Nikki@50

Hey all! Woah, I didn’t mean to make this so long, but I’m a rambler. This is my first post and I'm not sure if it belongs here, but it’s going here lol.
I’ve been battling depression and obesity since I was a child. I hit 200lbs when I was 12, and although I was an active dancer in highschool and walked so so so much (my friends and I were mallrats with no cars) and saw a nutritionist in my junior and senior year, I was probably around 215 when I graduated. For a 5’2”, 17 year old girl, that was already morbidly obese and it just went up from there. I was definitely in survival mode for the next few years, on a few antidepressants, working and going to school, just trying to live.
The earliest data I have from my FitBit and MyFitnessPal has be at 275lb in 2016, and I know I went up to the 290s in 2017, because 2017 is a blank on my trackers, and knowing me, I was too ashamed to record it. The next I have is 273 in 2018. I went off my antidepressants around the end of 2017, and while I was mentally “white-knuckling” it, I started losing weight. But it was very much a lose 10lbs, gain 15-20 cycle. Then my birth control made it worse. At the beginning of this year, I was stuck in a plateau of 231, and I talked to my doctor about my disordered eating, and she got me a therapist and I got myself a personal trainer. At that doctors appt, I almost asked for a referral for surgery, but chickened out and asked for a therapist and a nutritionist instead. Love my therapist, but the nutritionist wanted me on a 1200 cal diet that didn't mesh with disordered eating at all.
An important note here, is that my mother, who has passed, had the RYGB circa 2002. So surgery has always been in the back of my mind. After a series of unfortunate events in March, I lost 10lbs rapidly and realized my bmi (40) was at the cut off for surgery with no comorbidities. At the beginning of April I asked my doctor for a surgery referral. She offered me Wegovy or Saxenda, but I really can’t see myself using injectables for the rest of my life, so she went ahead with the referral. Had the first consultation a little over a week later, did a few zoom classes, completed forms, did the psych eval (actually awful), and today I got an email saying my insurance approved me and my program would contact me soon for a date.
My reasoning is that I see my trainer twice a week and my therapist and I are working on my relationship with food, but I’m getting older and I have that historic lose/gain cycle, and my weight has been a source of unhappiness literally my entire life. Surgery isn’t going to fix everything, I know that, I’ve talked to my therapist about that, but she and I agree this would be a great tool for me in conjunction with the other changes I’m making.
My trainer, who is a family friend, doesn’t like the idea. But she’s only known me as an adult, she doesn’t see that a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and trying to stay active isn’t cutting it when I’m still carrying an extra 100lbs. A close member of my family wants me to do Keto again, because that was my biggest diet win, but that also didn’t mesh with my disordered eating in the long run. Since my consult, I’ve lost about another 6lbs, firmly putting me where I was when I was a teenager, which is a surreal feeling, but it’s being used as proof that I can “do it on my own.” Honestly, my mindset is that I’m eating less in preparation for surgery.
There’s been memes shared on instagram stories of people who I know must know I want to get wls done, calling the surgery “body mutilation” and how “surgeons regret performing bariatric surgeries because it's unnatural.” It makes me doubt myself, like is this just my depression wanting to “mutilate” myself, or is this me trying to overcome my depression and finally do something for myself? What was it for my mother? I was too young to ask her these questions and now I can't.
This is a very long post to ask; I’m doing the right thing, right? Am I being rational and making sense? I know I can lose the weight, but keeping it off is constantly clawing and if I slip now just a little, the lose/gain cycle could catch up, and I'm so tired of it.

@loli_lotus oh my lovely I feel your pain. [emoji3059] I have also battled with depression and my weight for many years and I also had all the doubts and questions that you have. I first considered the surgery 3 years ago, all the doubts and questions made me change my mind and I decided to try dieting again ( because I thought I could do better this time). Fast forward 3 years and no matter how hard I worked at dieting, I struggled to lose weight. I finally had surgery this March! I still had doubts, questions and family trying to dissuade me but I finally realised that I couldn't do it myself I needed a help. I didn't want to spend anymore time sad and obese with no confidence or self esteem. I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy, I've had to deal with emotions that I previously ignored by eating. I now have counselling to help me deal with this. I reacted extremely well to surgery and for 8 weeks the smell of meat repulsed me, this happens when your hormones change after surgery, it doesn't happen to everyone though. I now struggle to eat a great deal and have to eat little and often. food was my best friend and now I don't enjoy eating. I find it a struggle to eat more than a few mouthfuls, but I keep reminding myself that it won't be like this forever and I need to take advantage of this. I also remind myself that I chose to have the surgery and how much more confident I am already! I have lost 36lb in 10 weeks, dropped two dress sizes and now feel OK looking at myself in the mirror. Everyone reacts to surgery in they're own unique way and it is a personal decision that only you can make. It isn't a quick fix and it is a difficult journey, but you are already putting in the hard work of working on your mental health. For me, the positives far outweigh the negatives. I now look forward to going out and doing things I previously would avoid and I'm continuing with my counselling sessions to make sure that I don't return to emotional eating in the long run. I hope this has helped you, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you, sending you a huge hug x

