Darktowerdream

Yes I’m taking 5-6 different vitamins, I decided to not take b complex right now. I am on a very tight disability budget, I shop where I can get lower prices and extra savings both coupons and rebates through a site called Rakuten. But I do my best to budget in important things. I take gummy vitamins so what, we aren’t supposed to take tablets for the first few months post op. I talked to my nutritionist she said as long as there isn’t more than 4 grams of sugar in it it’s fine. They are easier to chew and I couldn’t find bariatric vitamins without added iodine. Things like centrum just go right through you. I just looked for more food based vitamins in a chewable form. Vitamins are very important after gastric bypass surgery. A single multivitamin especially just a basic one that isn’t food based or bio available won’t do much. Also your vitamins are adapted based on bloodwork and your own personal needs. if people want to rake me over the coals for what vitamins I take or what kind. Or if it looks expensive When All I did was answer a question. Then I guess I won’t comment anymore. If I could go back and remove my comments then I would.

I didn’t know what to title this. My surgery was April 29th, I ended up in the ER the day after my release from the hospital with pneumonia, critically low potassium and acute UTI. I was also diagnosed with esophageal dysphasia. Because of that my follow up appointments got thrown off course. I had two appointments close together. The second appointment he had me go for a upper gi fluoroscopy and endoscopy. Which found stoma stricture, Schatzki ring, sliding hiatal hernia and ulcers. TBH after the endoscopy I didn’t want to schedule my next follow up appointment. And the doctor hadn’t said when. It should have been 2-3 months post-op but it’s almost 4 1/2 months. I see my surgeon on Thursday and because I need medical transportation it turns into practically an all day affair. I am actually dreading this appointment. He is a great surgeon but my communication skills, especially when I’m fatigued are sorely lacking. I’m at a loss what to say since I feel like I can’t do anything right. While yes my weight has gone down (rather slow) and I think I’ve hit around 53lb loss - I haven’t been able to progress in certain things and have to keep my calories very low otherwise I stall. Due to the esophageal dysphasia I’m not drinking a lot of water. I haven’t attempted purées again and should probably even be into regular foods by now. The most I’ve been able to manage is yogurt mixed with protein powder for breakfast (sometimes a shake) cottage cheese, BariatricPal protein soup (if I have any) juice flavor protein mixes, and sometimes soft boiled egg but I get kind of sick from it so not too often. It’s more an allergy thing with that. My surgeon never really said anything after the endoscopy. I read on the results that he balloon dilated the stricture which it seems to me he did it too much at once and I don’t feel better. The fluoroscopy showed it at 3mm and he dilated 10mm and assumed it was ok because the scope passed? I find it perplexing. And maybe they think the other issues too minor? I don’t. I don’t want to be stuck on proton pump inhibitors. They cause constipation and are not safe long term for things like magnesium, bone density etc. which I have enough bone density loss as is. I told My gastroenterologist about new issues with this of course they said talk to the surgeon and also my PCP. I’ve been having crushing chest pain. And weird strong spasms below my ribs on the left side. Of course I forgot to mention it to my PCP I was too annoyed by her attitude when I caught her up on the surgery and everything after it (she was on maternity leave a few months) well that’s a long story I won’t bore anyone with. My gastroenterologist scheduled me for a colonoscopy the end of this month to rule out possible colitis (a ct scan result said colitis) I was supposed to have had it before my RNY but it didn’t work out that way. I’m not sure how I’ll manage prep. They gave me a prescription for one that is less to drink but I’m allergic to it. Ill have to do clear liquids two days prior to the colonoscopy. Does clear protein count as a clear liquid or do I not have protein? I’ve had colonoscopies before but this is my first after RNY. Also. I have endometriosis and it’s possible he won’t see the problem in the colonoscopy since that won’t show up if it’s on the outside. I worry it won’t answer the problems there. As for endometriosis. I saw my uro/gyn because of hemorrhagic cysts on my one remaining ovary. Which also has endometriosis on it. I guess it’s time to have it out now and I’m scheduled for that October 14th. Which means .............. menopause. But I’m hoping it will ease the endometriosis and pcos symptoms. He had removed my other ovary that was covered with endometriosis during other procedures he was doing at the time. I’m too chicken to ask him about an issue with one of the other procedures he did. Just like my follow up with my bariatric surgeon. I’m at a loss what to say and when I’m exhausted I lose my words. Also doesn’t help that I speak to several people before he enters the room. I feel like they expect me to be cured of all my ailments after surgery, even my pcp had that attitude but with lifelong chronic illness it doesn’t work that way. In fact I knew things likely would get worse for me but this was my last chance at a tool to fight my out of control weight gain. You can only eat so little calories without help of some kind. My surgery wasn’t reliant on comorbidities since my BMI was 40. I have them. But most wont just go away with weight loss. But it doesn’t mean I regret the surgery. (My pcp had the attitude of why did I have it if it didn’t help those things ... well I was already at least 208lbs and BMI 40 (height 5’) like isn’t that enough of a reason? Im sorry I just wrote a very long rant. My memory is so terrible I don’t remember when my last two appointments were and what was discussed at the last one. I don’t think they even mentioned my bloodwork. All I know is that was when he scheduled the tests. Now I’m following up on that. I almost don’t even want to go. I feel like I won’t be able to explain anything. And honestly surgeons just want to hear that you lost a huge amount of weight and that you’re doing great not “it’s complicated. “

