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Tiffykins

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Blog Entries posted by Tiffykins

  1. Tiffykins

    A great day

    By Tiffykins,

    I slept in a bit, but still made it to the Y today. I did 0.65 miles on the treadmill, and then did 15 minutes of these weight machines for my legs and arms. It's not a lot, but it's a start. I forgot to eat before I left so 40 minutes of working out was enough for me. For the first time post-op, I had this hunger crampy feeling in my tummy. I came home, and ate a protein bar that has 20 grams of protein and only 14 grams of carbs.
     
    I feel pretty good about going today. Hurricane Ida is rolling in. It's super windy and rainy here, but I still went. I am going tomorrow for my physical assessment. I'm excited to see what type of program they set up. Plus, I'm really interested in doing the Hip Hop dance class. Unfortunately, the only time they have the Hip Hop class is at 5:30 p.m. That would definitely screw up our evening schedule. It's an hour long class, so dinner wouldn't happen until 7:30 at the earliest. They have Zumba, but I honestly don't think I'm coordinated enough for that one.





    Tonight for dinner, we're having pasta salad and chicken. I've found a little snack that I absolutely love. Yogurt covered cranberries are absolutely fabulous. I liked them before surgery, but now they are even better.
     
    I love feeling this good. I'll be excited to see even more changes in my body as I start working out more. It'll be nice to lose this fat roll on my stomach. I affectionately call it my own personal flotation device, or my little spare tire. Hopefully it'll shrink up over time.
     
    Life is great.


  2. Tiffykins

    A little concerned

    By Tiffykins,

    I started taking the Wellbutrin last week. All was well until Monday. I noticed that anytime I ate or drank anything, water, tea, coffee, yogurt, meat, cheese, anything that my stomach would cramp then this weird pain will radiate across my abdomen and head up to my left collarbone. It wasn't too terrible on Monday. On Tuesday, I noticed it more, but was determined to eat and not lose anymore weight. Yesterday, I felt horrible. Anything that crossed my lips hurt my sleeve. I can push on my abdomen under my last rib on the left side and it's tender.
     
    I called my surgeon on Monday, no call back by Wednesday, called yesterday and left a message again at 11:30am. Here it is 2pm, and no return phone call. I called my PCM, the office closes early on Thursday.
     
    2 nights ago, I pulled out the patient info insert for the Wellbutrin, and low and behold one of the side effects is stomach pain. Also, unexplainable weight loss. The other issue is bad breath. Yesterday, John leaned in to kiss me, and he said "babe, not to be rube, but did you brush your teeth today". I had actually brushed my teeth twice. When I breathe out, my breath smells sour/acidic.
     
    I haven't taken any more Wellbutrin since Monday.
     
    I'm suspecting gallbladder issues even though the pain is on the left side. I do not feel comfortable going to the ER considering my history with anesthesia, clotting disorder and recovery issues after my leak repair. I want my surgeon to do surgery on me since he is a bariatric surgeon and general surgeon. He knows all of my history. He knows all the complications, and all my medical records are at his fingertips there. If I go to the ER, it's going to be a clusterf*ck, and I'm going to freak out on them if they screw up.
     
    I called the pharmacist, and he said it could take a couple more days for the Wellbutrin to get out of my system. But, I'm not feeling too hopeful.
     
    It's starting to effect my fluid intake. I'm petrified of getting dehydrated. I just don't know what to do.
     
    Only good news in all of this is that I have not lost anymore weight since Monday.
     
    Fingers crossed I hear from my surgeon soon.
  3. Tiffykins

    A little update

    By Tiffykins,

    Our trip to WV for Thanksgiving was okay overall. There were ups and downs, and of course, family drama ensued. I expected it, but I'm tired of it.
     
    Anyways, yesterday, I went to our last bowling game of this season, and then we all went out to lunch to the Olive Garden. I had soup and salad YUMMY! ! ! I crossed my legs under the table, and felt a huge pain in my right calf. I went to the restroom, and noticed a huge knot on my upper calf. The bruising was insane. So, I had one of the other ladies look at it, and she said it looked like a blood clot. I panicked, and called John. We headed to the ER. They did an ultrasound, but said it wasn't a clot. I went down to see my surgeon because I went on base to the ER. Anyways, I knew the ER there has shady reviews from other military spouses, but I thought it would be better to go there since they have all of my records. My surgeon's assistant said that is definitely a clot, and that I need to do hot compresses, and stay mobile. He thinks it's from the extensive driving we did to and from WV last week. We spent about 36 hours in the car. Least to say, I have learned my lesson about taking breaks while driving.
     
