StephersSweet

I totally thought "James" was a person, the lazy S.O.B!!!
Was gonna say James sounds just like my hubby!!!

Hugs!!!
He doesn't have a brother, but I do have a very dear (and very single) best friend who is also going through his own weight loss journey! He said my VSG inspired him to take control of his own issues so we've been dropping weight together like champs!

Girl I feel your pain ever since I started this new diet everyone and their brother is coming out of the woodwork like "Steph want a piece of candy, steph want to go grab a slice, steph I couldn't eat all my fries, want the rest?"
Please god make it stoppppp!!!!!! lol. I'm terrified of the 9 week diet after surgery and pray that I'm strong enough to get through it when it's my turn. Every time I'm tempted I just remind myself in one short week of eating clean and changing my portions I lost 9 lbs and that pizza/candy/fry is not worth gaining it back.

@coyote does he have a brother? Can I jump through the computer and give you a very big hug?!?!
No he's never said anything about my weight and he's been an amazing friend and we continue to get closer. I'm 100% focused on my goals right now so I'm not looking for any commitments. I got enough on my plate without dealing with boyfriend drama lol.
It really does feel like that liking a bigger woman is considered a fetish more than anything, it makes it hard to really get attached to anyone.

@Waler Yeah I try to explain it that way to them and for some reason it still always leads to an argument and more questions that just end up hurting my head. I feel like half the hard work is just dealing with the haters haha.

Seriously though, any time you venture into the subject of WLS surgery and someone asks you why? I just get annoyed by it at this point. So I tell them I'm morbidly obese which leads to the "why don't you go to the gym, why don't you try this new diet, why would you want to do something so crazy when there are better ways to lose weight it just takes hard work?" Then I tell them about all the fad diet programs I've tried, that I go to the gym 4 times a week 1.5 hour each time alternation on strength training and cardio, which leads to more Why questions. Honestly I'm really tired of the why question, I'm all for educating the people around me but 9/10 times there questioning not because they care or want to know but because they think I'm taking the "easy way out", and that really irritates me.
So is anyone else out there sick and tired of explaining themselves?

You have always been worth dating.
I hope you never forget that.
Has this guy told you he has an issue with your weight or is that your perception? Some people are genuinely afraid of dating bigger folks (both guys and gals, it goes both ways) or being labeled a "chubby chaser". Society makes us feel like a fetish.
I met my thin, fit partner on a video game when I was 225lbs. We fell for each other before we exchanged pictures and once we finally did, I sent him the "myspace" angles, nipped and tucked a little in photoshop, and hoped when we met he could see past the real, fat me and like me for who he thought I was. I got sick of keeping up the photographical lie and one day sent him a full body photo and said "this is who I am - take me or leave me". 24 hours later he made a 600-mile trip to meet me in person, moved in 8 months later, and we've been together for a total 5 years.
He watched me struggle with an eating addiction that stemmed from my childhood and lose 30lbs, only to put on 100lbs. He's exercised beside me and did crazy diets with me when I felt like thinness was my only way to happiness, and encouraged me to seek therapy to get my mother's aggressive, hateful words out of my head. He attended VSG orientation, held my hand for hours in the hospital bed before surgery, and slept 2 nights beside me in a crappy hospital chair while I recovered.
My point is that there is someone who is thrilled to date you at all stages in your life. The good, bad, fat, thin, poor, wealthy, sick, healthy...and those who think you look amazing when you can't even look in a mirror. There are also those who will threaten to leave when you no longer fit their idea of what someone should look like. Spend your energy on the ones that make you feel good now and forever, not ones who hold stipulations.

I never had to explain myself because I told no one about WLS except for a select handful of persons who would support me.
Personal boundaries are golden. You owe nobody an explanation, nor do you need to defend your choice to undergo surgery.

when someone gives me the your taking the easy way out attitude that is when I laugh at them and inform them that is they think it is an easy way out they are sadly misinformed. It is a tool nothing more, it is not a magic fix or a cure all, you still have a lot of work to do. that usually shut them up because by then they realize how ill informed they really are.