I guess maybe I worded it wrong, My weight has a natural habit of slow loss then a stall, then it moves down again. But as for calories, my metabolism is so extremely slow that when I upped them past a certain point my body wasn’t happy. It really has no impact on my fatigue, which I’ve lived with nearly all my life due to chronic illness. I’m sticking to the plan and it might seem abnormal but I’m just not normal. I deal with brain fog and have a hard time finding words or explaining things. I didn’t sleep last night, just a bit towards morning and woke with a migraine. Our ride was late and we hit a traffic jam. I saw the nutritionist first, she is great. Their scale said I weigh less than my home scale. She used a fancy scale that showed body fat, muscle, water etc. she understands how I can’t exercise just encourages movement. Which I do my best. I showed her my weight tracking and explained my calories and what I eat. I explained I track my calories and food and how when I increased to 470 I stopped losing and when I went back to averaging 370 it started to go down again at a normal pace, She does want me to try to add soft proteins like flaked fish or veggie burgers since I can’t seem tolerate dense foods like chicken or tuna. She said I’m doing good for weight loss. I shared some of the things that have helped me and she said she was going to share it with her nutrition class. She said some people just take longer to progress. And I need to deal with my health problems and as long as I’m getting my protein it’s ok. i didn’t see my surgeon, I saw a doctor that works with him. I had a hard time explaining the problems and forgot how to describe them. At some point when he started asking about exercise I blanked out because they should know my history. I tried to just stick to the main points, chest pain and still feeling the issues with the stricture and ask what the doctor recommends for the symptomatic hernia and Schatzki’s ring. As far as the surgery they feel things are going along ok. Some things are just all the separate health issues I have. That I’m dealing with the best I can. I told him I’m having a colonoscopy and since y surgeon wants another endoscopy he said my gastroenterologist can do the endoscopy at the same time if I wanted that. He gave me my surgical report to give to my gastroenterologist. I need to find out if my gastroenterologist can do the endoscopy since I’m already scheduled for the colonoscopy. I know surgically things are going as well as can be expected. I also knew my chronic Illness would get worse due to the stress on my body. But I knew going in it was either have gastric bypass surgery or not be able to fight the weight gain and give up. I’m not expecting pity and I’m sorry for posting such long rants. TBH living with M.E. Is worse than cancer, worse than HIV, because of how it impacts every part of me. Not just my opinion of it but how it is medically. After I get this colonoscopy and endoscopy done I’m going to try to add soft foods and soft vegetables. Like gardein vegetarian foods. I want to find out what’s going on first. I wish I could get some answers about the esophageal dysphasia besides it’s neurological. But honestly even if I knew the cause, nothing can fix nerve damage and I will have to learn to adapt. I appreciate the responses. Just writing this is like exercise to my body.

