JWhipple

Divorce papers were notarized AGAIN last night , plus I got her to sign off of the house. To add insult to injury, the guy she was staying with before she is now in a relationship with and has made a point of plastering it all over her facebook page along with photos of the "family thanksgiving". She had been stringing me along for the past several months, saying that she was staying with her daughter (which I now know was a crock of bull) and coming to see me when she could. I would sit around the house waiting day in and out for the opportunity to see her if she could come over, and of course, the one time that I was utterly exhausted from a bad day at work and all I wanted to do was go to bed she called and was upset that I wasn't at her beckon-call . I guess I was the "other man" for a while and didn't even realize. So, I won't be too terribly surprised once the divorce is finalized that she gets married PDQ to this guy... All I can say is that you can never trust a woman who you got by her cheating on her husband. Also - I did a little public records research last night, turns out that she's been married a bit more than she had told me. Apparently I'm not the only guy she married more than once, some poor sap was gullible enough to marry her THREE TIMES. So, this makes SEVEN divorces she'll have once this one is final. This year has been a real roller-coaster ride - one that I can say I wouldn't ever want to ride again!

This just won't end.... We spent a few weeks together and I saw a marked improvement since she was back on her antidepressants full time (I verified each morning that it was taken). We decided since I was starting the new job and would immediately have benefits that we should go make things legal again, so we went to the courthouse and remarried. 3 weeks later, she had only moved a little of her stuff back and we were planning on bringing the balance back over there that weekend. When I got home on Wednesday, all of the stuff she had brought back over was gone, as was her Chihuahua. To this date I've gotten no explanation that was worth even considering being the truth - she just spouted off a few random things and said they were why she moved out. I don't buy it. So, she wants to get this annulled and if we can't, we'll have to pay for another divorce. Since she has left the depression has kicked itself up a notch. I slept nearly the entire weekend away. I need to see about getting my dosage increased. I'm feeling down all day, when I can sleep I have nightmares about her over and over again. I just wish she could stop haunting my memory FOR GOOD! At least I still have my job!

Long story short... 1) Job is going well! 2) Daughter has spent most of the summer with me and is doing well. She'll be returning to school on Monday. 3) Mom worked with me the whole time on the child support situation. 4) I found out the WHOLE and REAL story with what was going on with my wife... We are working on ironing out all the differences and she is back on her medication FULL TIME. We are dating and she is living with her daughter. The "boyfriend" was bogus... She told me there was another man to make me jealous because she thought there was something going on between my prior wife and I. She found out the truth by watching my house for almost a week and found out that there indeed was nothing going on. Stalking? Yes, but, I won't complain since it cleared me of any wrongdoing. She came clean about it and told me the whole scoop as well as me having talked to the "boyfriend" face to face and found out there was indeed nothing going on, in fact, he was the one who urged her to Iron things out with me. He was never anything more than a roommate.

The job would start the first week of next month. The divorce was final as of 6/29 2009, as in last Monday. Since it was uncontested it went through the system very quickly.

Oh my freaking head - will this NEVER end? So, she filed the divorce, moved out, divorce is finalized on 6/29 , and now she's begging me to take her back!!!!! She realizes now that she made a huge mistake, that this never would have happened had she have stayed on her medications the way she was supposed to, and says that the business about the boyfriend was all BS to make me sign off on the divorce without resisting. Don't get me wrong, I still have feelings for her, but the trust is COMPLETELY gone. There have been too many lies told to me that I found out the truth about. On a positive note, I have a job lined up now that will start the first week of next month, ironically, with the same company that I worked for before, but with a 40% pay reduction (it's better than unemployment!).

1 Week Before (shown with the soon-to-be ex-wife): Current: Still many pounds to go, but a big improvement over my original.

Just a quick update for everyone. She came over yesterday and brought with her divorce papers for me to sign and get notarized, so, i reluctantly went with her to get it over with. Apparently the ED that I mentioned was big enough of an issue for her to leave me, even though I sought help for it. She said yesterday that I should have sought help sooner, and even though she has said in the past that she felt the cause all along was the blood pressure meds I am on, she rolled her eyes anytime I mentioned those meds being the cause of the issue. She has also found someone else already and apparently is staying in their spare bedroom - sorry - I have a hard time believing that one. If she's met a guy she wants to be with , I cant see her just staying in the spare bedroom. So, anyhow, I guess thats the end to this chapter of my life. Time to move on - or become a monk. On the other hand though, the stress from all this really has helped my weight loss! Even though the past month my weight has actually gone up a couple of pounds, my pants keep getting bigger and bigger!

I actually have an appointment already setup for that 3 week point so we can go over how I am doing and for him to up the dosage. It's very hard right now for me. I am awake maybe 5 hours of the day, the rest I am sleeping so hard that I have to keep the phone right by my ear otherwise it won't wake me. I have a ton of resumes out there right now, otherwise I would not worry about any calls coming in! As far as cobra goes - my job did give me 3 months of that on their bill. I hope it doesn't come to me having to use all 3 months though.

