It was hard day for me finding out Tuesday and then jumping immediately from the gamut of emotions to thinking about surgery all in the same day.

I left our house Tuesday morning at 5:30am headed to Ventura for the Endoscopy so Dr. Billy could check out the band. None of us thought I had eroded. Even Dr. Billy was surprised. I did hear him say, "I don't know how she knew but she did." I had not been "feeling" right for the last month. But I couldn't put my finger on it. Then a Michelle was diagnosed with Erosion and that got me scared. I immediately called Billy's office and asked for the Endo. They got it scheduled right away.

OK so after the Endo is done, he takes the tube out of my throat and I say, "Did I just hear you say I am eroded?" He said yes. I then just shut down. I cry immediately and never heard another word for a few minutes. I then had to have a silent talk with myself and get it together. I had a decision to make and quick. Billy told me that the band was eroded but it was not a life-threatening situation. He did say we can take it off that night. He said we can work you into the schedule and take it off. He also told me that I could wait till after the holidays if I wanted. I told him to go ahead and schedule the surgery. I did not want to wait hoping there would not be any complications later. He was also leaving town on the 15th and I would have to go to Tahoe and have the procedure done there if I developed complications and wanted him to do it.

Mind you all these thoughts and emotions I was experiencing while I was still on the table after the ENDO procedure. I hadn't even left the room yet. When Billy left the room to check on something for me I just broke down and bawled my eyes out. I was facing losing the ONE thing that had worked for me in my weight loss battle. I was scared, mad, angry, frustrated, hurt, disappointed, discouraged, deflated, why me, why now, every negative emotion you can think of I think I experienced it while I was on that ENDO table.

Billy came back into the room and said for me to stop by his office before I left to make sure I knew what I was making a decision about. He was concerned that since I was under the influence of the ENDO sedation that I might not be making an informed choice. Believe me when he said I was eroded I was very alert and aware of what my decision would be. It had to come out. And it had to come out that night.

So, John and I stopped by Billy's office and he told us to go home if we wanted and to call him at 4p so he could tell us what the plan of action was. So John and I headed home. On the way home, we briefly discussed the options and I wanted the band removed that day. I barely was home long enough to send out a few emails and make a couple of calls to let people know what was going on.

At 4p on Tuesday I called Billy. He said to go to Admitting and he would have paperwork ready for me. Initially the surgery was set up for 7p but I was a work in remember so I didn't get into surgery till 9p. I got back to my room at around 2am on Wednesday. Don't know how long the surgery was, but Billy said it typically takes 2 hours. That would make sense. Two hours in surgery and at least an hour to an hour and a half in recovery. I don't remember much about that night.

Wednesday after I woke up, I was sore and had to go for an upper GI to rule out any perforation before they would let me drink anything. The UPPER GI was all clear, so I started on a clear liquid diet that day. I was able to get up and go to the bathroom and to walk some.

Thursday, Billy came in and took out my drain and sent me home. THANK GOD!!

I am now recuperating and getting stronger every day. It has been a struggle and I am adjusting to the notion that I don't have this tool anymore. I can't really feel different yet because I am still on Clear Liquids. I can start on mushie foods after tomorrow, Saturday.

IT will be a hard battle, but with the knowledge I have learned thus far with the band I will use knowing I don't have the band. SIGH!!

It has been a long time since I could eat large quantities of food. Just tonight I was eating some Soup and was concerned when I went to regular food how the band was going to react. Weird like some phantom is hovering over me still. I would compare it to when someone loses an arm or leg. The arm or leg can still be felt but logically you know it isn't there.

Billy used 3 of my old scars and used a 4th scar from my tubal ligation from years ago. I am really not in alot of pain but every now and then I feel a tug or a burn and I am reminded that yes I did just have the band removed. So I take a half of a pill and that quiets the pain.

With my history of depression it would be so easy to slip into a dark hole but I can't and won't allow myself to even look inside that hole. If I start to fall I am afraid I won't come back out. I have fought too hard to get to the point I am now. I won't let myself regress.

My parting words:

When you don't "feel" right, check it out.

When you know something is off but you can't put a name to it, check it out.

Be Proactive in your how health care, check it out.

Don't let someone else tell you "it isn't necessary", check it out.

I say all this with all the love and compassion I can muster cause I don't want any of you to look back and wish you had and didn't.

I am mentally accepting of the outcome. I am physically healing and taking it slow. I can have another band in 6 months. I will go see Dr. Billy in a month for a check up. He said we will discuss my options at that time. He also said he would support me in whatever decision I made whether it be surgery or not. What a great and caring Doc. I have said on here that I might consider the DS operation. I now know that I will NOT have any other surgery. I am through with surgeries for now. I am gonna fight the good battle with nutrition and exercise.

Shoot you might see me on the next "Biggest Loser". LOL!!!

Thanks for the support.

HUGS

(((((Penni)))))

Sorry this had to happen to you. Glad you are doing ok.

Try to keep your chin up.

We love you!

Penni,

I'm new here and we haven't met but I've been reading about your progress for the past several days. I want to tell you that I am very in awe of your courage and attitude!

I haven't gotten my band yet, and I have to ask....what exactally does 'erosion' mean??? I haven't grasped some of the terms yet so want to be clear that I fully understand what we're talking about. (The only dumb question is the one you don't ask I'm hoping! lol!) I was told in the seminars that the 'dangers or complications' are erosion or slippage' but didn't think to ask them to clarify.

