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Can't help but think this is "meant to be". I had been dreading telling my dr. and he was enthusiastic. Just got off the phone to tell my mom about the surgery date. She is uber supportive and wants to go with to take care of me. Makes me wonder why I feel such dread telling folks...guess I'm just afraid someone important to me and this journey will be unsupportive and I don't want to hear it? I feel so much better after telling Mom. I'd rather have her with me than my son (sorry boy) so we'll see how this works out. I'm having a major cleaning frenzy digging deep into the corners and am sure I'll be exhausted by this evening. But it will be nice to have a spick and span house! All we'll have to do is maintain it for the next couple of weeks so I can come back to a relatively clean house. Yay!

Thank you! I appreciate the support! I've been scared to admit that this is what scares me the most regarding WLS. I know these are his issues and not mine. My husband is very apprehensive about counseling (even though we both could benefit) but I know once he sees the psychiatrist and has the evaluation they will require him to see someone. Deep down I also know that WLS is not going to make or break our marriage, I guess it just feels strange to put myself first for once. Either way I'll be healthier no matter what happens because I KNOW I deserve it! Thank you for being my sounding board. I don't really talk much about my feelings to anyone and it feels safe to post it here-especially given the fact I have only told my husband, mom and an unsupportive co-worker about the sleeve!

I want to comment on two points that Spartan made. First . . Based on my own reading and research, I do not believe that this is accurate, and a significant percentage of the bandsters who I know have either met and surpassed their goals or are well on their way to doing so. I'm willing to bet that, of people who actually work with their bands, more than 90% are able to get to their goals. As reliable as that . . unnamed study . . by an unspecified group in Europe . . that hasn't been published yet. . and where you didn't have the underlying data. . sounds, I'm calling BS on this. The reason the band works so well is that it makes it physically impossible (well, difficult) to overeat. I just do not believe that any significant percentage of the non-banded people were able to avoid overeating for the year + that would have been required for them to actually enjoy the full benefits of being banded. I am not trying to be inflamatory here, but when I see posts like this that seem to misstate statistics or make vague, unsupported references to unnamed studies, it makes me mad. It seems irresponsible and I don't like that it might discourage bandsters or prospective bandsters from believing that they can get to goal. I have my own statistics and 18-month long personal scientific study on life with the band. That's all the proof I need that this process absolutely works when you follow the rules more often than not. And, if I can do it, so can anyone else who is willing to put in the effort. Catherine

I'm still pissed off about a three month post op visit I had with mine. I'm thinking of asking to be reassigned to her colleague because I felt judged and unsupported. What's your experience been like?

I am sorry to here that you are feeling unsupported in this. It seems like your husband is dealing with some self esteem issues that he is projecting onto you. I have a very supportive husband he too does have some esteem issues as well but he never makes me feel bad like that. We aren't as intimate as I would like to be & I attribute it my health issues & our son he's 2 & sometimes being parents just interferes with wanting to be sexual. However the things you described don't sound that way they sound emotionally abusive. It sounds like you already carry enough emotional baggage from your other life experiences that cause you pain without the person whose supposed to love you for better or worse making you feel like crap. I would suggest seeking out a counselor would deals with family & bariatric patients so that they can work with you as a bariatric patient, as a married woman & potentially you & your husband to work thru your issues as a couple. I wish you luck with your process I get my RNY tomorrow & have been thru the 6 month waiting game & insurance approval process so I sympathize with you. You will get where you need to be don't let other people drag you down with them.

