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Ah ok so yeah i see the difference in what you were initially intending to get across and my initial response. It is disappointing when your family is unsupportive and/or uncreative. Do they ever at least ask what you'd like to do? Do you have another support system around? They might just need a nudge. I typically spend my time with my friends over family, though my family is overall supportive, I am beyond the age of birthdays with them. Long before my surgery, my immediate family stopped with the typical cake celebration. Now it's usually a text or phone call and a card with some cash lol. I think in your case you'd have to guide your family to do something different if that's what you'd prefer. It's such an ingrained thing that celebrations equals food for a lot of us and they may need some help breaking that pattern at least every once in a while.
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It's normal for people who were part of your unhealthy habits to not like the new changes in your life. That doesn't make you a bad person. It means you're in a different season of your life now, and honestly, they can get onboard and support you or they can move along. Does that seem harsh to some? Sure. But sometimes relationships that were unhealthy, unsupportive, or even toxic can and will fall by the wayside as you become a healthier, happier version of who you used to be. My entire life has been completely overhauled. I'm really active now. I eat extremely healthy. I workout 4-5x per week. I'm pursuing a career that I thought I would never get to do. I shop differently. I look at food differently. I cut out so so many bad habits and had to work really, really hard to retrain my brain to see food as fuel and not as an addiction or drug (yes, food was almost like a drug to me). Because of these changes, I have no tolerance for anything that can derail me and set me back on the path I was on before. Does that rub people the wrong way? Yep. Do I care? Nope. It's my life and I have to live it the best way I can for me.
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Hey we are all in the same boat here... we are all looking this way and trying to change. i am going to put up some body shots right before... most of mine are all upper shots hahahaha... my mother is driving me nuts! she is so unsupportive and negative. everything i mention to her she has a negative response. i am just not even going to mention it anymore.
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Hey Jamie, I am so sorry you are having it rough. We were banded on the same day. I have gone through some rough Patches, but if you have a support group...go to it. I don't go to a support group, but I do use this website. I visit it daily. BTW, you are not rambling on...this is real...you are experiencing some real life issues and this is HARD! Yesterday, I had my worst lap-band experience...no nothing got stuck...I did not PB. Simply, I went to a party and stuffed myself slowly...cheetos, potato chips, almonds, crackers with spinach dip, a hotdog with its bun, I kept getting up and doing this...I knew exactly what I was doing...I was behaving like pre-lap band...I gorged and grazed. I felt so uncomfortable, and while I was doing it, I kept asking myself WTF...but I couldn't stop...but today is a new day, I would like to beat myself up over it, but I know it is counter-productive. Also, it really sucks to have an unsupportive roomie... Keep on fighting...my goal is to be a success...you read on here about the struggles...and I want to be one of those who makes it to goal or pretty damn close... Good Luck
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My first negative reaction
Blund replied to moonshadow2468's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I might email my friend an informative link. We've been friends since 3rd grade when I was a stick & she was chubby. Both of our weights have gone up and down over the years, and now we're both overweight again, and have been for a while. I'm going to keep doing my research (mostly on the "head hunger" issue) and not bring it up to her again unless I have to. Like I said, she's not UNsupportive, just worried, I think. -
Not in that he doesn't want me to have the surgery, but in that he thinks I will fail or quit. He keeps saying, oh you won't do it, you won't go through with it, you can't lose the 5%. :mad2: It's weird because he has been begging me to do surgery to lose weight for years, and now that I want to do it and am excited about it, he all of a sudden is being unsupportive. I have said straight to his face that I want him to encourage me but he won't do it. All he does is point out that I haven't started losing weight yet and I had pizza for dinner, and blah blah blah. Funny thing is that he decided we would have pizza for dinner tonight, but then made sure to bring it up while we were fighting. It almost seems like he did it on purpose. ' I just wish he could say things like I am proud of you for making this decision, for going to your appointments, for trying to change your life, for trying to get healthy so we can have a baby. It hurts inside every time I think about his comments. Also, my surgeon is very very big on making sure we have a support system. I don't have any friends where I live, my parents are 1000 miles away in Florida and my sister is in Japan. Here where I live, he is all I have. So now I have to go into my psych eval and my support group and lie, or else I'm afraid they won't do the surgery. :cursing:
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What's the big deal, it's ONLY 5 pounds...