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Hey [mention=404553]Nikki@50[/mention] - delighted to say that surgery went ahead as scheduled on the 19th! I got home on the 21st and recovery seems to be going ok so far!
I’m getting a good amount of fluids in, along with some thinned down Protein yoghurt and thin Soup but am craving more savoury options - cream of chicken Soup has been surprisingly awesome but if you have any ideas for other thin savoury liquids I’d love to hear them!
How’re you getting on with trying to up the carbs? Hope that’s helping with things?

@Woodstock23 Whoop whoop sooo pleased for you [emoji3059]. To be honest I wasn't very adventurous during the liquid phase. Tomato Soup and chicken soup were a favourite and milky coffee. I know some people enjoy bullion and Bone Broth but the smell repulsed me so much I couldn't drink it. I did enjoy sucking sugarfree mints and melting quavers on my tongue [emoji1787][emoji23][emoji1787]. Eating carbs has given me slightly more energy but I'm still struggling to eat a great deal. I'm not going to moan though because I choose to do this to myself and hopefully I'll get to a better place. Make sure you pamper yourself and take all the time you need to heal. Xxx

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[mention=404553]Nikki@50[/mention] - so sorry to hear that you've had a tough few weeks, but well done for staying positive, and also congratulations on a 34lb loss, that's phenomenal!!

One of the things I worked on with my psychologist was keeping a food diary, but as well as noting down what I ate (or what I thought about eating but didn't) I had to note where I was physically (turns out I do a lot of my emotional eating standing up in the kitchen!) and how I was feeling at the time. By doing this we managed to identify some of my triggers and, as well as coming up with other things I could do until the emotions passed, it's also helped me to get ahead of the emotions a bit when I can see them coming, This article describes it better than I have! https://www.helpguide.org/articles/diets/emotional-eating.htm
I appreciate it'll be trickier to do the food diary stuff following surgery, but maybe tracking emotions and thoughts when you do have those impulses might help?

Thanks for the offer of support - I'm sure I'll have loads of questions over the next few weeks. Surgery is tomorrow and I'm a mixture of excitement and anxiety with full on butterflies in my stomach! Trying to keep myself occupied with working today, but clearly that's not working as I'm on this forum

Keep finding the positives (34lb!!!!!!!) and hope that you can get the Water and Protein consumption up a little bit this week. One step at a time xxx

Thank you for those fantastic ideas, I'm definitely going to try them.[emoji16]

I spoke with my dietitian yesterday and he wants me to stop focusing on Protein and to eat more carbs! He said that I need to listen to my body and that it clearly can't tolerate protein at the moment. He also said that it's not a lack of protein that will cause me to lose some hair, it's the weightloss that triggers it! He has patients that have excellent nutrition and protein consumption and they lose some hair! Everything online says the opposite though [emoji85].

Wishing you all the luck in the world for your surgery [emoji3059]. When you feel well enough, let me know how you are, sending you a huggle x

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Hi all - after two cancelled surgeries earlier this year, I'm now three days away from my gastric sleeve appointment!
I've needed to stay away from this board whilst waiting as I was thinking 'what if...' far too much, but it's been great catching up with all the posts and seeing how supportive and helpful everyone is to each other.
[mention=404553]Nikki@50[/mention] Hope your surgery went ok and that recovery hasn't been too tough so far?
I'm a mixture of nerves and excitement; one good thing about the delay is that I feel more confident than ever in my decision to take this step. I've been doing some work with a psychologist for a few months about emotional eating and I feel stronger and more confident than I have in a long while.
Look forward to continue reading about your experiences, and I'm sure I'll be asking loads of questions over the coming weeks and months xx

@Woodstock23 Hi , I'm not too bad thank you. My surgery went well but I'll be honest it's been a tough journey for me so far. I'm now nearly 8 weeks post op and the smell of meat of any kind revolts me. I'm struggling to eat more than a few teaspoons of food and am no where near my Protein and Water consumption that I should be yet! But saying all that, I know things will get better with time and I do not regret surgery. I have already lost 34lb, I haven't been this weight since I was 23 and I'm 50 this year! My surgeon has told me that I have responded extremely well to the surgery and that the change in my hormones has caused the extreme sensitivity to the taste and smells of meat Proteins. Would love any tips you can give me on emotional eating. I still find myself reaching for food and then feel disappointed when I can't have it. I'm trying to distract myself but sometimes I just go to bed to avoid the emotions, which I know isn't ideal. Ask as many questions as you want, I'm more then happy to support you in anyway I can. Good luck for your surgery , it's the beginning of a new you x

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It's normal and it should pass, I hated the smell of cooking meat straight after surgery and a few other things but I happily cook meat now with no problems. It all settles down and gets better with time.

