Help me understand

[ElfiePoo 109]

Seriously...help me understand the thought processes. One assumes if you decided on the band that you did your research. You understood all of the steps along the way...that this was surgery and there would be a time of healing, etc.

How can someone have regrets the day of surgery or even the day after? Is this temporary pain really so bad that you regret making a decision that has the potential for changing your life?

How can someone have regrets before they've had their first fill? Sure...frustration that it takes so long to get to restriction where the hunger is gone...but regret at even having the band? That's a bit like buy a car and regretting the purchase before you even got behind the wheel.

Or is this all part of the "I want it all. I want it now" mentality that made us fat in the first place? C'mon people...PATIENCE...because I promise you, if you don't find an inner source of patience and acceptance that this is a lifelong process, you'll fail at the band as well.

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[LapBandBobbi 8]

I totally agree with you. If you have any doubts about making a "lifestyle change" you should not get banded. This is truly a lifestyle change and not a diet. My daughter is considering having gastric by-pass surgery and I have stressed that to her many times. It's a lifetime decision, not a spurr of the moment decision. Think and choose wisely what is best for you before you do it.

[jalomum 1]

Hello ElfiePoo

I have read many of your posts in the last couple of years. You have always taken great pains to support, reassure and encourage bandees at whatever stage they were at in their journey, through all their doubts, trials and tribulations.

At times you made me feel quite ashamed of myself for my callous, un-caring and hard-assed comments as I got more exasperated by the lack of commitment to the process and lack of understanding of the mechanics of it that a lot of these folks displayed.

I haven't on here for about 3 months and now, having returned, the first familiar poster I came across was you and you too seem to be getting a little jaded with the attitude of those who do not want to use the tool they have but seem to protest it should be automatic and they should triumph by default.

Welcome to the club ElfiePoo

[cantdecide 1]

I think it is human nature for many people to be ambivilent about many decisions. As a psychologist, I see people ambivilent about a marriage even right after they were married. This doesn't mean it was a mistake. It just means that they are acknowledging both sides of their psyche. I think anytime we ignore one side of what we are feeling we are setting ourselves up for failure. I think real strength is acknowleging the whole range of our experience and human feelings and then making a decision based on all sides. Just my two cents.

[Tami_819 17]

Seriously...help me understand the thought processes. One assumes if you decided on the band that you did your research. You understood all of the steps along the way...that this was surgery and there would be a time of healing, etc. Just because one obtains all the information about the surgery & the lifestyle change does not mean that all their fears & doubts just vanish. Haven't you ever done something that scares the hell out of you? Yet you do it because you either want to accomplish it or need to accomplish it. This is the same thing. It's not an easy choice or decision and no one person is going to feel the same way you or i do. Sorry, you are asking to understand something that will just never be explained as black & white as you seem to want it to be. Yes people do things in life and often regret part of it, all of it or none of it. It's life and it's filled with no guarantees.

How can someone have regrets the day of surgery or even the day after? Is this temporary pain really so bad that you regret making a decision that has the potential for changing your life? Again, life is scary. We all make choices and just because the pain for one is less or horrible for others doesn't mean someone can't have doubt & be concerned. For most it is temporary but that temporary pain could be something that one person has NEVER experienced before in their life, making it unbearable to them. It's not my place, your place or anyone else's to question that. We simply are not in their shoes.

How can someone have regrets before they've had their first fill? Sure...frustration that it takes so long to get to restriction where the hunger is gone...but regret at even having the band? That's a bit like buy a car and regretting the purchase before you even got behind the wheel. Again....it's the unknown that someone is facing. Perhaps they are worried it won't help them, perhaps they are afraid of the process & the stick of a needle terrifies them. Just like buying that car and saying later, i knew the price going in, i hope i don't regret the payments when they finally come and i can make them.

Or is this all part of the "I want it all. I want it now" mentality that made us fat in the first place? C'mon people...PATIENCE...because I promise you, if you don't find an inner source of patience and acceptance that this is a lifelong process, you'll fail at the band as well. Personally, when i see someone here posting they regret this or that, if i take the time to read the posts and imagine what the person is thinking, i see someone reaching out for help, support, to say hey your not alone, yeah it's scary but you have to find a way to work through it if you want to succeed and we'll be here to help you. I have been thankful because i'm one that finds inner strength VERY easy when it's a goal i want to accomplish for myself. Not everyone is that lucky.

As a member i came here to find support, share my stories and return to the favor to the next person. If i can offer one person insight or guidance with anything thing i've experienced then i'm all for it, whether someone needs a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen or talk about what has worked for me & what hasnt.

Quite frankly i find your posts.....I don't know...i just shake my head. I don't understand why your post seems to imply (to me) that things should be black & white; all planned out and no room for caution, concern or just being scared and needing to find some kind of support to get through this life changing event. I don't need to understand you, it is what it is. But, I do hope i helped you with my perception of understanding why some people say they have regrets.

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[renniemommietoo 1]

I think the OP is talking of the woman who just got banded and wants it out. That woman is just scared, and don't discount the feeling of the band/pain,change in general,etc making her more scared.