I have been taking gummy vitamins, I researched which ones I thought were best and ordered them ahead from vitacost.com I have shopped there for years and filled my cart and waited for them to send me a coupon before I ordered. They seem to be keeping my labs good, I’m not sure vitamins can totally stop hair loss but they do help overall. I can’t speak for energy but these vitamins do work for me. I spread them out throughout the day. This is my list (one month supply) 1. Garden of life my kind organics women’s multi 40 plus Whole Food gummies, organic berry 120 gummy drops four per day (2 in the morning and 2 in the evening) 2. Natures way hair skin and nails with collagen strawberry 60 gummies two per day one morning one evening 3. Natures way alive clacium plus d3 cherry strawberry, 60 gummies two per day one morning one evening 4. Hero nutritionals slice of life omega 3 and chia seed, adult gummy vitamins, Cran orange 60 gummies- Three gummies i take mid day. Though I take two and supplement with another fish oil gummy I got in target so the bottle lasts the month. 5. Ollie probiotic gummy 1 in the morning. I got in target to see if it helps my gut (so far not really) 6. I’m including b-complex on the list, it’s a good vitamin but I stopped taking it since it wasn’t helping me. And I get enough from my multi. You might benefit from it though. And they aren’t expensive. Natures way Alive B complex gummies, 60 gummies two gummies, one in the am, one mid day 7. I also take a natural heartburn chewable, natures plus nature sec natural peppermint 90 chewable You might also benefit from coenzyme q10. Hyaluronic acid. Prebiotic fiber. A lot of people take bariatric vitamins but they contain added iodine and since I’m allergic I had to find a multivitamin that didn’t have it. Any vitamin that is Whole Foods based will be utilized better by your body. I attached a screen shot of some of the vitamins. I rely on getting coupons since I’m on a tight disability budget. Best of luck to you on your journey!

Every time I write things down and ask a doctor to read it first, they never do. I always have my mom with me but doctors are always so busy and distracted it doesn’t seem to help much. I know I need to go, I also know how fatigued I am. I had to do laundry today three loads and change bedding on two beds and that task most people take for granted isn’t hard for them to do, exhausts me for days (which is oversimplifying it) it took awhile to get this appointment and the medical transport is a random taxi or lyft ride and not very reliable. Sometimes they don’t show up or take a long time to do so. I’m not even sure what to say or expect. It’s difficult separating out what is relevant to the surgeon and what is for my other doctors. I probably need more balloon dilation for the stricture but I’m not sure I can handle that. Especially since I have two other procedures scheduled. I guess I’ll hold my breath and see what they say tomorrow. Well one good thing, I broke a stall finally and am a little over a lb away from reaching my first of three goals which means I won’t be obese anymore.

I couldn’t use the premiere protein because they have added iodine (I’m allergic) I had a hard time finding ones I could tolerate. So far I like PEScience Select protein powder, either I mix it with ripple milk, edensoy or in TwoGood yogurt. For RTD (ready to drink) labrada lean body salted caramel is very good it’s 40 grams protein. Boost MAX protein (from the grocery) it’s 30 grams protein. Koia is good for a plant based RTD. I Especially liked Cinnamon horchata. Also BariatricPal has fruit flavor protein mixes and protein shots. I’d highly recommend the protein shots for more immediately after surgery. They have protein hot cocoa and also protein broth or soup. There is also Unjury that makes a broth flavored protein. Being approved for surgery came after my birthday this. Year. This is definitely the best Christmas gift to get. It won’t be easy but it’s worth it. To know you have a fighting chance.

I don’t know how to tell my doctor that the proton pump inhibitors don’t help me and are not worth the side effects involved. If there are side effects or allergic reactions even I get them. (I’m running out of antibiotics I don’t have a bad reaction to.) I was given carafate and told to double the omeprozole unless they want me backed up I can’t do that to my body. Long term they can do damage. I can say it’s a good idea to take digestive enzymes, preferably chewable or liquid.

