bashful1269

I'm actually a health coach for medifast Take Shape For Life - The Breakthrough Approach to Fast Weight Loss and Long-Term Health You should be able to eat food.

The way the plan works is to eat Five meal replacements...Love the new bars! And then have a lean and green. I use the shakes now since I'm on liquids but plan on eating the bars when I get on real food.

If you want more info feel free to pm me.

Stacy

AWESOME!! Congratulations!!

To understand parts of my blog you should have a little background about me and the people in my life that you will see mentioned in my blog.

About me...

I'm 38, divorced and currently not in a real relationship. Relationships are a challenge for me, I just can't seem to figure them out. I am totally a people pleaser and give way to much of myself in relationships without expecting anything in return...You guessed it...the perfect setup to be used and taken for granted. Albeit by my own doing as I set the stage for such happenings. I'm working on fixing this character defect and trying to figure out a good balance which is why I am currently not in relationship..Another thing that makes relationships hard for me is the fact that I am very independent and self reliant and supported..I own my own house (my family and I physically built it ourselves) and make a decent living... I think that makes most men a little intimidated. PS to the guys out there who may read this...why wouldn't you want a woman who could take care of herself???....well enough on that subject.

A little more about me...I have been trying to lose weight all of my life and I have made it a goal that if I was going to be fat at least I wasn't going to be weak so I have worked out a lot in the past yet, I am 100 pounds overweight. I'm a size 14-16 and wear and extra large shirt.

I did this more for my health reasons than for looks...the looks thing that's icing on the cake...being able to get off my diabetes medicine and knowing I'm not damaging my body by not controlling the diabetes that's the important thing for me.

Moving on...

People in my life. Lets see.

My mom, She's the reason I had the band put in. She's a walking medical book of her own. She has so many things wrong with her all because of being overweight and alcohol. She does not understand nutrition at all!!! She fell and broke her hip in July of 07 after my dad passed away in April from a broken hip, you can imagine how scared I was when I got that call. Three surgeries later she's finally able to walk and care for herself.

My Sister Lisa, she and I were really close until she started working with me and couldn't separate work from home. Love my job but don't want to live it 24/7. She hates April because she blames her for taking me away from her. Totally not the case at all.

My best friends April and Donna and Dalena.

April, she's amazing. She has got to be one of the strongest people that I have ever met. She's under 30 and has lost two children. Serenity who was 20 days old and born with six major birth defects and Alex...My buddy...I miss him so much.

Alex was four, he died September 10th, 2008 a day I will never forget because it was one of the hardest days of my life. To watch the life leave such an amazing little boy was heart wrenching. It makes me cry just to think about it. April has her days when it's really tough and the next six months I am sure are not going to be easy as we are coming up on the anniversary of his death and the Christmas holiday season. Most importantly I will be standing beside her and holding her close.

Next is Donna. Donna she's complicated(She's my niece through marriage but also my best friend). She has the most amazing supportive attitude and helpful spirit. But, Donna like myself is morbidly obese. She's very frustrated about her weight and the fact that April and I are both losing weight and she feels lost. I try really hard to support her and have even set down and showed her the numbers of how many calories a day that she's putting in her body just by drinking soda(enough that by just stopping drinking soda would help her lose 12 pounds a month or at least not gain it). McDonalds or fast food of some type is a staple in her daily diet and it saddens me to watch her feeding that stuff to Payton my great niece who is 15 months old. I try to make suggestions such as order the apples instead of french fries.

I think Donna wants to lose weight, but I don't think that she knows how to...Like so many of us. I see so many little changes that could make a big impact on her weight I just don't know how to approach the subject with her. I love her no matter how much she weighs or what she eats. I just feel a little guilty that I have this tool and I know that right now there is just no way that she could afford it with no insurance.

Dalena...She's actually going to be moving in with me in a week. I'm a little nervous about that because she has a ten year old son and she doesn't drive. I live in the country and there is nothing within walking distance. I don't want to be a taxi service. We get along great I just worry that she will expect me to drive her around and that I will be the built in babysitter.

Next the men in my life...

Larry...I love him with all of my heart but know that he is a playa playa and totally the wrong man for me. I hired him two years ago. I could tell that he was into me because it was like he was making up reasons to come in just to "ask" me questions. I screwed up totally and fell into the game...I'm not a game player and had never been exposed to what would happen next. I dated Martin--Control freak--OTR truck driver...he broke up with me and I called my nephew who was working on the night crew to go and take all the pictures of Martin out of my office because I couldn't stand the thought of seeing them the next morning. Anyway...The next morning, Larry shows up in my office and makes the move...I ended up at his place that night and stupid me...yes, stupid stupid me slept with him!!!! DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB I would never do that again if I had it all to do over again. Anyway, this relationship without being in a relationship went on for a year and a half. I broke it off with him about two months ago because I knew that going into this lapband that I had to concentrate on me.