GoingforGoal replied to GoingforGoal's topic in LAP-BAND Surgery Forums
lol Amber, I am a realist. I don't in any way feel 'unsupported' because they majority of us oldies get it. This was more food for thought for newbies to understand what things you contend w/ when you get to near goal. My hope is to open some minds now so that it doesn't become a big shock when it happens to them -
What to do with an unsupportive spouse?
finallydidit777 posted a topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Got banded on 12/28 after 20+ years of gaining and losing and gaining weight. Was 303 before my liquid diet started three weeks before surgery. I now weight 261 one week after surgery. Everything going fine, trying to buckle down to try to lose and keep off another 40 pounds. Has spouses or other significant folks in your life who know of your band adopted stances that with the band you ought to go back to weighing what you did when you were in college? My spouse feels I should be losing another 50 to 60 pounds with the band, which would make my BMI around 15%. Making me feel like anything less is failure. Has anyone else had this happen? -
I want to be a loser! (Oshkosh, WI)
faybie replied to Red wine lover's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
Welcome Bill, If you are trying to get insurance to pay for it, I would call your insurance company and see what is required by them to pay for the WLS. For example, if they require a dietician interview and sessions and you need a recommendation from your PCP for them, then ask him for that, not necessarily his opinion if you need the surgery or not. IMO, "YOU" are the only one who will be certain if you need the surgery. Skinny people and unsupportive Dr.s are going to tell you to just diet and excersize, hence the call you received from the Dr.'s nurse. You qualify for the surgery with your BMI and sleep apnea, alone, not including your higher percentage of getting Type II diabetes and possibly higher blood pressure. So there is no question that the surgery will benefit you. If you are 100% certain that you are ready to move forward, I think you should approach the Dr. and tell him this is a decision that you have made and you need his recommendation to continue. Good luck. -
I don't want to answer the wrong question, so forgive but are you looking for the perspectives of SUPPORTIVE bandsters who have UNSUPPORTIVE spouses? Or the perspective of UNSUPPORTIVE spouses who have banded SOs? Or something else? :help:
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Why Do People Not Get Excited!
KatieOkieDokie replied to starsleeve's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
When I started talking about having WLS, and looking into options the only two people I told I was my mom, and my best friend who happens to be my cousin. They both support me greatly! My cousin had WLS about a year ago and has lost over 100lbs, she says that it's the best "grown up" decision she has ever made! My mom worries that if something isn't done, I may not make it past 40 years old, and I will suffer physically due to my weight, so wants the best for me, and she wants to see me healthy, and happy! I have since told the rest of my family and a good friend who all stand behind me and support me, and hopes and prays I will be able to be approved for the surgery! I have had an abundance of support! However, I am not telling someone who I have considered my very best friend for the last five years, because I KNOW that really he doesn't care. He won't support me, and he won't be unsupportive, just uncaring (if it doesn't effect him personally he really doesn't care). So I am not telling him at all, even when the weight starts coming off! I know it really hurts and is bothersome when you are doing something that's going to benefit you, and make you more healthy, and give you life! You are happy, and you want others to feel the same way, and when you tell them and they don't react the same way you feel, it just hurts! That's why it's great that there are sites like this, where you can get support, and positive feed back from people who understand, and KNOW what we are going through! -
Is Necesary To Have Some1 Around You?
mizzlaw replied to number 7's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
I am a strong independent female, my husband was very unsupportive, my mother along with a nanny helped me. you have no idea how absolutely necessary it is to have someone the days following surgery, let me tell you i have high tolerance or pain but this pain was the worst i have ever experienced in my life. Good luck. -
I have not had surgery yet...I actually just had my first consultation this morning. I'm just wondering if everyone who has had(or will have) gastric bypass has told their friends and family? And do you regret the decision you made about telling or not telling? Has anyone you've told been unsupportive?
