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khunt719
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Blog Entries posted by khunt719
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I get on kicks where I will eat something for a while and then the urge will pass. Well yesterday I started my shrimp cocktail kick. I had 8 shrimp in the morning and within an hour I was so blocked it wasn't even funny. My stomach felt like it was going to explode, there was this fullness and pressure and sharp pain that I had to keep moving my jeans so they didn't rest on that spot. It took 6 hours like this before I called the doctor and he said as long as I wasn't throwing up and could get liquid down I was ok. This was so painful. It is the next morning now and I still feel pressure, have no desire to eat anything and hope that this passes soon too. This was the worst I have ever felt since surgery, even having surgery wasn't that bad. So the doctor said no more shrimp. boo hoo
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I had surgery 9-28-09, I was 270 lbs, 240 surgery date, and 226 today. My surgery without any major complications. Had it and went home the same day, was back at work in 2 days after that. No one knows about me having surgery but my family. My mother had the band placed in Mexico and lost 140 lbs in a year and 1/2. So I thought you just get the band and eat what you want and still lose, that is what she did. So that is what I did. I would eat what I wanted, how much I wanted, and when I wanted. There was no reason for what I was doing, I just wasn't educated on how the band works like I should have been. So I bought some books on weight loss surgery and life after and had a breakthrought. March came, I gained 4 lbs and figured the fills weren't working something has to change. I go to the dietician and she tells me how to eat and the amounts to eat. Boy was I eating too much and all the wrong foods. I decide that day to change my ways. I lost 10 lbs the first month and 5 lbs last month so I know the changes have been working. I sometimes go out on a limb and eat too much or too high of fat foods, like nuts...I love nuts. It is like I am fighting my worse enemy everyday (food). I wake up every morning have my 6 cups of coffee and take my pills. Then have a protein shake or something like cottage cheese or boiled shrimp for breakfast. This gets me to lunch. I eat my protein or drink my shake and that gets me to dinner so I know the band is working. Dinner is my worst time ever. It is so hard not to just start eating and grazing all night. I just don't feel like the band is working to it's full potential. I go for fills every month and was supposed to be at 9cc's in a 10cc band. The doctor pulled out 7 cc's. What a disappointment that was. Well that is a little about me and my story of getting the band. I will keep you updated.
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Last night was a bad night to be fighting the demons, I call them demons because they go inside my head and tell me things like I'm not good enough or I'm not losing enough. It is a constant battle with them. Whenever I become positive about the surgery, they seem to come from out of nowhere and start with me. It is a tug-a-war between me feeling good about myself and me feeling depressed, I can't seem to get past this no matter how much weight I lose. It just isn't coming off fast enough. It's like I want to lose it over night but I know that won't happen. I look in the mirror and get so sick of what I see...the big belly, the rolls, the saggy skin. How could anyone love me like this? Good thing we have clothes to cover our bodies up. I don't know how to get rid of the demons, I used to cut myself to relieve the pain I felt inside but with the help of medication I don't have that urge anymore. I just need to find a way to keep them from coming back. My head hurts and I feel overwhelmed with emotions when this happens. If any one else feels this way, let me know what works for you.