    I have a follow-up with my PCM today at 1pm, and we'll see what he says. They gave me 2 aspirins, and a Percocet in the ER. My leg feels better today, but the bruising looks worse.
     
    Everything will be fine. I'm not too upset about it anymore. Just the thought of being in the hospital again totally freaked me out.
     
    I'm so glad this week is almost over ! ! !
  4. Tiffykins
    Just a little backstory.
     
    Harley our cat has been in my life for the last 11 years. My son and him have grown up together, and he was like a second child to me.
     
    This weekend, we noticed some behavioral changes, listlessness, just not himself and then some labored breathing. Scheduled an appt with the vet, but today he declined severely and rapidly. I took him in this afternoon. And, after an x-ray and other diagnostics, it was determined that his prognosis was extremely grave. His symptoms came on extremely quickly, and today he had peripheal edema all over his body. His final diagnosis was some sort of neoplasia (cancer) with secondary kidney failure. There was nothing they could honestly give him that would give him the quality of life that I think pets deserve. I could chosen to give him lasix for a few days, but honestly it would not have given him anything more than a couple of days, and then he would decline again. We came to the heartbreaking decision to let him go. I bawled for 2 hours at the vet waiting for my husband to get off duty on base, and get to the vet. My son is heartbroken as this is his first loss of a pet. I was a vet tech for 12 years, and regardless of how many times I had to comfort 1000's of pet owners through this process, nothing prepared me for how I would feel at this very moment.
     
    I was a single mom for 8 years before meeting my husband, and Harley was my best friend and like a second kiddo. He lived a fabulous life with us as more than just a pet. He slept with me every night, making biscuits on my belly, and would greet me at the door when coming home. This was our day in and day out routine. I definitely was not emotionally prepared for this, and watching my son say his final "good-bye" was absolutely heart-wrenching.
     
    My husband and I stayed with Harley during the procedure as I don't believe in having strangers comfort our loved ones in their last moments. I chose to have him privately cremated, and his ashes will be returned to me in a little cedar box. I couldn't bring myself to bury him in Florida knowing that we'll get orders and move from here.
     
    It was difficult laying in bed tonight and not have him there with me. I can only imagine how difficult the next few days, weeks and months will be as I will truly mourn this loss as I would any other loss of a family member. Harley was more than just a housecat, he was my comforter through all my complications post-op this past summer, he kept me company when John is deployed or away at training, he chased the 46lb basset hound around the house, kickin his ass and taking names. While I know we made the right decision, I almost can not forgive myself for letting him go. I made my husband promise me that he would not bring another cat home until I let him know that I was ready. John made it home a few minutes before myself and my son, he got his cat box, food and water bowls put away so I wouldn't have to deal with all that. Truly, my husband is my rock in situations like this, and I'm so grateful he was able to be there with me today.
     
    If you pray, please keep my family in your prayers. I was outside tonight on my porch. star gazing, and I saw this beautiful falling star and all I could think to wish for was comfort and peace for my son. He understands that it had to be done, but it doesn't make it any easier on him. They were literally the best of buds for the last 11 years, and my son is only 11.5 years old. My heart is full of memories of Harley and his shenanigans, and I will cherish those memories forever.
  5. Tiffykins
    I've switched over to blogspot.com
     
    It's not going to be focused completely on VSG, or my WL journey. It's life, and I believe I'm more than just a WLS patient.
     
    If you care to follow me, feel free to do so and comment if you can.
     
    Thanks ! ! !
     
    http://unraveledapronstringsinmypinkstiletto.blogspot.com/
  6. Tiffykins
    If you haven't seen this, I found this on OH, and think it'll give you an idea of honestly how minimal difference in a 32 and 40 really is.
     

     
    Just a visual to offer more pictures of how minimal the difference is between the sizes your concerned about.

     
    Here is a fabulous link for bougies. It physically lists every size of bougies, with the millimeter measurements.
    Scroll to pages 3 and 5 to see the table of reference for bougie sizes.
    http://www.medovations.com/pdf/Esoph...Dilatation.pdf
  7. Tiffykins
    After my old blog posts being brought up in a thread, and reviewing them myself, with some blogs getting 60 views, yet no replies/comments, I decided to change my blog settings to only people on my contact/friends list can view and/or leave comments.
     
