CrankyMagpie

This was fascinating, and I thank you for sharing it! That said, I wanted to punch him every time he said "all you have to do," with no acknowledgment of changes in BMR or of human behavior. Physicists should really stick to physics.

It isn't irrational. There are always risks. (There are risks when we get in our car to go somewhere, too.) It's OK to be afraid, and it's OK to admit to the staff that you are afraid. I told my surgeon I was afraid. I reassured him that I didn't doubt his skill or anything, and he made it clear the reassurance wasn't necessary. (I mean, he's a highly sought after surgeon. Odds are, he's perfectly fine on the self esteem front. ?) We'll both be OK, though. I've been knocked out for several surgeries, plus the upper endoscopy that was a required test before this. It's super weird. Waking up, it feels like no time has passed. If you're anything like me you'll be super loopy. The hospital staff are used to dealing with people coming out of anesthesia; let them take care of you. ❤️

Hey, so, I'm down to the last two weeks. I met with my surgeon, and he asked me to sign a form saying he could fix a hernia if he found one or do a liver biopsy if my liver looked funky. I did sign it, but now I find myself wondering: how likely is he to find a hernia, if I've already had the upper endoscopy? How much time does a hernia take to fix? (That is the major determinant of cost, and I am self-pay, in the US, so ... it's already a lot.) And if he does find and fix a hernia, how will that impact my recovery time? (I'm having the sleeve, so, it's theoretically a bit shorter recovery than RNY.) I know nobody can answer how likely he is to want a liver biopsy, but I wonder: how will that affect the cost of my procedure? And how will that impact my recovery time? I don't want to be cut open any extra times, so I was half tempted to say "Look, while you're in there, if my appendix looks at you funny, go ahead and take it, too," but like I said, I'm self-pay on this. I also have, you know, other life responsibilities, most of which I've said "I'll see you two weeks after surgery" on. So I'm just ... being anxious. As I do. (I'll do some searching online about this stuff, but I know there are people on here who have had one or both things done, and maybe your medical teams told you how that affected things.) Thanks!

Sure! It isn't mine-as-in-I-created-it, but it's mine-as-in-I-made-a-copy-of-it (so I get to keep it even if they take the website down): https://www.bariatricfoodie.com/niks-protein-pumpkin-custard/ My recipe notes, which you are welcome to ignore ?: I made it with sweet potato instead of pumpkin (because I was halfway through making it when I realized my can of pumpkin was dented), and it was still pretty good. (Taste: great. Texture: a little dry. But that's always how sweet potato pies seem to me.) I'm not doing that again, though; I want pumpkin! I do add more powdered ginger and freshly-grated nutmeg .. and probably cinnamon, too, on top of the pumpkin spice it calls for. They have a brand of protein powder they prefer, I think, for this, but I used vanilla Quest and came out fine. I also know some folks on here can't deal with sugar alcohols, but right now I can. So I did half xylitol, half Splenda, and that was very good. (I have to mix fake sugars. They all taste gross, alone, in the quantity you'd use for a recipe. I don't think there's any amount of stevia I can use and not have it come out tasting like aluminum to me, which is a bummer. Taste-wise, I could do all-xylitol, but at some point xylitol punishes you for over-consumption, so I didn't want to risk it.) Anyway, enjoy! Also, that site has several pumpkin-themed recipes, so browse around and see what looks good to you!

I really like magpies, and I'm a bit of one, myself -- a collector with a sense of mischief. I only tend a little bit toward crankiness, in general. But it made it into the username because I know there'll be at least two weeks of this journey when I'll be super cranky -- the one-week pre-op liquid-only diet and the first week after surgery when things hurt and getting in enough liquid and protein is hard.

Yeah, folks who do RNY have an average of 1 extra night's hospital stay. I don't think my team will let me out, day of. Which is almost too bad, because I'm afraid of hospitals. Even if I have no pain, no nausea (yeah right), I will be really uncomfortable the whole time I'm there. But having medical professionals keep an eye on me for 18-24 hours after surgery feels like a good idea.

The folks in this thread are mostly the week before me (Oct 3!), so I'll be doing my (one week) liquid diet while you're getting your surgeries, BUT, @CRD1981, we're the same age and getting the same procedure! (My BMI is a bit higher, though. 57ish.) Different kind of surgery buddies. I'll be rooting for you!

Surgery buddies! Hi-5!