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I don't know why but the scale just isn't moving fast enough for me. I woke up this morning and weighed in at 227.5. I have to be 226 by Tuesday and that is where I was last time I went for my fill. I was so hungry last night I ate a hot dog and a can of pea's. I sometimes can eat alot and then other times not eat hardly at all, so what gives there? yesterday we went to get our award, I had 2 eggs before I left and work brought McDonalds right when I got there to leave to Denver. How was I going to eat McDonalds? So I was starving throughout the day. We took a break and they had drinks and snacks for us...none which I could have but I did grab a diet soda hoping the carbonation would fill up my stomach so I wouldn't be so hungry. Boy did it ever. It took me about 2 1/2 hours to drink half of it and my stomach felt like it had to burst. So now I know I can't have bottled soda. I occassionaly go to Sonic and get a diet cherry limeade which doesn't give me any trouble but I let it sit long enough for the fizz to leave. This morning coffee is my best friend...it tastes so good and is hot and really helps open me up so I can have my protein shake later on. I don't know what I am going to take for lunch today. Probably a little thing of vegetables since we have no protein in the house. I told Robert we had to go to Sam's tonight or this weekend since I am off to buy some fish for me to take. Fish goes down easy and it tastes so good. I get the salmon filet that is already seasoned and is so good. But I don't have any right now. I do however have some shrimp scampi but since I got stuck on shrimp earlier this month I don't know if I want to risk it again or just chew chew chew. I know that was my problem before. I didn't chew it like I should have I'm sure and it got stuck. My husband has been trying to complete this quickbooks certification course and it is draining on him. He feels like all he does is study and take tests...I can attest that he gets cranky when he has been at the computer all day. He did his bookkeeping clients in a couple of days so now he has the month to do this training. Boy being a CPA really takes a toll on you. I finally got my BE protein shakes and I bought the melon and peanut butter. The peanut butter is really good kinda thick though more like it has real peanut butter in it. I haven't been brave enough to try the melon so I'll send some to my mother's tomorrow and let her try it first and if she likes it and I don't then I'll give it to her and I'll buy some more chocolate and caffe latte. I haven't tried the cinnamon yet but I don't really go for cinnamon.
After yesterday from sitting all day, the bus ride up there, sitting through speeches, sitting on the bus ride home, my back is killing me. It hurts right where the tailbone ends. If I move any it hurts. That is where I was getting injections about every 3-4 months and they seemed to help for a short while but it is just sitting that hurts it the worst. I took my little shoulder sling purse so there was no room for percocet so I worked it out and was just in pain for the day. Now just sitting here it hurts, thank goodness we have a big computer chair. We got 2 shirts yesterday, I got my polo a 4x and it just hangs on me like a night shirt. My friend Lisa says I still have the fat girl image stuck in my head. I could have easily went to a 3x or even a 2x but I like them to cover my body so no one can see how big I really am. The other shirt came in a woman's XL so I know that it will be about another 25 lbs before I can fit into it. I have this nice yellow blouse that has a see-through shirt to go over the tank top. It is a 2 piece and I wore it when I was down to 200 lbs so I know once I am able to fit into it, I will have reached thinner...not skinny, that is 175 lbs but thinner. I love that blouse and only wore it once. It is beautiful and I bought it from Kohl's...the "I can't shop until I lose weight store." They have good bargains and nice clothes but I have to get to 200 lbs before I go back there. It would only depress me more to go in and not be able to try anything on.
So I guess I'll do the elliptical in a few minutes...I'll try to do 10 min today. The doctor wants me to do 20 min but try that at my weight in one session and it is hard but I can break it up to 10 min in the morning and 10 min at night. By the time I get home from work I don't really feel like doing it. I take the dogs for their walk and I am on and off my feet all day so I know I get my walking in that way. I should start walking on my break at work that would be a 15 min walk and then I wouldn't have to do the elliptical when I get home....that would work.
So how is everyone out there? Are you losing weight? running into any challenges with the band like I have? Just need a pick-me-up? Let me know I'll try to help. Have a good day and good luck losing. This is the first time I am happy about being a loser. lol:thumbup:
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Ok Ok I know I wasn't going to weigh myself everyday but I did weigh in today and from yesterday to today I've gained 2 1/2 lbs. How is this possible? It is so frustrating because I know I ate yesterday and that is the reason but I was hungry. It is like I can't eat anything without gaining weight. I didn't go swim like I thought I would because I was tired when I got home. I just have to pull myself to the gym everyday in order for me to lose. I did take the dogs for their walk and that helped but it wasn't long enough, just 15 minutes. I bought the bodybugg from 24 hour fitness and I am excited for it to get here. It comes with a free 6 month subscription so that helps. I'm going to give it a try and if it doesn't help I will just sell it. I did have a diet cherry coke yesterday from Sonic for the first time since surgery. I let the bubbles work their way out of it and then drank it. It tasted good at first but then it went to being warm and I threw it away. I just can't get over how the scale just takes the wind out of your sail. It is just too much for me. It is like I am addicted to it and can't get away from it for one day. I'll just buckle down and have my protein for breakfast and then pickles for break and hot wings for lunch. The wings aren't breaded so they can't be too bad for you. Then I'll have protein shake for dinner. That should get the weight off by tomorrow. So frustrating. I don't know if any of you have this problem. I have to keep on track every day all day in order for me to lose the weight. I just can't listen to my stomach, I have to listen to my head. My stomach sometimes get so empty it feels like I am going to starve to death if I don't eat something. Well that is my day so far. What a way to start it.