    I understand the anonimity of the internet, and that what I put out there for all to see, but seriously 60 views without a comment kind of made me rethink even blogging here at all.
     
    I don't expect every person that reads my blog to comment, but lurking makes me nervous, and quite frankly creeps me out.
     
    I don't have a public blogspot for this very reason because I would wonder why so many are interested enough to read, yet they have no desire to really get to know me, or at least say "hello".
     
    I plan on shooting a message to the admin/mod team to find out if they other settings on the forum that allow anyone and everyone to view blogs. I changed my settings, but it said that the admin could override those settings.
     
    If my blog settings can not be selected by me, then I will not be blogging any longer.
  8. Tiffykins

    Chinese food was a hit

    By Tiffykins,

    So last night, I decided we would venture out to the local chinese/mongolian grill place. I haven't had noodles/chinese noodles in what seems like forever. Anyways, since I know that mac-n-cheese is not a problem, I assumed I would not have any issues with these noodles either. And, guess what I was in pure heaven last night.
     
    I had a small portion of noodles, chewed well, 1/2 spring roll, and 1/2 of a tiny dumpling. I couldn't eat the beef with my noodles because the grill master overcooked the beef, and it was too tough for me to chew. I had 2 bites of watermelon, 1 piece of pineapple and 2 bites of cantaloupe. The fruit is where I took one too many steps off a slippery slope. I knew I should not of eaten high sugary foods after those carby noodles, but I felt really great afterwards. The 15 minute car ride was fine, but 10 minutes after hitting the front door, my hiney was glued to the toilet. I didn't feel sick or nauseated, but I can only assume it was the fruit that did me in.
     
    I didn't have any cramping or discomfort even though I was full and satisfied, I should of never skimmed the fruit off the husband's plate.
     
    The noodles were fabulous. I felt like I was on cloud 9, and thanked my husband several times for going out for Chinese when I know he isn't a big fan of any of it.
     
    For me this is the very best aspect of the sleeve, I can still eat my favorites, but I'm not wanting to, nor have the desire to make 6 trips through the buffet lines. I was able to have a variety, and get a taste of anything I wanted. I felt so good and in control last night. I seriouly love my sleeve ! ! !
  9. Tiffykins

    Finally

    By Tiffykins,

    No more jaw pain. Last night, I took Caysen and 2 of his friends out for Mexican food. I don't know what it is about fajitas, but I always feel fabulous after I eat it. I did make the mistake of tempting fate, and attempting to eat a couple bites of tortilla at the end of the meal. I got to the parking lot, and the tortilla came back up. But, I didn't feel horrible.
     
    Today, for lunch I had leftovers because Caysen and I can eat fajitas for 1, and have leftovers. I feel even better today. I decided to treat myself to some coffee today as well. Overall, I feel pretty great. John is working tonight again, and will be back on a day shift starting Tuesday morning. He's just so exhausted, and I hate seeing him like this. He's pulled 12-13 shifts the last 4 nights, and he is just worn out. His sleep schedule has been so screwed since returning home. But, I know it will get better once he is back on his normal schedule.
     
    The squadron is having a Halloween function this coming Thursday, and I'm excited. I volunteered to help decorate, and make cookies. I'm making these adorable broomstick cookies.

    I kind of have a reputation to uphold in the baking/cooking department with the squadron ha ha ha. Last year, I made cinnamon strudel bread for a fundraiser bake sale. I made 6 loaves. The first loaf sold for like $7, but by the end of the day the guys were paying close to $30 for one loaf, and fighting over them. Everyone told John that he better "hang onto me" because of my baking. John wanted me to just pick up some pre-made cupcakes or cookies, and I told him NO WAY. I have to make sure whatever I make is a big hit.
     
