BariatricGirl

Recycled don't think for one moment that one person may not make a big impact. What if that one person helped had been you! Many of us feel the same way you do and that's why I volunteer full time in this community. You never know what one blog post, one You Tube video, one Facebook page post....whatever it is....makes a difference. I hope you saw the story I wrote about the bellman in one of the comments before this. It's the perfect example of changing lives one person at a time whether you meant to or not. Take pride in that one life you touched that day....

You are a beautiful person! Thank you for this post! Good to know there are some still left. God Bless.. I sure needed and appreciate that so much.

What a great story!

I am fascinated by stories from different cultures. I also can't imagine how difficult it must be for her. I had no idea that clothing only goes up to size 12 there. I suppose buying clothing online is certainly an option. The stigma regarding obesity must be overwhelming. Is bariatric surgery even something people know much about?

Andrew that was a very kind thing to consider. It's so sad that she was on a scooter at such a young age....you wonder if she'll live very long if something isn't done. Unfortunately she may have already checked it out but might not qualify and that's somehow even sadder.

I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words about the post. You're right...it's a very personal decision and there's no easy way to share information.

WOW! I'm betting he's starting to feel a difference already. I hope he'll be able to take advantage of the weight loss to get himself out of his chairs and become mobile again. You're right... this most definitely was a life saving surgery for Frank.

Oh Kaylee, what a beautiful story about your grandfather. He sounded like a beautiful man and it's obvious that he was loved deeply by you and your family. It's very sad when you think about how many people have been robbed of so many years because of obesity. You described him so perfectly that I feel like I almost knew him.

I LOVE your story and I love your attitude about taking no prisoners. Abusing people about their weight is one of the last acceptable prejudices and it's so cruel. I think sometimes I find myself talking about my WLS when I'm in a new group of people to make them aware before someone makes a "fat joke" because even though I am the most non-confrontational person on earth....I just couldn't allow an unkind remark about obesity go unnoticed. I get uncomfortable when anyone feels they have to make an unkind remark about anyone. Until you are in the shoes of the person being made fun of you have no idea what their journey is about. I suffered through 30 years of that kind of talk and I don't want to live without mutual respect, kindness, and understanding for others.

I absolutely agree. How wonderful that she's managed to lose that much. I also hope she can keep it up and perhaps having you around will help her. I've had a family member ask me to help another and I tried to explain that I cannot do it for them. Even if I could hand them a free surgery it won't work until they are ready to work it. 85 pounds is so impressive...I so hope she continues to do well. We all know it's hard work and I'd be really proud of her too.

I'm so glad you posted this so I could be reminded to go back and make a point of adding that it's never a good idea to approach people. There are so many reasons and just one of them are the hundreds of people that want the surgery but cannot get it. I volunteer for a non-profit called WLSFA.org that raises money to grant surgeries to those who have been denied. It's very hard to raise money for surgeries because there is still so much stigma associated with it but there have been 11 recipients so far. All I can do is spread the word the best way I can and hope I can plant a seed that may one day help someone out.

Mrsto you took the words right out of my mouth! I meant to add that to the article and I know I need to so I will. I have never ever approached anyone but have done the same thing with neighbors or people that brought up a subject where I could just mention that I was obese in the past. I was much different when I was obese (what's new, I'm just weird) about being approached but that didn't happen 13 years ago. When I saw Carnie Wilson on TV I jumped on it and made an appointment in 15 minutes. I do want to tell one story that made me happy that I am so open about my surgery. I checked into a hotel for a WLS event and the bellman asked why I was in town and I told him. I showed him my before/after pictures and talked about how my life had changed, He suddenly hung his head in shame and said "Oh no....I have a lot of apologizing to do". I asked why and he told me that his wife had been begging him to let her have surgery for 3 years and he thought it was sheer quackery. He told me he was going home to give her some good news and tell her how sorry he was for not believing her. That story always makes me happy!