I’m Jelly, i wish I could lose 2lbs a day heck I’d even take 2lbs a week with what I’m eating. I tried something new which was a little more calories and just was pretty much in a crawl, then a stall then went backwards a little, once I dropped calories again it went down 2lbs. My metabolism is a joke. i still have jello cups from pre op. Can’t even use them, for colonoscopy prep. Wrong color. Not sure what I will do for clear for the prep. It’s a PITA to find things I can tolerate. my taste changes baffle me sometimes. Years before I had the surgery I started losing my ability to properly taste food, i could tell salty, sweet, sour only if it was strong. My sense of smell was/is altered diminished and sometimes my nose misinterprets what I smell. Example peach scent smells like cat litter to me ... yet sometimes a smell or “taste” is too overwhelming it nauseates me even when I can’t really tell what the taste or smell is? i ate food Based on texture, crunch or creamy. It’s hard to eat by texture when I’m still stuck on shakes, yogurt (TwoGood mixed with protein powder for breakfast), and cottage cheese (has to be the friendship whipped cottage cheese, 4oz is 90 calories and 16 grams protein, though I prefer California style) with occasional BariatricPal juice protein or shots. My swallowing issues along with taste and smell issues are giving me a strong aversion to food. I tried purée (tuna, chicken) and just couldn’t do it. Soft boiled egg isn’t bad but I’m tempting my allergies with that. Funny I still love the taste of pickle juice (butter pickles) my one vice I couldn’t shake even more than sugar (which I had to fight the sugar demons quite some years ago) is Butter (the real stuff)

It’s called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, it’s a type of immunodeficiency (neuroimmune) so I am susceptible to developing other medical conditions of which I have a long list. I knew bariatric surgery wouldn’t make it better, in fact I knew it might make things worse but I also knew not fighting as hard as I could to lose weight was leading to something much worse. Maybe that won’t make sense. I fought so hard to lose weight before but since I can’t treat my metabolic disorders with medication I couldn’t sustain it. For some reason despite all my efforts to keep my weight down it skyrocketed. I knew I needed to have my gallbladder out and decided to pursue bariatric surgery. Just trying to function it’s impossible to carry so much extra weight. Just to be able to have (I hope) better control of my weight and hopefully achieve a goal weight I couldn’t reach or sustain before is my reason to pursue this. It. Isn’t ease some pressure on my joints and spine and help a little with function. Overall given my chronic Illness I wasn’t expecting much just to manage the fact that my metabolism is practically nonexistent .... but honestly my situation is not the norm. I doubt anyone else with M.E. Would have gastric bypass surgery. Not that I know of. Most people do find relief from pain if it’s directly related to weight. Just like it can help with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc.

I was thinking about this last night and what is the difference between RNY and duodenal switch? I actually researched both when I started this and all I could tell was that DS looks like a combination of a sleeve stomach with rerouting of RNY and gallbladder removal. I had my gallbladder out due to chronic inflammation and low function. I had RNY due to GERD. I understood RNY to be malabsorption and why we take all kinds of vitamins vs simply being sleeved. I don’t think it totally doesn't process fat. Otherwise fat soluble vitamins wouldn’t be effective. And carbs and sugars still have a impact. The procedure bypasses a portion of the small intestine which means less of the food is absorbed and utilized by the body as calories and of course this means vitamins as well. So we supplement. A lot of medicine is largely not understood and (I can’t think of the word) anecdotal? Based largely on personal accounts and not necessarily research. With bariatric surgery they get information from patients yet how much do they understand about the process of what happens in the body except that it works. You have your risks but if it can battle obesity we accept these risks to have a tool to fight it. To say it’s not a malabsorption procedure when most doctors say it is, makes no sense to me. The sleeve procedure is a restrictive procedure but RNY is a combination of restriction and malabsorption bypassing part of the small intestine and alternating the body chemistry as well. How it’s altered exactly I don’t know. Except it alters the Ghrelin or hunger hormone. Ghrelin stimulates appetite while Leptin reduces appetite.