Thank you [emoji4], you've made my day! Just knowing it will improve makes it easier. At what point did u notice the improvement in smell? I'm 7 weeks post op.

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You may still have swelling & strained muscles. They pump you full of fluids & gas & prod & poke you internally during the surgery. And of course the inflammation swelling from the actual surgery on your tummy like any wound.
I had a sort of general tenderness & found anything tight on my waist uncomfortable for a couple of weeks. I used to roll down the waist of my pants so they sat on my hips & often gently rested my hand on my tummy under my pants. It was sort of comforting like I was protecting it.
It will pass. Just give yourself time to heal & recover.

Thank you![emoji4] It's great to know I'm not alone in this. I do exactly the same as you, I roll my pants down or wear very loose joggers. I wasn't expecting to still feel this way after 7 weeks though. X

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My ribs are uncomfortable off and on as well! No i havent figured it out. I took some Miralax last night and drank a cup of peppermint tea and This morning my guts cleared out it seems and I feel a little bit better as far as the bloating goes

I'm sure we'll get there in the end. I'm only managing the toilet once a week and that's with taking laxatives!!!![emoji85]

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Hello!
i am new here [emoji4]
I had gastric sleeve surgery on May 3. I started my journey in December. My first scan at my appointment I weighed 264 pounds, yesterday at my checkup i weighed 234.
I am struggling because my stomach feels so large. I can’t even wear my exercise pants from when I was 264 pounds, they feel like they put so much pressure on my abdomen which in turn puts pressure in my chest making me very uncomfortable. My belly feels bigger than it did 30 pounds ago. I don’t understand what’s happening. I would assume that I’m losing weight in other parts of my body.
Could this be some sort of post op bloating? Even taking a deep breath is uncomfortable, it reminds me of when I was super pregnant [emoji20] I'm really bummed.
im hoping someone might have some insight.
Thank you guys

Hi Brittney, I am having the same experience. My ribs also ache a lot. I had surgery March 24th and still feel really uncomfortable. Did you find an answer to this problem?

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has this been going on since surgery or is this something new?

It's been since about week 3 roughly. meats are particularly gross smelling and I'm struggling to eat a reasonable amount of anything. I know it's hormonal but I just want to know if things will get easier. X

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My sense of smell is more sensitive, like things smell very strong. But I don't have an issue with everything smelling repulsive.
Maybe a stupid idea but can you like clip your nose with one of those swimming clips so you can't smell while you eat? Just to be able to eat something so you don't end up malnourished.
I have heard of it happening and some people say it gets better. I read a post about a woman who literally had a trash can she carried around while cooking for her family because the smell made her vomit. She said there are still some smells that get to her but nothing like the beginning.
Good luck, check with your team. They may be able to help!

Hi kcuster83, that exactly how I feel! Cooking for my family is torture, everything makes me heave! I might just give that nose clip a try, thank you [emoji4]

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I think this is one of the less common effects post surgery but I have heard people on here reaching out about this immediately post op but I assume it goes away because the posts do. I mean I have never heard anyone who says they are several months or a year post op with the same issue. I wish I could help more. Have you spoken to your doctor about this??

Thank you for responding [emoji4]. I have spoken to my doctor and he said that I've obviously responded extremely well to the surgery!! I have to wait until next week to speak to my nutritionist. I'm really hoping that it will go away.

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Hi Everyone

I really need some help and reassurance please. I had surgery March 24th and have since struggled. Foods taste and smell awful, I now hate meat because the smell is so revolting. I'm struggling to eat anything. Will this change? Why does everything smell so repulsive? Will my taste return to normal? I'm now 7 weeks out and feeling quite low. Hope you can help x

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I'll be 5 wks on Friday, iv had a few things get stuck and it's uncomfortable for about 10 min really stinks, but iv eaten eggs, bacon, sausage, shrimp, crackers, iv even had a piece of thin crust cheese pizza, iv never been regular as far as #2 goes but it's never been pure liquid since the surgery either, your esophagus may need to stretch a little more we all heal differently. But I'm sure it will get better in the coming weeks. Good luck

Thank you so much for responding Stephy. You seem to be doing amazingly well, I'm so pleased for you [emoji4]. I have a meeting with my consultant soon and I'm sure he'll probably say the same thing as you. You're right I just need to give it time, thank you [emoji3059]

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I just had a gastric sleeve surgery two weeks ago. I am doing well. Of course, I am still on full liquids. I have had no problems but have had some diarrhea. I don’t know if this is normal at first. I sort of thought it might be. I hope things get better for you. Blessings.

