bitteroldhag

I ate a slab of prime rib the other night and it felt fine. I also ate some baked potato with it to help it go down. I suspect I ate at least 1 1/2 to 2 cups of food. When I mentioned protein drink to my doctor, he said to eat beef. I can't eat in the morning and so I have a protein drink. By about 2 p.m., I'm hungry so I eat some soup. But in the evening, my band opens up and I can eat quite a lot. Unfortunately I haven't been losing lately, so I'm going to have to have my band fixed. I don't know whether to have it filled or unfilled. I was PBing a lot until I figured out that I should cut meat to the size of my index fingernail. That is working a lot better. But I have a lot of stress and that may be interfering with weight loss. I'm going to check out the cortisol problem and see if that is interfering.

Audrey -- You are simply beautiful. I hope that I get down to your previous weight someday. I take care of my 86 year old mother and I think the stress keeps me from losing more than I have. I now weigh 185, down from 220, but I'd like to lose more. I may have my band fiddled with. But you are wonderful. It makes me feel much better that you gained weight during your mother's last fight. Stress is bad, but you seem to have handled it and are going on. This gives me hope. Thank God for the British and I hope you are preggers very soon.

If you are planning to give a party, the first thing you should do is lie down, take 5 deep breaths and think of the ocean or a mountain stream until the urge subsides. If, after meditating for quite awhile, you still plan to give a party, you should follow these rules: If you make sausage cheese balls, stand over them and eat all of them without letting anyone else have one. Tell them you suspect they are poisoned and you feel that it’s your duty to taste all of them. Make stuff ahead of time. By this I mean, buy stuff ahead of time. You can get great little quiches and spanikopitas (spelling?) and stuff like that at the grocery store. Buy some good tasting lunch meat and rolls and make little sandwiches, and the folks will think they are really uptown. I’m a believer in olives. My friend serves these Greek olives that taste absolutely horrible and have pits, but if you have to be uptown about it, they have some Greek olives with peppers stuffed in them that are edible. I like plain old green and black olives. Avoid olives with pits or you will be finding them all over your house for days. Do not make a salad or a vegetable plate. No one will eat it, and you’ll have to grind it all up in the disposal, or throw it in the yard hoping the birds will eat it though they never do. If you don’t have dogs, borrow some. They are great disposals. Do not give the dogs the margarita punch. You can borrow my dogs who will eat anything—peas, salad greens, cranberry jelly, anything. Have lots and lots of booze. If the guests are well oiled enough, they’ll listen to people talk about their grandchildren and actually act interested. I always make heavily laced Margarita punch which they love. With enough Margarita punch, they will swear yours is the best party they ever attended. Recipe for Margarita Punch: 2 or more bottles of Margarita mix, 1-2 bottles of Tequila per punchbowl depending on the size of the punchbowl. Lots of largish plastic cups or iced tea glasses. Ice. Buy a lot of cream cheese. You can spread a dab of cream cheese on a cracker and stick an olive or canned shrimp on it, and the guests will think they are at the Ritz. Another cream cheese trick for the really lazy is to plop a block of cream cheese on a plate and pour something like blackberry or currant jelly over it and add some parsley on the side. Serve with fancy crackers from the grocery store. It looks great and with enough Margarita punch, guests will eat it. If you don’t have parsley, just put some celery leaves by it. It will taste terrible but if you have followed the Margarita punch instructions, it won’t matter. Have a carry-in. I like to do this. It saves a lot of work and the guests will generally eat the stuff they brought even though no one else will. If you insist on cooking fresh food, make the guests work. They love it because it delivers them from having to make small talk about their gallbladder operation or their trip to Cancun. I am a big fan of chili or Frito pie if I want to cook something. I made chili with Wick Fowler seasoning at one party, and one guest had enough Margarita punch that he swore that was the best chili he had ever had. Make more Margarita punch. Drink a lot of it. If you are attending a party, there are some problems with etiquette I should cover: Since you can never find a seat at a party to eat and drink because someone else has always gotten there first, there is a real problem in holding your plate and drink and eating. I find that if I hold the plate in my left hand and the drink in my right hand, I either spill the food or the drink. If I spill the drink, I usually just stand on the spot on the carpet until I figure that people won’t notice I messed it up. But with diligent research, I discovered the way to hold a plate and a drink at the same time and still eat. This requires a sort of genius that most of us don’t have. But here’s how to do it. You slide the edge of the plate between your little finger and third finger and set the drink on the plate. Then you eat and drink with the other hand. This works with paper or plastic plates which weigh about .000007 of a gram, but I haven’t tried it with real plates. I suppose if the plate is heavy you could put it between your 2nd and 3rd fingers and prop it up with your little finger, but I don’t know because I only attend cheap parties. The plate trick works unless you have a fork. You can try to wedge the fork under some food, but after you eat that food, you’re out of luck. My solution is to lick the fork clean and put it in a pocket or your purse. Ladies can always stick it down their bras. If you are not wearing a bra, I recommend buying a fork garter and you can stick the fork in there. This is particularly useful at weddings where they use real silverware, so you can’t go back and get 3 or 4 forks. Really, the nerve of some people – only one fork per person! I hope this has been helpful for the coming holiday season. If you don’t spill your drink, you can thank me. __________________ bitteroldhag Banded: May 11, 2006 Dr. Arturo Rodriguez Monterrey, Mexico