A couple of weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and I saw a really large man walking down the street. Because of his size and the near 100 degree temperature, I knew he had to be extremely uncomfortable. As I pulled into my parking place I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched this man trip with a force that propelled him like a rocket to the concrete. I bolted from my car and ran to him...his arm was already bloody. "Let me help you up". He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen. With a perfect Texas drawl he said "Little lady you're gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!" My heart was breaking for him. I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked....1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had. No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn't get him off the ground. He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise. I asked him to stay put and I'd get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help. By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up. He was hurt....I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him. He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn't). As he walked out of my sight he said "It's time to go on that diet". Of course I knew he'd been on hundreds of diets, just like I had. It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn't. I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation. Maybe he didn't have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size. Maybe he couldn't afford to call for an ambulance. So many "maybes". Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again. He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out. I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn't see him as just a morbidly obese man....that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him "less than". I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with. Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day. Call me silly for wanting to do this but I'm going back to try to find him. I want him to know why I didn't judge him that day. And why I cried. p.s. I just added this because I do want everyone to know that I would NEVER give anyone unsolicited advice because I have seen it happen and someone got the response "I've already had WLS". Much like asking a woman if she's pregnant....not until I see the crowning of the baby's head would I ever ask when someone's baby is due. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that. *Note- I wrote this in 2011 and reread it the other day. I decided to share it here because the comments left on this blog post were so memorable and heartfelt. If you'd like to read them you can see them here. I've been back to that same parking spot every month basically at the same time of the day ever since that day. I have unfortunately never found him again. If I ever do, I hope he'll let me take a picture with him so you can see his beautiful blue eyes and the kindest face you could ever imagine.

First I want to congratulate you about surgery!!! How wonderful. I also want to thank you for your kind words and encourage you to use the list as a guide. Your journey is a learning experience and no matter how much you know going in....some of those old habits may take a little practice. IF you do end up breaking rule #1 I want you to never feel shame or beat yourself up because we cannot change the past. All we have is right now and that's the only thing you can change. I will repeat again that it is easier to not do something 100% instead of 99%. In case you missed the great article that was posted in these comments by another member (Isereno), make sure and read this article too. I thought it was wonderful! http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2013/01/want-to-be-free-from-french-fries-or-why-abstaining-may-be-easier-than-you-think/ Be free pupichupi!!

Congratulations!! You sound great for 4 days. Yep it's just a tool and it's the greatest tool I've ever been given. Thank you and I agree...this IS a wonderful place to be!

Lynda I just noticed I missed your comment! What a great point about a positive spin on abstinence because that's the way I look at it too! Thank you for sharing the link too. GREAT STUFF!! I appreciate your words more than you know but I don't feel like I deserve to be a anyone's hero....I spent so many years in the prison of obesity and those years are very fresh in my mind. When I had the surgery I made a promise, sort of a solemn vow that if I could just get back in the driver's seat just one more time that I would never, ever, ever go back. I am what you would call "scared straight" more or less. I don't participate in things that might put me back because I never know what might take me on that ride I can't get off of. So many people write me who are in trouble and that probably keeps me more motivated than I think. Because I've stopped some types of food completely I absolutely don't crave them and I have also learned to actually think before I do something that will only end up being super painful. I go through the thought process of realizing that I'll have only a few moments of extreme pleasure while I eat something (we have a sucky high because it only lasts while we are eating). After that I'll spend all kinds of time feeling bad, feeling shame, beating myself up. And guess what would make me feel better?? To eat again. I got off that ride a long time ago and don't want to get back in that vicious cycle. While I know I "shouldn't" feel shame or beat myself up because I'm not perfect....that doesn't stop me. I know myself. Shame is my biggest dragon left to slay. I can find something to feel ashamed about if I run out of what I consider to be justifiable reasons. Instead I think positive thoughts when I put fuel in my body and feel grateful that I'm not doing something to harm myself mentally and physically. Thank you again for commenting.

Wow...I think you're the first person to share with me that you indulged in the big ole bucket of chicken over the weekend. Yep I was missing in action from Friday after work until Monday morning. I so often think about who is living that way now and how I wish they could find their way out too! Thank you so much for sharing!

That's incredible!! Appropriate boundaries of many kinds were always tough for me and you are absolutely right...if you fix your brain, you'll win this game. I LOVE that! Sounds like you've got a grip on what's ahead and that puts you in a really good place.