Thank uou for responding Diann [emoji4]. I'm so pleased you're doing well. I started off extremely constipated [emoji51] but now it keeps changing. I'm sure I'll be fine, it's lovely to get reassurance and support on this site [emoji3059]

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Hi All [emoji3059]

Hope you're all losing and feeling fantastic [emoji126][emoji1739][emoji16]. I'm struggling to eat at the moment and wondered if anyone had an tips on how I can improve things. I now hate the smell of meat, it makes me gag and after 3 tsp of food I quickly feel full, uncomfortable and sick. I have tried to go back a step and eat pureed/mashed food but the same thing happens. I am also still not regularly going to the toilet, it's probably once to twice a week and starts off normal but ends up as diarrhoea [emoji85]. I had me op 24th March so I'm 5 weeks out. How much food are you managing to eat in a day? I really appreciate any support [emoji3059].

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Hi all. I hope everyone is doing well.
I have a question re Vitamins. The stuff I’m on is disgusting and I couldn’t stomach them long term. I have a 4 week supply and after that it says I can move on to tablets, but I wondered what are people using? I don’t really fancy trying to get a doctors appointment and having to go down the prescription route, so in terms of Multi Vitamins, Vitamin d, Calcium and Iron, what are you guys doing please?

Hi Charlie,

Hope you're well. I am four weeks out from surgery and since week 3 I have taken Calceos chewable vit D and calcium (combined) twice a day, Centrum or Tesco chewable Multivitamin and now have my iron in tablet form from doctor. I really struggled taking the effervescent kind [emoji1785][emoji2961] x

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Well tonight I had my first dumping episode. I ate cantaloupe, which I thought was ok but later found out that even fruit sugar can give you dumping. Let me tell you I will avoid at all costs in the future!! Bloating, stomach cramping, nausea, sweats, salivating. It’s the worst!

Yep I wanted to be sick and go to the toilet at the same time as well as being lightheaded, sweating and cramps! Absolute nightmare!

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That's amazing! (The coffee is mainly cause of caffine. It's a diuretic.) My surgeon is fine with coffee as long as I get plenty of Water. I love veggies and lentils. Those are amazing ideas and ima try them! I never even thought of ham. I thought of oatmeal but most things said no oatmeal while ither said oatmeal was fine [emoji848] so ima try oatmeal lol

Quaker oat so simple Protein has 12g of protein in a 49g portion [emoji16]

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It gets better it truly does I was in the same boat as the both of you and at 9 months out I can eat way more than I thought I would ever be able to eat again. Yes the first 6 months are hard but once you get past that it's pretty good and smooth sailing mostly

Thank you sooo much for responding, it's great to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel [emoji16]

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Hello all. I am two weeks post op. My surgeon combines the full liquid and puree stage. He said at week 3 I can start soft foods.
I love yogurt now. I found a no sugar added 25g Protein yogurt. I eat half for Breakfast with my meds and chewable Vitamin since it had Iron and Iron on a stomach with no food will make you nauseated. So there's 25g of Protein. I drink enough Water cause I loooove Water so that's not an issue.
The Issue is I am not hitting the protein req. I've never liked Protein Shakes, they've always tastes bad. Since the surgery though Protein shakes make me nauseated just thinking about one. I tried today to force one down. Three sips in I was on the verge of vomiting and 10 minutes later was dry heaving. The thought of the shakes make me almost vomit. Idk what to do here. Even protein powders have the same effect. I tried the protein Soups too same effect. I don't think my body tolerates that kind of protein.
What do I eat?
I tried a scrambled egg (pureed even further) it went down ok but I don't really like eggs and they're only 6g of protein.
Also I still can't eat much at a time. I think I max out at 3 oz of yogurt. I've been subsisting on yogurt mainly. I tried tuna as well (made a tuna salad) tolerated that like a champ. Issue with canned tuna is you WILL get mercury poisoning from it. Three cans in a week can cause mercury poisoning. I got some expensive canned tuna that SAYS it's been mercury tested to be within 0.1 part per million and a can is 40g of protein.
Since they want you to not drink water 30 before or after eating I'm also thirsty. I always want to drink water. I always have this is not new post op, I've always been this way. It's like torture not drinking water.
So mainly I'm asking what can I eat to help with protein?
Any tips on helping with the water issue?
I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of being nauseated all the time.

