Have you been tested for PCOS? I was only having 2-3 periods per year, losing hair (similar to male pattern baldness), had insulin resistance (got dizzy and shaky if I missed meals), had to do fertility treatments to conceive than miscarried in my 2nd trimester, etc. and thought it was my weight. As it would turn out I had PCOS which not only was causing these troubles, but it was/is a huge factor in being overweight to begin with. Ask your Dr. to test you if you haven't already and Google it if you want to see if it is a fit.
Next start by researching all of the weight loss surgery methods. If there is something about anyone of them that is something you know will make you miserable, try finding the positives. Figure out what you can and can not live without. For me, the up sides of lap-band are far more than the down. I have no regrets. I spent over a year trying to get a referral so I had plenty of time to research RNY, Gastric Sleeve, and Lap-Band.
Try not to blame yourself too much. Sure there are things you can do to be healthier, but genetics play a huge role. Lapband is a tool to help keep you on track with the healthier diet, and once you gain some of your energy and self esteem back it is far easier to become active. I heard Dr. Oz say something yesterday that I completely agree with. He said being obese for several years takes a toll on your body very similar to cancer. You would operate on cancer so why not get an operation for weight loss if you can not lose the weight any other way. Best of Luck!