I was just talking about this--the pain, not the chance I'll let it deter me from the surgery--with my spouse today. I'm ready to have 3-4 very bad weeks after surgery. I don't want it to go down that way, and I'll follow every direction I can to prevent it, but the first few days could be nearly unbearable: I don't honestly know that any pain meds work on me (I recall continuing to feel the pain, but just, falling asleep despite it ... and they won't let you sleep that long while you're in the hospital, I've been told). I hate hate hate vomiting. I hate being in pain. So I am aware that I might be in agony, at first, and in hard-to-deal-with pain and stomach discomfort, for a while, and I'm still set on going through with it. But then, I have autoimmune arthritis pain to deal with if I don't go through this. My already painful joints will likely continue to deteriorate slowly but inexorably. I already can't walk much distance, due to plantar fasciitis, knee and hip pain, and pain in my lower back. I could lose even that distance and end up in a powered wheelchair when I have to leave the house. My hand and shoulder joints could get enough worse that I can't do the crafting I do for fun, or the typing on a keyboard I do for a living. (This could happen even with the surgery, but it has good odds of preventing it.) Aside from the arthritis and asthma (which I've had my whole life, at every weight), I'm healthy. Yeah, even at 300+ pounds. It really pisses off some doctors. But the arthritis has decreased the exercise I can do and the amount of time I can spend preparing healthy foods for myself, which means I can't look forward to staying healthy, if I don't go through with this. Without the arthritis, or another equally bad comorbidity, I wouldn't go through with it. That's real talk about me, not advice for you. You should weigh the pros and cons for yourself and decide if you're willing to endure one really bad month (could be more, could be a lot less, but that's kind of what I'm building myself up to deal with) or not.

Hey there, I'm also getting the surgery for autoimmune arthritis. It has better odds of clearing up my pain than any of the meds that are still available to me. If that works out--if the surgery brings my arthritis under control--then even self-pay, at ~$12k, it's a steal, compared to the price of arthritis meds (except methotrexate, that's fairly inexpensive... but also not sufficient to control the arthritis alone, and I'm allergic to a whole class of biologics). I'm a little over two weeks out from the surgery (Oct 3), and I am having all kinds of second and third and fourth thoughts. If I'm in the unlucky percentage of people whose arthritis isn't significantly improved by the surgery, I worry I will regret having it done. (Very few people regret it, but it does happen.) This is, of course, pretty silly; even if the surgery doesn't directly improve my arthritis, weighing less will make it more bearable. Plus, there's the reduced stress from not having to live as a fat person in a society that hates fat people. And I feel like I'm in this terrible cycle, right now, where I am too tired and too in pain to take proper care of myself -- to cook the healthy foods (standing that long in the kitchen? can't do it) and go to the gym (pain and exhaustion combine to be very demotivating) and keep my caffeine intake under control (I'm always tired) -- and the surgery and its associated weight loss really may be enough to break that cycle for me. So I get the reluctance. But I also think weight loss surgery should be prescribed for more of us with autoimmune arthritis, based on the promising results from the studies that have been done. (And insurance should cover it. Heaven knows I'll be saving them a fortune, getting this done.)

Lol, you and I are opposites in this regard! (But I have a sugar-free high-protein pumpkin custard recipe, and it's not bad.) Also, @GreenTealael, I ordered a bunch of sugar-free Torani syrups (including pumpkin spice!) directly from Torani, and I was so impressed with the packaging they used! It was really, really good. (Less impressive if there isn't cardboard recycling in your area, but we have it here, so it was great.) I mean, I don't want to pressure you. But if the need gets real enough... ? I'll be drinking a lot of hot tea. And baked apples aren't a bad choice if you don't go adding lots of sugar and butter.

At four weeks out, barring weird complications or anything, my surgeon clears folks to lift weights. I bet they'll clear you for the coasters, @MargoCL! And @Ivy Joel, they wouldn't have invited you along if they didn't think of you as part of the family already. You are definitely focusing a lot more on this "not a blood relative" thing than they are. As an anxious person, myself, I know it does zero good to be told "don't worry so much," so I won't do that to you. But just know, they want you there! So even if you do have to take things a little slow, or whatever--four months out, I kind of doubt you'll have to, but even if you do--that's OK. Families make allowances for each other. (Or, well, they should.) ❤️

Oh, hey! Some of these are tree nut-free! Cool!