Hi if he is having this unsupportive attitude now how will he behave after? if this is his general way of being its better u know now and consider this may not be a person u want in your life in the long term to quote a tv dr the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior u may have to be your own strongest ally I do know how it feels to not have anyone to count in it hurts however being unwilling to put up with ppls BS and standing up for yourself and expecting support when needed and respect always makes u stronger person we must have expectations of ppl in our lives and hold to standards or we just keep drawing these types of ppl into our lives best of luck to you

I think surgery and recovery as a single person is great. I don't have the pressure or temptation of people with partners. I don't have to worry about ruining date night, or dinners out. I don't have to watch someone eat a steak and baked potato while I sip on broth. I don't have to prepare meals for kids. The only food in my house are things I am allowed to eat. There is no way to mess up being in my house. Even if I made Cookies with the stuff in my house, they would be low carb. I am an independent kind of person. I have never been in a long term relationship, I value my freedom too much. If you are used to support I think it might be difficult. There is a lot of support available though. You can make a surgery buddy on this site. You will meet people in your pre-surgery meetings. You will meet people when you are in the hospital (if you walk! you have to get up and walk around). This forum is a great resource. I think it is better to go it alone, and stuggle a little than to go through it with an unsupportive spouse and family. You also live in a major city. I am sure there are meetup groups and other things for people that have had surgery. That might be a better option for some of your concern than posting on here. NYC and the NYC dating scene is another animal (I used to work in NYC). People in the middle of the country just aren't going to understand what it is like. Also your support doesn't have to be WLS. Try to find a gym or some exercise classes now, before surgery that are not packed with assholes. If you keep your surgery to yourself (you don't want to be the source of gossip for petty *******), and just connect on a fitness weight loss level, you might make some supportive friends. Another great thing about living in NYC or LA or large metro is that everyone is doing some weird diet. No one is going to care about your weird diet. You can fit right in. I suggest one solid personal friend that can be with you for surgery. I had a friend fly in from out of state. Someone you really trust and feel comfortable with. If you have a family member that can fill that role, even better. You can do it, do not be discouraged. Think about all the services you have available in the city at your disposal. When you are recovering, you never even have to leave your home. Also, at around 4 weeks out, I got a rescue dog. I have built in company and a walking partner. My dog thinks even my baked fish is delicious and begs for it (even though he never gets any). I promised myself if I survived surgery and was okay I would get a dog and it is the best thing post op I have done. We walk multiple times a day and one very long walk at night. @@Bufflehead You sound like me. I like to be alone so I don't have to compromise.

I'm so sorry you had that experience. I was claustrophobic during my sleep study and the anxiety had me feeling the same way! When you've been beaten down by people telling you you're fat or talking to you negatively it's easy to think that's what everyone will do. I hope you have a positive experience with the nutritionist, psychologist etc... I think most of them are working in this field because they really want to help overweight people (or were one themselves) and not because they are fat haters. I tried several times to get approval for the surgery and couldn't get it past insurance. Each time I was denied I got knocked further and further down emotionally, got more depressed and gained more weight. I was not strong enough to go self-pay and I honestly was shocked when I actually got the approval. There was no way I would have been able to save or set aside the money even if it meant losing weight to save my life. I didn't think I would be strong enough to go through the entire process another time or that I would be able to lose any weight, let alone 15 pounds before the surgery- I thought I would be the one person who forced them to cancel due to weight gain. Most of us are emotional eaters and when you take away our coping mechanism we get frustrated and scared and feel like we have failed or will fail. For what it's worth, you aren't alone, other people have felt or are feeling this way right now. You aren't alone, even though we don't always admit it, alot of us are scared, depressed, feel fat and worthless. You aren't alone, people will read this post and identify with it like I did, they will feel compassion for you and send you good wishes and prayer. You aren't alone, support may come in the strangest of places, even if it's on a message board, you deserve it, it's being given by people who know, who've been fat, who understand. You are not alone, you don't have to stand unsupported and without cheerleaders, let us support you, cheer you on and rejoice with you in your triumphs. You are not alone! Your feelings and emotions are valid and even if you feel like giving up, continue to reach out for support, there are lots of us here to provide it!