    Anyways, I can't decide if I'm going to dress up or not. The commander's wife and I have chatted via Facebook, and she is dressing up and hinted that I should as well. If I do dress up, I think I'm going to be a Pirate. Nothing too sexy, or scary. But, I know that one "friend" that broke up with via Myspace after my hospitalization is going to be there, and just because she was so nasty to me, I want to look smashingly wonderful. I know that is spiteful, and completely out of character, but after her horrendous comments, I want to show her just how wonderful I look, and how fabulous I am doing. She made a surprise stop off at the squadron last week, and talked to John. Essentially, she welcomed him back, and apparently decorated their office. Her husband is leaving the squadron in 2 weeks, and has never decorated the squadron for any other holidays, but she made a special 15 mile trip up there to decorate the office that her husband, and John share. I told John "whatever, she just wanted to come up there you were there." No one can convince me otherwise. To me, it was just a bit coincidental/convenient for her to show up there when John was going to be there, not to mention with all 4 of her kids in tow. Now, logically, if she wanted to decorate, wouldn't be smart to go decorate the office, when 3 of your kids are in school, and there is no one in the office. I know I should let it go, but when someone hurts me so deeply, it's difficult for me to not see her ulterior motives, and let it crawl all over me. Luckily, 2 more weeks, and we'll be done with them forever. I told John that my name nor my child's name should never come out her filthy mouth, and he better defend me if anything crap gets started. I plan on being cordial, but I'm not going out of my way to be nice to her. I'll avoid her like the plague essentially, but I'm not going to allow her to ruin our night.
     
    Tomorrow we're going to attempt to make it out to the fair. I really want to do something fun, and get us all out of the house for something other than errands, and grocery shopping.
  10. Tiffykins
    Yesterday was a great day until I decided to try a sliver of German Chocolate cake that I made the day before.
     
    When I say sliver, I mean thinner than my pinky finger in width. It was tiny, but 10 minutes after eating it, I knew I was in trouble.
     
    I felt horrible, lethargic, and I could not get comfortable. I literally felt the gas building in my intestines. I was absolutely miserable. I decided to crash early, but as soon as I laid down, I was back up and on the toilet. It wasn't pleasant to say the least.
     
    I went back to bed, but 10 minutes later I was back in the bathroom. I haven't had days like this since the post-op diet stage of full liquids.
     
    I did finally get to sleep, and slept really great. Least to say, I don't think cake will be on my treat list ever again. It's crazy because I've had a sliver of cheesecake, a few snickers miniatures, with zero ill effects. Maybe the cake was just too rich?
  11. Tiffykins

    First day

    By Tiffykins,

    So, Caysen threw a fit this morning about me taking him to school instead of letting him ride the bus. I wasn't in the mood to fight with him so I let him ride the bus. I stayed in bed until 9am then got up, and went to the Y. Boy, let me tell ya it is was pretty intimidating. I just walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes then left. I don't know how to use half of the equipment in there so I felt pretty clueless.
     
    I really hope the training coordinator calls me today or tomorrow. If she doesn't, I'm calling her on Friday so I can go in and get set up to have a real work out. I didn't eat before I went so I felt pretty crappy just after 30 minutes. I have got to quit giving Caysen options. He has to learn that life isn't all about him. Sometimes we all make sacrifices that we may not like, but it has to be done. Tomorrow, I have bowling so I won't be going to the Y, but Thursday morning, I'm definitely going earlier in the morning. I know that I'll feel more comfortable the more I go. I really want to be successful so I have to keep at it.
     
    One day at a time. . .
  12. Tiffykins
    Caysen has been bugging me for weeks to go have Mexican food at the local dive mexican food joint here. Well, I decided today to venture out and give it a whirl. . . The most exciting part of the meal was when I went to sit down and I didn't have to move the table closer to him to fit in between the seat and table. I almost moved it habitually, then stopped myself and thought to myself "go ahead, try to fit there, no one is looking, if you have to move it then move it" So, as I glided in slowly I realized not only was i going to actually fit, I had a good 8+ inches of space between my belly and the table. I know that sounds crazy, but living my life as fat as I was, moving tables to accomodate my size or asking for a table because booths were too small was an every outing occurence. It was so embarassing, and degrading, as I sit here almost in tears, I am so grateful to have my life back, and to not have to move the table anymore is such a great accomplishment. I don't care how much weight I lose, nothing will feel as good as this NSV.
     
    We ordered chicken fajitas for one off the lunch menu, and brought home enough food for another person to eat a fajita. I had 4-5 little strips of chicken with sour cream and salsa. It was by far the best feeling in the world with the booth situation, and I didn't get sick on any of the food.
     
    YIPPEEEEEEE! ! !
     
