thesuse2000

I feel badly about how things went in this thread and I regret hurting anyone's feelings, but at the moment anyway, I still hold my same beliefs that I've shared here. And I still assert that I never called anyone a liar. I judged certain statements while acknowledging that there are perfectly good rationale's for people to make those statements (thus not being liars).

The only thing I'll add is that I've been really cranky lately. Might be due to not using food to soothe me anymore. Not sure. Honestly I'm not sure if that's impacted anything I've said on this thread or not. But I'm mentioning it because I wouldn't be surprised if in a week or two I look back at this and think "why did I get into such a tizzy about all this??"

I will continue to consider the perspectives expressed here and re-evaluate my perspective as well. That's the best I've got right now in terms of seeking common ground and mending fences. I truly wish everyone the best in their journeys, and (as I've said in my prior posts) for everyone to feel comfortable discussing their surgery as they fit based on their own lives.

Good for you for taking control of your health at an early age! All the evidence suggests that it's incredibly unlikely for people to successfully lose weight on their own - no more than 5% of those who lose weight with diets are able to maintain that loss longterm. The stats for bariatric surgery is about 50% success which is dramatically higher.

As you say - you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. I wish this surgery was an option for me when I was your age. Wishing you the best in your journey, and hoping you can find people to support you.

That sounds terrible! Sorry to hear. Have you called your doctor/surgeon? After surgery I was given anti-nausea meds. I never experienced nausea, but I imagine that was at least in part due to taking these drugs. I hope you can find a solution.

Show me where I've been abusive or broken forum rules. I've been quite civil and have simply sought to debate an issue.

OK, I think the only proper response in this situation is to report Steve and thesus2000 to the administrators of this board. I have already done so and the more people who do the more likely they will be to get kicked off.

Secondly, I suspect that both of them are getting off on fighting the fight. They are drawing energy from the conflict. Therefore, it is best to ignore such people. Let them say whatever they have to say and don't respond. Don't let them make you lower your emotional vibration down to their level. If they make any more posts DON'T RESPOND, simply report them as being abusive and maintain your positive supportive attitude.

You didn't read my full post - did you? First of all - we're talking about the question of how you lost weight, not - did you have WLS. Second - no one is saying that if you are asked if you had WLS that you need to answer that question. There are a million ways for a person to decline to answer a question that they are asked, especially if they find it inappropriate and intrusive. I gave a few examples above in fact. You're giving examples of inappropriate questions that anyone could decline to answer, and yet your stance is that you do in fact want to answer the question - but without including the truth. Cake and eat it too?

And I'm judging your honesty?? You keep accusing me of judging people when I have not done that once in this thread. You are the one who keep mischaracterizing me as a judger.

These examples are VERY relevant. People don't generally ask if one has had WLS, so why must I supply that information or be called a liar?

To YOU this topic might not be as sensitive, but you are not me or anyone else. I'm not sure that you or Steve or anyone else can speak for me. In fact, I'm pretty sure you can't.

Like Steve, I "appreciate" your opinion on acceptable responses from me along with your judgement of my level of honesty.

Sigh... as much as I'd like to move on from this, I'm not comfortable leaving this out there without a proper response...

These examples are not relevant to this discussion. People don't generally ask others if they use viagra, conceived their children through fertility treatments, whether they've gotten boob jobs or what their gender is. If they did, and the topic wasn't something the questioned person was comfortable discussing, I would think a blank stare would be the proper response rather than a yes or no answer. If someone chose to answer those questions, and their response was not the truth, than yes, that would be a lie.

Saying something is a lie is not the same as judging the person making the lie or characterizing that person as a liar or dishonest. But when a person says something that is not true, one is saying a lie. This is not complicated.

Contrary to these examples, what we, or at least I (I won't claim to speak for all others on this thread) are talking about is when someone is asked how they lost weight and the questioned person responds by saying that they did it with diet and exercise and leaves out the fact that they had bariatric surgery.

This is different from the examples you gave which represent highly sensitive personal questions. Weight loss is not nearly as sensitive a topic as the ones in your examples, and it is highly common in our culture for people to discuss weight loss tips.

