Today I had an experience where someone at work hurt my feelings and treated me as a nobody for the 234th time. Since surgery isn't until Dec. 27th, of course I did what any red-blooded fat American woman would do...I started crying and stuffed my face with the donuts someone was kind enough to bring today.

The funny part is that a guy in the office who has been banded and lost a bunch of weight over the past months mentioned to me as I was loading up my plate that "those aren't good for you.." I glared at him and firmly announced, "I DON'T CARE!"

I think he got the message. It was a great way to make HIM feel loved as well. Not.

After stuffing them and my anger down, I realized what I had just done. Do I feel better? Some. Do I feel stupid for having dropped to that level when I KNOW BETTER? YES.

At least there was a lesson learned and I recognized the behavior - if a little late. And it did stop me from bawling my way through the day. But I need another way to compensate besides eating or pounding someone or crying or...you get the idea.

Any help?

You definitely need to work on that....obviously that was NOT a beneficial nor healthy nor productive way to handle it. You'd been better off bawling your way through the day.

Emotional eating is a big problem and one of the toughest things to overcome...that along with "head hunger".

I think you need to examine and figure out why this person who treated you poorly and has been for quite some time apparently bothers you so much. Why do you give this idiot that much power over your emotions?

And what message were you trying to send to the guy who correctly stated the donuts weren't good for you? The real victory there would have been for you to have said you know what...you're right. They're NOT good for me and I don't need them as you put them back and walked away.

I think before you have this surgery (which is not going to help you with these issues AT ALL) that you might need to get some therapy to learn better and healthy habits.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh...I don't mean it to. I'm just a blunt tell it like it is kinda person....good luck to you and I really hope you can get some of these things figured out before you have your surgery so that you don't have anything to impede or hinder your success!

I am so sorry people can be harsh.

I agree with Goodlife, some counseling would be good for you to help start looking at some deeper issues and help you work the band.

Last but not least, people treat us the way we allow them too. I firmly believe that. I mean I also believe they respond to the way we treat them and thus we should be polite and as obliging as possible. I have no problem just avoiding those I do not care for and if I am forced to deal with them in the office I can keep it professional because when it comes down to it. My opinion of them does not matter. It is work (PERIOD). However I will not allow someone to treat me in a derogatory manner. You need to work on standing up for yourself and pointing out to them that they are being a horses ass (without making a scene in the office if possible). food isn't the answer (though I DO LOVE ME SOME DONUTS!)

You're only human. I still do it now, a year out, and can stuff my face with chocolate, crisps etc. until I end up having to be sick. There's no reasoning behind it and when I am very upset I don't actually care at all about what I am doing until later. I have considered some type of therapy to address the issues which lead me to overeating but it's difficult for me as I suffer from constant stress caring for my autistic son who is extremely challenging and any resolve lays way out of reach of my hands. I cannot actually do anything to change the situation so I know that I am probably always going to reach for food as a comfort (it's cheaper than vodka anyway!). The answer for me is to eat healthily the rest of the time and work out that stress in the gym. But I do agree with the earlier post that it is a good thing to try to address your reasons for overeating and resolve them as much as you can as wls is not a miracle cure to obesity and can be abused to the extent that some people do actually start gaining weight again. I think that keeping that in mind after everything 'you' have been through is a good marker for success and incentive not to abuse the opportunity 'you' have been given. Good luck and keep smiling

Today I had an experience where someone at work hurt my feelings and treated me as a nobody for the 234th time. Since surgery isn't until Dec. 27th, of course I did what any red-blooded fat American woman would do...I started crying and stuffed my face with the donuts someone was kind enough to bring today.

The funny part is that a guy in the office who has been banded and lost a bunch of weight over the past months mentioned to me as I was loading up my plate that "those aren't good for you.." I glared at him and firmly announced, "I DON'T CARE!"

I think he got the message. It was a great way to make HIM feel loved as well. Not.

After stuffing them and my anger down, I realized what I had just done. Do I feel better? Some. Do I feel stupid for having dropped to that level when I KNOW BETTER? YES.

At least there was a lesson learned and I recognized the behavior - if a little late. And it did stop me from bawling my way through the day. But I need another way to compensate besides eating or pounding someone or crying or...you get the idea.