[ElfiePoo 109]

I'm sorry some of you think my post is callous. As I said, I truly am just trying to understand what people mean when people say they 'regret'. It's normal to be afraid, insecure, unsure. Regret is more than that. Regret says "I'm sorry I did this and wish I could have a do over and make a different decision." Perhaps these people really don't mean 'regret'?

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[ElfiePoo 109]

Quite frankly i find your posts.....I don't know...i just shake my head. I don't understand why your post seems to imply (to me) that things should be black & white; all planned out and no room for caution, concern or just being scared and needing to find some kind of support to get through this life changing event. I don't need to understand you, it is what it is. But, I do hope i helped you with my perception of understanding why some people say they have regrets.

Regret is more than being scared and looking for support. Regret says "I wish I could go back and undo this." Perhaps these people don't really regret and it's just an unfortunate word choice for them.

In any case, I can't help someone unless I understand where they are coming from. Hence my post asking people to help me understand how they can regret getting the band the day after surgery...and/or before they even get their first fill.

[Tami_819 17]

Regret is more than being scared and looking for support. Regret says "I wish I could go back and undo this." Perhaps these people don't really regret and it's just an unfortunate word choice for them. I would agree with that.

In any case, I can't help someone unless I understand where they are coming from. Hence my post asking people to help me understand how they can regret getting the band the day after surgery...and/or before they even get their first fill. That's why i look to the above reason and try to be supportive. Whether we are new or old on the forum, huge successes or in-between successes, we all have something to share - good or bad - and hopefully by sharing our stories we can help the next person that is struggling for whatever the reason might be.

[Jess55 97]

Everyone is different. They have moments of weakness. I did have a brief moment of regret when I first woke up and was in a lot of pain I thought oh crap, what did I do. But once I got pain meds I was fine. Me I don't understand how some people are in pain so many days post op. I stopped the pain meds after the second day and I have most of the bottle of lortab left. After that i just had mild discimfort. But like I said everyones different. Maybe some people didn't research enough. As much as I hated the 6 month wait. I think it was good that it gave me a bit of time to thoroughly think it through. Maybe a lot of those regretting it ran into it to quick and did not have to wait. I've been dieting for 6 years so I was ready to put a finality to it. Also 4 years ago I researched bypass, but then I thought about it and backed out

[LapNYC 3]

I try not to judge but I find it strange too. I was in pain after the surgery and starving until after my second fill. I never called the doctor or anything. I just read the posts here telling me that it would take some time and just kept the faith! I complained about the hunger and all sorts of other things, but it never occurred to me to question the decision until it had played itself out a little further. It's ok to vent, but many of the "I hate this band and want it out this minute" kind of posts seem like juvenile online temper tantrums to me. But hey, whatever gets you through the day...

[TracyNYC 4]

I was just discussing this with my supportive BF tonight. I think that while we know it is not a magic or immediate fix, the reality sets in about a week after. Before the surgery, one is all pumped and excited about the changes to come and the idea that the "what-ifs" could be becoming a reality.(What if I was thin?) One runs around to doc after doc in the weeks and months prior to surgery and then you get home from the hospital.... in pain, tired, hungry and then are in bed/house bound for days and all you do is THINK.....and THINK...and THINK. This is when the doubts and recriminations start. You berate yourself for being "fat" and out of control and needing the band at all. "Why can't I stop?", "Why am I not a normal eater?" and on and on goes the negative tape. I had some band-blues after the surgery. My surgeon's office warned us of this and repeatedly asked about my emotional state after wards. I think that within reason, it is normal.

[Pinkygirl 34]

Elfiepoo...why does it matter to you what people post? I have seen u put people down and are usually harsh,. We can say w.e we want in here.

[ElfiePoo 109]

Elfiepoo...why does it matter to you what people post? I have seen u put people down and are usually harsh,. We can say w.e we want in here.

You're apparently confusing me with someone else. I *never* put people down (except for one or two nasty stalkers) and if you are seeing my responses as 'harsh', well you're reading your own emotions into my responses. Please remember that without the body language, it is easy to misunderstand the person's tone of 'voice' and insert your own perceptions.

People can post anything they want, but it is assumed they are asking for some type of feedback. My response is based on understanding where they're coming from.

However, since this thread has devolved into something more akin to personal attacks rather than people responding to my OP, I'll leave it at this. Readers will either understand that the OP was an honest attempt at understanding...or choose to believe whatever they like. Something I have little control over. Done...

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[Humming Bird 275]

I don't even think the pre-op psychologist can tell how a person will feel after being banded. I was not required to meet with one and personally think it would have been a waste of time and money. Unless the psyc gets to know the person for a very long time they really would have no clue, and even then may not be able to predict or help with regrets.

I do get what the Elfie was saying in the OP and continue to value her experience in life and as a banded person.

I too don't understand sometimes when a person goes through whatever they need to pre-op and then all the way through major surgery only to say they regret it before they even give it a chance. I guess I don't have to understand them. It is just human nature to read a post like that and then have thoughts go through my mind.

I personally did very little research and had zero hoops to jump through pre-op. I had the "I want it, and I want it right now." mentality. I'm lucky it has worked out great for me, but it's not all luck. I knew I didn't need help from a psyc., and if at any time in my life I need one I will seek the help.