I read all the time. I just read Ender's Game and the trilogy that followed that. I am a major Terry Prachett fan and am just finishing Thud. He's so funny. I have been reading foreign novels for a class I'm planning and recommend: Kiterunner; Memoirs of a Geisha; anything by Isabel Allende. I'm fixing to start some Japanese authors, having finished a couple of Chinese books. If you like science fiction and fantasy I highly recommend Terry Prachett. He's hilarious.

Thanks for paying attention. I will try to repost though that may be beyond my computer skills. After all of this, you probably won't even like it.

As Billy Crystal often says, "You look mahvelous!!"

Well, I think the title said what I have to say about that. I hope somebody reads that post. I've been waiting for days for someone to read it. Please?

I did a supposedly humorous post on giving a party which is from "The Suicide Cookbook, or How to Eat Yourself to Death in 40-50 Years" which was never published because I couldn't get an agent. Apparently treating food as fun is verboten. But no one has read my post and I want some feedback. Would somebody read the post? Thanks.

I live in one of the approximately 3 counties in Oklahoma that are blue. I'm so glad. I'm going to change the old slogan "better red than dead" to "better blue than dead" even though it doesn't rhyme.

Carlene -- I just love your posts though I don't agree with you on everything, most everything, but not everything. I hope the newbies can figure out how to the use website so they can avoid obnoxious people like us. As a professor though, I'm really pleased with the rants and raves forum because it shows critical thinking, meaning a person thinks for him- or herself, which is what we are trying very hard to teach our students. I'm so pleased to see that people who have been overweight are thoughtful and funny and entertaining. I love this forum.

I'm from Oklahoma also. Several of us are, but most of the Okies don't post on the Rants and Raves because they aren't interested in the topics. I sure am impressed by your weight loss. I lost 35 pounds and stopped. It's depressing but I'm glad I lost the 35. When lapbandtalk.com comes up on my computer, there is a list of topics so I don't know how people get into the Rants and Raves. You might want to bookmark lapbandtalk.com rather than somethings else. Congratulations on your weight loss.

I have the feeling that you were born after Vietnam and have no idea what life was like then. I am grateful for your father's service, but Vietnam was a civil war that the French couldn't handle so the Americans got involved and we couldn't handle it either. We lost 58,000 men, one of whom I might have married, but didn't because he was dead. My own father was in the Signal Corps on New Guinea in WWII. He was not in combat except for the air raids on his base. But I study combat memoirs as a Ph.D. in English and I can say that men who were in combat are different from those who were not. If you want to read some of these memoirs, I'll be glad to send you 50-60 titles. I have talked with men who were in combat and they aren't the same as they were before that. They still have nightmares. They still leap out of bed and crouch in the corner and threaten their wives because they think they are enemy soldiers. Has you father done that? I am against war in general, unless it really, really is necessary because I don't want anyone to ever have to suffer like these veterans have. Believe me, I am really pleased that your father did not have to experience combat. I'm really, really glad that mine didn't have to. And I really, really sympathize with those who did have to suffer through it.