It is quite a pain explaining it to people, even doctors don’t understand. Let alone trying to say the name Myalgic Encephalomyelitis and having them understand what I’m talking about. It’s known as ME though it is also known as chronic fatigue syndrome or chronic fatigue immune dysfunction syndrome. I have been sick since I was a baby though It all “hit the fan “ age 9 . But I didn’t get official diagnosis of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis until I was around 22. Let’s just say it’s at least 35 years living with it. It’s like the trunk of a tree and other medical conditions branch off of it because it’s a immunodeficiency. Or neuroimmune condition. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (secondary) started in my teens. I have late onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia, pcos, endometriosis, multiple chemical sensitivity, chronic myofascial pain, degenerative disc disease, chronic spondylosis, degenerating SI joints, “runners knee” chronic Achilles tendinitis, I had multiple foot and tendon surgeries in the past, muscle weakness, muscle wasting, chronic pain etc. etc. Not that anyone really need to know this. My sister doesn’t believe it’s real. Then again my mother was in a wheelchair over 20 years after a doctor botched spine surgery and she had 3 major spine surgeries. Yet she didn’t think that was “real” im also on the Autism spectrum, with sensory processing disorder, adhd. I will stop rambling since I think I need to go to a doctors appointment this morning. I’m exhausted from my shower this morning. I fought to have RNY to have some tool to help me fight my weight even though I knew it would not impact too kindly on my other medical conditions. It was either take my chances or just give up.

Found this article, though complicated. https://academic.oup.com/ajcn/article/92/4/704/4597483 I do find it confusing trying to research the malabsorption aspect of RNY “gastric bypass is known as a restrictive operation as it restricts both food intake and the amount of calories and nutrients the body absorbs.” you’d think bypassing part of the small intestine would cause less absorption of calories. yet I also see a quote which says: ”Mr James Ramus MD, FRCS - Consultant General, Upper GI and Bariatric Surgeon at Berkshire Independent Hospital in Reading comments on a common misunderstanding in modern Bariatric procedures. 'The gastric bypass is not meant to be a 'malabsorptive' procedure. i.e. you do not malabsorb calories. The bypass works partly as a restrictive procedure but perhaps the main benefits in the procedure are the changes in gut hormones that occur afterwards' ... but is that just one opinion? How much does anyone really understand how the procedure works? I mean they don’t really know the true mechanics of it. Especially since surgeons don’t seem to mention changes in things like how medications are absorbed Or utilized post op. Another quote “You had gastric bypass surgery. This surgery made your stomach smaller by closing off most of your stomach with staples. It changed the way your body handles the food you eat. You will eat less food, and your body will not absorb all the calories from the food you eat.” im not sure there is a clear or simple answer out there

Thank you. Although it’s true muscle burns more calories than fat I wish it were that simple a solution for me. I live with lifelong chronic illness, I studied holistic health and nutrition as well as fitness and tried everything under the sun that I could try. I’d get very sick. My body couldn’t tolerate exercise let alone basic living activities. I found out the hard way and recently research proved that the medical condition I have had nearly all my life is one of few of only conditions that exertion, mental or physical causes disabling symptoms. Actually damaging muscles (aging them) it’s complicated. And one of the things that makes all this so difficult. I have always tried to find some balance, but most days it’s a struggle to just keep going. I have a long list of medical conditions and had gotten to the point this was my last hope to at least have a tool to fight my weight problems. I don’t have a way to build muscle mass. I try to keep moving. But just day to day life tasks are physically like running a marathon. I get constant muscle spasms and pain. Ive spent my life never really feeling human. But I’m not seeking pity. It is what it is and isn’t changing any time soon, except for the worse. Each piece I lose in pushing myself a little too far. I don’t get it back. anyway. All that aside. It is interesting that muscles at rest burn 50 calories a day per lb of muscle vs fat cells only require 3 calories a day per lb.