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I got up early to come into work to get some more OT, I figure as long as they are offering it I'll take it. Yesterday was a very relaxing day, I did about 250 drops for my 8 hours and then some receipts to add equip to accounts. So it wasn't bad. We have a new security guard so who knows how he will be. It is nice to have the regular security guards around because they know they have to be inside the lobby to help out if a customer becomes unruly. I found a station on Sirius that is 70's and 80's music and I really enjoy it because I was getting tired of the 2000's and above. They just play the same music over and over. I bought my lottery tickets so wish me luck. It is like 7.5 mil and that would come in handy. I ate ok last night, had a big fat hot dog with relish and ketchup on it and it was yummy since I hadn't had one in forever. It was the perfect size. Then I had some strawberries with whipped cream on them and that was a nice change. I still have lost any weight and only have 1 week to lose at least a few lbs before going for my next fill. So I think I'll do protein for breakfast, chili for lunch and a hot dog for dinner. Skip the strawberries and nuts. Maybe that will inspire my body to lose some weight. It has been too hot to walk the dogs after work and I leave to early to walk them before hand so I haven't been getting my usual exercise. By the time I get home I am so tired from getting up early I rarely have the energy to work out and I know that is my downfall and I really need to do that. I wore my smaller jeans today and they put pressure on my stomach so hopefully that will keep me from over-eating today. I brought my chili and there wasn't much left but it was enough to almost fill my 1.7 cup container so maybe I will eat half and save the other half for tomorrow depending on how hungry I am by lunch. Work has been a killer with people in a bad mood and that really stresses you out and makes me want to go back to my ways before surgery of eating to deal with my problems or bad days. I just have to keep things in perspective on what I can and can't eat. I'll take a little break from doing receipts and go get a coffee from 7-11. they have pretty good coffee and I've only had 4 cups so far this morning usually my limit is 6 and I am ready for the day. I've been wearing my glasses instead of my contacts because my eyes get very dry from looking at the computer screen all day. So that means I haven't been able to wear any make-up since I can't get close enough to the mirror to put it on. It is a shame because I have about $500 in make up and don't get to use it. I went crazy one month and bought about $300 of Mac makeup and my husband thinks I have a problem with impulsive shopping so I had the doctor put me on Adderral for it and it is supposed to curb your appetite at the same time so I hope that is helping, it must be since I only eat 2 times a day. I ordered some BE protein in new flavors since they have been out of the ones I like so I'm excited to try them. Well that is my day for now. I'll let you know if anything exciting happens.
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Well I didn't blog yesterday because I had to be at work so early and Robert got up with me and I have to spend time with him so it is hard to have him awake and be sitting at the computer. I feel guilty. I try to blog at work but I can't always because people are always looking over your shoulder to see what you are doing and since they don't know that I have had surgery, that isn't a good idea. Wish people would mind their own business. Work was so easy yesterday for being a Saturday, no one came in. I got 2 sales out of it but those were the only sales that came in. I was glad to get them. My eating was good, I had an avocado for breakfast, a cup and a half of chili for lunch. We went to Red Robin's for dinner and I got one of their new burgers and took about 5 small bites out of it and ate 4 french fries. The bun was so big that I didn't want to risk getting stuck. That was at 5:00 so about 8:00 I had another avocado and a handful of nuts. So that wasn't bad eating. I did weigh this morning to see where I was at and I weighed in at 227 so I am glad I haven't gained anything more than 1 lb. We are going to the book store today and I am going to buy Shrink Yourself. I read about it in the forum's and want to see what it is about.