Sorry to irritate you, but your father was one of the lucky ones who didn't have to go to Vietnam. A lot of folks got sent to Germany and other places, but in my small town, just about everyone who got drafted went to Vietnam. I think it's because my town was in Illinois, heavily German, and very patriotic. Or maybe our guys just weren't smart enough to qualify for better jobs. I don't know. It was the luck of the draw. Some of our guys got drafted into the Marines. Marines will tell you that the Marine Corps is totally voluntary, but I'm here to tell you some of our guys got drafted into the Marines. I later read a story about this and it is true. Amazing.

It just struck me. Why was GWB in the ALABAMA National Guard? He's from Texas and the Northeast, so why in the world would he be in the Alabama National Guard? That strikes me as very odd. I suspect Daddy helped him out there. As a Vietnam era person, I know men did all sorts of things to get out of the military, including signing up for the National Guard, which required some major parental pull to get in. But no one I know would have signed up for the National Guard in another state, and only an idiot would sign up for the National Guard in Alabama which was having all sorts of racial problems at the time. Maybe the Alabama National Guard had some openings. Very few other state National Guards had any at the time. But I suspect some sort of collusion. Another thing that chills me is the idea of GWB flying an actual fighter plane. You have to have brains to do that. Of course, I've only seen a picture of him in the cockpit and have no information that he ever actually flew a plane. I hope not. They cost a whole lot of money that we pay for. But my understanding is that he only showed up for a few days anyway so we were safe there. One of my high school friends is still MIA in Vietnam, one is insane, and one died, yet GWB never had to go over there. That irritates me, especially when he so cavalierly declared war on Iraq with no proof that Iraq had done anything to deserve it. Now we are in a such a serious mess that I don't think we can get out without destroying Iraq. My guess is that we'll get out, and Iraq will find another strongman to be dictator. People want order and basic security and we're certainly not providing that for them. Another dictator will do that, so I'm thinking that will be the future scenario. Democracy won't be the question. Whether we can install a dictator who is friendly to us will be the biggest problem. The worst case scenario is a dictator who is friendly to Iran, and al Sadr seems to be poised to take over. I don't think the ordinary U.S. citizen has any idea of how radical the Iranian clerics are. They are nuts, but they are very smart nuts. As we know from Hannibal the Cannibal, there is very little more frightening than a smart nut.

I see we Leos are heavily represented in this poll. I hope the other signs are just not voting because I hate to think that being a Leo makes us fat people. But Leos are kings and queens who like the good life so maybe it's not so strange that we are heavily represented. I wonder what people's moon signs are.

For some strange reason I have always prefered short, thin men. Even when I was a teenager, I liked short thin men. It's weird. I still like short, thin men though most of them don't like me since I'm twice as big as they are. But at my age, the question is moot. I'm not particularly interested in men. I figure if I had a man, I'd just have to take care of him, and I have enough trouble taking care of mother, the 7 animals and myself. I would like a man who would take care of me though. Do you think they exist?

I had my usual PB yesterday. I'm really getting irritated with that and will have an unfill at Christmas. But I'll try the carbonated drink idea too. I bought a whole can of pineapple juice yesterday and today I ate two pork chops, asparagus and some cottage cheese with nary a whimper. Naturally. But I'm glad to hear of these remedies since I really don't want to drink meat tenderizer. It think it might be best to tenderize the meat first, no?

Lane Bryant had boots last year and they were pretty cool looking. They are cut for larger legs. I like English riding boots and they had those. I didn't get them because I got the other boots that I couldn't zip up. I also bought a leather jacket from Lane Bryant and it's very good. I also have a padded leather coat from there. They have some nice clothes. Take a look at their site.

