SW1973

Hello. I went through the entire process and had a surgery date in 2016. I got scared and backed out. Now I am older, heavier and have the same fears. I am 48, have diabetes and had a hysterectomy. I am scared that I will fail. I am scared I will not lose weight because of my age and the hysterectomy. Scared of my sugar cravings. I am scared because of the diet. If I can't eat the right foods now, how will I be able to do it after the surgery? I beat myself up everyday because I give in to my sweet tooth. It is truly a sugar addiction and I don't know how to beat it. I am sad thinking that I won't be able to really enjoy eating ever again. I keep thinking, if I put my body through this, only to gain the weight back in 5 yrs, then I have all of my old issues with weight plus the stomach restriction. Deep down, I feel that when I lose weight and start exercising I will be proud and determined to never go back to my old ways. But my fears and anxiety are working against me.
I am scared of loose skin, particularly a sagging face. I have managed to maintain a youthful complexion with minor aging, and being overweight, that is the one thing I feel good about myself with. I know that I would rather be healthy for my 9 yr old son than looking older, but I do not want to look 10 yrs older either! I hope I am exaggerating the severity of it.
I would love some advice and words of encouragement. Thank you for listening to me.

Thank you for sharing. It is reassuring to know I can hide the loose skin. People criticize overweight people, then criticize their decision to do something about it! Then criticize their bodies afterwards. It is all so sad.

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At 24, you have the advantage of having some spring left in the connective tissue in your skin. You're already gorgeous! You won't have issues:)
I had surgery at 46...and I'd been fat for so long, that my memories of me being thin....were me in my 20's.
Somehow, I had this weird idea that I'd look like that again. "I want to look like I used to look"...but I was remembering a very young woman, you know? Somewhere in there....20 years or so happened...and it was shocking to notice that.
So yes, I do look older. But I think part of that is just I AM older.
I do not enjoy the little turkey neck wrinkles under my chin. They annoy me a little. Being almost 50 annoys me in general. LOL. I feel younger!
But I LOVE being able to run again:) I LOVE being healthy. I LOVE how I look...a few wrinkles here and there be damned.
No regrets. Not even for a microsecond.

I had reflux terrible before the sleeve and when he was doing my surgery he seen I had a hiatal hernia so he repaired it and I've not had reflux since. That's been 10 months.

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My son was 9 when I had my surgery in July. He is 10 now. I was honest with him. I told him that I had liver disease caused by being so overweight, and also how much I didn't like not being able to do things with him (he is skinny and very active.), and I wanted a chance to live as long as possible for him. I have him a chance to express any concerns and questions and he has probably been my biggest supporter and cheerleader from the beginning. I'm lucky, because he's a wonderful kid (no, I'm not biased at all lol), but he really handled all of it well, especially since he couldn't see me in the hospital because of COVID.
I think most kids are able to understand and it's just best to explain it at their age level.
I'm an RN and I've worked with pediatrics a lot, so I just kind of took the same approach I did in the ER when I had to explain things to my pediatric patients.

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I don't think many surgeons do the mini bypass in the US, so I can't speak to your actual question (mini-bypass vs the standard gastric bypass), but I just wanted to say that yes, some people would consider getting weight loss surgery "cheating", but if that's the only thing that actually works for many of us to get rid of our excess weight, then so be it. For most of us, it's either that or continue to be morbidly obese and risk our health (and potentially shorten our lives, too).
I was more than 200 lbs overweight before surgery. I was constantly dieting and then gaining it back - and the most I could ever lose was 50-60 lbs. Then I'd hit a wall and the weight would gradually come back on. This happened over and over and over again for most of my adult life (I'm in my 60s). Weight loss surgery was the only thing I tried that got me beyond that "wall". I ended up losing all of my excess weight and maintaining most of my loss (like many people, I gained 20 lbs after I hit my lowest weight - but I'm fine with that!). I never could have done this without the surgery. Believe me, I tried...

yo im pre-op and im scared i will fail also

I love your post! You said exactly what I was trying to say but wayy better!!
Being on the plus size is extremely hard and there are certain things that skinnier people just cannot relate to. I'm so tired of not having enough clothes because not many places sell my size in the type of style I'm looking for. I've literally narrowed down my search to Target because they are always stocked in plus sizes! I always feel like the ugly duckling when it comes down to my friends because they're all skinny and gorgeous and get tons of attention when we're all out. I'm super nervous that my body will reject the surgery and that I'll fail but I'm also SUPER tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see! You're right, They're both hard... But I think that I'll choose the hard that will work towards me loving myself a little more every day! Congrats on your surgery, I can't wait to read about your experience and how it's going for you. Good luck!!

Thanks Arabesque! You look fabulous too! Gorgeous!