I’m trying my best to learn what I can but it’s hard. I did find if I upped my protein too much I’d stall. Sometimes just Changing things up can help break a stall. Sometimes we might be intolerant to something and it even realize it. Dairy can be problematic with a lot of people. It can be confusing but always a relief when we do something that works. Stick to the happy medium of 60 grams of protein and no dairy and see how it works out long term. You are doing great! All the best to you

I found that one scoop of the protein powder I use (PEScience Select) mixes very well with TwoGood Yogurt (80 calories, 2 grams of sugar, and 12 grams protein) it has a texture like frosting. I stick to having protein supplements for breakfast since I don’t have energy for anything else. my nutritionist also said to go off protein supplements at some point but that once a day was ok and suggested mixing protein powder in yogurt and other foods.

I remember seeing something like this years ago and I can’t visualize myself as thin. I think my fear is never reaching goal or being able to maintain it. Having been close to goal before and sliding backwards no matter how I fought makes me wonder if I can ever get there. My goals have changed this time around. I’ve divided it into three goals now. First is to get past the obese BMI, then the second is the high end of healthy weight. My final goal? If it happens it happens. If not, I know I did everything I could to get there. Our goals are not necessarily dependent on a BMI chart, we just want to get into a healthy weight and feel comfortable with our bodies. I know it’s hard to visualize what it will be like to lose weight but it makes for a healthier you. You might come to like the new you. Just think of the surgery as a tool and you can adjust it accordingly. Don’t get caught into one idea or a comfort zone. Until you see what it’s like you won’t know how you will feel losing more weight. Im similar height. My body just can’t handle extra weight to carry. I’m not doing this for the benefit of anyone else. For me It meant stepping into new routines and change which is hard for me but taken day by day you see things differently with each step.

Your question made me think about the connection between protein and calories. Each Dr. has their own nutritional guidelines. My nutritionist suggests between 60-80 grams of protein. There are a few things I’ve learned about protein. Our concepts of protein are changing. It’s not just how much protein but when we have protein. Our bodies need the protein more at rest to build muscle than it does prior to exercise. Healthy fats fuel our bodies longer than excessive protein. Too much protein converts to glucose when it’s not being utilized. Since I struggle with metabolic disorders and glucose intolerance I’ve kept my protein between 50-60 grams. (Averaging 50j you need to get a feel for your own protein level. If you stall evaluate wether it’s too much protein or type of protein. If you want a protein boost BariatricPal has protein shots, you get 15 grams of protein in 3 ounces. also if you stall , it’s not just about how much calories (either too much or to little ) but the type of calories. Not all calories are equal. Im not an expert. I can hardly figure myself out. We just take it one step at a time and do the best we can.

I got sick of protein drinks fast but I knew I needed to stick with it and just kept trying to find the one I could tolerate the most. You have already gotten great advice, @FluffyChixknows her stuff. The head stuff and dealing with bad habits are a roadblock we all have to cross and learn to use the surgery as a tool. The rest is up to us. all I can say is there are tastier protein drinks out there that won’t make you feel sick. I couldn’t stand the smell or taste of some proteins that a lot of people enjoy. I found PEScience protein and tolerate the taste better, now I sometimes mix it with a high protein low sugar yogurt. There is also Unjury protein that comes in broth flavors. And BariatricPal store has a lot of options including protein shots that get you 15 grams of protein in 3oz. They have protein broth, soups, juices and hot cocoa. You can also buy or even make your own bone broth that is a good source of protein. With the support here you will find your way.

I’m in Boca Raton and some people in this area speak highly of Dr. Shillingford. He didn’t work out for me but they offer a flat rate all inclusive package that covers everything for gastric sleeve at $10,500. I had a hard time with my insurance due to not meeting their comorbidities even though I have plenty of medical problems. I have metabolic disorders, insulin resistance, bone and joint problems, I couldn’t prove my sleep apnea, (the list is long) I fought my weight gain so hard but In the end I ended up qualifying based on BMI, though no one ever told me exactly what qualified me. After a long fight they finally did. What made things work better was when an endocrinologist referred me to Cleveland Clinic, and I already had record of my weight loss efforts with her and my general practitioner for months. The endocrinologist and surgeon wrote letters for my insurance as well. I was referred to Cleveland clinic because the process is not as complicated. It’s hard for me to travel but I don’t think it would have happened without my dr at Cleveland Clinic. BariatricPal actually has a surgery center in Mexico if you can travel. Compared to Dr. Shillingford, sleeve is $4,900 flat rate all inclusive in a highly rated facility. If I could possibly even consider it at some point, I would go there for dealing with excess skin. It looks like an excellent hospital that’s an affordable option for self pay. https://bariatricpalhospitalmx.com/weight-loss-surgeries/