Well, I've noticed that my legs are getting quite thin. I look like a balloon standing on sticks. My stomach is still huge as are my arms. I'm hoping they will get smaller someday but I haven't lost a pound in a couple of months. I think it's because my band is too tight and I can't really eat a lot of protein and veggies. So I exist on fattening stuff. But I'm going to get an unfill on Christmas break and hope that I will start losing again. Oddly, it seems that one must eat to lose weight. Whoda thunk it?

If you are planning to give a party, the first thing you should do is lie down, take 5 deep breaths and think of the ocean or a mountain stream until the urge subsides. If, after meditating for quite awhile, you still plan to give a party, you should follow these rules: If you make sausage cheese balls, stand over them and eat all of them without letting anyone else have one. Tell them you suspect they are poisoned and you feel that it’s your duty to taste all of them. Make stuff ahead of time. By this I mean, buy stuff ahead of time. You can get great little quiches and spanikopitas (spelling?) and stuff like that at the grocery store. Buy some good tasting lunch meat and rolls and make little sandwiches, and the folks will think they are really uptown. I’m a believer in olives. My friend serves the Greek olives that taste absolutely horrible and have pits, but if you have to be uptown about it, they have some Greek olives with peppers stuffed in them that are edible. I like plain old green and black olives. Avoid olives with pits or you will be finding them all over your house for days. Do not make a salad or a vegetable plate. No one will eat it, and you’ll have to grind it all up in the disposal, or throw it in the yard hoping the birds will eat it though they never do. If you don’t have dogs, borrow some. They are great disposals. Do not give the dogs the margarita punch. You can borrow my dogs who will eat anything—peas, salad greens, cranberry jelly, anything. Have lots and lots of booze. If the guests are well oiled enough, they’ll listen to people talk about their grandchildren and actually act interested. I always make heavily laced Margarita punch which they love. With enough Margarita punch, they will swear yours is the best party they ever attended. Recipe for Margarita Punch: 2 or more bottles of Margarita mix, 1-2 bottles of Tequila per punchbowl depending on the size of the punchbowl. Lots of largish plastic cups or iced tea glasses. Ice. Buy a lot of cream cheese. You can spread a dab of cream cheese on a cracker and stick an olive or canned shrimp on it, and the guests will think they are at the Ritz. Another cream cheese trick for the really lazy is to plop a block of cream cheese on a plate and pour something like blackberry or currant jelly over it and add some parsley on the side. It looks great and with enough Margarita punch, guests will eat it. If you don’t have parsley, just put some celery leaves by it. It will taste terrible but if you have followed the Margarita punch instructions, it won’t matter. Have a carry-in. I like to do this. It saves a lot of work and the guests will generally eat the stuff they brought even though no one else will. If you insist on cooking fresh food, make the guests work. They love it and it delivers them from having to make small talk about their gallbladder operation or their trip to Cancun. I am a big fan of chili or Frito pie if I want to cook something. I made chili with Wick Fowler seasoning at one party, and one guest had enough Margarita punch that he swore that was the best chili he had ever had. Make more Margarita punch. Drink a lot of it. If you are attending a party, there are some problems with etiquette I should cover: Since you can never find a seat at a party to eat and drink because someone else has always gotten there first, there is a real problem in holding your plate and drink and eating. I find that if I hold the plate in my left hand and the drink in my right hand, I either spill the food or the drink. If I spill the drink, I usually just stand on the spot on the carpet until I figure that people won’t notice I messed it up. But with diligent research, I discovered the way to hold a plate and a drink at the same time and still eat. This requires a sort of genius that most of us don’t have. But here’s how to do it. You slide the edge of the plate between your little finger and third finger and set the drink on the plate. Then you eat and drink with the other hand. This works with paper or plastic plates which weigh about .000007 of a gram, but I haven’t tried it with real plates. I suppose if the plate is heavy you could put it between your 2nd and 3rd fingers, but I don’t know because I only attend cheap parties. The plate trick works unless you have a fork. You can try to wedge the fork under some food, but after you eat that food, you’re out of luck. My solution is to lick the fork clean and put it in a pocket or your purse. Ladies can always stick it down their bras. If you are not wearing a bra, I recommend buying a fork garter and you can stick the fork in there. This is particularly useful at weddings where they use real silverware, so you can’t go back and get 3 or 4 forks. Really, the nerve of some people – only one fork per person! I hope this has been helpful for the coming holiday season. If you don’t spill your drink, you can thank me.

