why do i feel like this? =/

[Erin18 136]

ugh i know this isnt the right place to be comming for this but i feel depressed ever since tuesday night, and i really dont know why, i know its nothing to do with the band, i think it might have to do with something that happened on sunday, but i dont know, this is just killing me, i keep getting bad thoughts and by bad thoughts, you should know, and bad thoughts about my kitty and RIGHT THERE just kills me really really bad, it makes me really upset thinking that, what can i do to stop thinking about bad thoughts? i wanna get back to my normal self and be bubbly/happy again, i think i just need a really good talk with somebody to make me feel better? cant go to a psychiatrist or whatever you call them, no insurance and have no money, but i might just need a really good talk and someone/something to ease my mind and think about good things..=/ hmm sorry that this is a pointless thread?

[newdicarlo 0]

Erin18--I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I have a history of depression--is this something in your history, or are you just down in the dumps?

It sounds like you don't have any avenues to get professional help, but maybe talking it out would help you. have you tried journaling or blogging to get your thoughts out in the open? Even if you are the only person that reads it, sometimes this can make people feel better. do you have friends or family you can talk to?

As a last resort--even with no insurance, there are a lot of great pharmacy benefits out there for generic drugs through Wal-Mart and lots of grocery stores and retail pharmacy chains now ($10 for a 90 day supply). If you have no other recourse and need medication, yes, the Dr appt is not cheap(can you go to a clinic or do you have Medicaid or Medicare benefits?), but the medication can be affordable if you get on a generic. And hospitals can't turn you away if you can't pay. If you are feeling suicidal, please please please consider a hospital.

[oherin 0]

girl, talk to me. whats going on?

[delfinajones 1]

It might help to explain what is bothering you. Sometimes writing helps you clarify your problems. People here are helpful. What do you mean about your cat? Let us know.

[crzytchr 3]

ugh i know this isnt the right place to be comming for this but i feel depressed ever since tuesday night, and i really dont know why, i know its nothing to do with the band, i think it might have to do with something that happened on sunday, but i dont know, this is just killing me, i keep getting bad thoughts and by bad thoughts, you should know, and bad thoughts about my kitty and RIGHT THERE just kills me really really bad, it makes me really upset thinking that, what can i do to stop thinking about bad thoughts? i wanna get back to my normal self and be bubbly/happy again, i think i just need a really good talk with somebody to make me feel better? cant go to a psychiatrist or whatever you call them, no insurance and have no money, but i might just need a really good talk and someone/something to ease my mind and think about good things..=/ hmm sorry that this is a pointless thread?

If you are in school, you can reach out to a counselor. If not, check with your local chapter of United Way. They can refer you to a therapist who has a sliding scale for a fee. You will only pay what you can afford. BUT, the point is, if you feel like this, you must find someone to talk to.

[Laura Lane 0]

why don't you go out and do some walking or exercise, i think it would definitely help clear your mind, and get you away from having bad thoughts. another good idea is to call some friends, go out and have a good time.....you're young, you're healthy and you're beautiful, NOTHING to be depressed about!!! goodluck

[Erin18 136]

i dont have a history of depression, i get sad but not like this , i think im just down in the dumps but why would i think like that? am i just going crazy?

i can journal, it might help, i do have friends and family to talk to, why do i feel scared to?

kay thanks for the med part if i need it, which i hope not. im not feeling suicidal, its more of the thought/feeling that came to my mind about my cat which is making me so upset, i love him so much, why am i thinking like that? i would NEVER! ): it keeps coming to mind, i thought that sleeping, it would go away but it didnt and im so upset about it, i dont know why it EVEN bother to come to my mind.