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Getting Push-back from my kids...need help
TXMissy replied to phazer08's topic in Gastric Bypass Surgery Forums
So I completely understand. My husband was very unsure of where to stand. My mom has and still is the biggest obstacle. She is very unsupportive. She doesn't understand the struggle I have been through my whole life. Often telling me how bad my breathing was or asking what size I was in now. Knowing that my cholesterol was cobstantly increasing, my np rising, my sugar at nearly diabetic levels, my thyroid not producing, etc. seeing the weight fall off I think she is starting to come around we shall see. My cousin. Where do I start. Perhaps my toughest critic. She is a body figure champ. Much like a body builder. She didn't want me to have surgery at all. She has given me Protein shakes, Vitamins, diets, exercise plans and meal plans. I have done them all, sometimes gaining weight. I've been accused of not trying from her. She has been a perfect size 0 her entire life. She doesn't know the struggle at all. I just steer away from her because her comments have really killed me. My coworkers have been my biggest fans. I didn't expect it. They are constantly checking to make sure I'm drinking my Water, that I am moving (walking, getting up to file) and making sure that I am feeling good. One of my coworkers probably needs the surgery more than I did. She perhaps has built the strongest relationship through this. Hitting every little milestone she sees as a victory. They are all telling me how great I look. Asking how I feel. I love it. I think the biggest part of my journey is having a support system, I don't know if I would have made through the first few weeks had I not had my coworkers. They have become more like sisters to me. My husband is coming around. I'm very impressed that it has motivated him as well. He has put down the dr. Pepper, cut back on his eating, even started walking with me. He has had positive results. I would definitely find a local support group. Attend the meetings, I think you will find you are not alone. -
anyone being sleeved march 13 at mi doctor?
xaviergirl06 replied to lotti's topic in Mexico & Self-Pay Weight Loss Surgery
Thank you so much for the info! My famiy is extermely unsupportive of me and are still trying to convince me not to go and just find a doc in the US. But no one is willing to pay for the extra thousands it will cost me to have surgery in the states. I just can't afford to pay a lot more being a single mom. They are really discouraging me and my mom is even going so far as to say that she won't keep my daughter while I am gone. No one else can keep her...she knows this. its really making me sad at this point. they will definitely -
So am I. Myn is the 10th. My husband and family are so against it and unsupportive. But I do not care. It is my choice.
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Well, for me it isn't noticing. I'm an event planner (among other things) and support about 160 people. I don't see most of these people more than once a year. Heck, I don't recognize most of them we see each other so infrequently! So they definitely wouldn't be the type to notice a change in my eating habits. I'm slowly telling friends about my decision, but I think I will refrain from coworkers unless asked directly. I'm coming around to the fact that this is a tool and just like using a crutch isn't shameful, getting this surgery isn't either. Unfortunately, I've had a few people with really unsupportive reactions. I'd rather not have to deal with that at work too!
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Hi Bigdog, Welcome! I'm sorry, I dont know what PE is, but as far as your dad being unsupportive, I'm sorry. He probably doesn't understand what you are going through, and how safe the band is. You can try to educate him, but if he doesn't come 'round, just remember, its your body and your life! I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make.
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Surgery Scheduled 3/15...Extremely Nervous!
xaviergirl06 posted a topic in Mexico & Self-Pay Weight Loss Surgery
So I've been reading posts on this forum for months now and am just getting around to setting up an account. I am currently scheduled for surgery on March 15th with Drs. Cabrera and Valenzuela at Mi Doctor Hospital in Tijuana, MX through Mexico Bariatrics. I am mostly nervous right now because I am planning to travel alone and it doesn't help that I have a pretty unsupportive family. My mother has told me I'm selfish for not thinking about the fact that I could die from having this surgery and my beautiful 22 mth old baby girl would have to grow up without her mother (I'm a single mother). My dad has told me I just need to exercise and that weight loss surgery is crazy and the easy way out. My sister doesnt think it makes sense for me to go to Mexico for surgery and especially not by myself but I don't have much of a choice. No one is available to go with me and my insurance will not cover it in the states. At this point, I really just need a bit of encouragement, guidance, prayers, a buddy, something! What should I pack? Has anyone had surgery with these docs? Any complications? I'm planning to travel in on Thursday. Scheduled for surgery on Friday. Return home on Monday. Back to work on Wednesday. Is that enough time? I can't take off work any longer than that right now. Will I be able to hug/lift my daughter after surgery? What is post op recovery like? Anything in particular I need to be prepared for traveling alone....this is my first time ever going out of the country. \ -
I can't say this is my 'surgery story' as I have not had my surgery yet, however this is my story. Whenever someone told me they were having weight loss surgery done, I felt compelled to talk them out of it. I felt it was my duty to do so. See, my father died after having a gastric bypass in 1982. He was only 31. He had broken his arm after a fall at work, and he was told he needed to lose weight to prevent another accident. Given the devastating impact his death had on our lives, I felt I had a righteous mandate to preach the dangers of weight loss surgery. DOOM. DISASTER. DEATH. Yeah, needless to say I was judgmental and unsupportive to people I knew who sought this treatment. As an interesting turn of events, my mother--the woman who lost her husband in 1982, underwent a gastric sleeve a few years ago. The night before her surgery I let her have it. Blamed this on her trying to impress her boyfriend. Gave her a guilt trip--heck, I gave her the guilt all-inclusive grand tour. But, oh, how I was wrong! The first time my children saw her after the surgery (a few months later), they did not recognize their own grandmother. I hardly did. Her sleep apnea (her snoring was the stuff of legend) is practically gone. She more active in her 60s than she ever was when we were growing up. Now that my cholesterol, apnea, higher blood pressure and my weight are worsening, I have done more research, seen friends have remarkable success with this option and have decided this is an option for me. And when I read some of the stories on this forum of family not being supportive, I wince. That was me. Now I'm looking at the world with new eyes. I'm seeing how food regulates our lives, the worst of it is everywhere. Just this weekend it really hit home how long we have to sit through too many commercials for coke, popcorn and M & Ms at the movies. I'm seeing that obesity IS a disease, and I need a better weapon to fight it. My surgery is in early December. I'm ready to get started. Here's to optimism, strength and tenacity to all!
