I was telling my dentist and a few of her staff that I am having WLS. One of them said for me not to lose too much weight from my face?:confused1:REALLY??? LIKE I REALLY HAVE A CHOICE???? And then she proceeded to say oh you are going to be so pretty after your surgery?:sad0:OK SO WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME NOW??? CHOPPED LIVER? LOL LOL LOL!!! I am not having this surgery to "look pretty", I personally am fine with my looks now. I am having WLS for multiple health issues.

And they say KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS????

Thanks for letting me vent LOL

People can be so ignorant and insensitive. Let those comments go in one ear and out the other. You will be so glad you did this - so will I. It will be so awesome to feel good again!!!

Kathy

I agree. Thank you!

5 days til your surgery?? Congrats! That's so awesome! Please keep us updated on your progress!!!!

Yeah, I've had comments like that... You have such a pretty face.. But... So, what are you saying? I hate comments like that.

Just remember the people who matter love you just as you are! Their support and love will be what lifts you up on your journey!

Yes if I hear I have pretty eyes one more time, I might throw up lol

My PCP, the one who suggested sleeve surgery had the same routine "you're such a pretty girl, your life will change after the surgery"; "you have such a pretty face" etc. I wanted to barf! But since she was the one who had to sign off on everything, I didn't correct her, and just let her have her "fat people delusions". I really don't care if I'm pretty--I'm too old to be running in the beauty Olympics. I just want clothes to fit and my co-morbidities to disappear.

The thing that gets me....is the fact that these kinds of stupid, rude, thoughtless remarks can still take me by surprise!

Awwww come on! People can say "you're so pretty" to me all they want. LOL

Yes I get what you are all saying. I was banded 2 1/2 years ago; last summer was at my lowest post surgery weight.

It's true your life DOES change. This was a one-day experience for me last summer. I'm a married grandmother of 5, oldest is 14, I'm not unattractive for my age. Anyhoo... One morning I went to the grocery to get food, ice, etc. for a large get-together. So I've got a huge cart full of stuff. (All of the following men are about my age, I didn't realize how many middle aged men shop alone). As I was loading the ice into the cart a man startled me when he came up to ask if he could help with that." No thanks, I've got it. As I started out the door another man came out of nowhere and asked if he could push the cart for me, it looked heavy. No thanks, it's really not too heavy. When I got to the truck, a man actually zoomed into the parking spot next to me, I was thinking, he must be in a hurry to shop. He jumps out of his vehicle and ran over and began unloading my cart into the truck for me without asking! I really hadn't noticed how much more help I'm offered as a thinner person until it came literally in triplicate that particular day. Of course I told hubby he better be making sure he's paying plenty of attention to me these days. LOL But of course it makes you realize that you were judged as either not worthy of help when you are bigger or perceived stronger or something. I'm actually better able to do all that now than I was before. I've had a lot of fun joking about it, but also a bit of discussion on what is it really about? Maybe the same thing could have happened if I hadn't lost the weight and I wouldn't have remembered... who knows. Is it my perception or is it really so?

I hate when I tell people about my surgery, and they say are you big enough to have that surgery. Ok I'm like 5'3 and weigh 275 pounds, so you can imagine, I'm not even close to being a decent weight. I just laugh and say thank you, but do you need glasses. Then when they say that the surgery is dangerous, have they really researched it NO. When they say that, I come back with being a walking time bomb for a heart attack is dangerous too. I honestly don't care about those people, they just make idiots of themselves. Your true friends, and your family will support you and stand by your side, forget about the rest of them, and that is putting it nicely. Another thing that really gets me is when I'm shopping and people come up to me and ask me when I'm due, they don't even know me, but assume I'm pregnant, but I laugh and say next week, and then tell my daughter, at least I look pregnant and not fat. lol lol

I have recently noticed a lot more help from "gentelmen" too. Its weird. I didn't realize they were so nice. I almost never have to open a door anymore. I have to say I have to fight the urge to be angry at these men. Where were they 30lbs ago. I don't want to be an angry person so I just say thanks and keep walking... but was I invisible before?

I hate the 'pretty face' comment, as all I can think is that they think the rest of me is fat!!

The reasons quoted are some of the reasons I chose not to tell people..... they want to involve themselves in every part of your life if you tell them about the WLS. And yet who are they to you... I understand family and close friends are entitled to their opinions.. but apart from that I don't advise my neighbour about her weight ot health issues.... I let her live her life.. so let me live mine the way I choose to.

Most of them aren't opinionated enough to stop you eating so you don't gain weight....so what changes when you do something about it and suddenly they want their say?? Where was their advice 3 dieting attempts ago??

I hate the 'pretty face' comment, as all I can think is that they think the rest of me is fat!!

The reasons quoted are some of the reasons I chose not to tell people..... they want to involve themselves in every part of your life if you tell them about the WLS. And yet who are they to you... I understand family and close friends are entitled to their opinions.. but apart from that I don't advise my neighbour about her weight ot health issues.... I let her live her life.. so let me live mine the way I choose to.

Most of them aren't opinionated enough to stop you eating so you don't gain weight....so what changes when you do something about it and suddenly they want their say?? Where was their advice 3 dieting attempts ago??

