Frustr8

Last night and this morning I did an audit of my in-game shelf where my future bariatric supplies stay. I have Svelte organic soy protein shake 15- 20mg calcium French Vanilla Muscle Milk yogurt protein shake 20 mg calcium,blueberry Premier Protein shakes 30 mg Salted Caramel, Peaches and Cream, vanilla hoping to get stra2berry and Cream Allergic,to all forms of chocolate How does this seem as a start? Please hive me your feedback.

And ladies and Ken yesterday the 7th I had no likes credited but a happy group of 9 followers, today they have floated into the ether.

I hunger for a world where no one forms a judgement based on race, creed, color, sexual orientation, nation, or last ( and to my mind important ) body size. In the 60s when I was coming though,iyouth and transitioning into adulthood, we were certain we were the generation that was going,to,accomplish all this. We started out well, we shouted that we believed,in love, peace and equality. That was then, the 2010s are rapidly approaching their end and have we solved it all? No somewhere along the line we lost our own vision. Yes many strides have been made, some,new are being made daily, but one that glares in my mind is body size. We stll,live in a. world where average,is normal, any deviation is permissional,to deride, deprecate, and have,zero appreciation for. As a non average weighted female I was often ridiculed , Yes I was advantaged by being the prominent skin pigmentation but was still not valued. Even in childhood, which many,would,feel a sweeter gentler time, chants of " Fatty,fatty , 2 by 4,followed me. And it seemed although my gender, my degree of intelligence,were seldom valued the derision I received because of my size hurt the worst. I could learn to ignore being called "only a girl" , a "nerd" even a "redhead". what wounded me was being.called blimpo or bulge- belly. And much as baby chickens pecking,a weakier one to,death, my self-esteem, my joy in myself were destroyed. And since I was excluded from the circle of friendship I searched for and found a new best buddy- food! That slice of chocolate was quiet, it didn't ridicule me for being slower, ungainly and the last to be picked at sports. The bowl of creamy,ice cream it was gentle, kind, a lot more accepting than being stuck in a desk chair at school or a too narrow door in the ladies room. And although my food friend,seemed kinder,he was also an agent who ewould destroy me. I was a child, no one cares to warn me I was the agent of my own destruction , and although I did grow taller, I did not grow thinner. The calories that were supposed to grant me energy. poisonly made me even heavier. And my parents tried to intercede feebly, because they too were bewildered by this turn of events happening to their little Precious. They were told to make me exercise more, well I tried, I wanted to make them happy, but I moved slower because of my size, my joints were starting to hurt because of the weight they were carrying, they were starting to wear out, I tried running, I fell down, I was maybe 17 before I had an unsrcraped knee, do jumping jacks, I sprained both ankles within a week, jump rope, I was uncoordinated enough I tripped myself. Oh,its all right , my poor mother was told, it's just a phase she's going through, she'll grown out of it. Did I? Not really, then a really poisonous event happened- puberty.. Once again I was frog marched to the same family,doctor. Perhaps I would have benefited from,2 doctor specializing in childhood and childhood disease. There were only general or family practioners in my little town. Where it could be sloughed off as plump'hood before "A lot of children are plump, the all grow out of it" suddenly,i was really getting fat.And eordscwete uttered that still impact my life " It is just a phase" Gosh I had more phases than an utility system, didn't I? " Its only her hormones, once they regulate themselves she'll he just fine" At last report I have been 60+ years for them to smooth out, I've been through all the education my parents and I could afford,,marriage, 3 children, numerous operations and widowhood, guess what? I AM STILL FAT! Oh we tried pills, prescribed and non-prescribed, every fad and unsubstantiated diet to surface, I rode bikes up the hill, down the hill and around the hill, we tried swimming, one would think with the amount of blubber, like whales and seals I'd float to,the surface. Poor Mummy and Daddy sent me off to the local Y to learn , first lesson the instructor let me drop to the 11 foot depth bottom of the pool where I lay until someone noticed , dived in, dragged me to the side of the pool and resusitatied me after several minutes. After I came to I of course vomitted all over myself and everything in radius. Was I transported to hospital? Nope, that would have been negative publicity, couldn't have! And as I look back I wasn't all that important, this was the 1950s after all. My parents received a half-hearted apology of sorts. One. instructor blamed on my overeating, said I ate before my lesson, I hadn't eaten since 7:30 AM and this was after 3 in the afternoon,the other instructor, guess it took 2 to drag me out, said we didn't know fat would sink! Nobody apologized to me, I was banned for life from the Y, and it was many years, I was probably a teenager until they insisted I learn at summer camp. And through the years myvtoxic relationship with food went on. And life went on, I despaired and ultimately gave up on any substantial weight loss, the arthirits that had hidden in my genes bloomed forward at 25,the asthma that had been borderline returned with a vengence at 35 and still I went on, I had abandoned hope of being normal, of