Sigh. I don't know if I'm right or wrong here. So I was sitting down talking to my mom about my surgery, and she says "we're going to get through this as a family". So I think cool, they want to help me, I start explaining to her about how I'm going to be on a clear liquid diet for a while and other things and I ask her if she could stop buying certain foods (Cookies, ice cream, and muffins) because it will help me not be tempted and she starts freaking out, like I shot her or something. She said I was self-centered, that I'm not the only one in this house, that I need more self control, that I'm ungrateful ect. I can't believe someone would react like this over some junk food. It makes me think maybe I'm not the only one with a food addiction, and It just makes me sad. Do you guys think it's selfish of me to ask her not to buy these things? I don't think I've asked her for too much. I'm paying for everything related to my surgery on my own. In my opinion nobody really needs food like that anyway, in fact my family would be healthier without it. I always kind of figured I'd be in this alone. I'm kind of the black sheep in my family.

I had the same problems pre-surgery. I told my parents when I started the process and while they were always supportive, my Mom said a couple of things that sounded like "are you sure this is right for you?" that I interpreted as unsupportive. I told friends and co-workers after I had been approved by the surgeon and insurance. In hind site, I think I would have waited until I had a surgery date to tell anyone but my closest friends. It just seems easier to tell them a couple weeks in advance than to have it out there for comment for a longer period. I really don't recommend not telling your family before surgery. It isn't fair to you or them to not prepare in advance for the changes that will come post surgery. I recommend writing out your reasons for having surgery so that you can make the most compelling points about why this is the right choice for you! Also tell them that if they don't have any thing supportive to say to please keep the negative stuff to themselves. Also be prepared to answer questions about what kind of help you will need post surgery. If you are organized and clear about the process then it will be easy to answer their questions and deal with their concerns. Finally - know that they love you and are concerned about your well being. That may cause them to ask questions or say things that seem unsupportive, but just be grateful that they care and want what is best for you. Good luck as you head into surgery!

i also wonder about who i will be after this. I have spent the past twenty years being a "big sexy" girl. i met a man who adores me as just that. i try every day to get past this and hope that he will love me when i am just "sexy" without that other word. i hate to admit it but there were times when i would get motivated, diet, workout and lose weight then he would sabotage me & tell me how beautiful i was as i am so i would stop and continue to jeapordize my health & life because HE loved it! i have stated MANY times that he is unsupportive of my decision & i know not whether he will be around when my transformation is complete. i suppose i need to make a MENTAL transformation first. at any rate, whatever happens, BOTH you & i will still be the same people---with better health & flatter bellies! good luck to you!

This is from a guys point of view... It sounds like he has the issues. Insecure? Manipulative? But certainly unsupportive. Or at the very least not supporting you in the right way. I will give him credit for acknowledging (barely) what you DID accomplish......which was no easy task for any of us. Like the rest of us, you need this surgery to complete your loss. It works and is worth it. Do it and enjoy the results. As said before, no one works out every day, I don't. It's better not to lie to the doctors or nutritionist but I can understand....I might have exaggerated my activity level once or twice. Let us know in four.....now three days. It might be the best decision you will ever make.

Pay very close attention to what and how you ate preop that led you to become obese. Not just the volume, but how often, what you ate and most importantly WHY you ate that way. Were you depressed? Happy? Bored? Stressed? Now do the same thing during the honeymoon period during which you are losing weight and most likely following all the "rules". Again, what, how much, when, and why you are eating. How are you coping with stress and emotions that don't involve food? 2-3 years from now (actually, for the rest of your life) you need to remain mindful of your eating habits. If you find yourself going back to many of your preop habits, you will likely find yourself regaining. After 6 years of group support meetings and now online forums, I See most regain stories coming from emotion based self sabotage.....stress, grief and boredom are big ones. Someone dies, you get divorced, you lose your job, your family is unsupportive, pressure from friends, your kids get sick, you are injured, etc. Now you turn to food for comfort because that's all you know how to do. Your sleeve is worthless when it comes to grazing, slider foods, snacking, etc. In the end it's the lifestyle changes and choices you make that dictate long term success, not your surgery or size of your sleeve. I always say, my surgeon helped me lose the weight, but my therapist helped me keep it off. Good luck.

Maybe I'm just direct, but when did being candid with people become unsupportive or insensitive? You ask, I'm going to tell you how I feel and I may not agree with how or what you want me to say. When did that not become ok on this forum?

