I'm on day 4 of pre-op diet and my husband just cooked himself a great smelling dinner and is eating it right in front of me. I find it very inconsiderate, am I just sensitive and irritable because of my lack of solid food intake?

Lappyloo

It is definitely normal to feel upset about it at your point in the journey. I have small kids and so I had to get over it quickly, but at first it can be very difficult to see others eating things you want to eat. Now (three months post surgery) I can even fix them dessert and not eat it myself. I just doesn't bother me anymore. But when you have been on liquids for a long time and you would kill for solid food, it can be rough. Hang in there, you will be on the other side in no time.

Obviously you are on solid foods currenly??

In the end, it's about two things... (1) your own head, and (2) the arrangement you make with those around you.

Regarding #1 -- You can "flip the switch" in your own head to turn off all the food noise around you. You just have to find the switch!! Many of us have no problems with people eating around us, because we were very focused on what we were doing and why. I'm not saying you SHOULD be in that place, I'm just saying that if you can find a way to get to that place, the journey will be a little easier... Easier said than done I know!!

Regarding #2 -- You and your husband need to talk about what support you need. And he has to agree to it. If you ask him not to eat in front of you and he agrees, and then does it anyway, he's a big old jerk and you have a right to be angry. But if he's not signing up for that, then you guys have to negotiate for what he will agree to do...

In my house, I don't care what my husband eats in front of me. However, I've asked that we remove the alcohol from the house. I love to drink. And before surgery, we used to have a drink or two every night before bed... I don't want to give up drinking entirely, and I really don't think I can be trusted to only drink "sometimes" or "in moderation" if he's going to drink every night in front of me at home. So I've decided to try drinking only when I'm out, in a social situation... Is that totally fair to him? Not if he is resentful or angry about it... But sure, it's totally fair if he's happy to support me and agrees to do it.

As it turns out we had a big fight one night because (during pre-op phase) he snuck booze into his juice and I caught him. I flipped out (more that he was sneaking it) and basically told him that I refused to be his mother, and that if he's so dead set on drinking regardless of the impact on me, he should just pull all the alcohol back in the house and act like an adult and make the decision that he didn't want to support me... I'm a big girl, I can deal with being told no, but don't pretend to be supportive and then make me the bad guy when I find out that he's lying about it...

Grrr...

Anyway. Point being that I understand what you're going through, but it is YOUR journey... Your family will hopefully help, but it's not actually their journey...

First off while anyone getting the band effects the entire family, you shouldn't ask others to eat in another room. If it bothers that they are eating around you and you are near the kitchen then I'd get further away from that temptation. Now if he is bringing the food into the living room (outside the kitchen) then I'd ask politely...

My wife has the band and I don't yet and we have a son. My wife sits around us all the time while we are eating and it doesn't seem to bother her. Roles reversed I wouldnt put someone out (or into another room be cause I had to be in that room and didn't want to be around them while they are eating. You won't be able to do that in every situation you are in (IE Work for example).

I think once we are on a restricted diet, the odours and look of normal food can't half leave us wanting!! We have to deal with the fact that others still get hungry, have normal/large portions.

It doesn't mean we can't have a little inward sulk every now and then at 'missing out' lol. By going and having an early shower or busying ourselves with chores in another room while they are eating, we can do some mental reminding of the long term targets and the reasons why we have to get through these things.

Wishing you the best of luck:)

First off, thanks for the comments, whether I agree or disagree.. it helps me to realize my focus... second off, we live in a 700 ft condo, 1 bedroom, I was in the other room. Third, this is the only thing that I am asking of him out of the entire weight loss journey, is that when I'm PRE-OP and only allowed liquids to please eat something that doesn't smell up the condo or eat before he gets home. It's only for 11 days, once I've had the surgery I don't care, but the pre-op part is hard on me. I didn't care when he had a sandwhich and chips, and I didn't care when he made a homemad milkshake and sat right next to me on the couch eating these things. It was the cooking and smelling up the whole place that made me feel like it was a little inconsiderate. I'm not mad or sitting in a corner poutting, I just wanted to know if I was the only one that finds it inconsiderate..

Lappyloo :>)

My wife wants to be supportive of my new lifestyle but neither one of us knows yet what that looks like! I don't know if others eating nearby will bother me - when I've done Atkins I ate differently from everyone else and it was no big deal (until I couldn't stand not having cereal). We asked the surgeon's office if there are materials out there for spouses in the way of guidance on how to be supportive. Anybody heard of such guidance?

I remember being a little jealous of all the people at the fair this year because they were eating corn dogs and cheese on a stick but then I felt a little proud because I could walk away from that food and most of those people couldn't. Once you get restriction it really won't bother you so much because you will know you can't eat most of that food. I haven't had a hamburger in a year and a half and sometimes I look at my kids eating one and think YUMMY but the reality is I can't get bread or hamburger meat down.