being average years before, deep in my heart a tiny dream and hope still simmered although it was a tiny weak flame. I brought up the subject of surgical weight loss to my parents, they sure didn't feel there was much hope. Mummy said it would surely kill her because I would die, Daddy said stomach surgery was for people who had cancer, why would a healthy person want that? Yes maybe I had studied, knew that bariatric surgery, although it was then in its early infancy, was possible, these were my parents, they knew best. So I ceased requesting. Years later I approached my husband about this. First. I was being silly and foolish for suggesting such,a thing. I was selfish, self- centered, think,of only myself, my first responsability should be to,go and the children's had created. I should realize I was so,lucky to not be forced to find a job outside the home. Now shut,up and go fix a meal, and it had better not be skimpy, he was on plentiful food and his children would be too. And you don't need to eat, and eat so much, just push yourself away f rm the table. And instead of fighting for my rights. I gave in..Remember in my generation, our only goal was to find a man, marry young, give him as many children as he deserved, which usually was many, stay home, raise babies, clean house and don't rock the boat. You're nothing if you don't don't have a man. Well,i sure didnt' want this,model to get away, you weren't supposed to upgrade to a new model, you had this one for life. So shut up, enjoy your warm racoon prison. And most important don't rock the boat. After 44 years of my warm and somewhat sheltered prision life Mr Wonderfully Precious died. Suddenly I had to finish the road to Self Reliant Adulthood I had diverted from . I had planned a medical career before I had given in , knuckled down and changed my,life direction. Well at 66 that was too late but maybe I could still be okay. I started going through the,last somewhat lamented,'s Private Papers, yes in the desk I had been denied access to. I had been a compliant child so certainly I would remain that way. What should I find but paperwork from his doctor. Had I even asked and with Hipaa I wouldn't even been told, Mr Precious had kidney disease, rapidly going to end-stage, had been warned by his doctor,which we didn't share without more medical intervention and special diet he would rapidly die. And suddenly my life blinders fell off with a large crash. I had given up a possible and probably medical education to marry him, I had SAT and ACT scores off the charts in Biology and other sciences, had been in an accelerated college preparatory course line at the end of high school, the lesson plan was so exclusive only myself and 1 young man participated. We were permitted college courses facilitated by our nearby college and provided yo our high school. Alas this college was,male only, therefore Michael did not attend on campus. His credits transfered into his future university, mine were recorded at an audit level. Michael entered his university at a 2nd semester sophomore, I got,the fuzzy end of the,lollipop. When I met Mr Precious I put my plans on a back burner. Ohio Stste, as a land grant university was mandated to accept all Ohio students of a certain academic standing. I had the misfortune to be born immediately prior to the Baby Boom when they had a glut of potential students. I gradulated.gradulatedMay 1963, they deferred me to Autumn 1968. By the time that time came I was married and nearly 6 months pregnant,living 60 miles away so I just gave up I devoted 44 years, 2/3rd of my life to be a good wife and mother, didn't argue,didn't fight back. Now I was 66 nearly 6767, physically tired, emotionally bent,if not. broken, believed my only value was as an auxiliary to fist parents and then husband. I now had a loud wake-up to Self Reliant Adulthood and was scared. But I now grew, stood on trembling,legs that grew daily stronger. And,one of the major steps and ways. I felt,would achieve this was bariatric surgery. I had tried diets repeatedly, even fasted and starved. Nothing worked, sought,help from my,primary,care physician. Yes after Mr Precious demise I had finally secured one after hearing doctors re only after your money.Yes he had a doctor, but he was special.. And PCP and i,tried several ideas, not including wiring my mouth shut which Mr P would have suggested. As among the last resorts my doctor prescribed phenteramine as a diet aid, I gained 30 pounds in one month, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired so I completed a bariatric course not,once but twice . First time through,i lost insurance just before surgical date assignment, returned again one and half,years later and went completely through again only to have the surgeon decline to,perform the surgery in lines. meaning not as long as I live. So I regrouped and made a third attempt for bariatric surgery at a new location. I could be as close as 7/8 prepzred, maybe less, depends on how may prerequirements they accept, how many more they require. I am not giving up, this is my best and pissibly,last chance at a thinner, healthier, fitter and contnuing life. I have come this far, committed and will still commit more to this endeavor and I shall and wlll not stop until my day of death to receive it all. Invisiable, just watch

@ALFxRNY, it's Frust8, I couldn't sleep, thinking about you and your submission, please let me know what this Tuesday Today holds for you!😝 Hoping for happy for you👣stepping into the future#

Tealael Wow. You are now fierce and fabulous. You looked sweet in picture#1 but now I respect your,"Take No More Bull," attitude. Ms T. you really rock the casbah now!!!