If you are hungry every 30 mins, you need fill. If your doctor won't do it, you need to find someone who will. The band is supposed to help you lose weight, and you should NOT be relying on 'self-control' to get you there. I have 6.5 ccs in a 10 cc band. And let me just tell you, even 1/2 a cc can make a huge difference. Every single person is different. Some people need a max fill level to get that proper restriction. To be honest with you, I think your doctor and his staff are not being supportive in making you successful with your band. You need to have a heart to heart with them, or try to find somewhere else to go for that support. Working out is a VERY SMALL part of your success. Your eating is a large part of it, and right now, your tool is not helping you like it should because your doctor is being unsupportive.

Sigh. Ok. What surgery are you looking into? Why are you looking into that surgery? Why is your wife not supportive? Like, exactly what issues does she have with the surgery you've decided upon? If you don't know, might be a good time to sit down and find out what she's against and why. Being open and honest is the only way to go here, going out on a limb, I'm going to say she's not "unsupportive", she's more scared about your decision. But that's just my call, I mean, I don't know either of you and you've given us zero information other than she's not supportive. More info would certainly make things entire thread more useful.

OMG, my heart bleeds for her and her children. For those who don't know, last night she was taken to a hospital for a psych evaluation. It was reported earlier it was time for her ex to take custody of her kids and she wouldn't let them go. (TMZ.com) I never liked her before but after she had kids, and had problems with depression, I really empathized with her. I had gone through some of the same things after I had my children - depression, lack of self worth, unsupportive husband, etc.. The torment she goes through on a daily basis with those leeches following her around is astonishing. I know we could go into her being rich and famous, for her deserving it, loving the attention, etc. etc. but really, none of us really know what has gone on in her relationships, her health, etc. Being followed around is probably the only thing that makes her feel worthy and beautiful nowadays. I reeeally hope she can get some help, some relaxation, some time to reflect, and to get her shit together and go after #1, her kids. I hope she doesn't die like Marilyn or Diana ... :cry

I was sleeved on Tuesday 11/13! Came home from the hospital yesterday, still felt pretty shitty, but today I started feeling more like me, like a tired, sore version of me, but, still. I keep feeling the urge to burp, but they're not really coming out. I'm excited to be starting my journey. I bought some powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury unflavored Protein powder - hubby has been adding that to everything for me. I still haven't felt the "full" feeling, but I get scared and stop eating after a little bit. I had a half a small mug of chicken broth for bfast. half small mug homemade potato garlic Soup for lunch, same thing for dinner. Small cup of sugar free caramel pudding. And then Crystal Lite. All with Protein Powder added into it to reach about 35-40 grams of protein for the day. He said get to 60, I just don't feel the urge, but I may try for another 5-10 in a little bit. Does this sound about right? My doc, I gotta say, I'm a huge fan of what he did for me, but his personality and everything else = toilet. Not big on the small talk/bedside manner at all. After surgery I didn't see him at all, the next day I breifly saw another doc from his practice that I'd never met before, and then on checkout day he came in, pulled out my drain, told me to make an appointment for 2 weeks, told me I was going home, and left, total of about 2 minutes facetime, 5 if you include pre-op! But, it seems he did a good job, so, I can't complain. I just feel a little bit unsupported by the doc in all this. He didn't tell me what to do, as far as the gauze/bandages on my wounds, if/when I should replace them. He said to eat full liquids until I see him in 2 weeks and follow the paperwork I got on my first visit (back in August) but only because I thought to ask as he was walking out the door. The nurses in the hospital were well informed thankfully, and they said he's like that with everyone. Always seems to be in a rush! Ah well. I'm sleeved, and I didn't want a real clingy doc that wanted to see me all the time anyway! Thank goodness for my online research because I'd be totally lost!!

I'm up in Ventura County, have been banded for 6 1/2 years and would be happy to walk you through this process. In addition to this site you may want to check out Lap Band Support, Lap Band Forums and Information for some information about the process. If you can, bring your family either to an informational seminar withyou or to a surgeon's office visit with you so they can get their questions answered too. Often, they are just worried:crying: about YOU have surgery and express it as being unsupportive when they are really expressing love and concern. I'd love to stay in touch with you. You can email me directly or send me PM's...