What an excellent comment!! I remember when a very intelligent bariatric surgeon told me that sugar was one of the most addictive substances in existence. I haven't had over 8 grams of processed sugar in anything since I had surgery. I think it's wonderful what you've done...you know it's all about progress, not perfection. I'm truly sorry you are having to fight Hashimoto's at the same time. I can't believe the progress you've made already! We came from similar backgrounds. My brother was probably the worst drug addict I've ever known and it took me a long time to see that addiction is addiction. The hardest part for me is that many of the bariatric professionals don't believe in food addiction. I'm going to post another article about cross addiction. I'm very passionate about the psychological aspect of WLS. I totally agree with you that one size doesn't fit all but what I generally ask people to do is to give some things a try if what they are doing isn't working. Perhaps the most important one you mentioned is about replacing negative thought processes. I have also written at length about shame and how incredibly toxic it is. Just today one of my favorite speakers (Dr. Brene Brown) said this on Super Soul Sunday (Oprah channel). "Shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, eating disorders, violence, bullying, and aggression. Guilt is inversely correlated with those. People who can change their self-talk and believe it, have far better outcomes." She also continued to say "Everyone just wants to be seen and heard. They want to know if they matter and does what they say mean anything to you." I fight stinkin' thinkin' on an hourly basis. That critical voice in my head screams at me all day and tells me I'm worthless. It has taken me a long time to understand that those voices don't necessarily tell the truth. I very much believe that we are what we believe so we've got to kick out the blame/shame/judgment/guilt and stop letting that stuff rent space in our heads. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your comment. You sound like you've so got it going on and you are pre-op! I had no one to learn from 13 years ago so that's why I try to start conversations about the important things. Thank you Chrystine. Hugs, Y

Yep...I wish that my surgery cured food addiction too but....I way rather work on it now than at my highest weight. There's an excellent comment that was made by another member. I'd encourage you to educate yourself as much as possible because you can retrain your brain in numerous ways to help you fight it effectively. I know I'll fight it forever but I get better at it the more I practice!

I finally found an article about food addiction written in a way that is easily understood by all. Below you will find the normal behavior versus the addictive behavior. Here's an excerpt from that section: Dependence on food will be habitual, while addiction to food will be somewhat unpredictable (e.g., a morning cup of coffee versus the sudden, inexplicable drive to eat four servings of cheesecake) Dependence on food will have few, if any, emotional causes, but addiction to food is provoked by emotions and circumstances that cause feelings of powerlessness (e.g., a treat to get through a trying day at work versus a binge to avoid focusing on painful thoughts Dependence on food will have few, if any, emotional effects, whereas addiction to food will cause great anxiety if not properly attended to (e.g., being cranky due to caffeine deprivation versus feeling panicked because a planned binge is interrupted) Dependence on food will cause minimal interference in other areas of a person’s life, but addiction to food will disturb every aspect (e.g., a love for red wine with dinner versus preferring to eat alone for the sake of overeating) Dependence on food can be controlled at will, but food addiction appears as an unstoppable force in the person’s life (e.g., giving up pizza after noticing slight weight gain versus trying to stick to a healthy eating plan but derailing constantly; having a divided mind that seems to want opposite things) Dependence on food is pleasurable, but food addiction is a torment (e.g., traditional Christmas cookies versus the horror one has that one has eaten the whole box of cookies, coupled with the knowledge that one isn’t done yet) Dependence on food is casual, whereas food addiction appears to the addicted person to be closely tied to his or her identity (e.g., the guilty pleasure of Cheetos versus the shame and feelings of inadequacy that often accompany a binge) Perhaps one of the most important paragraphs is below: (helpful to read the entire article) What happened in this scenario demonstrates what, for many people, is the central issue of food addiction. Bingeing allows the food-addicted person to avoid dealing with threatening emotions (such as his or her perceived failure, powerlessness, or inferiority) by replacing them with guilt and shame, which are also threatening, but in a familiar, almost comfortable way. In the mind of the food-addicted person, the pivotal issue is lack of willpower. But in truth, they are using food to defend themselves against the pain in their life. By facilitating this transfer and avoidance of emotions, food has become a drug, and it is at this point that the food-addicted person needs to seek help. Bingeing has a different meaning for most people. When I was obese I thought it meant that you ate in the closet in the dark with a whole package of Oreos and a gallon of milk. Of course I didn't do that so I didn't think it applied to my behavior. (umm...denial) Finally I realized that my weekend routine of buying a huge Bucket 'O Chicken and locking myself in my apartment from Friday evening until going to work on Monday morning was certainly a form of bingeing. The same thing applied to my Quarter Pounder with Cheese obsession. I'm sure the Dallas quarterly earnings dropped significantly around the time I woke up to my dependence on this junk food. Most importantly please, please, please....do not walk the path of shame. From that same paragraph the very important part of the article... "In the mind of the food-addicted person, the pivotal issue is lack of willpower. But in truth, they are using food to defend themselves against the pain in their life." How sad it is that we are just trying to avoid the pain of life by using food. The problem is that it never works without paying a great price. Ask for help, educate yourself, and know that freedom from this disease is truly possible.