Robert finished his quickbooks certification so he is happy about that. Hasn't gotten any calls back from any CPA firms but he still holds out hope of getting his business off the ground or working with someone else. He is so smart that it would be a shame to let all his education go to waste.
I want to get back to 226 by Tuesday so we are going to the gym today and tomorrow night after work. I just have to lose some weight before I go for my next fill. I think it is the hardest to go to the gym at night so by me getting up so early I might start going in the morning but I heard that the lanes get busy early so I would have to go about 5:00 and since that is the time I wake up it shouldn't be a big deal. I'm on my 5th cup of coffee and it tastes so good this morning. I love coffee. I'm pretty bored right now since Robert is sleeping and I have nothing to do on Cafe World and Farmville. They are all taken care of. I have to make an appt with the doctor to see if any of my medications come in a liquid form since I am having a hard time swallowing them. They aren't very big but they try and come up every morning. Maybe I should wait until later in the day to take them. My nighttime pills go down fine. We stayed up until about 10:30 last night and that was like staying up forever for me since I am usually asleep by 8:00. I slept until 6:00 so that was good. I guess I have gotten all the sleep that I needed to. My mother had the salmon burger wrapped in lettuce and she gave me the leftover's to bring home. I don't know if I will eat it because I've never had salmon wrapped in lettuce before and it didn't look that good. I feel like I am all over the place on today's blog but there is so much inside my head that I have to get out and it just comes to me at certain times.
My friend Kim from work is leaving her husband after 15 years. She has applied for an appt and she got rid of 2 of her dogs and still has to get rid of the long-haired chihuahua. Harley doesn't like being around strangers so it will be hard for him to get adopted. The corgi and st. bernard went fast. She had just put them up for adoption yesterday at work. She is having a hard time with everything but I think she will be okay for the most part. She is just tired of being ignored. She is a cute girl and has one daughter that is 10 years old so she will have Samantha there with her. She says her husband doesn't pay any attention to her and he just plays his playstation and talks to his friend on the phone. He sleeps in the recliner so he is never in the bed unless he wants sex. Just not a good place to be in. I feel for her. She came to work crying the other day because she touched him and he got mad at her for waking him up. She cried and cried and couldn't stop crying. It was awful. So she went home. Yesterday at work all she was doing was texting on her phone to people because her husband wouldn't talk to her about the situation. She was driving me crazy because people would come in and wait in line and she was in the backroom texting. Good thing we weren't busy.
I don't have alot planned for today since Robert is a dad to the dogs and has no kids we don't really have anything to celebrate. He will call his dad later today and wish him a happy father's day. I'm glad he doesn't have children because they are hard sometimes and I don't think I would be a good step-mother since I don't have a lot of patience. I am glad my daughter is grown and gone because she drives me crazy just being where she is and living the life that she does. It isn't the life I would lead but she is happy. She has been looking for a job but hasn't found one. He is working finally and she stays home. Their tv is going out so I am going to send some money for them to get another one. She is my girl and I try to take care of her by sending her packages and money when I can. I just went over the itenerary for our trip to Vegas in Aug, I can't wait. My mother bought us tickets to see Phantom of the Opera there at the Venetian so that should be nice. She doesn't know where the seats are but it should be fun anyways.
Well that is all that I have to say for today. Hope you have a good one.
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I ate very well yesterday and had no problems at all. I had an egg and 2 oz's of chopped up steak for breakfast. 5 chicken wings and a s/f jello for lunch, and then a side of cauliflower with cheese and 5 wings for dinner. Nothing bothered my stomach and all went down good. Sipped on a Route 44 diet cherry limeade all day so I got my liquids in. I had a customer go off on me right before we closed so that made my night not so good. He was just awful the way he acted but it comes with the territory. This morning my husband and I went to breakfast, I ate an egg, 3 pieces of sausage, and the insides of my toast. Don't feel over full just perfect. I'll update you tomorrow. This band seems to be working finally for me. I didn't weigh myself and plan on weighing on Tuesday. It will be 2 more weeks before my next fill, that will bring me to 9cc's in a 10cc band. All should be good.
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