Apple203

Today is my first bariatric challenge: zero fat for the whole day to prep for radiology tests tomorrow morning (required for surgery). Just had a Oikos triple zero with strawberries -- yum!  

I have scheduled every required test: endoscopy, cardiac+stress test, psychological consult, radiology exams, lab work.  Sleep study is being scheduled by the surgeon's office.  Its a big lift!  I wonder how many people give up along the way?

Broke my first chair yesterday   Yep.. weighed 300lbs for almost a decade, lose 84lbs, THEN break a chair!  LOL!  I was helping hubby at his work, cleaning up a kids' toy room.  Used a chair to stand on to get toys off the top of a shelf, and danged if it didn't snap suddenly under me.  It was one of those ancient school chairs...
{Shallow Hal moment.. what was the chair made of, anyway?  Uhh.. steeellll....)
Knocked me, face first, onto the concrete floor.  I lucked out with just some bruises.  I'm super weak, which I think worked out in my favor, because I tried, instinctively, to catch myself with an outstretched arm, but it just crumpled under the impact.  If I'd been stronger, I would have wrenched my shoulder, probably tearing my rotator cuff.
+1 for no gym time yet!  LOL!

Currently 12 days post-op.... Someday's are better then others some days my emotions are crazy other days Im overly happy... I miss food mostly tacos weird but I thats my current craving that Im considering throwing in my blender... LOL however I am learning to eat again, I am still on mushy food yesterday I enjoyed tomato soup... my body handled it fairly well I however can not tolerate Jello since the day of surgery my body has not wanted it every time I try it I get ill... So I just don't attempt it any longer.... I went and seen my Doctor on Wednesday and that went well I am down 15lbs since my operation so thats over a pound a day... I think this journey isnt going to be easy however i believe it will be worth it... She gave me a long talk about a stall I will hit from week 3-5 explaining this is normal to not freak out to much it will not last but may last the full 2 weeks I have vowed to not weigh myself but when I am at the doctors office and to only take measurments once a month so that I dont become overly obsessed with the changes in my body I just want to focus on feeling better and that alone will make me happy  

School has started and my fitness class on M/W has proved to be very difficult so far. When working out by myself I used to back off if my heart rate got around 140 but this class gets it up to 160+ and it stays there. It's a whole different reality to push myself to do something that's extremely difficult. It's caused some low self-esteem and low confidence, so I talked to my therapist about it. I realized that I have never really done anything, ever, that I wasn't really good at. Singing, violin, school, learning languages, even work stuff, etc. are all things that come naturally to me and I was good at them right away. This fitness class is something I am not good at, at all, and will need to continue pushing and working in order to improve. So it's natural for me to feel uncertain and strange, and my confidence will grow as I continue working. I'm glad I have realized that and it's made me feel better and more excited about continuing. My husband and I have been walking more frequently and today we went to the gym to use the weights. So I'm making good strides with fitness! Food is pretty stable, I've eaten some "bad" choices here and there but I've been able to come right back to nutritious food without feeling like I failed, which is an improvement in my mental state. I have my 3rd diet visit on Tuesday and I think I will have a 5-lb loss for the month. I'm starting to feel eager about getting to surgery and it doesn't seem so far off as it used to. Just about 3-4 months now! 

Yesterday was my day!  After 10 months and 14 days, I can  now officially say I am 100 pounds down.  Forty more to go before I consider plastics.

I had my two week post op today.  I'm down about 14 pounds.

Had my two week post-op today. I can start soft foods and according to their scale, I'm down 16 lbs.

I'm such a hypocrite! I legit went into this journey thinking "I got this!" I thought I was going to be one of the huge successes that was going to be able to be an inspiration to EVERYONE. I wanted to just rock this process. Then once I had the surgery everything changed. I wanted nothing more than to feel "normal" again. I wanted to have my proverbial cake and eat it too. I wanted to lose the weight, but not even acknowledge the newly built pouch that was the secret to my success. I did really good, going from (5'8) 280 to about 215 in four months. Christmas of 2016 was my stall. Well, guess what...I'm still there. In the last nine months, I've slowly been going back to my pre-surgery life. WTH??? Why would I put myself though all this only to go back to where I was? I bounced around getting down as low as 198 once or twice- but that is just it..yo-yoing again! I'm currently back up to 209.8 and determined to turn this **** around! I cannot believe how MUCH I've taken my tool for granted! I started my pouch reset yesterday. I noticed a difference nearly immediately. I took the advice and decided to do what I should have done the first time around. Good habits: stop drinking 30 mins prior to food and after food, eating (or drinking my protein shakes in my case) sloooooooooowly. I did have some low fat cottage cheese yesterday evening and found that it took everything I have in me to finish it! It felt amazing! I got full in no  time JUST from eating slow. I could barely finish that half cup of food!

So my lesson learned: DO NOT JUDGE. It will be a lifelong battle and journey for me. I was magically thinking my pouch would take away my mental battle with food. The next step is to get help with that mental part. I did have the psych eval, but iI truly think nearly everyone going through this process should have some additional therapy to deal with the eating disorder that caused the obesity. Not many people will acknowledge overeating as an eating disorder- but why is that? If people refuse to eat or cannot eat, its considered an ED, if you purge and vomit or take laxatives to get rid of the food, its an ED. Overeating is, IMO just as bad. 
I am very anxious to get started with my food therapy and finding someone that can help me. One tool i did not take advantage of is the support groups my doctors offered. BIG mistake. That is free help! I'm going to look into getting involved with those and proudly reclaim my tool.  I'll keep ya posted!

This morning I went walking on a trail near my house. 2 years ago walking that trail used to wear me out. Now it is effortless.

Why haven't you been banned??