Hi, VSG friends!! I know this question has been asked a million times but every one of us has different circumstances! So, here I go, and I apologize for this being kinda long to begin with! My name is Dana and I've been married 12 years to my wonderful hubby! We have 2 gorgeous girls (ages 9 & 6) who I homeschool! We've been trying to have one more baby over the last 5 years, but have been unsuccesful. I have PCOS and have been on fertility meds off and on and every time I take the meds, I gain 10 lbs. So, I started out 5 years ago weighing about 225 lbs and I now weigh 288 lbs. We've decided to leave the fertility drugs alone forever, choosing VSG instead and if we have another baby when I get healthy, we'll be overjoyed.....if I don't get pg, we'll count our blessings and move on! I had a friend ask me the other day if we were still trying to get pg. I paused before I answered her because I just didn't want to tell her about WLS!! So, I told her we weren't trying anymore, but I was going to see a dietician in January (not a lie, I am to meet my pre-op requirements!) and see if I can get some help losing weight. Ok, I don't mind telling people I'm having WLS AFTER I've already had it. It's the before part! My hubby is chairman of our church's deacon body and although our church is loving and supportive, I will be the FIRST person to have VSG or gastric bypass in our whole church, not to mention as a person who holds several leadership positions. I'm not at all sure of what reaction I'm going to get. I KNOW a few people would try to talk me out of it and tell me I just need to pray for more self-control....just a few, but I'd really rather avoid any negativity altogether! Do you agree?? If you were me, would you wait until after to tell? The other issue I have is when to tell our parents. With my in-laws, I'm not worried about them being unsupportive necessarily. They won't be thrilled, but I don't think they'd discourage me. It's more that my MIL worries and when she worries she gets horrible migraines! With my parents, it's a bit stickier. I don't have a good relationship with my parents right now. My mom tried to committ suicide for the second time a year ago and it was then that I finally realized that we've had a co-dependent relationship my whole life. I started setting healthy boundaries, my parents didn't like it, so we only see them on holidays/birthdays now. Their choice, not mine, but I decided a year ago that I would be healthy mentally and this year decided that my body needed to reflect the new health on my insides!! Anyway, what would you do? I was thinking about calling and telling both sets of parents the night before my surgery. I think they'd all be upset if we told them after the fact!! I'm having my sleep study done on January 5th, my diet consult and psych eval on January 12th, then we submit everything to my insurance company and I should have a surgery date in February! I'm so excited and feel so blessed that I have a hubby that is so incredibly supportive. I can't hardly wait to start my new life!!! Thank you to those of you who made it through all that!!

Due to my own screw up, I ended up having to tell my sisters. My mother, my bosses, and two friends are the only ones who know. I choose to keep this a secret. How have you lost weight? Strictly controlled low carb/high Protein eating. Not a lie. I've started/increased my exercise. Not a lie. I would advise you not to tell your mom until you are well on your way in weight loss and past a majority of any off days. She will have less to harp about if you are already down 60 or so pounds. Not being fully truthful sucks, but if that is going to prevent unsupportive behavior, bring it on. You need to be surrounded by support, not criticism.

I am vlogging on youtube. So I thought it would be silly to try and keep it a secret from people in my day to day life. Also, several people in my family have had wls. It's become a very normal part of my life. The more people I talk to about my own surgery, the more I hear that they know one or two people who have also had wls. Someone I know has decided to start their own journey towards wls based off of me being open about my experience. That alone makes all the 'haters' worth it. I completely understand why people choose to keep it to themselves. It's a sensitive topic. And the general public can often be mean, or at least unsupportive. But I am choosing to be open, and so far I don't regret it.

