I am scheduled to have my surgery on May 25th-that's 20 days away

I haven't told anyone yet-except my BF via email and I didn't get any feedback/support at all from her. Thanks to all the wonderful and caring people on this forum I have decided that I really must tell my husband and there's no way I can go through this without telling him for so many reasons.

In my mind I know that it has to be this weekend that I tell him. I'll need him to take me to the hospiatal the day of the surgery and he'll have to plan for it work-wise.

I really think he will be totally shocked. I never mentioned wanting the lapband or even being unhappy about my weight. Hopefully, by Sunday or Monday I'll have something to post about how the conversation went. I hope he'll be supportive-I am thinking he will be.

I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but for me it is a really big deal. I feel like I am admitting that I am a failure in some way- that I can't lose weight on my own. I know that's not true-in fact this is a very brave thing to do. I gained 5 pound since my orginal appointment back in April - that only makes more more determined to make a change! I don't think I would be in the same state of mind without this forum. Thank you!

Of course you're right - I know that! But he needed to be in the house for me to tell him-he didn't come home until after midnight-his friend's father had surgery so I guess he was over there-anyway midnight was not the time to say anything.

Tonight both my daughters will not be home soI'll go down to his office and show him the article and discuss everything. No excuses-it will happen! Tomorrow I'll have a post that say"I Finally Told Hubby" - look for it because it will be there-guaranteed!

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VUCARRE - I agree with the post above-it's your body. If you needed a pace-maker, a knee replacement or a hip replacement they would all improve the quality of your life and are "foreign objects." I can truly understand someone being concerned aboutthe surgery- I say as long as I wake up alive I will be happy! But if he let his 15 yr. have serious surgery like that -then I am not sure if that's his main concern. We all deserve a shot at feeling good about ourselves and taking conrol of our lives. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

NJG, let us know! Whether we agree or disagree with your stance....know that we are here to support if we can. if you have to....Perhaps get up in the morning and sit him down and tell him. As you have suggested in an earlier post, he might have an idea that something is up or he might even know what is going on. get the elephant on the table. Still wishing you luck!

Of course you're right - I know that! But he needed to be in the house for me to tell him-he didn't come home until after midnight-his friend's father had surgery so I guess he was over there-anyway midnight was not the time to say anything.

Tonight both my daughters will not be home soI'll go down to his office and show him the article and discuss everything. No excuses-it will happen! Tomorrow I'll have a post that say"I Finally Told Hubby" - look for it because it will be there-guaranteed!

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VUCARRE - I agree with the post above-it's your body. If you needed a pace-maker, a knee replacement or a hip replacement they would all improve the quality of your life and are "foreign objects." I can truly understand someone being concerned aboutthe surgery- I say as long as I wake up alive I will be happy! But if he let his 15 yr. have serious surgery like that -then I am not sure if that's his main concern. We all deserve a shot at feeling good about ourselves and taking conrol of our lives. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

O.K I stumbled upon this Post.. So I am not really interested on how you do it, or what the outcome is. I'm thinking you are not a young girl, you even said you have Daughters. So you must be Mature.

Grab a hold of him, and tell him we need to talk ! If he's P*ssed at you, and doesn't want to hear a thing. Then tell him you will find someone else to help you. You will soon get that attention that you are looking for, then tell him...

Then you can Post your info.

Good Health to you, Shirley.

Yes, I am mature- all 48 yrs. of me. I also hold a master's degree, plus 50 credits on top of that, plus 3 certifications in my field, I graduated Summa Cum Luade and I am very respected in my field - I just really suck at be vulnerable and being dependent on others- or maybe there's a real problem with me. I really have reflected a lot on why I have a need to not let others in. All I came up with is that I grew up in a blue collar irish family, youngest of 4 (only girl) and we did not talk about things at all. It wasn't a huggy-kissy family but a hard working one. Lots of skeltons in the closet but we never said a word. or asked for help.

If it weren't for this forum I probably would have had the surgery without saying a word. I really thought I'd have more time to think it over and plan-but no. My first doctor appointment for was April 7th and my surgery is May 25th -that wasn't much time at all!

Thank you for all the support and encouragement-that has really nudged me forward. It will happened tonight-no more excuses!!!!

Yes, I am mature- all 48 yrs. of me. I also hold a master's degree, plus 50 credits on top of that, plus 3 certifications in my field, I graduated Summa Cum Luade and I am very respected in my field - I just really suck at be vulnerable and being dependent on others- or maybe there's a real problem with me. I really have reflected a lot on why I have a need to not let others in. All I came up with is that I grew up in a blue collar irish family, youngest of 4 (only girl) and we did not talk about things at all. It wasn't a huggy-kissy family but a hard working one. Lots of skeltons in the closet but we never said a word. or asked for help.

If it weren't for this forum I probably would have had the surgery without saying a word. I really thought I'd have more time to think it over and plan-but no. My first doctor appointment for was April 7th and my surgery is May 25th -that wasn't much time at all!

Thank you for all the support and encouragement-that has really nudged me forward. It will happened tonight-no more excuses!!!!

I see you have People Skills ! This should be a walk in the Park for you.

I too am from a Irish Family, and am the youngest of 3. So I know what you are talking about exactly.

I am a retired Social Worker. /With different Hobbies. Click on my name if you want look at my profile, and see my Hobbies that I Occasionally still work in.

Yes, the hard part is being vulnerable. Having to admit that I cannot do it alone and having to say those words to someone is really hard. Out of respect, having to ask for permission/support from one's spouse can be daunting especially when the spouse has no idea what it is like being a compulsive eater and food addict who needs surgical intervention. But, this is just one small step to get us where we need to be. Good luck!!!

Okay-the girls are out of the house. I brought him home a chocolate shake and took it down to his office (in our house) and said "sweets for my sweet" He half-grinned and said thanks. We made small talk-so that broke the ice as far as being mad.

I cracked open a Corona and got the ad for the Lapband (the one that has my doctor on it). Now I am about to go down and ask if we can talk-then I am going to hand him the newspaper and say I was thinking about getting this what do you think...and then take it from there.

My heart is pounding so fast and I am SO nervous to do this. Okay-here I go....

Okay-the girls are out of the house. I brought him home a chocolate shake and took it down to his office (in our house) and said "sweets for my sweet" He half-grinned and said thanks. We made small talk-so that broke the ice as far as being mad.

I cracked open a Corona and got the ad for the Lapband (the one that has my doctor on it). Now I am about to go down and ask if we can talk-then I am going to hand him the newspaper and say I was thinking about getting this what do you think...and then take it from there.

My heart is pounding so fast and I am SO nervous to do this. Okay-here I go....

Ok we are all here waiting!!! What happened? How did he take the news??

Tell him already!!! You are driving us all crazy!!!! LOL I hope it goes well........

:)I did tell him!!! Read my post: I FINALLY TOLD HUBBY in pre-band forum