Hello [emoji847]

You are doing amazingly, well done! I am in the exact same position as you, I hate Protein Drinks of any kind with a passion. My surgeon told me not to panic over protein in the first few weeks, he said recovering and fluids are more important initially. I have followed his advice and haven't lost any muscle so far and I'm three weeks out. I drink glasses of cold milk with a scoop of skimmed powdered milk mixed in to add extra protein. I also add a tea spoon or two of it to my yogurts. I have mixed low fat dairylea cheese with mash and thin sliced ham. Mug of hot milk and coffee (although some say no coffee), cooked chicken in a casserole with carrots, onions, parsnips, sweet potato, butternut squash and lots of peas and a few lentils for extra protein. This was cooked in a pot in the oven, or it could go in a slow cooker, and cooked until the vegetables were extremely soft. Easy to eat, a tonne of nutrients and Vitamins and plenty of protein all in one meal. I also don't mind eating low fat cottage cheese in various flavours. Hope this help you [emoji3059]

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Glad to find this thread. I’m definitely a slow loser and I’m trying really hard to stay encouraged. I was 255 my day of surgery. 6 weeks out I weighed in at 249. Not even 10 pounds. And I’m doing everything that I was instructed to do. Staying on the diet, watching my portions, tracking my meals, the 20 20 20, getting the right amount of Protein, drinking enough Fluid, exercising every day. I am honestly very discouraged to not see any real movement. But it is encouraging to know that I’m not alone. But I’ve definitely had moments where I wondered, what was the purpose of going through all this and getting the surgery, if almost 2 months out, I’m not even at 15 pounds weight loss? The doctors and dietitian say I’m not doing anything wrong and to be patient, but I feel it’s much easier to say that than it is to be dealing with it. Just had to vent that. Now I’m in tears smh. But I’ll keep swimming.

Hi HE_TheBrave, I'm experiencing the same slow loss as you. It's sooo disheartening and does make me wonder why I had surgery. The lack of weightloss is really getting me down, I'm not even managing 400 cals at mo because I feel so ill everytime I eat. What an expensive way to not lose weight!!! Hopefully we can motivate each other [emoji3059]

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Had my surgery March 23 and now I absolutely hate my life. I wish I canceled the whole thing even 4 hrs before I was supposed to fly out. All I think about is suicide now and that now life is pointless. I see my doctor Wednesday, but seeing so many be happy about the choice seems to make me even more angry at myself because I was never that big to begin with ..but my mental issues told me otherwise. I can't be the only person who had gastric sleeve to feel this way... so very alone.
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Hi [emoji3059]
I had surgery March 24th and I'm also struggling. Everything smells and tastes horrible and I am currently trying baby food (only the fruity kind)because everything makes me nauseous. Food was such a comfort to me and I knew it was going to be difficult letting go but I didn't realise how difficult. If you are still feeling suicidal please please get help. This is only a temporary emotion and will eventually pass with help. I'm now having counselling to help me cope with the issues that I comforted with food. Sending you a warm hug [emoji847].

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TBH it took me until I could eat enough to get to about 500 calories. Then little by little I got stronger and begun to clean the house again. I still have days where I am vomiting a lot but they are getting less and less. Then all I do is huddle on the sofa again. Keep up with your liquids if you can x

Thank you sooo much. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. So many seem to be back in work and back to life quickly. I was wondering what I'm doing wrong! [emoji3059]

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You may be eating to fast or to much just try little bits at a time Try tuna Mayonnaise light ,porridge eggs and Beans and dont forget to chew and eat slowly hope you get sorted soon

Thank you so much for your support. I have been eating the foods you suggested but they seem to get stuck and I feel nauseous quickly. Think I'll try to go back a stage and start again.[emoji3059]

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I had the heightened sense of smell and I put it down to bouts of nausea. I had the same when pregnant, could not stand the cooking smells. At almost 5 months now things are normalising and foods are beginning to smell and taste delicious. I skipped the mashed stage, just smelling and looking at pureed meat and veg made me gag. I ate pate, strained chicken Soup, yogurt, readybrek, cream cheese and mashed egg mayo. I heard other say they had baby food but it wasnt for me. I hope you get it sorted soon, you can always go back a stage for a few days and then try again. We are not all the same.

Thank you so much for your support [emoji3059]. How long did you have exhaustion? Because I'm not eating a lot I feel exhausted after the slightest effort. X

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