Any help?

Cristabel, I can completely relate to that behaviour and those feelings. I did seek professional help years before surgery, which helped a lot, but didn't stop me from stuffing my face when I was really anxious/upset ! This morning I was REALLY angry, an issue with my daughter who is only 12 and going through hormonal stuff anyway, in the past, I would have gone for a coffee and fatening junk w my friend, instead I went to the gym had half a bowl of porridge and then went for a 60 min work out, i couldn't believe it and felt good after! If you have the time try exercising!

The one thing I did was journal, and I'm not talking about blogging where we write for other people's enjoyments, or entertainment. I'm talking about a private little notebook that only YOU can read. Mine is full of doodles, emotions, some pages are tear-stained, some are nothing but absolutely positive affirmations and things that would get me through the next day and struggle.

I wasn't an intense emotional eater, but I did/do love food. I would eat out of boredom sometimes, and while I didn't battle emotional eating, I had other venues of self-medicating that I battled and will battle for years. Least to say, my biggest concern with transfer addiction was and still is alcohol and substance abuse. Since I can't use food, I'm always afraid of the next big life tragedy that will inevitably happen. I won't lie and tell you that I'm above falling into the trap of transfer addiction. I have to fight the desire to drink, illegal drugs are definitely a no no considering my husband is a military cop, and I would not only be risking my life, but I could screw his military career, not to mention losing my son. So the concern with substance abuse is not as heavy as the alcohol abuse. I firmly believe finding other coping mechanisms will be absolutely the most beneficial thing you can do for yourself. Writing was my coping mechanism. Even to this day, I pull out that journal, and read through it. I smile, I cry, and it takes me back through my hellish recovery and I remind myself that I am stronger than any addiction. I remind myself that I survived a horrific surgery and recovery, and that my life has a purpose.

One thing that I've learned over the last 2 years since I started my WLS journey, is you have to forgive yourself. Don't punish yourself, recognize the behavior, and have a plan of attack to overcome the urge to eat your emotions. I'd rather just drink my sorrows away than eat any day of the week. That's the only thing that got through my ordeal. It's not always easy, it's not always daisies and rainbows, but it's so worth it. Believe in yourself, and believe in your sleeve.

Thanks all.

Just to clear things up a bit, I have been through counseling. I know why I do what I do if and when it comes up. Usually I cry it out, but this time it was socially unacceptable, so I ate.

The individual in question is an authority - not one who can be approached. The banded guy has been preaching at me ever since he had his surgery, and it didn't help that I was more than a little annoyed with him as well. (I've since apologized to him.) He seems to take every opportunity he can to chastise me every time I take a mouthful of anything he now considers "bad." He has no idea I'm having VSG in Dec. The message I was trying to send to him was "BACK OFF!"

Of course I could have handled it better. I knew that. But I didn't, and I came here asking for help. This isn't an everyday occurence. I want to have other strategies in place before the surgery. I'm just looking for other things to do, other coping mechanisms to use, rather than the ones I have been. Exercise seems great, but it's hard to leave the office and walk around the block. I can't punch anyone out or sit at my desk and cry. So how do I relieve the stress without eating? What do you do when you're in this type of situation?

And please, be kind. I've had a rough day.

Thanks all.

Just to clear things up a bit, I have been through counseling. I know why I do what I do if and when it comes up. Usually I cry it out, but this time it was socially unacceptable, so I ate.

The individual in question is an authority - not one who can be approached. The banded guy has been preaching at me ever since he had his surgery, and it didn't help that I was more than a little annoyed with him as well. (I've since apologized to him.) He seems to take every opportunity he can to chastise me every time I take a mouthful of anything he now considers "bad." He has no idea I'm having VSG in Dec. The message I was trying to send to him was "BACK OFF!"

Of course I could have handled it better. I knew that. But I didn't, and I came here asking for help. This isn't an everyday occurence. I want to have other strategies in place before the surgery. I'm just looking for other things to do, other coping mechanisms to use, rather than the ones I have been. Exercise seems great, but it's hard to leave the office and walk around the block. I can't punch anyone out or sit at my desk and cry. So how do I relieve the stress without eating? What do you do when you're in this type of situation?