So, if a person asks someone how they lost weight, the questioned person could respond in three basic categories of response:

1 - they could tell the truth and disclose that their bariatric surgery played a role in their weight loss

2 - they could refrain from supplying an answer to the question - change the topic, say they'd rather not discuss it, or say something vague like they developed a plan with their doctor, etc. Or if they feel this is a shockingly personal question comparable to your examples above they could give the questioner a blank stare and walk away (to be clear - the responses outlined in this bucket of responses are not lies).

3 - they could lie and answer by saying that they are just dieting and exercising more, without mention of the surgery which was the obvious critical factor in their success

You're wrong.

Do you expect men who use Viagra to tell people they have a little help in the boudoir or are they lying?

Do you expect parents with fertility problems to let others know they used artificial insemination or is that also a lie?

Perhaps women who are complimented on their figure should let the world know they've had a boob job, or you know, they are lying.

Transgender people should give full disclosure instead of trying to live a normal life, because they really SHOULD be fighting that stigma. Or you know, they are lying, too.

Whatever. Judge me as a liar all you want for not telling everyone who asks about my weight loss surgery. It's actually people like you that prevent me from wanting to do so. So thanks. After all, you ARE the expert at this, right?

Sorry to hear about your slip! I was banded in 2008 too. I lost 70 pounds that first year and then had a slip. Had band revision surgery and for whatever reason I continued to have major night reflux issues with the band at all tight, so I had to keep it loose and I regained all the weight - plus some. I was SO hungry! It's been a rough road. But so great to be where I am now. I just today actually surpassed the lowest weight I had gotten to with the band, so it's wonderful to have undone the post-slip damage and now be working towards new horizons.

So - I'm happy for you that you can (fingers crossed) go directly to the sleeve at this point. My understanding is that for people who did well with the band, there is an adjustment with the sleeve. For some they feel less restriction than with the band. You'll need to work on relearning what your full/satisfied signs are. CowgirlJane is a wonderful resource on this topic. She's a band to sleever who's been incredibly successful and her posts are just very insightful and helpful.

Just to get back the original topic, and share my experience about telling...

When I had my lap band surgery I didn't talk about it as freely as I now talk about my sleeve. I told all my friends and family, and a few people at work, but not all. I also lost more slowly, and I'm not sure if anyone asked me the "how" question back then. It did make me anxious though when my weight came up. I would feel like I was hiding something if someone complimented my weight loss and I didn't mention it. But at that time I just didn't want to tell all. Partly because I was less confident about longterm success - and didn't want to be judged for regaining weight after bariatric surgery.

5 years later with the sleeve (and at a different job) I told a few people at work, but I had just told most colleagues that I was having surgery but didn't specify what sort (and no one asked). After my sleeve surgery I debated whether or not to tell and my a-ha moment was just after surgery I had a thought that I hoped I didn't lose TOO quickly after surgery, which might make the link between the surgery and the weight obvious. As soon as I had that thought I realized I just needed to tell. I was worried that I might actually sabotage my own success for the sake of trying to keep a secret, and I didn't want that to happen.

Again, that's just me! I'm sure only a few would relate to my personal psychological perspective and experience, but sharing in case it helps.

Once I decided to tell I found it empowering. I don't tell everyone randomly, but when someone asks me how I did it - or quite often I'm asked what my "secret" to success is - I tell them. And a couple times I've told just because someone was kind of making a big deal about how "amazing" my transformation is.

I work at a large advertising agency in Manhattan. Lots of skinny people. I've told at least 25 people (of all sizes) at this point and NO ONE has reacted negatively! Everyone has said something along the lines of "Good for you!". For what it's worth, people generally seem to understand that the surgery doesn't guarantee success, and that my success reflects my commitment to the process. And I've had a few in-depth conversations with people who've considered the surgery. I share my experience, and also relate other perspectives I've read here of people who've had very different experiences from me. I enjoy being a resource, but also want to be sure not to mislead anyone that they'll definitely have as positive an experience as I have (in terms of lack of complications as well as rate of weight loss).

I know everyone's circumstances are different. I feel very lucky that my overall experience has been so positive and that the people in my life are generally very supportive of my weight loss journey with this surgery. I know that not everyone has that. And deciding whether or not to tell needs to be based on each person's personal perspective and the realities of their environment.