I think its more because i just got my heart broken again, is that even a reason to be sad/deppressed over? i guess it really meant a lot and he doesnt even care, he stoped talking to me, i dont know why, but im done with him and it hurts, i thought i found somebody again

but why would the part about my cat come to my mind ):sifone::

:sad:ugh, life

[Erin18 136]

thanks guys,

i know youre all like"oh thats nothing to be sad about"

part about my cat makes me cry when i think about it but i will tell you, be aware you will be upset and shocked, but the thought of killing him came to mind :sifone::sad: why would it come to mind it makes me cry and very sad, i love him, so i dont know why it even bothered to come to me thoughts/mind

i think that actually letting some tears out and talking to people is starting to help a bit

im going clothes/accessories shopping tomorrow maybe it'll help too

i know there should be nothing to be depressed about, and i know its stupid and i am sorry

[delfinajones 1]

You've been hurt and hurtful thoughts come to your mind. It's better not to block them--that makes it worse. We all have dark thoughts at times but we don't act on them. Are you sure it is over with your friend?

[lamar44 0]

Erin,

Don't apologize for how you're feeling. Be proud of yourself for recognizing that this can be helped. About your cat, don't feel ashamed. More people than would ever admit have similar thoughts...they just don't act on them. I'm no expert but seems like maybe those types of thoughts happen because maybe it's the only area of your life you feel like you can control. Again, I'm no expert and I think several other posters have made great points about the affordable or even free help that is available. It's worth taking the time to check those things out. It's amazing what you can find when you really look. Best of luck...never give up!

[voodoo 0]

thanks guys,

be aware you will be upset and shocked, but the thought of killing him came to mind :sad::frown: why would it come to mind it makes me cry and very sad, i love him, so i dont know why it even bothered to come to me thoughts/mind

A shot in the dark here...

Could it be that after being hurt by your ex you are feeling helpless?

In order to feel powerful again,

hurting something weaker than you is a release?

I know you don't ACTUALLY want your cat to die,

but it may be a way of punishing something

to deflect your pain of the loss.

Allow me to share something personal...

When I was a little girl (about 5) and my parents were fighting,

I would poke needles in my doll's eyes.

I needed to pass on my pain.

Sounds psychotic? Sure. But what is a five year old to do

with feelings that overwhelm her and are foreign?

I don't act out like that now...I talk.

(FYI...I never did this to living things!)

It just sounds like you need a strong release.

You might be so angry that you want to

hear something/someone else suffer more than you are now.

I don't think it's abnormal...unless you act on it, of course.

Talk, write, meditate.

Go get a facial or massage.

This will help mucho.

To save money, find a student...either a

cosmetology school or massage school.

Cheap services.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

It will pass.

:sifone:

[Erin18 136]

delfinajones-i dont know, for now yes, later, i dont know, i wanna get my head back on straight

lamar44-what do you mean?. i know there are good places out there (: and thanks

voodoo-he wasnt neccessarily an ex but someone i was highly interested in, and i mean very highly and was interested in for a year, i really dont know, i probably do feel helpless.

no, i do not wish to hurt something weaker than me.

i just hate that it had to be my kitty that came to mind =/

i dont hurt living things either, never have, never will

no, im not angry

i think ill talk and write about my feelings more, i will talk to my mom more about it tomorrow and talk to my besties as much as possible

i know of a place that will do facials and manis/pedis for 10$ at a cosmetology place in which i am goin to in the fall

thanks :sifone:

[delfinajones 1]

You're in my thoughts. Life isn't easy so we all have to learn to cope. At my old age I know what helps is letting the thoughts come rather than suppressing them. Just remember- this too will pass.

[Erin18 136]

thank you so much (:♥

[ElfiePoo 109]

Erin,

You might try calling one of those suicide hotlines. I know you said you aren't suicidal, but I used to volunteer on one and we'd get calls from people who were just down in the dumps and lonely.

We had a list of free clinics where you could go and talk with someone, although many times, just having a compassionate ear on the other end of a phone was all some people needed. You might find your local help hotline has the same.

Blogging and journaling help some people. Others need a real live person and voice. :sifone:

.