    We went to the school this afternoon after lunch for the teacher meet-n-greet. He got a fabulous teacher, and I am so excited for him this year. He got Mr. B, and Mr. B is a buff, body builder teacher. He's strict yet fair, and we already talked about Caysen's attitude, and how it's time for Caysen to grow up. He will have homework every night, not in every subject, but 1-2 hours of homework can be expected. I think this year is going to be fabulous. We stopped off and spoke with his gym coach who had already found out who Caysen's primary teacher is this year. He said that Caysen was going to have a good year this year, and while he isn't bothered by Caysen's "smart assness", he can see how it can be distracting in a classroom setting. Caysen is really sarcastic, ummm kind like his mama ha ha ha. I know I need to set the example, but it is just how I am, and truthfully my entire family is the same way. We don't mean it negatively, it's just easier to be sarcastic than it is to be dry and dull. Caysen is always respectful, and minds his manners, but he can be a bit of a smartass.
     
    Day 2 of not smoking is going well. I really want to smoke, but at the same time, I haven't been nauseated today. I almost drove to the corner store, and Caysen touched my arm and said " but mommy, I don't want you sick anymore." I made a u-turn and headed to the house. I have eaten more today than I have in a week, and been able to keep everything down. I'm still only getting in 400-500 calories a day, but it's better than 200. I got a little nauseous right after we ate only because it's hot outside today, and when I get hot, I get icky feeling. The heat pretty much zaps me.
     
     
    John called this morning, and we were able to talk for 40 minutes. He is so ready to come home. Projected return date is the same so far, but I'm not getting my hopes up. He told me this morning, just be prepared to be flexible and expect delays. He literally made my day today, I was pretty down in the dumps, and he knew exactly what to say. We had a good giggle over my fat roll, it's an inside joke, y'all definitely wouldn't understand it, but lordy it's hilarious. We both had a good giggle, and he told me how much he had missed hearing me laugh. I haven't had a good laugh in months it seems like.
     
    Anyways, August is techincally 2/3 done, just another 10-11 days and then we'll definitely be in the homestretch.
  13. Tiffykins
    Today, I had my follow up with Dr. R.
     
    He's elated with my progress, and told me that I am doing fabulous. He's asked me to come in and give a testimonial, and "set an example" as I am their most successful sleeve patient. Boy, that was pretty awesome.
     
    I have excellent news. Before losing weight, my resting heart rate stayed between 115-125. But, my cardiac work up was normal. So, they just attributed it to my smoking and obesity. Today, my resting heart rate was 80 which is considered NORMAL.
    Unfortunately, I am having low blood pressure episodes, and he isn't sure what is causing this issue. He recommend that I return to my PCP for weekly blood pressure monitoring if it continues. I noticed the last 3 days when I would walk around the house, I would get dizzy, and even though my eyes were fully open, my eyesight would go black except for just little slits of light shining through. It was definitely un-nerving, and I'm not sure what is going on. I've never had blood pressure issues, high or low so this is an entirely new problem for me.
     
    Other than that, my appointment went great. I broke down and went shopping again today, BUT I got a pair of leopard print flats, SUPER ADORABLE for 75% off at the military mall. I'm such a clearance whore, it's pathetic. I had put myself on a shopping ban for at least 2 weeks, but how can I pass up a pair of leopard print flats to wear with my skinny jeans for $8.50 ! ! !
     
    Have a great week everyone. . .
  14. Tiffykins
    So, many of you know I've been trying to maintain my current loss.
     
    Well, this week I've actually gained 2 pounds, and I'm not the least bit upset about it. Grant it, I won't allow myself to gain more than 3 more pounds as I am very happy with myself at 130-135.
     
    But, I thought it was cool to not get upset over a 2lb gain. I've been eating anything and everything. Literally, and I'm feeling better and better every day.
     
    My low blood pressure issues seem to be resolving with the fluid increase, and activity increase. It could just be water weight as I'm drinking more and definitely having more carbs.
     
    But, I'm not worrying over 2 pounds. I know I could lose it overnight if I wanted to do so, and for the time being, I'm just going to enjoy living this normal little life I have now.
     
    A size 6 feels pretty damn good to be honest, and I don't want to get back into 8's, but I know that I'm in control, and I can lose it if I feel like I'm playing with fire.
  15. Tiffykins

    Gallstones it is. . .

    By Tiffykins,

    I had a sinking feeling that my gallbladder was the culprit in all of this. I was hoping it was something simple like the Wellbutrin, but of course not, it requires that I have another surgery.
     
    I went to the ER on Thursday night. Got a bag of fluids, 2 percocets, and a diagnosis of a UTI. The idiot doctor didn't even do an abdominal exam.
     
