Apple203

I have just discovered BariatricPal, and today I discovered the blog section.  I have been planning to do a blog to document my surgical journey, just for my own records, and maybe to have a place where I can refer close friends and family who ask about my journey.
My journey began in January 2017.  I had a partial nephrectomy on January 23rd - due to kidney cancer.  My cancer was discovered completely by accident in December 2016.  A diagnosis like cancer - even one as easily dealt with as mine - makes you think about your life, your future, your past, and what you want to accomplish.  I have been fighting to lose weight and get healthy since about 2000.  In my 20s, I got very healthy - working out 5 days a week doing cardio and strength training.  In 1996, mid 20s, I gave birth to my lovely daughter, Amelia.  I gained a LOT of weight. I think I topped out at about 265 on the day of delivery.  I lost the weight rather quickly after birth, getting back down to about 165 over about 10 months with diet and exercise.  I held that weight for about 3-4 years. 
Then, in my 30s, I started to gain.  I gained about 15 lbs a year and before I knew it, by 2004, I was around 250.  So from the age of 34 til now - age 47, I have yo-yo'd up and down from my highest weight of 287 down to 225 - but have hovered the last 6 or 7 years at around 265-275, going up and down the same frickin 10 pounds over and over again, no matter what eating plan and exercise plan I tried - and I tried EVERYTHING!  Most things several times.
Then I found out I had cancer, and I am immensely lucky to have had it found early and have it completely removed, not requiring any chemo or radiation.  It certainly was a wakeup call.  So over the next few months, I researched WLS, and my best friend had her WLS on 2/14/17.  Her journey has been phenomenal - and she has been an incredible resource.  So I went to my first informational meeting in May 2017, and my official journey started then. 
I have now completed all the flaming hoop jumps for the surgeon's office and also my insurance company, and my surgery has been approved and scheduled for 1/31/18.  I start my two-week liquid diet this coming Wednesday.  I am sooooooo ready.

If you're like me, you play these little games with yourself - where when you're doing well on losing weight, you tell yourself that you can "afford" something that's not supposed to be on your plan.  Maybe it's a piece of chocolate - something in-control that seems worth it.  For me though, it's not those little tiny things.  It's stuff like deciding to have my morning coffee - which is laden with real sugar and flavored (sugared) creamer.  God I love that stuff.  Yes, I have tried artificial sweetener, but it's not worth it to me - I'd rather just not have the coffee.  So when it's a choice between coffee I'm not into or no coffee at all, I'll choose no coffee.  But when it's a choice between "do I want to do the coffee thing today?" and no coffee, then of course I'll choose yes to the coffee.  It's a really bad way for me start out my day - with all that failure right off the bat.  I did that yesterday.  And then I did a few french fries with dinner (maybe 6?) as I poked at the serving dish out there for everyone else.  Otherwise I did well.  I wanted to do an evening tea before bed, but as I'm sure you can guess, it too is laden with sugar.   I was actually thirsty, so I opted for water instead.  Not nearly as satisfying, but I was able to do it.
Today I got up and wanted to do coffee again.  MY way.  Except that yesterday was the first time that I actually started to feel some of my weight loss - I kept needing to yank my pants up all day.  What the heck, this is actually WORKING?  So today I said no to the coffee.  Instead, I started with water.  And actually made breakfast instead of it being something that I did later when I was hungry hours after the coffee.  A 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese, a 1/2 cup of mango pieces, and a hard-boiled egg.  That was hours ago, and I'm just now starting to think about having lunch.  It worked!  So I'm off to a great start today.  I also tackled my shower tile, which needed a bunch of scrubbing - specifically because why not burn the calories now - today?  Later I plan to take the dog for a walk if I can tolerate the cold.  20 minutes of yoga is also on the docket.  I'm going to be doing some vacuuming this afternoon, too.  Today feels..... in control.  I'm going to try to have a day like I'm supposed to, and see how that feels.  Because I want to see how getting rid of all of this fat feels, too!

I'm having surgery in the morning, I'm excited and freaked out.