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Hello! Family knows more than Dr's!
splitswitch posted a topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
Hi everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself to this forum. I just got back from my Seminar, and had a private consultation with UC Davis Bariatrics center. And as I have known all along I qualify for WLS, with the Co-morbidies I've struggled with for years. HBP I'm on 3 medications, I have sleep apnea and GERD. Like all of us I've attempted diet and exercise with moderate success, even spent a year on phentermine (speed as they should call it) felt like a tweaker.. Anyways weight came back more and more. So I agree with the Staff, I'm ready for a permanent change in my ways of eating, and I'm ready to make the sacrifices needed in exchange for a longer time stay on this earth. Problem is I'm all alone. My Wife and I cannot even attempt to approach talking about this with out turning into a screaming match. She refuses to read any literature. She's of the opinion that I'm "being a pussy" and that I am taking the easy way out. My mother who because she copies "medical records" she qualifies herself as a health care professional. Who seems to think living with HBP and sleep apnea is better that this "risky" surgery.. I'll admit that I do not have as much to loose as others. My BMI is 36.. I'm 5'7 and 233 lbs today.. But it climbs every month. I am also "young" according to my family approaching 40, but I am the only one that takes 5 pills a day everyday. My wife and family are of all a healthy weight. It's amazing the people that have the best diet and exercise advice, eat the same as you do, and ride the couch the same time you do and never gain a pound. Sorry for being long winded, I'm just trying to vent here, and maybe get some words of advice from people that have been through this with unsupportive people in your corner. I know I'm doing this for ME. I told my Wife I'd like to be doing this for her too and our Son. But I'm not backing down., I'm all aboard.. Just hope this won't damage my marriage.. -
Hey Gojo! We all understand why you're having the surgery, we have the same reasons! Unfortunately, there's a stigma against wls and those who've never had weight issues really don't understand. Not too many people knew I was getting it done before I got it done. My husband was unsupportive and I just didn't talk to him about it. I knew this is what I had to do and he wasn't going to talk me out of it. He's 1000% supportive now. My aunt tried to spew her negativity behind my back but my dad shut her down quick! You're doing this for you and no one else! This is a great place for support and we understand what you're going through! Good luck!
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Dr. consult & now confused
musicalmomma replied to DeV's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
I agree with the others. I'd start looking for a band friendly doc. The last thing you want is an unsupportive surgeon!! best of luck to you -
I want this thing out of my body...
samomom replied to jenn90808's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
The horrible taste in your mouth is most likely a good sign believe it or not. If you are buring fat and Protein instead of carbs, your body is in a state of strong ketosis. That means your kidneys are giving off acetone as a byproduct of fat burning. It's gross and I still have it almost daily 4 weeks post op, but I am down 14 pounds as well. Sorry about the unsupportive husband. As payback when you are a skinny hot looking woman, go shopping and spend thousands on new clothes and give him the receipts! Melissa -
Yesterday I had the first visit with my doc to discuss the LapBand... much to my surprise, she seemed very unenthused about the whole thing. She said she has had a few patients with the lapband and they are doing very well, but was very... I don't know, unsupportive I guess, though she said "yes, I think the time is coming that you need to do something" I'm wondering if that is because of the whole 6 months supervised diet thing that my insurance requires, she was sorta "well... we've never run into an insurance company that requires that before, most doctors are too busy for that". So now what? She gave me the number for the hospital near here (still an hour and a half away) that does the surgery so that I can attend a seminiar, but what good is it going to do me if my doctor doesn't have the time? I'm in a very rural area and doctors here are pretty few and far between... so I don't know what to do...