The "advice" 3 dieting attemps ago was NEVER lacking in my case, LOL. We low carbed for 2 years at one point. (Hubby lost 100, I lost 50). Mind you most people can't get through their heads that there's a difference between LOW carb and NO carb. Even sitting across from you watching you eat salad, cooked veggies, and berries they are lecturing about the dangers. The minute we'd pass on white bread all the other stuff became invisible. Although my meat portion was no bigger than theirs the fact that I chose green Beans over baked potato meant my meat was going to destroy my kidneys. HUH? It was almost comical.

Then many of the same people reminded me of how successful we were at low carbing when (after regaining what we lost and more) we decided on WLS and thought we should do that instead of surgery. ANd there were people who thought hubby should have WLS and praised his success then 2 1/2 years later made it clear that I should "consider" diet and exercise first.

I really think that people (and we all do it in different ways) find giving advice and/or back-handed compliments to be a way of showing interest and care. It makes life less frustrating if I think of it that way. LOL

I recently called a beloved niece who’s had RNY and has gained some weight back to tell her about the “band over bypass” surgery. I tried to think of how to bring it up so she’d have the information without coming off sounding like, “hey I’ve noticed you’ve gained a bit of weight too.” Know what? There is really no way to say it without that coming across. But I love this niece heavy or thin. AND she DOES have a pretty face heavy or thin. (I didn’t say that of course.) But knowing how much she’d gone through and how much WLS has changed her life I wanted to share that her weight gain isn’t because she failed to do what she should (as most people assume) but because the surgery had failed her (5 yrs out). I could tell that even though she still loves me and we are still close, she didn’t love that I mentioned it. She had previously mentioned her weight gain and what she’s trying to do to reverse it before I called with my golden information. Some areas are just touchy no matter how well meaning and encouraging we think we are being. Of course I also knew she was noticing MY weight gain due to having my band unfilled. But she didn’t call me to tell me to try RNY or sleeve. LOL Ironically just last night I was telling another RNY person the same (band over bypass) information and SHE was excited and is going to look into it. This whole conversation wasn’t initiated by me directly making a phone call. Maybe that made the difference? Maybe the relationship? Who knows. But I’ve obviously been on both sides of this fence. So since my comments are out of genuine love and concern, I have to assume other people's are too. :thumbup:

Edited July 18, 201016 yr by Ellisa

The "advice" 3 dieting attemps ago was NEVER lacking in my case, LOL. We low carbed for 2 years at one point. (Hubby lost 100, I lost 50). Mind you most people can't get through their heads that there's a difference between LOW carb and NO carb. Even sitting across from you watching you eat salad, cooked veggies, and berries they are lecturing about the dangers. The minute we'd pass on white bread all the other stuff became invisible. Although my meat portion was no bigger than theirs the fact that I chose green Beans over baked potato meant my meat was going to destroy my kidneys. HUH? It was almost comical.

Then many of the same people reminded me of how successful we were at low carbing when (after regaining what we lost and more) we decided on WLS and thought we should do that instead of surgery. ANd there were people who thought hubby should have WLS and praised his success then 2 1/2 years later made it clear that I should "consider" diet and exercise first.

I really think that people (and we all do it in different ways) find giving advice and/or back-handed compliments to be a way of showing interest and care. It makes life less frustrating if I think of it that way. LOL

I recently called a beloved niece who?s had RNY and has gained some weight back to tell her about the ?band over bypass? surgery. I tried to think of how to bring it up so she?d have the information without coming off sounding like, ?hey I?ve noticed you?ve gained a bit of weight too.? Know what? There is really no way to say it without that coming across. But I love this niece heavy or thin. AND she DOES have a pretty face heavy or thin. (I didn?t say that of course.) But knowing how much she?d gone through and how much WLS has changed her life I wanted to share that her weight gain isn?t because she failed to do what she should (as most people assume) but because the surgery had failed her (5 yrs out). I could tell that even though she still loves me and we are still close, she didn?t love that I mentioned it. She had previously mentioned her weight gain and what she?s trying to do to reverse it before I called with my golden information. Some areas are just touchy no matter how well meaning and encouraging we think we are being. Of course I also knew she was noticing MY weight gain due to having my band unfilled. But she didn?t call me to tell me to try RNY or sleeve. LOL Ironically just last night I was telling another RNY person the same (band over bypass) information and SHE was excited and is going to look into it. This whole conversation wasn?t initiated by me directly making a phone call. Maybe that made the difference? Maybe the relationship? Who knows. But I?ve obviously been on both sides of this fence. So since my comments are out of genuine love and concern, I have to assume other people's are too. :scared0:

I think you can do a plication as a revision of a bypass or a sleeve. Maybe that would be better than a band.

I think you can do a plication as a revision of a bypass or a sleeve. Maybe that would be better than a band.

Oh, I'm sure if anyone looks into it their surgeon will have more than one option. My point though was how our well-meaning discussions can be offensive or appreciated... depending on the person/circumstances. But who knows which will be which? My points tend to get lost in my war stories. LOL