T...Larry's best friend. He keeps asking me out, the only problems are one...He's Larry's best friend...Two He's Larry's best friend and Three he lives two hours away.

Then there's Dave...He's awesome, we actually date, but he doesn't want a relationship either...GRRRRRR men they are so fickle. AM I JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DATE?

Lastly, Greg...HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT OH Did I mention he was HOT!!!!! He transferred in about four months ago. He and I just clicked, not sure why, normally I would probably never have talked to him because he is way HOT and I am Way bashful. I get the feeling that he likes me. The other night we were on the phone, I was booking a trip for him to Ireland. I asked him if he missed having me around this week and he said "No, because we're sleeping together...or at least that's the newest rumor" I laughed and said "Dang it! I missed it." We laughed ... Why is it that when I sit down with a guy at lunch the next thing I know it's going around that I'm sleeping with them?...not that I would mind at all with Greg but sheeeeshhhh come on people.

The pets...

Ruffaluf...Grey tiger stripped regal looking cat. He was born on my mom and dad's 47th wedding anniversary. Making him nine years old in September.

Hotta hootta Houchy moooo...Other wise known as Hotta B or Obbitchywan...He's my baby. I had to bottle feed him because he was so little when we found him his eyes weren't even fully opened. He's been my baby ever since. Can you say SPOILED!!! He's a beautiful black tuxedo long haired cat that loves to snuggle in the morning. I love it when he pets my face to wake me up.

Bear Bear...He's was an abused dog that Martin rescued that I got stuck with. He is a beautiful black lab. His name used to be Dr destructo but now he's starting to finally be a good dog except for when left outside alone he gets in the neighbors trash and drags it all over his yard...BAD BAD BAD DOG!!!

That about wraps it up as to the important people in my life.

Totally exciting huh????

One week ago today... at this time 8 am I was sitting in the surgery holding area waiting. It's hard to believe that I actually now have this amazing tool inside of me.

This morning I got up and decided it was time to go for a walk, not like yesterday where I walked just a little ways, today was for exercise not just to see if I could do it. I turned on the music and headed down the road. I live in the country so walking on the road is pretty safe. I saw one car the whole 40 minute walk.

It felt so good to walk and sweat and really know that I'm doing this. One thought kept running through my head and that was "How can I make this work for the rest of my life?"

I have to figure out the answer to that question. I really like working out first thing in the morning but hate having to get up early. I used to be at work by 3 am every morning for twelve years. I've come to enjoy sleeping until 7. I could go to the gym after work or I could simply get my lazy butt out of bed and go at 5:30am....hmmm decisions decisions.

I think for next week I will go as soon as I get off of work. I know I'm going to be exhausted going back to work. Should I get up and go in the morning? It's a tough choice. Maybe, I'll try both ways and see which one works out the best.

All I know for sure is I'm not going to give up and let this weight beat me again. I am committed to doing this for me by me! I'm going to be proud of every mile stone, and every stumbling stone, it's not going to be easy but I am capable I have the tool to help me! I AM GOING TO LOSE 100 POUNDS!!!

Only 78 pounds to go!

Well that's it for the moment. I'm tired and need a nap. HEY I'm recovering from surgery here...napping is important!

I had to go and see my PCP doc today. Dr. Kistler, absolutely the most amazing Doctor and person I've ever met. He always greets me with a huge hug and smiles from ear to ear.

I happily stepped on the scale today...officially down 23 pounds since the last time I saw him just three months ago. He was so proud.

It really shocked him that I got the insurance to go through without any problems. I told him that I had sent them so much supporting paperwork they didn't have a choice. I sent them a copy of the requirements as listed in the handbook, a letter from their own health coach that was assigned to me to manage my diabetes over a year ago, a letter from Dr. K, Dr. Case (diabetes Doc), Dr. Sloan (ortho) and a letter from my physical therapist and a letter that I had written along with personal training documents that showed my tried and failed attempts at keeping the weight off. I had an approval in less than a week from the time they sent it in. I was super impressed that it went so easily.

After that discussion, he inspected my battle wounds and listened to my lungs as I'm a little short of breath when sitting straight up. Not sure why. Then he asked me TONS of band questions like could I feel it when I ate and so on...then I told him that I had gotten the realize band and had to explain the difference in the bands to him. I'm wondering if he's thinking about having it done because he asked me how much it cost without insurance... I hope so it would be a great tool for him.

So that was my visit...I think he should have been paying me the co pay...DANG...Oh well, I love talking to him...he's amazing!!!

I woke up feeling ready to exercise, I got up and went for a walk down the hill and down to the end of the road maybe 1/4 mile total, TOTALLY kicked my butt! I will do it again tonight. It may not be far, but at least it's moving my tail. I'm ready to hit the gym and do some weight training so I don't lose the muscles that I have built over the years.

