Hey Snapple!
I’ve been out of the June Sleevers loop lately (6/5 down 35 pounds). Sounds like you are doing great! I am at a weird plateau & have been for a few weeks. And I’m feeling like I’ve gotten right back into all of the old bad habits I had for 30 years! I’m so disappointed in myself because everything went so well with the surgery & I felt great losing the weight! So much more energy, getting back into clothes I haven’t worn in years! I was so hopeful. But in the last few weeks everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. And my entire life focus has had to change again.
My parents - aged 90 & 87 are needing more & more care & even tho we hired an aide, things just keep getting worse. Both have dementia & Mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer. So I’m trying to get them into assisted living, get my Mom’s cancer plan in place, constantly taking them to doctors appointments, working full time, (I just got a promotion!) take care of my family, and I’ve had absolutely no time to plan, track my food, exercise, or take care of me! I feel like I never even had surgery! I do get full fast but if I just wait a while, I can eat again. I’ve starting grazing again! And, just like before, I wake up every morning & say, “Today is the day! I’ll start again. “ and like before, it doesn’t happen. Arghhh I am so mad at myself!
Anyway, sorry to be a bummer! I think I need to get back into this blog & eat like I did after surgery. Maybe some encouragement will help!
keep up your great work!
You said you weren’t happy that your wife went forward with this from the beginning. Is it possible that you are unconsciously looking for physical changes in your wife to support that feeling? Maybe even a “I-told-you-so” feeling because you’re not happy with her appearance now or maybe because she proceeded with her surgery despite your feelings?
I’ve come to accept what she has done… I don’t think you’ve accepted it at all. Why were you opposed to her decision to have this done in the first place? Is there something deep inside of you that resents her for having this surgery even though you were opposed to it? (I don’t know you, but some men have a problem with women making their own decisions, including decisions about their own bodies.)
She used to be… she is now… she is starting to look… She also looks like…. These sound like mourning words. You’re in mourning for the body your wife used to have.
I’m starting to worry… Starting? No, you're in full-blown worry mode, except it’s not really worry. I still think it’s mourning for what was.
I’m afraid I’ve lost my wife… Afraid? No, in your mind you’ve lost her. But have you lost her? Really? Your wife is happy. And the doctor’s office doesn’t seem worried.
His office pretty much ignores my concerns… Are you sure that they’re just disagreeing with you and not ignoring you?
This surgery killed my aunt…. WLS is not a murderer with a sawed-off shotgun. Your aunt had a rare and unfortunate complication. I hope you didn’t bring up your aunt's complication as one of the reasons for not wanting your wife to have her surgery. Or did you?
If I come across as terse, it’s only because men tend to understand things better when those things are presented bluntly or in black and white.
Lastly, it’s only been 10 months. Your wife's body is still trying to find a happy balance.
Has your sex life changed? Is that something you’re also unhappy about? (My husband has always enjoyed my big, soft body.)
Please do not interpret anything I’ve said above as lecturing or patronizing because that is not my intent. This is just my take on things from a woman's point of view. Not every woman's point of view. Just mine. We're not all the same, you know.
You sound like a loving and caring husband. No one here wants you to be unhappy, including me. Your wife, I’m sure, doesn’t want you to be unhappy. But guess what? It’s okay to be unhappy sometimes, except you need to figure out if your unhappiness and fears about your wife’s new body are rational or irrational. If they are irrational fears, and you still can’t come to terms with it all, maybe a therapist might help. Maybe joint therapy. And there is, of course, absolutely no shame in that. None.
@pacheka I walked at least an hour a day (split into 10 minute increments) immediately after surgery. After 2 weeks I was cleared by my surgeon to do as much exercise as I felt comfortable doing. Right now I’m 2 months post op and I go to the gym 3 times a week for 90 minutes. I eat between 700-900 calories per day and try to drink 128ozs of Water. I eat no less than 80 grams of Protein per day.
The key is to develop these behaviors while the new tool we have been given is doing most of the work. Soon it’ll be the behaviors we created that do the work and we should be happy and healthy!