I'm self-pay, but my surgeon has a 3-month program he makes everyone go through, with 4 nutritionist visits, 4 visits with his PA, at least one visit/assessment with his psychologist, and a bunch of pre-tests (blood, ekg, echocardiogram, upper endoscopy, pulmonary, and if you score high enough on a particular survey, also a sleep study), plus a group class and a second meeting with him, two weeks before surgery. He also wants everyone to lose 10% of their initial weight, but if you have compelling enough reasons, he can sometimes be convinced to set that requirement aside. I feel like a lot of what I know about post-op is from reading books (Colleen Cook's The Success Habits of Weight Loss Surgery Patients 3rd Edition and ... something put out by the American Diabetes Association; Googling, it looks like maybe it was 21 Things You Need to Know About Diabetes and Weight-Loss Surgery?), forums, blogs (I love Banana Tummy and hope she is still doing well!), medical websites, studies available on PubMed, and the handouts my team hasn't yet given me but I found on their website and Google. I have been reading compulsively, and I wonder how well prepared I would be if I hadn't been doing that, even with my surgeon's program. (I mean, I would still know not to gobble Cinnabons. This whole, like, "protein first" thing ... yeah, they made sure I got that.) I wouldn't mind a quiz! But there isn't one. Other than "don't gain weight before the surgery," I guess.

Thanks ❤️ I am just real, real tired of being judged, being a fat person in a society that hates fat people, I guess. I fight fat stigma where I can--though I mostly don't bother here on bariatric surgery boards, for obvious reasons. But it's exhausting, so I pick my battles. I often avoid behaviors that'll draw attention to myself, unless I'm ready for a fight. At six months, I should be down ~60% of my excess weight (on average, or so my surgeon's PA tells me), and I know from (distant past) experience that I'm super comfortable living in the world at that weight--I don't feel like I'm at risk of being judged all the time. So, I mean, it's an arbitrary date, nothing written in stone. I'm honestly pretty comfortable at 30 pounds above that weight, so it may not even be that long? I guess there's also the whole "hey, I will probably have built some good habits and also learned how my new stomach works" thing, right? I have this vague idea that maybe I'll be drawn to healthier menu items after six months of semi-scrupulous healthy eating--or at least that I'll have further strengthened my "choose the healthy thing" muscles. And also I don't ever want to throw up in a restaurant if it can be avoided. So I'll do all the error testing at home. ? Which might mean we get Indian delivered, as a test run, and/or we get take-out from the sushi place nearby. I'm not planning a life of hardship, I promise. ?

I'm super glad that works for you (sincerely! that's great!), but it isn't an option for me, either right now or in the period immediately after surgery. It does the opposite of what I want, by calling more attention to how much I'm eating, not less. I may be bold enough to do that when I inhabit a thin body, but I definitely won't do it now. (This is my own hangup, and it's probably more of a thing for therapy than a thing we can problem solve on a discussion board. I'm all right with that, though I do really appreciate your sharing what works for you! My spouse and I are both cool with not going to restaurants for 6-8 months. And if we get pulled in by friends before then, I can probably get him on board with @MargoCL's approach, especially since we're into Indian food and sushi, which both lend themselves pretty well to sharing.)

Ash replied to my post (nicely). You replied to her reply to me: "That's exactly my rebuttal, it's to track trends." It looked like you were saying "My rebuttal to Cranky is exactly the same as yours is." It felt personal, especially after you implied I didn't know how to use my own scale. (Which, OK, I'll acknowledge I'm primed to experience men-explaining-technology-unnecessarily with a bit more frustration than the average person, because I know more about technology than most men I encounter, and most men explain it to me anyway--not saying I know more about Arias than you do, but there's no evidence I know less, either; yet, you explained it to me. That may have colored how I read your second post, but maybe not. After all, it didn't have anything marking it as a general comment--something like "that's exactly my rebuttal when the accuracy of the individual measurements comes up," for instance, or simply, "I agree; I use it for trends." "Rebuttal" is an arguing word, as I said before, and when using an arguing word on a text-only medium, some extra clarification is helpful.)

