I am scheduled to have my surgery on May 25th-that's 20 days away

I haven't told anyone yet-except my BF via email and I didn't get any feedback/support at all from her. Thanks to all the wonderful and caring people on this forum I have decided that I really must tell my husband and there's no way I can go through this without telling him for so many reasons.

In my mind I know that it has to be this weekend that I tell him. I'll need him to take me to the hospiatal the day of the surgery and he'll have to plan for it work-wise.

I really think he will be totally shocked. I never mentioned wanting the lapband or even being unhappy about my weight. Hopefully, by Sunday or Monday I'll have something to post about how the conversation went. I hope he'll be supportive-I am thinking he will be.

I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but for me it is a really big deal. I feel like I am admitting that I am a failure in some way- that I can't lose weight on my own. I know that's not true-in fact this is a very brave thing to do. I gained 5 pound since my orginal appointment back in April - that only makes more more determined to make a change! I don't think I would be in the same state of mind without this forum. Thank you!

You seem to really be stressing out over this! Just tell him already!! He loves you and will support your decision!

Sounds like for you to keep it from him you weren't concerned that he would be upset. That he supports you and your endevors and that you don't have to tell him everything anytime something happens. You'll do fine, and he'll be there for you. Good luck on your surgery! :huggie:

Good luck, you can do it!

I am wishing you good thoughts and lots of luck with this. Got my fingers crossed he will support you in this very important decision!!! Let us know how it goes!!

Excited to hear how it went...

I forgot that we were bringing someone home with us so it didn't happen! Plus somehow now he's not talking to me- not sure why but on the ride home he was really POed about something and hasn't said a word since we've been home. Now that he's mad, I'm mad because I can't think of anything I said in the car that justified the silent treatment-especially on Mother's day-WTH?

So-it didn't happen this weekend I know know that if I am going to tell him at all it needs to happen by Wednesday-not a day later. I came so very close-I mean really, really, REALLY close in the car going to my mom's but then he called his mom on the phone and I lost my courage.

I suck- I know Maybe I am hopeless.

Why don't you just ask him whats wrong, tell him you need to talk to him about something important. TELL HIM you will feel better no matter what the outcome. I would think keeping something like this from a spouse would be impossible!! Maybe he picked up on your nervousness in trying to keep this from him.

The longer you wait the more likely that he will be upset for another reason--that you waited so long to tell him so close to the surgery date. I would be peeved if my husband threw something like this on me two weeks before planned surgery. Not especially considerate of his feelings or his time. Please let him know ASAP so he has time to get all of this straight, understand it, accept it, and can be fully supportive of you.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all-I kept waking up and tossing and turning. I am so stressed about it all. I'll tell him tonight, I can't wait any longer that much I have decided for sure. On Thursday I need to take off work for the endoscope and my pre-op stuff. Tonight's the night, I know you all are right 100%. I can't thinking what the hell is my fear about this? Why do I feel like I need to do things on my own? I was exactly like this when I got a divorce from my first husband- I barely told anyone anthing at all. I sort of suffered in silence. I am really trying to analyze my need to keep things to myself and this overriding need to be independent of others.

He's not talking to me so I don't know how it will go-but it must happened tonight. Thanks for all your support without it I probably would have gone through everything on my own.

Ok...weekends over...what did he say???? You have all of us wondering :-D

I'm dying to know.....have you told him yet?

No, it's not happening tonight. He is still not talking to me-I honestly have no idea why but I am guessing it was something that was said in the car ride back from my mother's house. Who knows? I wentto the mall with my daughter tonight and he went out so I didn't even get a chance to say a word.

A part of me is wondering if he suspects something? He's a computer guy so he could easily check sites I have been on-I simply don't know. All I know is that he was mad in the car.

I found a newpaer advertizement (large oe) that tells aboutthe procedure and has a before and after pic. The funny part is the ad is for my actual doctor! I was going to hand itto him and say I was thinking about getting this procedure would you be willing to support my efforts?

If he was home tonight I would do it-but I am headed to bed. Tomorrow night both of my daughters will be out and we'll be home alone-a perfect chance. If he comes home soon I could do it tonight but he probably wentto his friend's house.

I amalso considering telling my girls (ages 19 and 24).

Make it a family announcement. Make sure that you have your reasons why you're doing it. It may seem like an ambush when you tell them, but once they are informed on your reasons why and are educated on the whole procedure itself, you should have no problem getting them all on board! Good luck again!

Sadly, I have nothing to offer you NJG. I am in the same boat as you. I have a tentative appointment for the surgery here in South Africa May 19th. (It is much easier to get an appointment here as there are so fewer bariatric surgeries and insurance does not cover it at all. So, there is no red tape. It only costs about $10,000 here.) My husband still has not consented. I will be so angry if I lose that slot. I have wanted this surgery for 2 years. He convinced me not to get the surgery two years ago and I did manage to lose half the weight I needed to lose. Then I gained it back. Then, I lost half the weight a second time last year and have of course gained it back and then some. I am tired of this weight roller coaster and I want to get the surgery. But, he gets annoyed every time I bring it up.

He knows I have this tentative date scheduled. I am really annoyed. He let is 15 year old daughter get a breast reduction, which I didnt agree with at that age, but I did not give an opinion as it was really none of my business. But, I really don't understand. First, he said he was concerned about the safety and that I could die. But, I think that is bs. When his 15 year old decided she wanted surgery it was scheduled the next week. He didnt even bother to check to see if our insurance would cover it before hand, that's how fast it was. They of course denied the claim saying she needed to lose weight. By then she had already had the surgery and we had already paid for it. When I brought his up, after I told him how much safer it is than other forms of bariatric surgery, though there are risks with every surgery --- especially one as invasive as breast reduction. Then he changed his tune to I will have a foreign object in my body.

Now, he is saying, 'after you lose the weight, then what?' I guess he is trying to say after you lose the weight, he doesnt think I will be happy. We have little time to talk about it at length recently because he has been working so much. He wanted to go with me to see the doctor but then he cancelled because of work. He is working of a few really big projects so he is at work until well after I go to sleep and he leaves at 6:30 a.m. to drop my daughter at school on his way to work so we dont get a chance to really talk about it. I just really dont know what to do. I dont want to say. I am having the surgery with or without your support. I really dont want to do that. But, it seems like my only choice. Any advice?

Why don't you just tell him that you have made a decision about something, and it's written in stone ! That you are going in for the surgery.

This is your life ! His approval is not necessary.

If he had a Medical procedure done, I'm sure you would be buy his side what ever it would be.

You expect only the same from him.

Quit playing Games.... Mad or not he still should know, and that's like it or not !