justrite8142

do u c a descent body ....do u c a girl that isnt fat anymore...do u c a girl that every guy wants to date now...do u c a girl that can shop at the skinny people stores now...do u c the muscle i've achieved from lifting weights...do u c the abscence of a hanging stomach bcuz i've had a tummy tuck...do u c the loose skin inbetween my thighs that i'm disgusing by the way i'm posed...do u c a girl that almost died for this body...do u c a girl that vomits if she eats too much...do u a girl that took laxatives until should could hardly walk her insides hurt so bad...do u c a girl thats lonely bcuz now most men think she will cheat...do u c a girl that would pass out in front of her child from dehydration and mal-nutrition..do u c a lap-band success...do u c my pain...do c my struggles...do u c what i've put my mind and body thru to get here...do u c the past abuse i've suffered from society...PLEASE SEE IT ALL...i love my band...but i wish i would've seen it all...so i would've been more prepared to handle ALL THE CHANGES...

when i see my before pictures...i cringe...when i see "her" and "her" side by side...its almost unbelieveable to me...who are these people?????? ooooo....yeah...its me...its you carolann...i look at the pain in the over-weight girlz eyez...and tell "her" (me) your okay...its all right...we (i) made it through the storm; when i see the thin-girl...i tell her (i)...relax...calm down...your a girl that lost a lot of weight and you put ur pants on 1 leg at a time...i tell me...these girls have been through a lot...the over-weight girl and the thin girl...they were both hurt at some point....the over-weight girl had her reasons for becoming over-weight...the thin girl had her reasons for taking laxatives...we (i) will be okay...once you two (me) heal and become 1...we (i) will be a strong force....:-)...my point??? become 1 before this surgery...be 1 whole person...do not let this surgery divide you...the fight within is horrible.... 50.bmp

for awhile...i started to hate my band...after all i went thru...i honestly was considering having it removed...it wasnt the bandz fault...i was looking to place blame...the only one to blame is myself for not seeking help b4 i under went weight loss surgery to resolve my issues and for letting myself get so out of control...now that i'm starting to heal and live life by choices...consequences and well-thought out decisions...not to mention loving and caring about myself...i am grateful to have had this surgery....without it and all these feelings coming to a boil...whos knows where i would be....

i haven't alwayz lost weight the healthy way...but i can say this from the day i had my surgery....2 almost 2 years post-op i immediately changed my lifestyle...its not what i ate and how i exercised...it was a whole change of lifestyle i made...i made the choice to eat heathly and exercise...which i continue to do ...to this day...i see a lot of people using the word "diet" on here..."dietz" failed all of us...thats y we r here...i see a lot of people asking "what they should eat"...i won't give u a list of foods...i will suggest u eat healthy though...and i strongly suggest u get use to an exercise routine...that u can stick with for a lifetime...i would personally stop reffering to this surgery as a diet...and reffer to it as a lifetime tool to aid u with the lifestyle changes...u...urself...personally have to make and stick with...again thatz my advice...now lap on...:-)

for those that don't know me...i had my surgery on 10/06/2008...i started at 296...i'm down to 165...have gotten my weight down to 152 in a very un-healthy way..165 is my bodies happy weight...around that time of the month i may go to 168..some weeks i'm in the low 160's...i lost 136 pounds in 11 months...and have had a mini tummy tuck...the muscles that are shown in my pics are not from plastic surgery...a tummy tuck does not shape ur abs...an arm tuck...does not give u muscle...any type of leg tuck...doesnt build muscle as well...for those that do know me...where have i been???????...here is a letter i wrote my dad this morning: i'm going to call u soon...i just wanted to tell u how i've been feeling...i'm lost...i was miserable fat and now i'm miserable thin..i've become selfish...self-centered...angry...and i have a huge chip on my shoulder...and yes...i'm still a good mom and take care of ty that will never change...itz my fault and i take responsibility for letting my image get to my head...i've been on both sides of the fence and at this point i don't know which is worse...i want to b in the middle...but i can't find it...i went from the bottom 2 the top quickly...almost like becoming famous...i don't hate my body...in the begining i did it to please society...now i enjoy eating healthy...exercising and i've taken up weight lifting as a hobby...but i hate the attention...i hate being pretty..on the weekendz i go out without makeup on and wear a hat to cover my face...its non-stop...men look at like their hungry...i don't show my body off anywhere...i don't know who to trust..i dont know who likes me 4 me...i was dating an ex-professional athlete...i was in the spotlight...i loved it...now i'm suffering the consequences of being in the spot-light...i'm not use to the attention...didn't know how to handle it...still don't ....so now i just hide from it...i completely seperated my self from "her"....(the fat girl)...i killed "her"....i hated "her"...i am "her"...i am building a relationship with her...i have to learn to love her...because her is me...i'm just in a smaller body...i pushed every1 away...it was my turn...i was the super bad beauty...went thru an aneroxic/belimic stage...over exercised myself...started taking laxatives...never threw up on purpose...took so many laxatives my intestines burned...i was gray...i looked like death...i was killing myself to b thin...i stopped...that was selfish to do to ty...to jeporadize my life to b thin...i almost feel like these r surgicial eating disorders...even if u take care of urself and don't over do it like i did...ur not healthy...ur mal-nourished......the doctors tell u its normal to lose ur hair...its normal to throw up if u eat too fast...dont chew well enuff...or drink after u eat...does that sound normal to u???yes those r side effects...but those aren't nomal eating habits...if i don't take iron pills...my legs bruise...like i've been in a car accident...there is a trade-off...fat and unhealthy...thin and unhealthy..society is cruel and its real cruel to fat girls/women...i've lost friends...bcuz i've become a threat..its hard for me to date...bcuz its assumed i'm going to cheat..so far this has been a lose-lose situation 4 me...do i regret it...no ....do i regret how i handled the change and attention...yes..do i take full responsibility for the monster i've become...yes...do i want to go back to being un-known...yes...am i taking steps to do so...yes...i haven't lost being responsible..but i lost my mind to an extent...i've been offered clothes...shoes...credit cards...vacations the whole 9 for a piece of ass...i never have and never will trade myself for sex...that is disgusting in my opinion..i don't sleep around at all...right now i'm broken hearted over the athelete...don't know if he liked my person or the way i looked...i became shallow too...i would only date the best looking dudes with the nicest bodies...but when i do start to date again...i'm going to look at the person...i want my person looked at...i'm not a bad person...just a lost person...my surgery got exposed in a cruel way...i kept it a secret...i wouldnt tell the guy i was dating what the scars were from...why he never saw me eat...u really can't tell from my body anymore...i lift a lot...and i'm muscular now...the body for me was easy to fix...the mind has been a struggle...

