her size and the parents do nothing to help her. What is wierd is that she is the most spoiled child that I have probably ever seen.

I feel so sorry for her.