Thank you for your insite and know you'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sherry

Penni, Thanks for the update. Been thinking about you alot and hoping that you are coping well. Just as I believe Michelle will do fine without her band I believe you will also. And besides you will always have us here if you need us.

Wow Penni, I am speachless. I am so sorry

Erosion = the band can erode into your stomach which is what mine did. Understand the band itself does not erode (break down) the stomach wall does.

Here is a link to the page that shows pics. My Endo results -- NOT GOOD!!

Hope this helps.

Penni,

I'm new here and we haven't met but I've been reading about your progress for the past several days. I want to tell you that I am very in awe of your courage and attitude!

I haven't gotten my band yet, and I have to ask....what exactally does 'erosion' mean??? I haven't grasped some of the terms yet so want to be clear that I fully understand what we're talking about. (The only dumb question is the one you don't ask I'm hoping! lol!) I was told in the seminars that the 'dangers or complications' are erosion or slippage' but didn't think to ask them to clarify.

Thank you for your insite and know you'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sherry

Hey girl,

I'm so glad that that this is over and behind you. All those things you talked about on the table - I've done that, only it was during the times I was going through all my fertility junk. Those feelings are so raw - not a good place to be. I'm so very happy that you have such a gentle and caring doctor, not to mention you DH. They shall be your "rocks" for a spell. My prayer is for your continued healing of your mind as well as body. Maybe when you feel well enough you can come wander my direction and I could show you Downtown Disney, I think it might be fun. Keep smiling my dearest, you are much loved here. HUGS:cheeky

PS; I think you should pick the diamond necklace & earrings to match from the magic treasure box! LOL

Aww Penni, it breaks my heart knowing what you went thru, but you sound like your going to be okay. You really do.

Hugs & Kisses

Penni, what can I say my friend..other then I'm sorry

Ive been where you are. I know the emotions. You and I are going to be just as successful without our bands as we have been with our bands. You are a strong , kind hearted woman and this should not of happened to you..but I know you will prevail. I'm here for you.

Let me add, if you "think" something "might" be wrong, CHECK IT OUT. Check it out, check it out, check it out!

Okay, I know you said all that, but I see too many people coming to LBT with issues that should be taken straight to their doctors instead of a bunch of opinionated bandsters.

Glad to talk to you, you sounded much better. Yikes. That's about all I can, YIKES.

Penni,

Thank you for sharing with us. I can't imagine the shock you felt when Dr. Billy told you that you'd eroded. I hope you recover quickly!

Hi Penni,

**hugs**

Not sure if you had time to read my post from earlier in the week, but I was unbanded last week after 4.5 years. I am certain I haven't come to terms with the fact that my band is gone. Consider yourself lucky that you were able to cry (even if on the endo table!). I haven't been really able to cry or mourn the loss of my band yet (only time I got a few tears was when posting to LBT).

I guess I do feel a bit more relief that you do however, since I really have been feeling so bad lately.... now I feel great. Just crazy scared to think of life unbanded.

Since I had my band out, I have been getting completely full on "band quantities" of food. I don't want to get overly optimistic or anything since I have only been 9 days without my band... but so far it's going good. I swear I still feel the band there. Weird....

Anyways, hang in there - I know it doesn't help much, but you are not alone.

-Tizag

Basically you felt fine until a couple of weeks ago when you were having problems pbing, right?

and at that point, my guess, is that the initial erosion had already started.

This is so very scarey.

Has doc given you any ideas on what couldve gone wrong or caused this?

We are just so VERY glad you are ok from this! Phew! What a nightmare.

ok, who's next?

Oh Penni..I admire your courage~ It is scarey to think youve lost the one thing that has worked, but ya know what....your mind has changed too Im sure, as mine has and everyone else that has the band procedure. We know its okay to only have a cup of food and we will not melt away. Remember all the things you have learned while you had your band and apply those lessons now. You are a strong woman and have been through more than this...you will see the other side of this situation too.

Talk to you soon~~ Heres to a speedy recovery....

Paula: I felt fine till about a month ago. Then the PB started more often and I just "felt" funny inside. Hard to describe.

Yes the erosion was already there I just didn't have it diagnosed till the Endo.

Dr. Billy thinks my problems started way back when I had all my port issues. Remember the protrusion and the weird redness and all that well he speculates that was the culprit. He can't definitively say that is the cause because we just don't know. He also said it could have been a stitch but he didn't see one when he took my band out. He also mentioned I could have had an ulcer develop between the first Endo I had in June 2004 and this last one. So any number of things could have caused the erosion. Just no way to be sure.

Basically you felt fine until a couple of weeks ago when you were having problems pbing, right?

and at that point, my guess, is that the initial erosion had already started.

This is so very scarey.

Has doc given you any ideas on what couldve gone wrong or caused this?

We are just so VERY glad you are ok from this! Phew! What a nightmare.

ok, who's next?

Dear Penni. Thanks for the update. I'm glad everything went well surgery-wise.

As for what you and Lisa said, I couldn't agree with you both more. We are not doctors (at least most of us aren't), and if something doesn't feel right, CALL YOUR DOCTOR.

Also, I can't stress enough, if you're banded out of the country & don't live close tothat other country, good local after-care, lined up BEFORE HAND, is a MUST. I know because I've had esophagus problems that necessitated un-fills 3 times. Hopping on a plane from NY to TJ is not an frequent option for an un-fill, time-wise or $ wise.

Penni, I know you'll do great; you've always been such a help & inspiration to all of us.