I am having an issue with my boss. She is already sabatoging me and I haven't even gone back to work yet:thumbdown: I have talked to her twice since surgery... the first time she told me i needed to eat and that she had just eaten Mexican ( which she knows is my favorite ) then today when i told her i was going to go ahead and take off the rest of the week her response was " I was just going to see if you would be in tomorrow because I am getting Boston Market " We are friends.... but I know she wasn't all that crazy about me having the surgery

I know I am going to have to have a talk with her.... anyone else go thru this or have any advice?

thanks!

I think I had the worst of sabotagers, my own family including my mother. Im three years out from surgery and have gained back 30 lbs. Im still very happy with my weight loss but upset at the fact that when I was thinner they constantly told me that they thought that I had lost too much weight and that my face was too skinny and that I just didnt look right. Now that I have put back on some weight they comment on the fact that Im gaining my weight back. Now its a fight for me to get back the motivation that I once had. Dont let haters get to you.

Hang in there! My mom, who has always been thin, just got back from a trip to France. She went into detail telling me all the wonderful food she ate. She didn't realize that it was driving me nuts. I finally had to say, "Mom, look, you are making my mouth water and this is NOT a good place for me." She is very supportive and immediately stopped. She just didn't know.

I don't mean to be the negative poster but sweetheart that is life! This is something you are going to have to deal with and the person who ultimately makes your decisions is you. If you can't handle hearing about food what on earth are you going to do when it is right infront of you? People aren't necessarily trying to be hurtful its just that alot of social things and conversations revolve around food, if it didn't half of us wouldn't have needed the surgery in the first place. I do wish you much inner strength and courage to be strong, don't let words of others make your tummy grumble!

You could tell her you are not hungry at all ever since surgery and it makes you nautious to hear about food or be around heavy/greasy food... that the only foods that appeal to you right now are the ones your doctor has OK'd.

For example, in reply to the offer to go to Boston Market together, you could say "Oh man, I used to love Boston Market, but the idea of it just kind of turns my stomach now. Thanks for the invite, but I'm gonna stick w/the lunch I brought for myself today." She can't argue w/'not hungry' or 'not appealing'. But, if you say you wish you could have it, but its not on your diet, she will continue to try to taunt and tempt you.

So true about the part that food is connected with so many social things. I'm from the deep South and it seems that every time I turn around food is the centerpiece of all social gatherings. Just a week after being banded, I had a dinner meeting. I was on liquids then and stuck to drinking water while everyone ate! We were at a Thai restaurant and there was nothing (no soups at all) that I could have. I didn't want the group to have change their plans to meet my needs. It wasn't that bad. Someone asked me if I was going to eat and I just said, "I had surgery last week and I can't eat spicy foods yet." So, I felt that I was faced with my first challenge and passed with flying colors.

Saboteurs only work if we let them.

"No thank you, Ms. Boss."

"I brought my lunch today, Ms. Boss."

"You go ahead and order, Ms. Boss; but no need to get enough for me--I brought my lunch."

"Silly Ms. Boss--I know you must be smart because, after all, you're my boss. But you just can't seem to grasp that I'm not going to eat the stuff you push."

(Whoops sorry---the last one just slipped out. I wouldn't recommend using it.)

No big talk is necessary. Just firm repetition. Chances are, she's trainable.

ETA: Yes, food is the core of many social things. That does not mean those social things are inappropriate (even though it might strike you as gross, the way others eat---eat least while you're focused on it as you develop new habits). It means we have to manage ourselves. When you remember that the real purpose of the social gathering is to enjoy people, you'll find that eating becomes a non-issue. No one cares what's on your plate---and once you get used to your band and its restrictions, you won't be as concerned, either.

Yes, this level of control over what you eat can irritate true saboteurs, but for the most part, people just don't pay nearly as much attention to our plates as we think they will. Most food-pushers aren't real saboteurs---they just don't know how to find common ground without including food. When food becomes deemphasized, sometimes you find new common ground. At work, that common ground is obviously---well, work. If your boss wants a stronger connection to you, she will figure out that it's no longer going to be based on an eating buddy foundation.

Edited April 15, 201016 yr by BetsyB

People are usually far more concerned about themselves then they are about you. What you see as sabatage is usually just people living their lives.

I find it hepful to remember that it isn't all about me. Everyone is just as busy living their own lives as you are yours.

Edited April 15, 201016 yr by MissyMS

I have to say that this might not be intentional on her part (the Boss). I've had relationships with people who I only had eating incommon with..... food was a main focus in my life for way to long and once I had surgery some of my friends still were in the food focus mode with me not even knowing better. They too have to adjust to new ways of being part of my life - just food not as the main focus. Did you eat lunch out with your boss everyday, order in and when you got in the office was the focus being what and where are we going to order from today? I know that was how we acted in our office alot...... Sometimes I was the No I was the one who started this problem. Now it's stopped and everyone is much happier and healthier and we have an office salad bar day where everyone brings in a good healthy topping to share. We have turned 360' in the right direction.