Never stop loving yourself, never stop,forgiving yourself, you're human, if you start to slip, catch yourself before a fall,. And always be your own best friend.💕😛💕

You are very welcome and I do mean what I said the world would have a definate chill to it. I would cover all bases, shamans the whole lot. I was a scared "newbie" and one time just your words made my,problem no longer insurmountable. Maybe I would have thought of the solution eventually, but that day it helped. And well is my primary thought for you. One day at a time until we know more.👣😝

OMG Mattymatt I am so sorry😭 I know some people on here are against prayer, it will make me feel better to do it so I shall. It seems a small thing to do for one of my first friends on Bariatric Pal. Please know I do feel your importance, the world would be a colder place had I never met you.😪

Never accept fear Never doubt yourself never believe there is time to,postpone things Never resist,change in youself Never forget this is all for you and you alone. Never accept,negative,advice

That's how the old drips💦 drop, my friends 😛

Hope you don't get so hungry🌝 and,nervous you start howling🐶 at the 🌙moon!😛

Thank you Mike and Jess, thank you both for,not treating me,like I'm a silly old woman for having such fantasies. Sure I could never get to either,of your levels, waited too,long to institute the plan. Even though I'll never be a 🏃Mike, a💃 Jess, I can be a fitter Frust8 👸and that satisfies me.😛

I,had a JacksonPratt after my open surgery for gall bladder removal, not too after JP prgected them Came out,just before I came home. I would say it's removal felt more like it was a large splinter they were removing with tweezers. Not bad but strange sensation. You can see where,it was after all these years because,my scar is a teeny bit wider there. So if I have a JP after my RnY, it will be "Hello old friend, I know what you're here for!" Prospect doesn't concern me, presence won't alarm me. I started out wanting Dr Needleman, probably,will still have him, but if it turns out to be Dr Noria, that also will be fine..She is 46,so not a toddler level skilled, but very goodn assistant,professer at Ohio,State when she's not busy cutting holes in people and sewing them back,up. Neither of them have ever had sections/lawsuits so they,do keep their professional "noses" clean. Not shifty eyes like Slither McSlime at the former program, drat his reptilian heart! Pfttt!

Good on you, you are healing,so very well.👍Have a good rest tonight, there is plenty more mischief,tomorrow😝

And if you would put a golden blond wig on CreekImp's enraged chimp picture it would be the image of Donald J Trump. Just saying ,friends!😰

Injury is one of the brands for the chicken soup. People in the know say it is very good, not sure of the price.

Greetings and a Top of the morning to you from,2 very distant cousin from Midwest r rn US, proud enough of n the heritage my sons names are Kevin and Bryan . And,my son Kevin, who became an Angel at 31, his first lullaby was "Kevin Barry" and I rocked them to The Rising of the Moon both. And I look a Celtic princess, fair skin and red gold hair. Alas until i,lose more weight I'll look less a princess and more the size of the Blarney Stone. But I do welcome you heartily, if there is anything I can do to make your weight loss journey easier you have but to ask. Next month(June) I hope to have a RnY bypass surgery, at 72 a little late in life, but if God grants me a few more years anfd I am healthier I will be extremely grateful. .Frust8😛

And you will shine, brighter and prettier than Haileys Comet. The world🌏 now belongs to you😛

Austin,Powers and I say "Yeah Baby!:😛

Thank You God for the Doctors Mayo, they beat Ford Motors to have a better idea😛

Drat D I N G O S, but you have my permission to sing while you do it. A chorus of Waltzing Mathilda my dear.

Hike the Holden out of the car park, Taoz is on the road again,mowing down song is left and right.!🚙😛

And the eyes of Texas are upon you and there is a Texas'sized smile for you. Congratulations and keep on easin' on down the line 👍😝

I wanted to lick the Lasagna spatula when I was fixing Tomkittens dinner. True confession, grabbed a protein shake, sat down and whimpered. Only bright light ahead, OSU doesn't keep kangaroos on a liquid diet as long as sleevers, once they are certain you understand to chew down to a thick applesauce consistency,you go moving --on😝

It is, our Kangaroo pouch,is the size of an duck egg, you bananarama sleevers have maybe a nice banana size. And since we have no longer a helpful valve at the end of our food processor, it's rapid transit down the intestine. That's why it's super important we don't eat with our meals, things become a total washout😛...........💕Frust8 the happy,future Kangaroo