Oy... where on earth did I say that anyone had to do things my way? I've actually repeatedly said quite the opposite. For some reason some of you believe that the surgery did not have any impact on your weight loss. That's the only explanation for thinking that an honest answer to the question of how you lost weight does not need to include it. Again, for the 5th time maybe? - I'm not at all saying that everyone needs to give everyone the honest answer. As I said above, I don't always give honest answers to personal questions. I think everyone has the right to fib to protect their privacy. I personally prefer to keep the fibs to a minimum, but that's neither here nor there. What I'm disputing is the stance that there can be an honest answer that doesn't include surgery. And the question I've asked, that no one seems to answer, is - if you honestly feel that your weight loss success is due simply to better eating choices and exercise - than why did you have the surgery? it just doesn't add up.

Not everyone "cares" about it and not everyone feels that way, either.

I'm not "hiding" anything, nor do I "worry" that someone might "find out".

Yeesh! Here we go again. <eyeroll>

IF YOU DON'T DO IT **MY WAY**, YOU ARE DISHONEST!!

It's amusing to me that the only judgmental people in my life about this surgery are those who are also WLS patients on a support board.

HA!

Deleting this post (wish I could actually delete it rather than editing it, alas)

186 today - thx!

Yeah, I don't know much about the recovery from breast reduction. Might be good to at least offer to do it, if you're able to - just to show that you're making an effort to make things easier for your team.

The only thing I can thing of is - could you possibly work from home a bit while you're healing?

Mostly I just wanted to say - wow! Great job on coming so far so quickly! And congrats on getting approval on the surgery. I wish you luck getting through this with work.

Wow. I get that my post was confrontational, but I was not attacking you personally or calling you names. Apologies if that's how it came across.

To be clear, I do not think everyone who tells a nontruth is overall a liar or a bad person. I certainly lie in various situations when it won't hurt anyone and makes social situations smoother or protects my privacy. Examples: Oh, I'd love to come to your party, but I've got plans that night. Where did I get this necklace? It was a gift (when I don't want to say that I bought it on overstock.com for $9.99.) Or (from when I was single) - thanks, but I'm seeing someone right now.

I've said numerous times that you're free to not tell - and you're free to tell people whatever you want in response to questions about your weight loss. I just truly don't understand the claim that excluding surgery from your story is still truth. People who diet succeed about 1-5% of the time. People who get bariatric surgery succeed dramatically more than that. I know for certain that I could NEVER have lost close to 80 pounds in under 5 months without this surgery.

I won't continue to belabor the point. I just have a basic disagreement with what you are claiming to be truth. Again - that is not a judgment against you personally, just a dispute with the merits of your argument.

@thesuse2000 You are totally entitled to your opinion, I just happen to totally disagree with you. I don't understand why you feel that I am not being honest because I'm not divulging every piece of information about what I'm doing. Nothing I said was untrue, but it sounds to me like if I don't give someone all the details that I'm telling a lie which to me is totally ridiculous.

You may not agree with the way others think and view things, but I would caution you about the way the words that you use come out. I'm not hear to judge you, but I don't take to kindly to being called a liar, and that's exactly how you came across.

And that's MY opinion!

If someone asks you how you lost weight - you feel that saying you did it by eating less/healthier and exercising is an honest answer? If you could have comparable success by doing those things without surgery - why did you have surgery?

I'm not saying everyone needs to tell. You're entitled to withold information about your private life. But I just don't get those who defend this as being completely honest. It just isn't. There's more to your success than you're telling. Again - that's fine, but it is what it is.

I am one of those people who isn't telling. There are only 2 people who know about my decision. One is my daughter (because she lives with me), and a very dear friend who had the surgery a little over a year ago and is my sounding board.

I'm not ashamed by any means of the decision that I have made to have WLS, I'm just a very private about my personal life. If someone asks me I won't lie about it, I'll just say that I am eating less, exercising, and eating healthy which is all 100% true. Anything past that I really feel is no one's business but mine.

My friend Grant who had the surgery a year ago was completely transparent to everyone he came in contact with that he was having the surgery, and kept everyone informed step-by-step during his process from day one until today. He posts pictures all the time, how much he's lost, and everything he does. He is so opposite from me in that regard, and I asked him why did handled it that way. His response to me kinda shocked me, but I totally understood where he was coming from. He said that he tells everyone everything because he needs the validation from others that he's doing a good job, and looks great in order to stay motivated.