And please, be kind. I've had a rough day.

I figured you had some sort of counseling since you already recognized the behavior that's why I didn't mention it.

I journaled, but if you aren't into writing. Then find something that peaks your interest. If you like to plan things, then I say plan out a dream vacation for next spring or summer. It doesn't have to be a big shindig, just something for you as a reward. I'm a planner so that's what I do to take my mind off things. Get some sugar-free candy, and pop one in your mouth. Emotional eating is no different than me getting pissed off and needing to smoke. I've quit smoking 3 times since surgery, and I always go back to it. You know why? Because I like smoking, I like the way it feels, I like having it as a destressor. It doesn't fix anything, but I feel better after I smoke. Heaven forbid me have a bad day because I'm liable to smoke an entire back which is not the norm at all.

For me, a coping mechanism is something replaces something detrimental with something positive. Find something that you are passionate about, find something that makes your heart pitter patter. It doesn't matter how trivial it may seem to us, or anyone else, do it for you.

Christabel,

I was wondering if any of your therapy involved CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) ?

If not, it might benefit you to look into it. It did wonders for me in situations where I could IDENTIFY that I wasn't reacting in the right way, but wasn't sure how to change my behaviour.

Mindfulness was a big part of my therapy, and whilst not exactly meditation, I find that taking a deep breath and focusing on things outside of the body helps to put things in perspective. ie) I used to wake up and get ready for work, all the while thinking about what might happen during the day, who might annoy me, how much work I had on etc... and before I knew it I was arriving at work already upset.

CBT taught me to be aware of my body, focus on the feel of the sheets when I wake up, feel the sensation of the shower and the towel, the feel of the steering wheel, the colour of the sky. It sounds so cheesy, but so much of my time was spent looking inward I hardly ever noticed anything going on around me.

This may not be relevant for you at all, but it might help someone :lol0:

x

The banded guy has been preaching at me ever since he had his surgery, and it didn't help that I was more than a little annoyed with him as well. (I've since apologized to him.) He seems to take every opportunity he can to chastise me every time I take a mouthful of anything he now considers "bad." He has no idea I'm having VSG in Dec. The message I was trying to send to him was "BACK OFF!" :lol0:

My feeling is that the best way to send that message is very directly: Look him in the eye, and firmly say "Banded Guy, I know you are trying to be helpful and I appreciate the thought, but I need you to stop with the food Police thing. I find it intrusive and disrespectful and I need to you back the heck off, effective immediately. Seriously. Back. Off."

You don't need to be mean or mad or upset, but I think it is perfectly okay for you to set this perfectly reasonable boundary. Give him the above speech once, and then every time he slips up (which he will), you can just look at him and smile and say "Back. Off."

MlkPas, what a HOOT you are!

Journaling could be a good outlet - I've done that before. And it's such a "DUH" kind of thing, I wonder why I didn't think of it before. I mean, I write a BLAWG for goodness sake...why didn't I think of writing before???

Of course, I can just see me typing away with tears streaming down my cheeks like I was writing the heartbreak chapter of my new novel, when in actuality I was just ticked to the gills. :lol0:

Again, thanks so much, ALL!

I guess my approach is different than the incredibly positive and helpful ones above, lol. I like to get even. I know it's juvenile etc etc, but sometimes you just have to get even. For Banded Guy I would confront him and possibly say something about the regain/complication rates for Lap Band. Maybe I wouldn't get that nasty but I would definitely put him in his place. As for the person of authority, there is no place for bullying behavior in the workplace and I would be collecting evidence of bad acts for the day when I finally would make an official complaint.

As for the donuts, I found a blog called worldaccordingtoeggface and she makes Protein donuts that look and taste like the real thing. I would still indulge, just indulge in those.

If neither of those suggestions work, I like knitting, lifting weights, punching the heavy bag, singing, drawing, dancing, jazzercise. I've heard Zoomba is good. Like Tiffykins I love to plan so I enjoy researching hotels and vacation spots and obscure places. I also like to online window shop. I haven't lost a lot of weight yet and I don't actually purchase but it is fun to go through websites and pick out silly outfits and accessorize them.