I'm so excited! I talked to my friend Jimmy from St. Louis last night on the messenger and he told me that he had the lap band done in April and has lost, get this...90 pounds!! That's amazing to me. I'm pumped, I don't think I will lose that much that fast but it gave me hope. So far I've lost 12 pounds this week just by following what the nut told me to eat. I've been hungry, I mentioned that to Jimmy and he told me to make sure that I was using the protein shakes. I'll be honest I haven't really been doing many of those. I think when I get to the stage where I can eat I will start making some smoothies with the protein whey and have them for breakfast.

I go to see Dr. K today, he hasn't seen me since I started looking into this. Mom told him last week when she was in there that I had had it done and he was amazed at how quickly it all went through. I am too...it's so amazing from the time that I finally sent my paperwork into Silvia to the time of my surgery was less than six weeks!!! Crazy! Absolutely, Crazy! I'm so glad that I did this. I know it's just a tool, but I've been good at working out and even eating fairly nutritiously most of the time, I just eat too much and I hope that's where the band will come in and stop me from doing that.

Well there you have it...all the random thoughts going through my head...

I'm feeling pretty good today, I'm tired but it's hard to find a really comfortable sleeping position. So, I just don't sleep.

I figured out last night that if I mix a little cereal and protein powder in my yogart that I don't get hungry as fast. It's not the best taste, but at this point it's not as much about taste as it is about nutrition.

I'm feeling pretty accomplished. I have all of the bows made for mother Beth's wedding and all of the table decor along with one boot just waiting on approval to make the rest. Need to get a list of people so I can mark them as I make them. ... HOW do I get myself into these things...Oh well it's fun and it's turning out beautifully.

I will be so glad when softball is over so I don't have to see Larry B anymore. I wish that he could be like all of my other ex's and just not have to have any contact with him. But, NO I was stupid and started an office relationship...STUPID...I can avoid him pretty good but he always makes up reasons to come by or email or some something that I have to answer or acknowledge him. GRRRR, it's frustrating.

Moving on...

My band and I are getting along pretty good. I stress ate some cheese Saturday night and now I'm stressing about whether or not I have slipped or damaged my band. I won't be doing that again for sure. I need to drink more it's just that I can't drink a lot at a time and then I forget to pick it up and drink. It's hard not to drink with meals as I've done that all of my life to help me fill up. I've done pretty good with it. I am sure it will get harder once I am on solid food.

I'm proud that I have lost twenty pounds since this journey began. I hope to lose another ten this week if I'm lucky. I'm trying really hard to follow the nuts guidelines and only eating three times a day. I have figured out what full feels like. It's kind of painful. It's going to take a while to figure out the signal to stop before the painful point. Hard to believe that point can be before I've consummed 1/2 cup of food. I used to eat LOTS more than that.

I've discovered I like blogging it's rather refreshing to get all of my thoughts out of my head. I wish I could exercise I am ready to hit the gym. I think I'll go for a walk in a little bit.

...Maybe I'll do that now...ttyl

Well it's been four days since surgery and I have to say that I feel great. I am having some troubles with sticking to the post op diet. I cooked for April and of course she had to pick one of my favorite dishes. I tasted as I was cooking...now I'm scared that I'll have a band slip. I've decided I won't be cooking again until after I'm past the mushie stage. Thankfully, I live alone at the moment and don't have to.

Now that I'm home I am going to concentrate on setting a eating schedule that I can live with when I go back to work. I think 9 1 and 5 are good times for me to eat. I'll have to work on finding something to tied me over with if I'm going to eat later then that and am hungry but will try to stick to schedule as much as possible.

Yesterday pretty much sucked ass. I went to Alaina's wedding reception and I was worn out from helping her. Katelynne patted my stomach and made me cry earlier in the day then Glenn poked me right in the port incision ...not knowing so it's not his fault but it brought me to my knees in tears and I had to leave. I felt really bad.

I'm down to 243 this morning!!! That's pretty exciting I'm hoping to lose another ten by the time I go back to work next Monday..that would be AWESOME!!! I'm thinking about using medifast for a while just to help speed things along to my goal. I really like the bars and they should be just the right amount to fill me up and they have complete nutrition. Then I wouldn't need the stupid flinstone vitamins.

83 pounds to goal!!! I so want to be at goal for the Christmas party!! I have six months it's realistic right???

That's about it for the moment.

Well, the pre-op diet pretty much sucks! I'm a starvin marvin... and it's only day two! Eight more days to go. I can do this!

I'm still trying to figure out which band to get. It seems Dr. Pitt is correct that it doesn't really matter which one he uses. I like the way that realize band attaches to the port and I like the low profile port as well. Silvia explained that the lap band port could be changed but I'm seeing $$$'s there. So, I am leaning pretty heavy to the realize band at the moment. I really like the band design of the lap band and the band is actually the thing that's going to be doing the work....decisions decisions.

I'm ready for a STEAK!!! If I close my eyes and imagine this protein shake is a steak do you think it would taste like one?

Oh well...life goes on ...you can not have what you've never had unless you're willing to do what you've never done. So, I'm doin it!