I don't know, maybe because I've always been a self-starter I've never really needed the approval or validation from others about what I do. I've never needed the "pat on the back" for a job well done, or other types of accolades. I just do what I do, and I love doing it, and I'm proud of me for doing a great job.

Maybe I'm just weird!

Totally with you. For me, I feel relieved not to feel that I'm hiding a secret, and worrying that people will find out. That would be a negative factor in my life that I don't need. But of course not everyone cares about that.

I brought my mac to a repair place this weekend (Tekserve, for any NYC-based mac users out there) and you always have to wait at least a half hour to speak with someone and the chairs are kind of strange and small. When I walked in and saw how far my number was from being called and then looked at the seats and remembered not fitting into them in the past, I had a momentary panic that I'd have to stand awkwardly in the limited standing space, before realizing - hey, I probably fit in these chairs now - and I did! Total NSV!

I'm almost exactly the same as Forsythia. NOT a morning person. After work is perfect because it does help me unwind. I go at least once every weekend - but only after sleeping in and having some nice relaxation time. Usually afternoon - sometimes even early evening, depending on the day's plans.

Have you asked your surgeon for his/her statistics on complications including death? Always a good thing to know. I hate to say it but there is a small, but very real risk of death in the first month after surgery. Different studies have different rates, but I've seen from 1 in 500 to as high as 1 in 200. That's nothing to sneeze at! Those at greatest risk are those who are older, heavier and/ or who have other health problems.

To be clear though - I think the majority of these deaths happen after surgery, not on the table, and many of those may be due to patients cheating on their post-op diet (eating solid foods too soon) and getting a leak, and not seeking medical help soon enough. So there is a lot within your control to keep yourself safe.

One other important thing is - obesity carries major risks, and the odds of an early death with untreated obesity is far more likely than death from surgery. Obviously I made the decision that the risk/benefit profile was favorable, and I'm so glad I did, but it's still scary.

I don't know what to say about your fiancée... Hopefully you can get positive stats from your surgeon that you can share with him. Otherwise he'll just have a rough week, but then will very likely receive reassurance sometime Friday that you're just fine.

I never had the taste issues you're dealing with, but early on I did really like the injury chicken broth. It's salty but very thin and I found it fairly innocuous and unoffensive, and there's 20g Protein in each cup. Might be worth a try. I would usually put 1/2 scoop each if the chicken broth and unflavored into puréed Soups just because I found the unflavored by itself to make things taste slightly yucky and unappetizing.

powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury is the only unflavored Protein powder I've used. You can't heat it beyond 140 degrees F. I see you're in BC - not sure if you use Celsius there, but you could find a conversion... But 140 F is pretty warm, but not hot, so I don't think you could cook with Unjury at least. Not sure if other products can be heated more. I think overheating Unjury causes it to change consistency and become gelatinous. Not sure if it also destroys the Protein, but I'm guessing it does.

Since about a month or so post-op I never use protein powders. I get all my protein from food. I know others continue with them longterm, but it's just not my bag. But on liquids they were essential. Hope that helps!

I haven't ever had to deal with this, but I've thought that if anyone tells me their reasons why they think WLS is bad I'll just say (whether they're overweight or not) something along the lines of "Well it sounds like you definitely shouldn't have this surgery then. I have no doubt that it was the right decision for me." If they continue after that I would have no qualms about walking away from them.

Not sure if this applies to you, but I could also go on to say (if escape was not an option) that I've suffered with obesity since childhood (I'm 46 and have been overweight since I was 8 or 9) and tried every diet in the world. I've lost large amounts of weight several times, only to gain it back. No one can tell that I didn't try other options.

Wowsers! So inspiring that you're finding and doing the things you love!!

• Camarolegend - please repost with your current weight and the specific goal weight for the challenge - thanks!

I'm in...I want to be under 300 by the new year.

The link to the spreadsheet is on Susan's first post on this thread

Is there a link to the spread sheet? Ive never done this before and don't know where to look for the spread sheet. Thank you for putting this together .