i live in los angeles; ca....san fernando valley...i was listening to the radio...and a 1 800 get-thin advertisement came on...at the end of the commercial...the announcer said "hurry...hurry due to health care reform the lap-band will soon not b covered by insurance"...it sounded funny...hurry hurry...get ur popcorn...get ur p-nuts...get ur lap-band...lol...have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol...at ny legend...yes regular creamy p-nut butter...swallow a tablespoon...or as much as u can swallow without getting stuck...the pnut butter is thick and takes awhile to leave the pouch...whatever u eat after the pnut butter will lay on top and take even longer to go thru the pouch...and it is normal after a fill not to feel the restriction for a few weeks...until then swallow pnut butter b4 ur regular meal...

do u like pnut butter?????? if so; eat a tablespoon of pnut butter and then ur meal...its a trick :-)

just an update for those that have been following my story...i went for my assesment this weekend...the doctor checked my hair...skin ...nail...esphogaus (sp)...teeth..and anal for damage...i have not done any internal damage...my hair is weak... i got an iron shot..my toe nails did fall off and my skin is getting better...she was amazed at how many doctors have failed me...i don't place blame on them...i wasn't telling them the truth...i was even prescribed laxatives by my doctor (not the band surgeon) when the over the counter laxatives just weren't strong enuff...i have an idividual counsler and i go to 2 support groups...i go to a support group for over-eaters...they feel the over-weight girl needs to b healed and figure out why she over-ate in the 1st place...they r taking me back in time...they r bringing "her" back to the surface...when i walk in2 those meetings...the ladies...look at me look...huh???...what is she doing in here??? they just see my thin shell...they don't c the girl that lives inside this body...i was asked by one of the girls if i was there to motivate everyone...i said "no...don't b fooled by what u c...i haven't always looked like this"...i exercised with an over-weight woman...when we were finished i held her and cried...she probably thinks i'm crazy....but it was me i was holding...then i go to support meetings with under-weight ladies...they r much more angry...mad that they r there...most of them are not there by choice...in denial and not very friendly...the staff and my counsler r going to treat the over-eater and the bulimec/aneroxic...then they r going to merge them...how long will it take...i don't know...how hard will it b...i don't know...all i know is i'm going to get better...i've received so many messages from all of u in supportive of my well-being and recovery...thank u all so much... She never mentions the word addiction...In certain company...Oh yeah, there a smile when the pain comes..The pain gonna make everything alright...Says she talks to angels...Says they all know her name...Oh yeah, she talks to angels,...Says they call her out by her name

(1)...if you follow the post-op instructions for the first 4-6 weeks (i 4got who long it is...lol) from ur surgeon u will lose weight with the lap band (2)...if you exercise with the lap-band u will lose weight (3)...if u watch ur calorie intake with the lap band u will lose weight (4)...if u eat smaller portions with the lap-band u will lose weight (5)...if u choose to change ur eating habits after surgery u will maintain ur weight with the lap-band (6)...if u stick to an exercise routine u will maintain ur weight with the lap-band (7)...if u had bills to pay b4 ur surgery...u will have bills to pay after surgery (8)...u will be able to shop at the "skinny stores" after u lose weight (9)...if u had problems with ur relationship b4 ur surgery...u will have problems in ur relationship after surgery (10)..if u had body image issues as an over-weight person...u will have body image issues as a thin person

more then happy 2...inbox me ur e-mail address and i will send them to u

if ur interested i can show u want my tummy looked like b4 plastic surgery...my private is exposed...but if ur not offened...i'm not either...lol

unfortunately...there is not any exercise that will get rid of a hanging belly...believe me...i'm the ultimate gym rat...on the bright side...ur insurance my cover a panniculectomy..which i had...along with a mini tuck...a mini tuck is not covered by insurance...the panni alone..will get rid of the hanging skin...but will not tighten ur stomach...u will have to do that urself...i'm very pleased with the way my stomach is forming..i do crunches and sit-ups...and i'm forming my lil six pack...:-)

****oooppppssss due to health care reform*****

thank u for ur support and understanding...last nite i ate an extra cup of chili and some cherrios...i had to fight the urge not to take a laxative this morning...i was starting to change my mind about going in2 treatment..i've already told my counsler what i'm NOT going to do....hahahahahaha....i can dream on...when i got the urge to take laxatives in fear of gaining weight...i told myself no u have to go...even though u didn't...u need to give up the fight...