aprilalison

Thanks to all of you for the kindness you've shown me. I appreciate all of you so very much.

I'd heard prior to having surgery that Lap-Banders have a higher rate of divorce than normal. The person losing weight becomes more confident and strong and able to make choices they'd been afraid to in their "prior" life. I was prepared for that and was not worried because I was totally in love with my husband (and truthfully still am). I've lost over 100 lbs in the last year and a half, during which my husband had his first and only severe bout of depression. I've tried to be understanding, loving, non-judgmental, encouraging, etc. I tried to be there every time he needed me and backed off when he didn't. I talked him down many times when he didn't see any point in moving on. He started volunteering working with animals to begin his bridge back to working (has been out of work for nearly 2 years). His lack of employment has been due to his emotional state, not due to lack of skill or opportunity. I've never once shown disapproval or asked anything of him, except to make the effort to get better. I've held his hand through drug abuse, self-medication with alcohol, public embarassment and more. I've never waivered in my support or unconditional love of him. He said recently, I was "an ideal wife". He says that I did everything a husband could ask for and more. So, imagine my confusion when I found out that my 42-year-old heavy and bald husband was not just sleeping with a college-aged girl, but exchanging "I love yous" with each other. I'm 35. He squashed any chances of us trying to work things out by faking "break ups" with her and resorting to name-calling and alcohol-induced rants where he displayed his inability for fidelity. I've never once, through this whole devastating process, raised my voice much less yelled at him or called him names. Someone explained that the non-Lap-Banded partner can feel insecure in their relationship and turn elsewhere for attention to validate their insecurity. I tried to be cognizant of this by telling him daily something I found attractive about him. I made sure that I let him know that he was often on my mind. I often made sacrifices for us financially (sewing my clothes instead of getting new ones as I lost weight, clipping coupons, etc) so he could have his comfort items - pipe tobacco, gummy bears and the like. So, I have to wonder, if I'd never had a Lap-Band, if I'd never lost the weight, would he have remained faithful? Was my losing weight the catalyst that drove him into the arms of another? I know he regrets his decisions and wishes he could take them back, but I also know he's not willing (or unable) to change that behavior and I won't continue to allow myself to live in a situation where I'm reminded daily of his girlfriend. He has many faults, as do I, and I have loved him just as much with those faults as I would have were he "perfect". I wish I could get to the point where I'm angry, but my heart is struggling to let go and move on. I feel like, while I look much better having lost weight, it's mostly with clothes ON. Clothes off in front of a long mirror serves as a reminder as to how I abused my body with inappropriate eating habits for so long. How can one expect to find another person who is willing to look past the skin that looks melted and saggy? Has anyone else experienced this situation and if so, how did you get through it? Sometimes I feel as though I'm at a breaking point and that my future looks pretty bleak. Thanks for any advice. And I know God is watching over me and he'll see me through, give me strength, etc.(my mother reminds me daily), but sometimes when it's quiet, I hear nothing and the silence is unbearable.

@juicy - Lap Band is not a miracle. It doesn't let you consume a large amount of calories and still lose weight. It does, however, with proper maintenance, give you a tool to use to make it easier. For example, take my brother and I. We both come from the same genes, same family growing up, same influences, same diet. As of 2 years ago, we were both obese. I, however, opted for Lap-Band surgery and have used it to the best of my ability. If my brother were to have a Lap-Band put in now, he wouldn't lose much, if any, weight. He is not one who is ready to make a real change. He'll keep drinking his milkshakes and ice cream and beer and cheesecake. On the flip side, I haven't had Haagen Dazs in a year and a half, same with soda. If I continued to eat and drink the way I did before, I'd remain the same weight. Now, I opt for grilled chicken breast with sauce & dressing on the side at Buffalo Wild Wings instead of breaded boneless drenched in garlic parmesan and bleu cheese dressing. A lot of it is about choices. A gal I work with hasn't changed her diet, doesn't get her band filled and complains that now she burps a lot (she drinks soda exclusively). I would not recommend Lap-Band for anyone who is not ready to make a true effort at changing their life. I tried for over a decade to lose my weight on my own and thankfully, a year and a half later, I am over 100 lbs lighter and have gone from a size 28 pants to a solid 14. Barring some type of medical condition, it really is a calories game. Guaranteed if you're 300 lbs and you're only eating 1200 calories a day (even if you're a couch potato all day), you WILL lose weight. However, if you only eat one meal and it's a 3500 calorie meal, it's gonna be tough to lose that weight. Also, make sure you're getting enough protein. The weight will come off much easier if you make your calories work for YOU. You'll learn more about your body as you go along. I know that mine is fond of eating very late in the evening, but if I do, I pay for it on the scale. Make SURE to keep going to see your doc until you see results. I guess one big question is... do you FEEL restricted? Are there things you have difficulty eating or does it feel like before the surgery where you're ravenous? I wonder if you have a leak or a placement problem. That's a lot of fluid to feel no or little restriction. Good luck!

I echo the sentiments of some of the other folks here. No KFC. Try some scrambled eggs or cottage cheese. They're still soft foods, but filling... especially the eggs. Great protein too. You need to start slowly introducing the foods to find your tolerance level. Once you dive in and devour a food that gets stuck the first time, you will regret having shoveled it in. Take your time. Find soft, filling foods and drink a lot of fluid. Good luck!

I am officially a member of the 100# losers club as of today - as of 10 minutes ago! HOLY MOLY!

I would assert that it's from 2 days if your surgery went really well and you're pretty tough or 2 months if you're on the opposite end of the spectrum. I work a desk job too and I had surgery on a Wednesday and was back to work the following Monday. I took only Thurs & Fri off, along with the weekend. One thing that will help, if you have your own space, is to bring a pillow with you and have it to support your belly. That was the worst part for me - I felt like my guts wanted to come out while walking around the house, but holding the pillow close gave me the extra support and comfort I needed.

Yep, we all have that feeling - we were all overeaters before-hand and a lot of us find comfort from food. Funny enough, yesterday we had veggie soup and my husband sliced some French bread thin and baked it with some Provolone on top. I took one small bite of the bread and realized nope - that's not going to sit well. I looked at him and said, "You have no idea how much I want to cram that piece of bread in my mouth and enjoy every calorie of it." It just isn't gonna happen. I know the old adage of "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels", but that's hard to reconcile in my mind - it's apples and oranges to me. However... I find the more time that comes between myself and a specific food, the less I crave it. Example: we had a bag of bugles in the house a few months ago. I had a few and my God they were good. I ended up eating more and buying more and eating more. The more I gave in, the more I wanted it. I'm the same with ice cream or McDonalds. I finally have to stop cold turkey because I can't wean - if I eat a little, I want more. Once you get over the hump of cravings, it's not as bad on the flip side. It's something we'll all likely struggle with for most of our lives. It's why we don't do so well when left to our own willpower. Don't beat yourself up over it - celebrate each victory but don't mourn your losses too badly.