Having had similar issues, some proteins I found a little more tolerable are PEScience Select protein powder mixed with unsweetened Ripple milk, BariatricPal juice flavor protein mixes (I couldn’t tolerate syntrax) BariatricPal protein shots are great. They also have protein broth (including one that’s a meal replacement with vitamins) and hot cocoa. It all depends on your stage, type of surgery and if you find you still can’t tolerate these things best to speak to the surgeon and they might want to run tests.

@mousecat88 I had breast reduction surgery many years ago, I can’t even remember what year anymore. At the time I went to a clinic in NYC and for medical reasons my insurance paid, the doctor was awesome though and fought for me when the insurance was being problematic. I didn’t even know my actual bra size, the biggest I found in stores at the time was 34 DDD. Knowing what I know about bra sizes now I know It was much bigger than that. I can’t even guess. Similar to yours I was practically to my belly button. I asked to be as small as possible and I do not remember my bra size (average was maybe 34 C at the time) Right now I’m around a 30G or 30F in UK sizes. I kept some Freya Deco bras that I barely got to wear before my weight went up again and they are finally fitting again. I suck at getting to the point. I was bullied in my early teens because my chest practically grew overnight and drastically. It was dense solid tissue and caused terrible problems. When I had surgery I was struggling with my weight. But i needed it. When I first lost weight I hated my extra skin. And now as I fight this all again I worry about the cost of surgeries like these. But I so badly want to be able to at least have a thigh lift. Although remembering how it was back then I wouldn’t mind a tummy tuck and breast lift also ... at the least. My body shape also changed after hysterectomy and from degenerative disc disease and scoliosis. I’ve never had good body image. Maybe now they would call it body dysmorphia. BariatricPal has a surgery center in Mexico. I think that’s the only way I could come close to “affording” it. But I live on a small disability check. It took a lot of scrimping and saving to afford my computer. And I just had to get help with the cost for renovating my bathroom. Which I couldn’t even use for several years. I know it’s too soon to think about it. But for once in my life I just want to feel comfortable in my skin, at least a little bit. And not feel like the bullied kid who hates how they look and won’t wear swimsuits let alone anything shorter than Bermuda shorts.

I haven’t had the cocktail mixes but I do like the protein juices, I bought a variety pack. I also like the protein shots that come in juice flavors. I mix them with the 5 calories cranberry juice for a mixed flavor drink. They are a tad tangy but they are good. Some people put more water than suggested. The hot cocoa is also pretty good. I like that they are all 15 grams of protein In A portion.