BIG TIME CONGRATS ON YOUR SURGERY!!! I think all junk food was like crack to me. Even 13 years out I will not keep anything I could abuse in my house because it is particularly harder for me at night. (not uncommon) There's a great acronym for when we are often triggered. It's H.A.L.T. which stands for H- (hungry) A- (anxious) L- (lonely) T- (tired). When you are feeling any of those you may be more likely to reach for something to cope with those unwanted feelings. It helps to keep busy and that's why I volunteer because it helps get me out of my scary head. I'm so excited for you! It will be here in no time!

Thank you so much for your comment! There's a great quote..."If you hang around a barbershop eventually you'll get a haircut". Of course that means that if you put yourself in places where you are surrounded by whatever your trigger items are, you will probably end up giving in. You are so WISE already. To know that you can't eat just one is probably one of the most important things you can know about yourself. I PROMISE it is easier to do something 100% instead of 99%. What many don't know is that places like McDonald's make food in such a way that their sole purpose is for you to come back. Many in the food industry hire scientists to make this addictive food so they can make money no matter what it does to society. Actually I'd like to share a link to a great article. I have a list of great articles on my Bariatric Girl Facebook page in the notes section. This was written by a man who was a big wig in the food industry. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/opinion/sunday/how-to-force-ethics-on-the-food-industry.html As you get further out you will most likely be more tempted to try some things....that old friend will tell you "you can have just one because look how long you've gone without!" Don't listen because it may send you on a tailspin and of course that's not coming from a friend. It's important to say this too. If you do it...it's important to dust yourself off, ask for help if you're in trouble and most of all do not feel shame! If you'd like one of those McDonald's signs just let me know what you want it to say and I'll do one for you. I'm pretty sure I can attach it to a reply so you can just save it as an image. I'm really loving this site....I'm amazed at how respectful and positive everyone has been. Never hesitate to ask me anything if there's anyway I can be of help. I spend hours answering messages and email from people who felt ashamed and didn't want to speak up when they got in trouble. I really would like to try to help someone avoid that if at all possible. Hugs, Y

I'm so glad you read it. If you can find time to journal your feelings it might come in handy later so you can be reminded of the things you are grateful for today. At some point the enjoyment you feel now will become every day life and that's where some of us start missing those honeymoon glasses too much. I will post another article soon where I talk about comparing it to getting a brand new hot sports car. (if that's something you'd like) The first month or so you are looking for places to drive. At some point that brand new car just becomes your car. Exterior things never make us happy for long. Some people keep going after those new things to get that thrill. Start each day thinking about what you are grateful for. I can't explain how important it is to live with an attitude of gratitude because things go so much smoother. Thanks again for the kind words...