    Anyways, on Friday, I called my bariatric nurse, and he got me in for a GB ultrasound, and abdominal CT. The u/s revealed a gallbladder full of stones. I was told that the surgeon would be informed, and hopefully they will get me in soon for surgery.
     
    I left feeling pretty defeated. I'm back on a liquid diet, bland as it can be. Every sip, swallow, hurts.
     
    My surgeon, bless his heart, called me this morning (Saturday) and told me to come in on Tuesday at 10am. He's hoping to get me on the OR roster sometime this week. As much as I don't want to endure another surgery, I can't handle hurting like this constantly. Not to mention the horrendous gas that has started since all of this.
     
    Thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts.
     
    I'll try to keep everyone posted.
  16. Tiffykins

    Great news ! ! !

    By Tiffykins,

    So, I had my appointment with my PCM this morning. We discussed the Wellbutrin for me, and he thinks it's a good idea to try it for 1-2 months. He doesn't want me on it longer than 4-6 months. I know it takes 2-3 weeks for it to build up in my system so I'm setting a quit date of March 1st. He thinks that is reasonable. In the meantime, I will be cutting back significantly, and considering taking up crocheting to keep my hands busy.
     
    He also said that my resting heartrate being high is normal considering my heart was used to supplying blood to a much bigger body, and volume of cells. He said my heart and lungs sound great, and actually even better than last years physical. He noted last year that I took deep breaths, but had uneven breath sounds. It's probably because of all the fat in my upper body.
     
    I decided to shop at the base exchange today and bought 2 new pairs of SKINNY jeans, and they are ADORABLE ! ! ! Size 11 in juniors, I was so shocked. I could fit into a 9, but because I still have some hips they sat a bit low and made me uncomfortable.
     
    I also went and had my labs pulled today, and stopped by the surgeon's office. He's booked until February 8th. With the crisis in Haiti, he is coordinating the relief effort with doctors and surgeons. He is the director of medicine/surgery on base. Least to say, he's got his hands full. They did record my weight, and wanted to make sure I was feeling good, and didn't "need" to be seen. I told Capt. C (my bariatric nurse/coordinator) that I just want to know my lab results, and I'll see Dr. R in February.
     
    All in all, today was a great day. I'm home now enjoying some teriyaki noodles, and surfing the net.
     
    We're grilling out some T-Bones for dinner, and I haven't decided on the side dishes.
     
    Oh yeah, they were having a "case" sale at the base shoppette. A shoppette is a convenience store/gas station, and if it's a Class 6 shoppette, it's a liquor store as well. Guess what they were having a sale on? ? ? Liquor, beer and wine was all on sale. I picked up 4 bottles of Forest Glen wine.
     
    I came home read the prescription information on the Wellbutrin. It says I can't drink when taking it, so I'm not starting it until next week. I'm not drinking 4 bottles of wine over a weekend, but I'm going to have a couple of glasses.
  17. Tiffykins

    Happy New Years

    By Tiffykins,

    WOW, I can't believe it's 2010, and I can only hope this year is going to bring many blessing to all of us.
     
    As for our NYE out, we had a great time.
    John and I went out to dinner last night for NYE. We had Logan's steakhouse. John ordered a steak entree with 2 sides, and with their menu, if you order an entree you can order 1/2 rack of ribs for $6. I'm such a cheap date ha ha ha. Anyways, I decided to have a glass of wine, and it was so yummy, but I think I drank it too fast, and I actually caught quite a bit of a buzz. My lips were tingly, and my arms felt heavy. It wore off about 1/2 hour later, and I just felt relaxed.
     
    I ate 2 ribs with lots of barbque sauce, 4-5 bites of his mac-n-cheese (do you see a pattern I love mac-n-cheese), I ate part of the inside one of their yummy yeast rolls, and then drank the rest of the wine after my dinner settled.
     
    We then ventured to a local sports bar/grill, where I had 2 more glasses of Chardonay, and least to say I was feeling quite fabulous, hence the goofy pics on my Facebook ha ha ha.
     
    I woke up this morning to a 1lb increase on the scale. I figure it'll drop back off once I get more fluids in my system considering I slept like a log until 11:30 this morning.
     
    I got up this morning, and made pancakes for John, Caysen, and I always make an extra pancake for the Hank monster.
     