My weight was going out of control at around 800 calories and less than 20 net carbs a day. I drank lots of water and got plenty of protein and fiber. The same things that had worked for some time just wasn’t working. My body didn’t seem to process fats the same. I kept begging doctors for answers and help. No one even would discuss it or why my abdomen gets so swollen. I was getting sick eating certain foods. At some point when my doctor said maybe I needed my gallbladder out, I decided to look into bariatric surgery. I’ll admit the first surgeon I went to my height was 5’ my weight around 180 but was down a few lbs because I’d just had surgery and felt too sick to eat. My BMI was borderline for surgery coverage with comorbidities for my insurance to cover it. I have plenty, metabolic disorders, spine problems, joint problems, etc. etc. etc. but I never had high blood pressure just high cholesterol. Though my heart races like crazy from orthostatic intolerance. I have glucose intolerance but quit sugar years ago to try to prevent diabetes when I became prediabetic. I got so upset with the doctors appointment I had a meltdown. He talked at me, not to me, made assumptions, didn’t give me a chance to ask questions, said he would only do sleeve. The staff claimed they were going to help but yet I knew it wasn’t going to happen. They were not clear what I needed even though my insurance said it would be approved, the dr office didn’t believe me and wanted a big chunk of change for a down payment that I didn’t have. I wanted to fight it while my weight was still not too high, I feared getting back to being over 200 lbs again. But despite everything my weight jumped another 20 lbs. I finally saw a second endocrinologist (I won’t say what happened with the first) and this doctor listened and understood why I couldn’t take the medications for my metabolic disorders. And she took the situation seriously. she recommended Cleveland clinic and how much easier the process was. She even wrote a letter for my insurance. By then my weight went up to 208 lbs at a weigh in at my general practitioner. I weighed in at the surgeon and it was 203 lbs which was 39.6 BMI. For my insurance my BMI had to be 40 since they didn’t seem to accept my comorbidities. They told me to gain a few lbs. I explained that it was higher at 206 it was just above BMI 40. So they put that on record. I was too sick to eat much. I admit I did have a few small cheat meals, though I never did give in to fried chicken or pizza except a low carb pizza I used to make ... thankfully my insurance did come through. Even though My last weigh in was 203 lbs before surgery at a required nutrition class. I did hate seeing the numbers on the scale get to over 200 lbs even though I was still fighting hard. It was painful really. The tough part was my appointments were afternoon and I’m not a big morning water I always had a protein bar and coffee. The last few weeks I cheated and had a bowl of healthy cereal for breakfast. But oh my point was i have to get transportation to Cleveland clinic and the rides take hours to get me there. It was frustrating and I spent every moment worrying that the surgery wouldn’t happen. Thankfully the doctor knew I needed gastric bypass surgery (especially due to severe GERD) and also was able to help with my gallbladder. I knew the risks of surgery given all my medical conditions and that it would make things worse in some ways but I also knew if I kept gaining that was even worse for me overall. After the one week liquids my weight was 197 I think but after surgery it was back at 203.7 ... it is upsetting to have to go so far to just get help. But honestly, I was on the verge of just giving up. My body and mind wanted to call it quits. I don’t know how to say anything without writing too much and exhausting myself in the process. If the surgery is important , do what it takes to get there. And fight to have the tools needed to get where you need to go.

I dread any doctors appointment, usually when I sense or worry something will go wrong. I had gastric bypass due to severe GERD, sleeve tends to make that worse. I’m glad it went that route, even if a little more difficult because of how hard it is battling my weight for so much of my life. I’ve been through enough with all my medical conditions and knew I had to fight for this. It was either fight for it or give up. I wish I knew the right words that you could say. I honestly don’t think it should be up to someone else to decide what is best for you in the long run. If you can get someone who knows you to be at the appointment too and say something on your behalf that might help. I hope that things go the way that you need them to and that you can get your approval.

I keep thinking about this subject every so often and what really is upsetting to me is how hard I fought to lose weight for so long, I was able to lose on my own at least twelve years ago when my weight hit its maximum both due to metabolic disorders, chronic illness, disability etc. and just plain old frustration and sugar addiction. I kicked the sugar addiction as hard as I could, did a combination of low carb and calorie counting. But fast forward to before surgery and my weight was constant war to keep it down, to maintain the right calories and carbs etc. what gets me is that prior to surgery I was eating average 800 calories a day based on calculators for pcos and metabolic disorders. Plus less than 20 net carbs. Admittedly some weeks as I pursued figuring out what was wrong with my gallbladder and the idea of weight loss surgery, I loosened up and had things like sweet kale salad with gardein grabless crab cakes or gardein fishless fish with cauliflower tots. The worst thing I ate was a Piece of cake for someone’s birthday, I hadn’t had in years and the frosting was just too good. I did have a little pasta here and there. And the frustrating part? My mom was eating nearly all the same foods and similar portions, we are both 5’ 0 yet at my heaviest she was half my weight and thought anything over 100lb too much. At the same time I don’t care, if I get my protein I’m fine. But I see people able to eat what I consider normal calories ie. 800-1000 and still lose weight. While I was gaining. Im glad to see the weight coming off but it hangs over my head, can I find the right balance to lose and maintain a healthy weight long term? My loss is slow but steady but my overall progress to “normalcy “ not so much. Not that anything in my life has ever been normal ...