Today I had an experience where someone at work hurt my feelings and treated me as a nobody for the 234th time. Since surgery isn't until Dec. 27th, of course I did what any red-blooded fat American woman would do...I started crying and stuffed my face with the donuts someone was kind enough to bring today.

The funny part is that a guy in the office who has been banded and lost a bunch of weight over the past months mentioned to me as I was loading up my plate that "those aren't good for you.." I glared at him and firmly announced, "I DON'T CARE!"

I think he got the message. It was a great way to make HIM feel loved as well. Not.

After stuffing them and my anger down, I realized what I had just done. Do I feel better? Some. Do I feel stupid for having dropped to that level when I KNOW BETTER? YES.

At least there was a lesson learned and I recognized the behavior - if a little late. And it did stop me from bawling my way through the day. But I need another way to compensate besides eating or pounding someone or crying or...you get the idea.

Any help?

Wow what a fffff ggggg jerk! there are days i really hate people. . hi! I'm so sorry that happened to you, but it's going to happen even after your sleeved so you'll have to keep on recognizing the behavior. . that was excellent! Your on the right track. . . recognition is the first and probably the most important move to recovery! I was hurt big time all the time when i was heavier by men, made to believe i didn't even exist. . now that i've lost a bunch of weight, they try to get my attention, guess what, i do to them what they did to me. . . they are NON EXISTENT! They are nothing but viruses on the butt of life to me now. . the ones who were nice to me i am nice to them. . . but otherwise "what goes around, comes around". . . if your that type of person, just think what fun you'll have when that jerks band fails??? or when he actually sees you and needs your help. . . man, I can just conjure things up right now! PAY BACK TIME!!!!!:001_tongue:

(men) are nothing but viruses on the butt of life to me now. .

ROFL!

Re: stuffing myself...I've done this, oh, maybe a THOUSAND times in the years preceding my surgery. Yesterday I had my first binge urge since the VSG. I didn't sleep very well, so that made me cranky from the start of the day, and then a lot of little things snowballed throughout the day. By the time I got home from school in the afternoon, I wanted to strangle about half a dozen people and felt this very familiar urge to go buy a bag of milk chocolate and just drown myself in the comforting feeling. It kind of freaked me out, because it was a flashback to how I dealt with things before surgery. I came home and had half a chocolate Protein bar hoping it will quell this urge to binge on chocolate. It went away, but I still had the urge to eat. I ate a few bites of a smoked salmon salad roll (you know these Asian ones rolled in rice paper with a bunch of fresh vegs). All of sudden, I felt that if I took one more bite, I'd feel sick....so I just put the rest of it back. DONE, just like that.

Here's what would've happened BEFORE the surgery:

I would've had 1 Protein Bar, then another one. Then I would've had 3 more. Then I would've headed to the mall near my place and bought a bunch of sushi and Haagen Dazs, eating until I felt sick. Then I'd lie in bed like a beached whale for like 2 hours until I felt functional enough to study. I'd have a crappy sleep because my GI system was so overloaded by this huge volume of food. Then I'd wake up even crankier than I was the day before AND extremely bloated and unable to fit into anything that didn't have a stretchy waist.

This surgery will be a HUGE help in dealing with emotional eating.

Blackberry, you answered the question I was thinking. I am still before surgery and I would like to hear others opinions on the before/after binge eating type behaviors and how they change. I have a horrid time controlling my eating when I am upset/stressed. I eat too much and the wrong food, but stop when I am stuffed. I am hoping that since I will be stuffed on smaller amounts, that the binges due to emotion wont be so many overwhelming calories.

Blackberry, you answered the question I was thinking. I am still before surgery and I would like to hear others opinions on the before/after binge eating type behaviors and how they change. I have a horrid time controlling my eating when I am upset/stressed. I eat too much and the wrong food, but stop when I am stuffed. I am hoping that since I will be stuffed on smaller amounts, that the binges due to emotion wont be so many overwhelming calories.

I too had/have big issues in controling my eatiing when i'm stressed, upset. The good thing with the band (i'm only 7 weeks out) is that you can't do it! I will feel like eating still in these situations but it's getting better, cause i know that after putting 1 piece of cheese in my mouth I'm stuffed! Gonna have to find something else for these situations!