    Today to celebrate the new year, we'll have cabbage rolls (John's favorite, I've never had them), and I'm boiling the cabbage right now. IT STINKS ! ! ! We'll also enjoy some black-eyed peas for good luck. Pretty much, we'll spend the day watching college football bowl games, relaxing in our PJ's, and just enjoying each other's company.
     
    Here's some pictures of us last night. John thought I looked "hot" last night, he is so sweet. Of course, by the 2nd glass of wine, I was looking pretty rough.
     
    Ignore that icky spot on John's eye, it's a reflection from one of the neon signs in the bar ! ! !
     


     
    3rd glass of wine is well on board by this time, notice the blurriness much.

  18. Tiffykins
    After 2.5 years of trying to get a normal relationship with my mom, it has all hit the fan again.
     
    I can't even express my hurt, and true anger. I don't know if we'll ever get passed all of this, and if we do it isn't going to happen anytime soon.
     
    Why does life have to be so difficult? Why can't we just get a long? When will I learn that it will never change?
     
    Happily, I'm not seeking comfort in food. But, I am tired of allowing her to hurt me. I'm tired of trying to have a normal relationship and getting backhanded comments, and mean-spirited things said to me.
     
    I tried to talk to her about it tonight, and it turned into a huge clusterf*ck. Now, I'm stuck going to Texas without John because he can't get leave, and nowhere to really stay because I don't want to stay with her after this episode. It's so complicated, and I'm so hurt. I don't think I'll ever be able to have a normal, healthy relationship with my mom. I've already lost the relationship with my father. I just want normalcy, and will admit that I am so jealous of other girls that have great relationships with their mothers.
     
    I am so confused, and hurt. . .
  19. Tiffykins

    I did it, I did it

    By Tiffykins,

    Today, I hit my first goal of 60lbs lost, and gone forever. I almost cried when I stepped on the scale. My initial goal was 60lbs lost before John got home, and I still have over 30 days before he gets home to see the new me.
     
    I am feeling better every day, and am finally starting to enjoy eating some things. Some days are still a battle, but I know at least I am on the right track. I seriously can't believe I have lost this weight. I looked at myself closely in the mirror today. Even though my body looks kind of funny (I have the "spare tire" syndrome around my tummy), I know that it's something I can work on. I actually have a defined waist, my face isn't super chubby which to be honest was kind of adorable, but I love having a normal size neck so I can wear an 18" necklace, and it not look like a choker.
     
    I'm not trying to brag, but I am seriously elated today. It's been a long, exhausting road, and today was a good day. I've learned to cherish the good, and drudge through the bad. The good is starting to outweigh the bad at this point, and I'm on my way to a healthier, more fulfilling life.
  20. Tiffykins

    I'm FREE

    By Tiffykins,

    I went in and had the drains and line removed from my arm. No more TPN, and no more cumbersome drains .
     
    I am on clears for 2 weeks, and then I go back in to discuss transitioning into full liquids/mushies on July 9th. I can't believe how good it feels to not have all that crap attached to my body.
     
    My main goal is to stay hydrated. Dr. M isn't going to release me for work for at least a month. He said he just wants me to take it really easy. I can't vacuum, sweep or mop, but I can fold and put away laundry. Luckily, I have an amazing neighbor, who volunteered to come over and help me out with the housework.
     
    My younger brother, and best friend are heading out here on July 4th from Texas. They had this little vacation planned, and it worked out that they can bring Caysen home at the same time. 10 more days until they get here! ! !
     
    Overall, it's been a great morning.
  21. Tiffykins

    I'm NORMAL

    By Tiffykins,

    It's been a long time coming, but I finally have a normal BMI. Not that I allow that to determine my overall health, but it's pretty awesome, right?
     
    I am still on restricted activity for another 4 weeks which is driving me crazy, and I honestly think that is contributing to me still losing. I can't work out, and I'm going crazy. If I could build some muscle mass, I could still burn the fat, but not lose the pounds.
     
    I'm feeling good, and enjoying food again after gb removal, but it took nearly 10 days for me to be able to eat normally.
     
    Other than that, not a lot is going on. I've been shopping way too much, and really need to cut back. I got my wok in this week and can't wait until I get to use it. I'm so stoked for some homemade fried rice and mongolian noodles.
     
    Cheers, and I hope everyone is doing well.
  22. Tiffykins
    I have noticed over the last couple of weeks that the scale has become more of an afterthought. Maybe it's because I'm maintaining now, or I'm finally happy with where I'm at weight/size/shape wise. But, to be honest, I'm kind of mourning the loss of weighing all the time. I miss the high of jumping on the scale and seeing the numbers drop. I miss seeing the scale go down every day, and wondering what I can do to fill that void.
     
