I am just curious as to how many of us became single/divorced after being banded. Im also curious as to why.... Was it a bad relationship and you just got the courage to get out? Was it that your self asteem was higher than normal and you were able to say see ya? Was it you wanted to broaden your horizons...see the "greener" grass on the other side of the fence? If anyone would like to share their experience with me, I would appreciate it. If you dont want to post on a public board thats understandable too, so feel free to PM me....

Thank you in advance....

Well, I can certainly say that this has not been an easy few weeks. Last night everything came to a head. My husband and I finally talked everything out...and it seems that my son and I will be leaving here to live with my mother....Until I can get myself on my own two feet. My husband doesn't have anywhere to go, so he will keep the apartment that we are in now. He is going to help me pay my car payments and I would assume pay support for our son, that never came up, but knowing him as I do, I dont have to worry about it. This is all just way over whelming....after 15 years...but I have started to clean out my desk, and I will just take my time with it all. I do have to say the added stress has led me into making some of the wrong diet decisions...but I haven't gainned anything....sooo thats a plus. I just gotta get my head together, and my heart...and keep on keeping on~

Thank you all for your continued support!!!

{{{{{hugs Doll}}}}}

Thank you Vines!!

Oh Hope,

Please continue to come here for support !! Or you can PM/Email me if you need to chat !! You need us "sisters" now more than ever.

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Don't hesitate to contact me...

{more hugs from Boston}

Leah

Hi Porcin,

A few folks here at LBT know of my woes. My marriage has been hanging by a thread since April 2004. I have been married 101/2 years and together 12 years with two boys 3 and 10. I have a great husband, but he is a very poor communicator. In addition, the docs have been putting him on antidepressants because they think he is chronically depressed. I personally dont think so, but the meds changes every 30-60 days make it real hard to deal with him. They have yet to find the right one for him that works well. I feel like I need to hang in there because he has always been really supportive of me and all my decision. He loved me fat and still loves me. I am the one that feels very little inside because of all the years that he has not been able to communicate his feelings. I have been living on the couch for more than a year and a half.

Limbo sucks. He is a good father, good provider and reliable, but there is no passion and we behave like cordial friends only. I know I need to end it, but there are days I think that maybe I should try to work it out and I havent given it a chance. I have to say that my behavior over the past year has been atrocioius. I go out on my own, I take trips away since the only way I get commmunication that isnt of the 3 year old variety is when I go on trips and talk to others. I dont think I am meant to be in this relationship. I actually dont think I am meant to be in any relationship of permanance although my therapist thinks I havent met my soul mate yet and that part of me is still looking. All I know is that things are not cut and dry in the universe like some people think they are. Being in limbo means that I can move forward, but sometimes not making a decision is the best thing to do when you dont know what to do. Email me privately if you wanna talk.

Babs in TX

334/180

Big squishy huggs and know that you are not alone.

Thanks guys~~~ The squishy hugs are the best. I may take yas up on the private emails......I am still very swollen from crying all night and most of the day and my sinuses are KILLING me........and did I mention the headache from hell?? This sucks. We have been married 10 1/2 years and we have one child. He is picking up on everything even though we dont argue infront of him....but we also dont speak to one another let along show any emotion....I know in a long run this will work....and Anthony and I will be okay....just very scarey! I went from being at home with my parents to being married! I will be okay.

I will talk to you soon~

My husband is afraid I will leave him after WLS. His ex did.That is why he did not want me to get it. But he saw how important it was for my health.

Thinking of you Losing relationships only get worse as we get older? To be honest I too am facing relationship problems. Ya'll might remember a few months ago Jon almost left me but he decided to stay and try to work things out. Now I'm not so sure that he should have stayed - we've been fighting like mad cats & dogs lately - it seems to be getting worse - we say the nastiest things to each other, just to hurt each other. Its not healthy and neither one of us knows why we continue to do so instead of just parting ways...........I'm just trying ot give it some time - one thing I don't understand is how we can go from arguing so bad and then an hour later we both pretend like nothing happened - its crazy. I love him and I know he loves me, but really love is just not enough is it? We can't seem to get along more than a few days at best.

Jack,

It was a bit too much.

I took it off.

Paul,

TOO LATE!! Please just edit it a little and put it back because I already typed this answer...

There may be several different reasons your wife is not interested. Not knowing the two of you--it's really hard to discern what they may be in this circumstance. One thing I know for sure--your weight probably isn't it. My best guesses would be a) that SHE doesn't feel attractive (therefore not sexy) or she's bored w/ the actual sex.

In both cases I would suggest trying something new and different.

To get over a slump sometimes it helps to do something new and different... creating a romantic atmosphere (low candlelight because she's obviously self-conscious)... learn some new moves (I'm serious here--there's plenty of advice around and you're likely to learn SOMETHING different if you try). I also think learning to VOCALLY stimulate a woman is an underrated skill. The best lover I ever had (so far) was older, fat and bald, but oh my--could that guy ever TALK to me! Amazing what the right caress and a little verbal coaxing will do. Most porn movies are so stupid in that the men hardly SAY anything (showing how obviously bent they are for men!). Maybe you could go to the romance section of the bookstore and flip thru a few of those books.

Tat's just off the top of my head. Jeeze... and I'd really better stop because all kinds of stuff is flying thru my head and I gotta go to work!!!

PorcIndoll~

I"m so sorry you're having to go through this. I know you're really hurting and you get tired of trying to be strong for yourself and your son. I would really encourage you to get some counseling if you can. If finances are a problem, as they were with me, Lutheran Social Services has a sliding fee scale that goes down to no cost if you have no income. And they are wonderful. My LSS counselor was an absolute lifiesaver when I was recovering from a MAJOR car accident for a year and was divorced during that same year. I can't say enough good things avout them.

Hugs and more hugs to you...you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Emily

And Paul you better put at least part of that post back up

CHICKEN!

(And here we were all being so impressed by your honesty!)

Hey Big Paul! I just wanted to let you know that many of your experiences paralell my life, since my husband too was 600 pounds.

For almost 2 years my husband slept on the sofa, sitting up, since he had terrible sleep apnea. Well, hell, he would start to suffocate when he would just lie down.

We too just became roommates. And I hated it. I didn't want a roommate, I wanted a husband. As he got bigger the further he pushed me away, the further he withdrew. I seriouly almost divorced him because of his weight, and the fact that he was no longer my husband.

I don't know if you pulled away, I have to imagine that on some levels you did. I know that lots of fat people use their bulk as a way to distance themselves from everyone else, to insulate ourselves.

It very may well be that be that your wife feels that you've pulled away. I don't know how long you were that big, but it seriouly takes a toll on a relationship in ways that are not obvious. It may be that she pulled away herself to try to shield herself from her paiin over your weight.

I became terrribly depressed over my husband's weight. The problem is that I was stuck greiving for his death, and the subborn goat wouldn't die. It was not a concious think on my part, but I knew he was dieing from his weight. And I was stuck and couldn't move past it, until he did something about it. I was humiliated to be in public with the man I loved, which didn't help matters any either.

Well, what he did was to get the band and drop almost 200 pounds in less than 2 years. What he also did was to woo me all over.

It is not easy to go from being roommates to being lovers again. I'm not talking physical lovers, but emotionally lovers. I think that once the emotional connection re-connects it is easier for the physical to reconnect.

feel free to PM me any time!

Oh great, I spend all that time and you remove your post! (brrraaaak, bauk bauk No seriosly, it is a touchy thing, love and sex and fat. PM me any time.