Regain glasses suck. The moment regain becomes a problem we put on those regain glasses and NOTHING looks good. A few years ago I distinctly remember reading a post from a woman that went something like this. I hate my hair. I don't like my face and don't know how to use makeup. I hate what I'm eating every day and I'm sick of it. Oh and I gained 5 pounds. One of my most often repeated quotes...."we are rarely upset for the reason we think". Of course I assume you can guess what she was really upset about. I wrote her and told her to get a cute haircut, go to a department store and get someone to show her how to do makeup (free) or check out thousands of makeup videos on You Tube. I also told her she could change what she eats every day. Of course none of that made her feel better because she didn't FEEL like doing any of that because she was wearing her regain glasses loud and proud. It seems that for most people everything looks pretty awful through those regain glasses. I want to help you take them off. You say "Yeah right…like I haven’t tried… and mostly..... I don't FEEL like it. I don't feel like doing anything." I have often pointed out that when you were at this weight on the way down you were ecstatic! Do you see how your perspective totally messes with your head? Why do we obsess about the lowest weight we ever reached instead of constantly realizing what our highest weight was and being grateful we aren't there? And if you choose to obsess about your lowest weight, doesn't it make sense to move towards doing something about it instead of continuing to walk down regain road? Unfortunately we have this big adjustment to make after weight loss surgery because the first year we are wearing the "honeymoon glasses" and EVERYTHING looks GREAT! Remember how wonderful everything was when you lost your first 30-40 pounds? Yet you were heavier than you are now. You could hardly mess up at all the first year. It was all good! One day you wake up and you can't find your honeymoon glasses. You start to take for granted the little things like being able to tie your shoes, paint your toe nails, fit in an airplane seat..... and the next thing you know it isn't enough anymore. Some of us hang in there for a while or even a long while and eventually something shifts and you start to think about how much you miss those honeymoon glasses.... you start looking for that feeling in other things like our old friend Mr. Food. He’s tappin' you on the shoulder every day..."Pssst....remember me? Remember how much fun we had? Oh come on... a little sum-um sum-um won't hurt you". All the while your old friend has some regain glasses stuck in his back pocket just waiting to slide them on your face. One of the most extreme cases of the perspective meter being out of whack was a woman I met who had lost 485 pounds. Not a typo! She lost 485 pounds but she had gained 40 back. She was all out of sorts and literally more miserable than when she weighed her heaviest. I asked her to imagine that 485 pounds sitting on the floor. Right next to it 40 lbs. I guess we could say it looks something like this. (For those with perfectly analytical brains please forgive me…I guesstimated it) I told her not to give that 40 pounds the time of day and dust it off. We give that regain so much power and of course we can pile plenty of shame on top of that for good measure. Shame is toxic, shame keeps us down. Shame keeps those damn regain glasses cemented to our face. Here's the thing....if you don't take off the glasses and begin to turn things around....chances are that you'll look up in another year with more regain. Get off the insanity train today. Of course you remember... “Insanity=doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome” Everyone is different but here are a few suggestions. You can’t build Rome in a day but you can always do the next best thing. (Thank you Post-Op and a Doc for “the next best thing”) Look at your before picture in the morning and FEEL what you felt like. Sit it that for a while. I do that every morning without fail. Remember the things you wanted so badly. BE GRATEFUL you aren't there. If I could put you back in that body for a week you would be SO grateful to be you right now. Quit thinking about the perceived mountain you have to move and pick up the shovel and start with one scoop at a time. Instead of Nike's "just do it", change it to "just start". (Thank you Chuck for that one) It’s too overwhelming to plan into the next century. I can hear the questions now….how long will this take? It DOES NOT matter. Just move toward your goal instead of away from it..... just for today. Today is all that counts. Get the crap food out of your house. I know many people who find creative ways to do this with a family that feels they have to have the crap food. Put it in a place it can locked up but you'd do your family a favor by getting it out of their reach as well. Sugar and junk food is as addictive as any drug and they will guarantee that you will still be wearing those regain glasses. See my “M&M” story in this post. Find a way to move your body that you can enjoy. I LOVE to dance. I hate to run….I wanted to love it but I don’t. I wanted that runner's high and I just could not get it. I love yoga and if you think you can’t do it, watch this! I describe yoga as slow dancing with yourself. Abby Lentz from Heartfelt Yoga is a dear friend. Look her up, she has DVD’s. http://video.pbs.org/viralplayer/2365170173 You won’t do anything for very long if you perceive it as suffering. When you eat healthier food envision how you are nourishing your body. Remember it will make you feel better and look better instead of putting on more weight which equates to depression, physical pain, more misery and a shorter life span. Again the most important part of this is to stop the bleeding that has begun with regain. Nothing in life is easy so here comes your choices…...choose your hard.