    I've shopped until my little heart is content. I've decided to get some of my clothes altered because I didn't wear them that long, and I really love certain pieces.
     
    I guess this is just a different phase of this journey that didn't really prepare myself for mentally or emotionally. I never denied being addicted to the scale, but I'm realizing that I am/was addicted to see those numbers drop every day. Now, it just says the same thing day in and day out.
     
    I know I should be elated. I realize that I should be stoked about my results. But, from one addiction to another is a weird transition. And, now I'm left with nothing to find as exhilarating as the numbers on the scale going down every day.
     
    Thought I would share my newest revelation. I need to find something to excite me and give me that "umph" of joy that I had during my losing stage.
  23. Tiffykins
    My phone rang this morning to let me know John's base had been bombed, and that communication was going to be down for several days. She told me to check Yahoo, and right there it was in black and white. My heart just sank, but she reassured me that if John would of been affected, I would of been contacted by now.
     
    It's been a long day already, and think it's dragging on because I'm looking forward to tomorrow so much. I go back to the surgeon tomorrow in hopes of good news for the TPN bag to be decreased. I'm also ready for the jp drains to come out.
     
    The pets are all doing okay. Hank (basset hound) is being needy, but I feel bad because he is used to the kiddo being home. Harley (cat) is being his old, cantankerous self, and Boxster (the turtle) is doing just fine.
     
    On the weight loss front, I haven't lost anything in a couple of days. This stupid TPN is giving me over 1800 calories a day, the first nurses were mistaken when they told me close to 3000 calories. The dietician told me my body needed that many to recover. So, I'm even more hopeful that my surgeon decreases this stuff, and lets me start getting in some liquids. I know it'll be okay in the long run.
     
    I warned y'all it would be rambling. I hope everyone has had a good weekend. . .
  24. Tiffykins
    my stomach is a total wreck. I've always suffered from GI issues during stress, and major issues. So, far today, I've choked down 1 pizza roll, and about 2oz of deli meat with 1oz of cheese.
     
    This sucks, it hurts, but we'll survive. If you all could please keep our military in your thoughts and prayers. 30 troops have been injured, and it's total devastation down there.
     
    If you want to help donate to our military, I have a list of supplies that are needed, and can give addresses for shipment of supplies.
     
    It's just been one of those day.
  25. Tiffykins

    Just elated

    By Tiffykins,

    I went shopping yesterday, and had so much fun. I had bought a pair of 16 Levi's 2 weeks ago, but they are now saggy in the hiney, so I went and exchanged them for a pair of workout pants, a new fall cardigan, and size 14 jeans at our base exchange. Then we headed off to the mall. Old Navy has amazing clearance racks, and I picked up a bunch new tops and a warm weather sweater in a size MEDIUM. I don't think I've worn a medium sweater since junior high. The shirts I bought were large, but I could of gone for the mediums. I'm still stuck in the "fatty" mindset sometimes, and I really hate trying on clothes at the store. Luckily, I will be able to shrink some of the shirts. Plus, Old Navy had military discount day, so I got over 100bucks of clothes for $71 ! ! !
     
    Today, I headed to Wal-Mart for some essentials and browsed their clearance racks as well. I picked up some pajama pants, and new work out pants in the junior section size 13. I almost fell over when I tried them on. I couldn't believe I fit into a junior anything. I also had to try on this new "shirt dress" trend I'm seeing everywhere. No such luck, I looked at the tag after I took it off, and it was a Miley Cyrus dress. I just laughed at myself thinking I could even remotely justify my 32 year old a$$ buying a Miley Cyrus dress. I only tried on the work out pants because I need them since I plan on hitting the gym 5 days this week.
     
    Next Monday, we are taking vacation to West Virginia to spend a week with John's family. I'm excited for the vacation, but it never fails that there is drama when we go. I'm hellbent on making it a good Thanksgiving week.
     
    Other than that, not much going on. I'm feeling good, and able to eat more calories. I start day 1 of the strength training program. On Tuesday evening, I'm going to attend the Hip Hop dance class, Wednesday is Day 2, Thursday Day 3, and then Friday is Spinning class. The strength training program rotates every 3 days, and targets a different body area every day.
     
    I hope everyone had a good weekend.

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