"Rebuttal" is a strong word, here. I made it clear that I believe tracking trends is useful, as long as you're consistent about your level of hydration before you step on the scale. My larger point was people often take the numbers given by these scales as if any one of the readings is a useful number (which it is not), and they often misunderstand what the scale is measuring and don't go for consistent measurements. Consistent measurements get you the trend, which is useful. Inconsistent measurements get you junk data. I'm not sure that needed rebutting? Are you reacting strongly because I got a piece-of-junk Aria (it happens; I've gotten piece-of-junk Fitbits, too) and wrote off the whole line, and that frustrates you? (I saw your other post, but didn't reply. Since I'm replying to this one, I'll point out: I followed the directions, left it in one place, and gave it plenty of chances to calibrate. It still never reached a point where it would provide a stable measurement.) I acknowledge that it's possible that my scale was an aberration, and Arias are mostly great. Is that what you want me to say?

Hey, @mamadownsizing! We're semi-surgery-date-buddies! (Since your time zone is so far ahead of ours, you're actually probably closer on surgery time to @Oct517 than to me. But still,) October 3rd! Hi-5! ?

I hated my Aria. It bounced around a LOT. Just as an FYI: the body composition scales are not super accurate. Because of how they work (measuring impedance), what they measure has a lot more to do with how hydrated you are than with your actual body fat composition. You can "hack" the measurement a bit by always measuring first thing in the morning, when you're at your most dehydrated--it still won't be especially accurate, but it'll at least be inaccurate in a more consistent way, so that you can map trends over time. I have a plain old boring digital scale, and I love it; it's fast and consistent between measurements. (Stepping off the Aria and back on it would get me a different number. Not so with my cheapo scale.) I like the color, which is a nice bonus. I really don't need it to connect to wifi. But I also love gadgets and support you all in getting your gadget on. ? Scales won't be my gadget of choice, but I'm sure I'll pick up other things. (Activity tracker-wise, I'm a Misfit fan.)

I've already warned my spouse: I'm probably not going to want to go out to eat for at least 6 months, maybe longer. Eating such small amounts, while in a visibly fat body... yeah, I'm not interested in people's commentary.

Just an addition: you can go to Meetup.com instead of downloading an app if you want. It's a little overwhelming in urban areas, where there's a meetup for every interest you can think of! In rural areas it's a bit easier to see all your options (because there are fewer of them).

They make protein hot chocolate. You can even buy them on this site. I have bought BariWise brand hot chocolate from Diet Direct and liked it. That would be a much better idea than normal hot chocolate.

My spouse knows, as do my brother and my aunt (who are both thinking of also getting it). Some close friends know that I'm having some kind of surgery, and I've talked about some of my feelings around the surgery without actually naming it, but they aren't stupid--they can probably guess, especially the two who have a close friend who has had it. My coworkers know I'm having "medical stuff," that will keep me away from work for a few weeks, and that is all I ever plan to tell them. (I don't work in a super healthy environment.) Same with my classmates. After the surgery and the worst of the pain is over I'll tell my mother. (I really like your phrasing/framing, @diabladepaz: "I don't have the emotional bandwidth" to deal with her issues when I'm already anxious, pre-op, nor will I immediately after, when I'm healing and tired and in pain and maybe going through the buyer's remorse phase.) And probably my less-close friends, as needed. Before I next see my in-laws (next summer), I'm probably going to get my partner to tell them, possibly with some kind of spiel like "Cranky is willing to answer questions about the procedure, about the rules people have to follow after it--any kind of general medical facts you might want to know. But they aren't willing to talk about their weight or to answer personal medical questions. Be cool." As I've said in most threads when this kind of conversation comes up, I'm willing to completely dodge people's questions ("I'm not comfortable talking about my weight/food choices/medical history/whatever. Anyway, how about those Dodgers?"), but I think it's cruel to ever tell another fat person we've lost all this weight through diet and exercise alone. I'll avoid the question, but I won't be deliberately misleading. It's been done to me (knowing what I know now, I suspect it's been done on at least three separate occasions), and it made me feel like an awful failure; I won't do it to another person.

Hey, @Oct517! My surgery is the day after yours, and I'm in the same boat. (I mean, sometimes during the day it also stresses me out, but there are distractions and things I have to do... at night it's just me, my worries, and my arthritis pain, and the stress is higher.) I don't have enough Xanax to get me through every night between now and the surgery (not by a long shot), but I have enough for a few key nights, like the night before. I'm considering trying a lavender tea + journaling ritual before bed, to get me through the other nights. (Chamomile would maybe be even better, if you aren't allergic to it.) I won't be in any less pain, but I will have gotten the worries out on paper so that I don't have to keep pondering them. Anyway, you're not alone. And we're going to be OK! ❤️