Yup sounds about Right. My worst encounter was a guy I know that stocks the coke at the grocery store. He was always kinda friendly and flirty starts yelling at me telling me his sister died from the surgery and walked off in a huff. Yup this is the time to focus on ourselves. :-) Good luck

Seriously though, any time you venture into the subject of WLS surgery and someone asks you why? I just get annoyed by it at this point. So I tell them I'm morbidly obese which leads to the "why don't you go to the gym, why don't you try this new diet, why would you want to do something so crazy when there are better ways to lose weight it just takes hard work?" Then I tell them about all the fad diet programs I've tried, that I go to the gym 4 times a week 1.5 hour each time alternation on strength training and cardio, which leads to more Why questions. Honestly I'm really tired of the why question, I'm all for educating the people around me but 9/10 times there questioning not because they care or want to know but because they think I'm taking the "easy way out", and that really irritates me.
So is anyone else out there sick and tired of explaining themselves?

I dabbled in dating but ended up with a cat named James who only seems to show himself when he hears food. I have finally bottomed out on my weight loss and had some skin removal surgery so I will give it one more go. I feel it's best to wait until you are finished product. I'm not even going to tell women I had surgery or was even overweight.

THAT is a god damned shame.

That is your first step, grasshopper.

Get your house in order. Love yourself. Do what's best for you. Make YOURSELF contented beyond your wildest dreams FIRST.

All of these things produce a light inside you that shines brighter as you progress and it attracts light as well.

You will have your pick AFTER that...you can get what you want, not just something to hold on to.

And that's the straight up truth.

Omg I hear you girl. I'm 44 and terminally single as well. You're young, you have plenty of time to worry about dating later. I'm 3 weeks post op RNY, starting weight 335 to 257 (lost a lot pre op) and it's just too hard to explain to new people why you can't go out to eat, then you got a lot that are judgemental about the surgery. The ones who like the big girls, can't possibly understand why u would go thru this. Lol. The dating sites are brutal anyway with out all this too.

Wow, StephersSweet!!!! You go girl!!

Hello everyone!
My name is Stephanie and I am in the beginning processes of getting bypass surgery. I'm getting the Roux-en-Y procedure and mainly I'd love to make new friends who are going through the same process as me. No one in my immediate friend or family group get it! None of them understand, truly understand why I want to do this. Sometimes I want to wack them in the forehead and say HELLLOOOO DO YOU NOT SEE HOW BIG I AM? Anyway I'm a social butterfly, I like making new friends, I would be open to meeting people in my area, or even having a pen pal. Hope to hear back from you guys! Thanks.

Thank you Berry!

Do everything you can early on to get prepared. I didn't prepare enough before surgery and the change has been hard. I was so scared about surgery, that is all I thought about. I hadn't even thought about how hard life would be post surgery. I will hit you with a PM so we can chat some more.

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Welcome Stephers.
I hope things go smoothly for you
I too was scared by the surgery you are having.
I was sleeved 20 days ago.
It has been very hard adjusting to life without all the food I used to abuse.
I miss eating away all my stress, but I know that had to stop if I want to live.

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I've got a number 12 I want to be able to sit in a booth at a restaurant

I feel your pain when it comes to the staring part. It makes me so mad. I opted for it because it has a high weight loss and keeping it off success rate.

Im getting the rouxe en y surgery. The big one. Not the band or sleeve. Thank you for your kind words

Anytime.Im going for the sleeve. My biggest issue is with sweets. Im trying to diet thru this insurance approval process. It hasnt been easy but just taking it one day at a time. Started going to the gym for an hr in the morning. I always hate the gym bc i feel everyone is staring. But i forced myself and it was fine. What made u opt for rouxe?

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