I'm doing anything I can to try and start fresh... Hell I even shaved off all my facial hair - only time I have shaved it in the past 3 years except for on my banding day when they required me to be clean shaven. Oh no - I will NOT tell her that I will always be there for her. I've been there for her for tough times, even to the point of bailing her out of jail for something she was charged with (which I KNOW she isn't guilty of), but for her to pick of all times NOW to decide to leave, that's a kick in the gut. Tomorrow is her birthday. Right now every penny is tight because of the job situation, so, I didn't get her a card. I did call her this afternoon and left a voicemail wishing her a happy birthday and told her that I didn't get a card because I didn't know when the next time would be that I would see her, and left it at that. Sure, if things work out, we'll get back together, but, I can't say that I have high hopes for that happening.

Looks like she is definitely moving out... she pulled the , "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" and "it's not you, it's me" card. It feels like a complete cop-out. She'll probably be out this coming weekend. She's been avoiding the house, in fact, I think she's been here a total of 2 nights this past week. The rest of the time she's been spending at a girlfriend's place. She says that she wants to give me my space. Space? I don't want space - I want her! The Prozac hasn't done much of anything, but my doctor did forewarn me that it will take up to 3 weeks to get into my system. All I do is sleep and cry a lot. I've got an appointment now to see a counselor - I'm hoping they can help me out on all of this, because the statement I made about not feeling much like a man anymore - it's intensified.

This probably isn't the right place to look, in fact I have already seen a doctor and plan on seeing a counselor PDQ, but I need to solicit some help and feedback from the many good people I have talked to on this forum. The situation as of current. Thursday of last week, while at home on vacation, I got "the call" from work informing me that I had been laid off after having been there 9 1/2 years. Sunday after that my wife announced that she was moving out. Between the two of these incidents, in addition to some deep depression that I had falled into recently because of the issues that my wife and I have been experiencing, I feel like my whole life is in a downward spiral. Monday I went to the doctor and got prescribed Prozac for the depression - God please let it start working quickly because I can't take how I am feeling much longer! A little background to the issues with my wife. She and I had our 2nd anniversary on 5/12. We were both banded on 12/8/08. Before that she had some personal issues (out of respect for her I won't give any details publicly) that drove her into a depression and ultimately onto anti-depressant medications. After starting to take them she was the woman that I married again and I couldn't be happier! She stopped taking them for a while because they were no longer having any effect, which from what I understand is simply NOT a good idea. She got into some hellacious mood swings and we fought a lot. The problem with the fighting was not because of what she was saying, but rather, what she was not saying. She would not open up to me what she was upset about, regardless whether or not it related to me or something that I had done. I eventually would get it out of her that she was mad at me, but, never got any details of what I had done, not done, or otherwise. Because of the stress of her issue that prompted her to go onto the anti-depressants and a lot of workplace stress, I had to go onto blood pressure medication because I got to the point of having extremely high pulse (160-170 BPM) resting. As a result of these blood pressure meds, I experienced one of the ugly side effects - erectile disfunction and total lack of desire. "Things" would work, but required some work to get them into "drive". She took this personally as if I was no longer attracted to her , which could not be ANY further from the truth - she's the most beautiful woman I have ever know, inside and out, and I love her with all of my heart! This caused some fights as well and got her thinking that I was cheating on her, which could not be further from the truth. We went through some bad months and good months. She ended up going back to the doctor and got the dosage of the anti-depressant increased, which helped out a bit. About 2 months ago we got into a pretty bad fight and then it came out - she had cold-turkey stopped taking the meds again. About a week later she told me that she was sorry for everything that she had been putting me through. This honestly lifted a lot of weight from my shoulders. After a trip up north to see her family, she came back and I felt the weight again. She was upset about something that I did but wouldn't tell me. I took it upon myself to go see the doctor about the erectile disfunction and he gave me a couple of sample packs of Cialis. (NOTE - This stuff works, and works WELL - but ONLY if you actually have some form of ED!) I told my wife about it and we put them to use. She was very satisfied! A few good weeks went by again and we hit another brick wall. We had another huge fight, which I didn't find out what we were even fighting about for a few more weeks, but come Sunday, she announced that she was moving out. Her explanation is she doesn't feel the same way about me that she used to. "It's not you, it's me". "I love you but I am not in love with you." In my heart I can't help but think these are cop-outs, but, I must say that everything in the past she has told me I took at face value and it ended up being just what she said. I can't help but think though that maybe she's seeing someone else, maybe she feels that she can do better than me now that she's lost over 60 pounds, maybe it's the ED issues I'm seeing because of the BP meds. I need some direction here. Do you think it's her lack of taking the medications that has brought us to this? I love her with all of my heart and can't bear the thought of losing her. She has all the divorce papers already filled out but says she just wants to live apart for 6 months so she can have her space and see where it leads her feelings. In my experience, these trial seperations never work - you may as well just skip the trial and go right to the divorce. Any advise is greatly appreciated. There is one other concern, that I'll need to talk to a lawyer about , but I want to see what everyones thoughts are here. Child support.... I have a 11 1/2 year old daughter from a previous marriage that I pay $500 a month support on. With me now being on unemployment, having to keep a roof over my head, having other financial obligations, what happens now if I can't afford to pay this $500 a month? I'll be talking to a lawyer about this but this really has me scared. I've lost my job, lost my wife - the last thing left is my daughter and it scares me to death to face losing her. Thanks so much for reading and any help anyone can provide. All in all I don't feel like much of a man anymore because of all that's going on.