I really need some support right now. This is long, so I apologize in advance. This board was just the best place for me to turn to. I have 2 best friends - I've been friends with both of them for 26 years (since I was 5). One ® is obese, the other (K) has basically been a size 6 or 8 her whole life, and is just trying to lose the last 10 lbs from her pregnancy. My obese friend ® is the one who invited me to attend the lapband seminar with her. Afterwards, with the information, I was much at ease and begin considering it, especially since it was much less dangerous than gastric bypass, and I know at least 5 people who have successfully had gastric. It turned out R's insurance excluded the surgery, but I've been approved and am having it Dec 28th. So far, only my mom, dad, and my friend "R" who invited me to the seminar know that I'm having lapband surgery. Out of the blue today, my skinny friend "K" asked if I ever went to that seminar with "R" and what she thought of it. I told her it wasn't covered under her insurance, and she said "Good" and then started talking about how she didn't think people should have surgery just to lose weight, etc. So I'm sitting here, knowing I'm having it in 3 weeks listening to this (which reaffirmed my decision not to tell her because she obviously won't be supportive). I did make a comment to her that when people have 100-150 lbs to lose, its practically impossible to lose it on your own and keep it off. She said yeah, I've been trying to just lose 10 lbs. To make a long story short, now I am doubting myself. Wondering if I am putting myself at risk of dying "just to lose weight" when I could leave my 15 year old son without a mother. He will be out of town with my father when I have the surgery. He sees his dad, who doesn't even pay child support or attend his birthday parties or sports events, etc 2 days a month. His dad lives a totally different lifestyle - its always been just the two of us (me & my son). I couldn't forgive myself if I elected to do something that caused my son to lose me (even though I guess I would be dead I wouldn't even know). As you can see, my state of mind is not good right now...I don't know why I am letting my friend affect me like this. Now I'm thinking about death. Something that I hadn't really worried about after I saw the video of the actual surgery. I've always had a fear of dying and leaving my son to end up living with his father. It took a lot for me to be strong enough to undergo this surgery. Its not a decision I took lightly. I've had surgery before (cesearean when I had him) and that was much more invasive, and I was up taking care of him the next day, and obviously I lived. I don't know what I'm looking for in writing this post......maybe just letting my fears out, maybe asking if others had the same fear, or dealt with the same situation with a friend. I should be able to tell my best friend that I'm having surgery, but she has always been a very judgemental person. Thanks in advance for any wise words....

Guys, I can empathize with not wanting to comply with the diet, it can be hard. I love me my carbs, the breadier, the better (as you can tell by looking at me). However, I cannot emphasize this enough: do what your doctor tells you to do, to the letter. Do not take the advice of people on the Internet over your doctor. Do not decide that you know better than your doctor. I know it can be frustrating, and we wouldn't be here if we didn't have problems with a healthy diet. But I know from my research as well as my own personal experience that the best outcomes are those who do what the doctor says, even when that's hard. They don't just make this stuff up for fun, I promise. Tiffykins has some info on why the pre-op diet is necessary, and apparently it isn't just about shrinking the liver, it's about making it less "slimy" and slippery and easier to retract during the surgery. Trust me when I say: you don't want to get liver damage just because the pre-op diet seemed too "hard." I'm sorry if I seem a little unsupportive, but this is sort of the "dark side" of medical support groups, in my opinion: you run the risk of people taking the advice of, let's face it, random strangers on the Internet over the advice of trained, experienced medical professionals. This group is great for support and general advice, but please, please, if in doubt, ask your doctor. Edit: re-reading this, it seems a little harsh. I don't mean to disparage anyone; we all have good intentions. It's just that I get worried for people who seem all too willing to be non-compliant with their doctor's orders. That can get you dead.

I am sorry to hear that your partner is not being supportive. He should be your biggest cheerleader and fan, so it must be hurtful when he says those things. You are doing great getting to where you want to be, don't let him stop you from getting there. Hopefully, he will come around, and realize he was acting out of fear, insecurity, or jealousy. If he doesn't come around & continues to make you feel unsupported & says hurtful things, you may need to reevaluate this relationship and/or seek counseling. I hope you have a strong support system of family or friends. Wishing you the best with your weight loss process & hoping you get the support you need from him or elsewhere!💜