Take a huge deep breath and give your boss a little slack she may need to catch up to your new surgery and know the best way to now have a healthy relationship with you. If she becomes jealous/bitter and does out right nasty things after you ask her not too... Than you have no choice but to go the next step to make your point.

Thanks for this timely thread Deb! I really need to vent this.

My mother-in-law is my saboteur.

Yes, I KNOW I am ultimately responsible for me and what goes into my mouth, but putting a drink in front of an alcoholic is just cruel. Likewise, putting a dozen donuts in front of a foodaholic is just as cruel. And mother-in-law is not happy unless a dozen fresh donuts are on the kitchen counter at all times.

Fortunately, she lives out-of-state. Unfortunately she comes for extended visits, 4 to 6 weeks. When she is here, she just takes over my kitchen and cooks for us while we're at work. She over cooks and fries everything in lard, the thought just makes me shudder. She doesn't like salads or fresh veges or fruit. She is a junk foodaholic. The most unfair thing? She is tiny! Petite! Her nickname is Peewee!

In the past, when she's visited, I've usually been on a diet (story of my life) and I have always been derailed each and every time. Again, yes, I KNOW it is ultimately MY responsibility. Oh and believe me, I make it VERY CLEAR, that I am on a diet and I can't have those things around me. It just doesn't seem to matter to her.

I pick her up at the airport tomorrow. I've been doing so well and I am determined not to be derailed this time. I love her, but she IS my food nemesis.

Wish me luck.

I would adore having someone come cook at my house for weeks on end. Then I would only need to worry what goes into my mouth and not the whole crew's!

Thanks for your responses...LiveLoveLaugh...great viewpoint I appreciate it

chuckling

MissyMS, You're invited to dinner! On the menu:

fried chicken or pork chop, so overcooked that the lard permeates every Fiber to the point the it glistens all the way through and the meat is a crunchy, unrecognizable mass. mmm yummy

canned peas or corn

mashed potatoes, saturated with butter

topped with gravy made from the lard, left over in the pan

and don't forget dessert which will be ice cream, or donuts, or pie or iced brownies, maybe some of each

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I know mother-in-law means well and like I said, I love her, I don't want to hurt her feelings for the world. I have tried and tried to talk with her, but she is impermeable.

It's not so much her cooking that can undo me .. I can pass on that food. It's the junkfood that she brings into the house, candy, donuts, cakes, twinkies, etc.

Edited April 15, 201016 yr by Drasan
adding a comment

lOL, briefly jealous! I am tired of cooking.

I'd ban most of that from my kitchen, franky. Not because of my band, bur because I don't want my kids to be unhealthy, nor my husband.

Maybe you should get a basket and tell her it is for all of her treats because you normally don't eat that way and didn't really know where to put the stuff. Get a deep basket and put it on top of the fridge and that will help keep things out of sight.

Is your boss thin? If she is then don't sweat it bc she will never understand or "get" why that bothers you...just look at it like this, in a year you will be so far beyond the whole "FOOD" hang-up and much more able to cope with those type of comments. If she is big, then you need to explain to her that you have made a LIFE CHANGE and you have done it for YOU. And if she were smart SHE would make a life change of her own. If she is really your friend, she will respect that.

I can see where it would be seen as "cruelty" to talk about all of types of food (especially your favorite) right after your surgery, but the fact of the matter is that people who haven't researched LapBand or don't know much about it tend to under-appreciate the whole process that we are going through. And as a result they do not support you properly...or even worse try to stop you from succeeding because it's a common known fact that MISERY LOVES COMPANY. If you guys bonded over food- she is simply continuing the same routine you two had before your surgery and since she has experienced no change in life, she doesn't realize this might be hurtful.

I was banded March 12th, and as of yet, I haven't had any of my family or friends (the few that know) say anything negative about it. I have, however, had a change in relationship with a few of my friends...kindof a disconnect...because we had bonded over food- and I didn't realize that was the majority of what we did, talked about and focused on. As a result of MY life change, they began feeling uncomfortable around me and I just had to adjust their placement in my life and although it hurt, I don't need those people that only want to hang out with me because I'm fat...or because I always want to go out and eat...lol!!!

I would definately sit down and be honest about how you feel. I don't think she is intentionally trying to wear you down mentally...but she needs to know that this is happening and more than hearing about food from her- you need to hear support and motivation from her.

If she cannot provide those things for you and its what YOU NEED, you may have to re-evaluate your friendship, because the toxicity that she will bring into your life will ultimately delay your progress and might hender your ability to reach your ultimate goal...

weightloss!!!