I just started reading your thread tonight but I relate to a lot of it. However, you shouldn't think you are unloved. There are a whole lot of people who seem to love you quite a bit because they respond to your posts with much love. I care about you and I'll probably never meet you. You've had a really, really tough life so I hope you get better soon and realize that a whole lot of people do care about you. You are honest and kind and are starting to toughen up and tell people where to go. I like that. I took me until my 30s to do that but now I tell the doctors where to go. I lay down the law to them and there is nothing they can do about it. I think we just have to stand up for ourselves on occasion and tell unhelpful people to go to hell and take their buddies with them.

Gastric pain can be confused with a heart attack, but as a person who has had a bypass, I recommend you check this out. The key thing with this sort of pain is sweating. If you broke out in a sweat, definitely have your heart checked. I had my gallbladder out in 1991 due to pain which didn't go away. In 1993, I had a double bypass (I was 45 years old). Actually I still have the pain but it is irritable bowel syndrome which the docs were too stupid to figure out in 1991. But don't take chances with your heart. They can fix many problems now without a bypass. If you had pain radiating down your arm and in your jaw, that sounds like angina at the least. Check it out.

Carlene -- Thanks for the info about human drano. I got some pizza stuck tonight and tried pineapple juice. It worked like a charm. I think I may lose a little more weight now. Currently, my body is eating itself since I can't eat much. The human drano should fix that. Thanks so much.

I cooked a big turkey dinner and ate about two bites and had a PB. It was sort of disgusting for the guests, but after that I could eat a little. It took me most of an hour, but I ate about 3 oz of turkey, dressing, some 5 cup salad and a French artichoke bottom stuffed with mushrooms. I even ate a thin slice of pumpkin pie. I was proud of myself since I PB a lot. I'm thinking of having an unfill because of all the PBing. But I love to cook and I made a very good Thanksgiving dinner. Tomorrow I'm making prime rib. I made that a couple of weeks ago and ate quite a lot of protein. So I'm going to try it again. It would be nice if the cook could eat a big more, but what the hell, I like the cooking, not the eating.

I got through the whole thing. We only have 3 people and I made a 16 pound turkey so my friend Mary took most of it home with her. I used to eat a whole lot of turkey, but I started eating, got something stuck and had to throw up some water I had drunk to try to get it down. That was disgusting, but they said they couldn't hear me throwing up. After that it was all smooth sailing. I ate turkey, cranberry jelly, some dressing and an artichoke bottom with mushroom filling. The artichoke bottom was a little stringy so I mostly ate the filling. Also I ate a small slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream. I didn't make the sweet potato pie because Mother wanted pumpkin. I'll make one some other time though we'll have to give away half of it. I'm a little hungry now (aout 8 hours after dinner) so I think I'll nuke some dressing or something. My friend said it was the best dressing I've made yet. She says that every year. Mother said it was the best dinner I've made yet, but she says that every year too. Still it stirs this old cook's heart when people compliment the dinner. I worked like a stevadore. The dogs did very well with the drumsticks, wings and the leftover carcass. They are happy. So everyone is happy including me. I'll be less happy tomorrow when I have to have the MRI about my previous stroke which I didn't even know I had. I hope they can work something out to keep me from stroking out so I can make Thanksgiving dinner next year. I highly recommend Assam tea. It makes superior iced tea. I got some in England two years ago and guard it with my life, but I ordered some on the internet so I can make more tea this year. We can't buy it here. It is the best tea I've ever had. Expensive, but good. It beats Earl Grey hands down. Hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving and don't work yourself to death for Christmas. I'll have prime rib and turkey again for Christmas. I just love this time of year because I get to cook really good stuff. Now I get to decorate the house for Christmas which is my second favorite thing to do. Happy days!