As I sit here and try to say what the last six months has been for me it is really hard to formulate into words. A few years ago I remember watching shows where people had WLS and feeling like they took the easy way out. Mind you I would watch these shows at 200 then 250 then 300 lbs. Telling myself all along that when I was ready I would be able to buckle down and lose weight. I have since learned that weight loss surgery is not the easy way out. Many talk about this being effortless for them and that has not been my experience. I am doing it, my mind and heart and body are changing every day, but this has not been easy. It is hard to go from a life where you are able to find peace or pacify your feelings with a soda, a treat, or with the feeling of being so full that you are distracted from all other feelings. After surgery I was confronted with all new feelings. I was forced to feel discomfort, and I have realized that without discomfort we don't grow. I feel like I was a generally happy person preop. I had a healthy outlook on life. I thought I was attractive, always had friends, had a man in my life who I loved and who loved me. Now I feel like a fog has been lifted. Every aspect of my life is better and it was already good.

Six months ago when I headed to Mexico to get surgery I felt like I was going in my own rebellion. Those around me loved me and wanted to support me, but many didn't understand, had seen me struggle to lose weight in other areas, or were afraid that I didn't understand what this would mean in my life. I listened to all those opinions and then trusted myself. I knew what I needed and that it was time. I went alone to get my surgery and my days there are a strange fog. I remember staying in the hotel the night before surgery with a strange excitement knowing that my life would never and could never be the same. Those who were worried and struggled to support me have been my biggest cheerleaders. I have since had 2 other friends get surgery and we are all on this weird journey together.

I don't want to sugar coat this whole experience, I have dreams about drinking soda (something that in my waking life I have chosen not to do) I have had mini tantrums in my head when I can't eat the volume that I was accustomed to. I still have to be very mindful of why I am eating. I have discovered that if I am not careful I can still be eating out of boredom, or other emotions. I used to tell myself that was okay as long as I was eating healthy foods, but I have experienced what it is to trust myself and be in control of my actions and know that it isn't about what I am eating, but why.

I have learned to enjoy food more. I eat such small quantities that I refuse to eat things I won't enjoy. I still have treats, but I am aware of myself when I do and I savor them.

To those of you considering having this surgery, it is not easy, and I know that in my case I will always have some of the same struggles mentally about keeping a healthy relationship with food. But, I will also say this, my knowledge of myself has increased. I feel like as my booty shrinks I grow.

I have enjoyed loads of NSV's. I have collar bones, my cholestorol is down 70 points, my feet don't hurt, I am energetic, I have no need to take antidepressants because my hormones are in check, the jeans I buy don't have to come just from Lane Bryant or online. I can walk into Old Navy and grab jeans off the shelf. I am happier and more at peace than I have been in years.

The first pic is preop/The second is from my recent trip back to Mexico with my friend who also had surgery. I had just gotten out of the pool and was jumping on a hotel bed so please excuse the crazy, but please note the happy!

Anna

Great post and congrats for all the work you have done!