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@lizzlosingit...so true! Pick your hard! I will never forget my sister (who is also overweight) saying "Are you sure you want to do this? It will change your relationship to food FOREVER!" And I just looked at her and said "That's kind of the point!" Every weight loss plan needs to change your relationship with food, or it won't work long term!

When I was in 8th grade I had to start thinking about what high school classes I wanted to take. I was in band in middle school and the next logical step was marching band for high school. I was so nervous: could I actually memorize 18 minutes of music AND march around a field?? As a plus sized teen??? All while keeping up with my Advanced Placement classes? A thought came to me and it’s changed my life ever since: If 200+ other students (we had a large band) could do it, then why the hell couldn’t I too do it?? I’m smart, I’m capable, I can at least try. By senior year I was the band’s captain. That thinking has gotten me through my Masters degree and a great salaried job, because I realized “hell, I could do it too!”

listen, your fears are 100% valid. Most, if not all of us, have experienced the yo-yo dieting, the inability to stick to diets, the failing and trying and failing again. It’s not specific to you! and others’ success is not specific to THEM. I just got my surgery approved this morning and I’m nervous too, because it’s going to be HARD.

But I had to pick my hard. The diet is hard, surgery feels drastic and hard. Exercising SUCKS and is hard. The mourning period is super hard (going through it now, see my previous posts lol).

But you know what else is hard? Navigating life as a fat woman in America. Dating with confidence. Fitting into a booth. Dealing with medical anti-fat bias. Being compared to thinner friends colleagues or relatives. SHOPPING ugh. I have to pick what type of “hard” makes it all worth it. I could stay fat and that hard life won’t get easier. Or I could do this life-changing surgery and feel that “hard” get easier and easier as time goes on.

My stomach is quite large and my face looks fine and wrinkle free now but I’m also terrified of wrinkles and loose skin (I’m 34 and though I’m young to many, I’m not immune to aging especially now.) But it’s either deal with the skin or the fat for me. I choose skin.

best of luck to you!! Have courage. Don’t doom-scroll, looking for negative experiences (trust me, I’m a doom scroller and it delayed me for a few years, 50 lbs ago.) Instead read through all the great success stories on this forum. It’s what’s gotten me through! My surgery is July 9th.

You look absolutely amazing! So stylish too! I hope I am half as successful!

I was almost 54 when I had my surgery. Yes, I have some loose skin. And like @catwoman7, you can’t really see it when I’m dressed ... except for that wee pooch at my waist but I am slouching a little for effect in the pxt on the left below 😉. Like @STLoser I happily carry my loose skin: I worked hard to lose my weight & I continue to work at maintaining. The loose skin reminds me every day to stay my course.
When you first lose weight you could look drawn but I found my remaining fat seemed to resettle once in maintenance & I looked better. Increasing my calories & adding some whole/multi grain carbs to my diet helped. You won’t look as you did before. Then your features were likely distorted by the weight you carried. My face was a round blob. People said I looked younger because the fat filled out any wrinkles I had. When you lose weight you’ll see your cheekbones again, your neck will be thinner & look longer. You’ll have fewer chins. My eyelids aren’t as hooded & my face is oval with a strong jawline now. And people still say I look younger than my age.
If you need support to understand & battle your addiction, seek a therapist who has experience with bariatric patients. Many do seek help with success. Though you may find, that like @Jaelzion, your desire for sugar/sweet is muted after surgery & you can manage it without the support of therapy.
I made a conscious decision to avoid or restrict certain foods in my diet. They were my danger foods - not cravings but foods I enjoyed a lot & often that were calorie heavy. It was my choice to avoid them or restrict the frequency I eat them. Do I miss these foods - not really. Some people can eat their old favourites without issue but they do it in moderation. You’ll work out what works for you that’s sustainable.
Understanding what a recommended portion size is a big learning as is the difference between a portion & the size we get served. Most serving sizes are 2 & 3 times what we should be eating to maintain a healthy weight. I eat about the recommended portion size for most foods now or a little less. For example I can almost eat two eggs, about 100g of meat, a cup of vegetables, a small bunch of grapes, etc.
Some days will be harder than others. You’ll learn new things about yourself & your body. There’ll be days you’ll question your decision but the surgery is so worth it. If you’re willing & ready to make the changes to take full advantage of it, you’ll be successful & be able to enjoy your life to the fullest.
Good luck.

PS - You look fabulous @STLoser. Love the lip gloss colour too.

Oh. Cool. Somehow I got these pictures to post.. Now I took the first pic to see if I liked that color lip gloss on me lol. That's why I have no other makeup on. As you can see, I have some bags under my eyes (they run in my family), and they are more prominent since I lost weight. I can also see lines under my eyes that weren't there before, but overall, I don't think it's too bad considering I've lost almost 150 pounds. I don't know how it will look when I get to goal though..that's another 60 or so. It's hard to see my loose neck skin here, but it's there. The other 2 pics are from last month. I try to take a picture of my progress every month. With clothes on, it's not really obvious that I have loose skin on my thighs or stomach.   

