donnapie

Being Fat is a struggle that i've always had my entire life... Having been born to a family whose genes on my fathers side  tend to produce brusque, tall, overly beefy men with an average height of 6'0'' and around 250 lbs, weight had never been an issue at all in my family... Not even when i was born topping 9 lbs to my then teenaged mother which only triggered a surprised "SHE'S BIG" to everyone who's seen me but after all of that,  life went on and it seemed pretty ordinary...After all, what can one expect from a daughter who was born to a father who was distinctly separated from his brother by weight descriptions nonetheless... My uncle being Danny PAYAT (Skinny) and my dad, Dan Taba (FAT) because of the difference in their body structure, one can only deduce that the weight i was born with was just about normal as i was my fathers daughter... I have never felt different from anyone growing up... Although i do know that i was spoilt and pampered by my grandmother being the only first born granddaughter to bits and pieces when i was young and that pampering most of the time equals to treats like candies and fast food or anything that i'd want to eat under the sun... Being bigger than anyone else had never been a cause for concern for me because modesty aside, everyone thought that i was pretty darned cute and that my face more than made up for it... Until i reached 200 lbs when i was 11 and in Grade six... i don't know if it was that the teasing got crueler or that i just became more conscious of myself but slowly, i started shedding the pounds... For the first time in my life after fourteen years, i was down to about 128 lbs... Still chubby but normal by anybody else's standard and i've never felt better... I went to college... did normal things that college girls do, had my share of boyfriends, met the love of my life and had my first job but then the pounds that i shook off slowly started piling on again around 2000 and this time it held on stubbornly and did not seem as if it's going away... I tried every kind of diet... every kind of pill... in 2005 i even went to the gym five times a week for 3 hours a day and lost 70 lbs succesfully after six months but then after a year i gained 140... it was literally a BATTLE OF THE BULGE and one that it seemed like it's not determined to let me win this time around... Aestethically, i've always been confident of myself... My size was never an issue with me as i am the type of person who could not care less what anyone else would think as long as my loved ones accept me... After all, despite the weight, i've always made sure to make a conscious effort with the way i look by making up for the weight elsewhere... Whether with my make up or my hair or the clothes i wear, i had that belief that Sexy is the way you carry yourself and that a girl of any size can still be beautiful if she sets her mind to it...But then 2 years ago, i can't turn my back on the problem anymore... I was forced to face the issue head on because at 33, i felt that the life ahead of me is slowly dwindling away right before my very eyes... My asthma which i had since birth but which had been fairly manageable when i lost weight started acting up almost everyday...my blood pressure spiked up to 180/100 and seesawed in between that rate and my sugar levels are slowly going off the charts and all these while i was watching my father undergo his kidney dialysis because of the same diseases at 50... But that's not the saddest part at all... i think what really pushed me to do the surgery was during the stage when i felt that my life was not a life LIVED at all... I love travelling and going to the mall to shop and i can't even enjoy those simple things anymore... Even a walk to my apartments front door made me short of breath and the pain in my back, ankles and knees prevented me from standing more than a minute at a time that i even have to sit while taking a bath... I slowly distanced myself from friends and officemates as they invite me for Saturday night outs sensing that i'd only be a burden as they can't walk or enjoy as much as they want to if i'm with them as i can't walk long periods or long distances... The things that my boyfriend and i used to do together like cheering for his home team in the local school basketball competitions slowly became a solo activity that only he can attend... it was then that i decided that i have to do something about it...Lap band was something introduced to me by my mother during my last visit to her in the States last December 2007... Seeing how much i've grown bigger from the last time we saw each other broke her heart and i was even much smaller then (around 300 lbs)... It was an option that i put at the back of my mind but did not seriously consider as i already went to see my endocrinologist that year and he also suggested the same thing but then got stuck with clearanaces so i put it off to take the plunge again this year... I am just grateful that i work for a supportive company and that my boss is very understanding of my plight... I don't think i can also do it without her consent as getting the clearances takes so much time and effort and i'm just glad she gave me the time off to do all these and recover...Now, it's only been 5 days post op and i've never felt better... The change comes gradually but you definitely feel it... There's a lighter spring in my step... i breathe more freely... Food does not consume all my idle thoughts anymore but rather the love and support of my friends and family and i just hope it continues...I know i am a long way from being better but i am happy and hopeful with the thought of getting there... I am overwhelmed with how everyone seems to be happy for me and yes i am DEFINITELY MUCH happier too... Word of caution though... This surgery is not for everyone... You have to have the right mindset before you have it as it is not a FIX all solution to your weight problems... You have to accept yourself freely and determine that a change is needed before i suggest that you go through it as life as you know it would never be the same... Your relationship with food also has to change and if you're not at that stage yet then i suggest wait a while and see your therapist before taking the plunge...As for me, i am just sooooo excited about the days to come... My small wish right now is that in the months to come i'd be able to spend a day comfortably with my loved one at the mall, window shopping, watching a movie and not even once sitting down because something hurts...  The moment that i'm able to do that, i think i can definitely validate that THIS surgery is a decision well made...