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Yeah, it makes me so mad that people criticize us for being overweight, then shame us for getting surgery! That's why I'm gonna wear any loose skin I have with pride until I decide to fix it or not. You can't win with some people!


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you look great!!!

I can relate to most of your fears. I was 54 when I had my surgery. I also worried that the surgery would not work for me, that I'd fail, that it would end up just like every other attempt to lose weight. But my outcome was a happy surprise.
Regarding cravings, the surgery did not eliminate, but seriously dampened the intensity of my cravings. It's much easier to tell myself "no". Actually since I am in maintenance now, it's more like "not right now". Because I do indulge in a treat now and then, since I'm no longer actively trying to lose. I know the surgery doesn't have that effect on everyone, but it did for me.
Surgery also completely defanged my hunger. Yeah, I do get hungry if I go too long without eating, but it's not that raging, insatiable hunger I had before surgery. I'm just aware that I need to eat, but I can delay it if I have to. It's a really different experience.
When it comes to loose skin, I have a LOT. I'm scheduled for plastic surgery this summer to have a Tummy Tuck since that's where most of my extra skin is. Here's a recent picture of me - when clothed, the loose skin is not noticeable. But there's enough of it that I have to buy a whole size bigger to accommodate the stomach! Obviously, there's some stuff I don't wear, but any 56 year-old can say that, LOL.
Honestly, I do look a little older since losing all the weight (my neck especially) but I wouldn't go back to being 250 pounds for anything. Only you can decide if surgery is right for you, but hopefully, our experiences will help.

Thank you! I hope I am as successful as you! No regrets!

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I know I will be happy and over-the-moon with myself and my results after I do it. Thank you for sharing with me.

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Thank you for sharing. It is reassuring to know I can hide the loose skin. People criticize overweight people, then criticize their decision to do something about it! Then criticize their bodies afterwards. It is all so sad.

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Thank you for sharing. It is reassuring to know I can hide the loose skin. People criticize overweight people, then criticize their decision to do something about it! Then criticize their bodies afterwards. It is all so sad.

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You look wonderful! I am so happy for you. Thank you for sharing your words of encouragement.

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If I could figure out how to get my pics to post on here I'd show you a pick of me in clothes. Just like Catwoman, you can't really notice it when I'm in clothes.
Sure, it will be visible when I wear a swimming suit, but I don't care. I'm going to Florida June 5th and I'm gonna be prancing around confidently in my swimming suit, loose skin and all, with confidence. I don't care what anyone thinks. The loose skin just shows how hard I have worked and it's not longer filled with fat!

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I went partially through the approval process at 40 and then chickened out. I wish I wouldn’t have. My only regret is not having surgery sooner. I finally went through with it at 49. Yes, I ended up with loose skin. Plastic surgery took care of all of it (and oh man, do I love my perky boobs). I’m fit, healthy, and love how I look now. I enjoy eating thoroughly. Just smaller amounts. I also am a big sugar fan. That has lessened somewhat post op, but I still fit small treats in to my plan and am satisfied with much, much less. For example, a dark chocolate/caramel/sea salt bar that has eight segments lasts me eight days. I savor each one in the evening, letting it melt slowly in my mouth rather than chewing it with hardly tasting it.

I truly feel like this surgery is my second chance, I’ll be around and be healthy to enjoy my kids and grand kids and fully participate in life. Best of luck to you!

I agree with all the others. I wish I hadn't been so scared of the surgery and had it 10 or 20 years before I actually did. I felt like I was just existing rather than fully living for all those years. I would do this again in a heartbeat. In fact, I'd do it every year if I had to.
There are a lot of food restrictions early out, but after that first year, no. I can eat most of the same things I did before, I just eat a lot less of them now. And we're not talking a couple of tablespoons (although that's the case the first month or so after surgery) - now I eat like a lot of my never-been-obese women friends do. For example, when I go out, I'll have an appetizer - or I'll order an entree and take half of it home. Honestly, a lot of never-been-fat people eat that way, especially women. Watch some of them sometime.
you can always work with a therapist on your sugar addiction if you think that would help. A lot of WLS patients work with therapists on their food issues and have found it helpful.
finally, I lost over 200 lbs and had a TON of loose skin. However, it was very easy to hide in clothes. No one knew it was there except for me (well, and my husband and doctor, of course). I've since had it removed, but here is a picture of me BEFORE I had plastic surgery. See the loose skin? Trust me, it's there. Especially my gut. Like someone else said, I would take the loose skin any day over weighing 373 lbs again. ANY DAY!!
oh - and you're not too old at all for WLS. Lots of us have it in our 50s and 60s - and a few even in our 70s. I had it at 55. I'm probably 58 in this picture.