LiciKitty

Very excited this morning. Good things have been coming my way all week. I finally got over my stall (which ended up being dehydration) and have entered "onederland".  I have gone from a 40J to a 36H (start weight at 256). And to wrap it up even more nicely, my husband had an very successful surgery for his battle with cancer this Friday. Very excited and happy and a million other things. 

Had an NSV yesterday. I ran the best mile of my life. I was always very slow, still am, but much faster than I once was. I'm pretty proud of my 17 minute mile. Now to push to get down to 10 minutes. 

Been going crazy lately. I still weigh myself everyday (and sometimes 2-3 times a day), even though i continuously tell myself to take it down to weekly. I'm at about 45 lbs lost right now. My nutritionist says I am over goal, but I still feel like I should have lost more. And the more I lose, the more I panic about loose skin. I find myself obsessing over it, and avoid viewing myself in the mirror right now. In clothes, most of the time I am pretty happy, but out of it **cringe**. I guess it's all apart of the journey? Maybe? Trying not to beat myself up and fuss about how this is my penance for being fat and blah blah blah. Just gets difficult.

As a side note, has anyone been experiencing people being nicer to them??? O_o I have started to notice people are more likely to smile or even just acknowledge my existence. Could be in my head as I have anxiety but still. 

Its weird how your body image changes over time. I was fit in my youth (up to senior year in high school),  i had a very softball playerlike/borderline hardbody and i loved my body. After gaining weight, my confidence plummeted. For most of my adult life, I tried hard to lose weight, always imagining myself as thin with not much muscle. I'll never forget my father (love him to death btw) telling me at 18 to stop lifting weights because I (meaning me specifically, not females in general) can bulk up a bit from it.  He had always treated me like i was his 2nd son, but as i got older he started pushing me to be "girlier". I guess he realized as puberty set in, that despite all my feminine attributes my body liked being muscular. And it kind of stuck with me for a long time. I was terrified of weights after that. I wanted a flat stomach and a thigh gap and thin arms, but no six pack, no definition. Now, as i watch myself shrink down, I'm embracing how my body is truly designed. I build muscle (much easier than a lot of females), and I'm finally ok with that. I care more about what this body can do than what it looks like. And a lot of the things I enjoy require muscle....so......

Today I am patting myself on the back. I did my 1st full gym workout after being cleared last week. I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I alternated among running on 0 incline and walking on an incline. I haven't run on the treadmill for almost 10 years at this point. I even did weights afterward for a decent 40 minute workout.  Just a proud day. 

Had quite an interesting day yesterday. Besides my shoes rebelling and deciding to be too big, a lot of other things are now too big. I was aware that my underwear was getting a bit big for me, but just forgot to pick up new pairs. This finally bit me.

So yesterday, my underwear fell while i was at work. And not, slide down my butt slightly, but like full on dived for the floor falling. They wanted to be free and only my thunder thighs stopped their descent. Thankfully it was end of day and i was walking to my car at the time, so all I had to do was keep my thighs close to stop them from falling into view of the bottom of my dress until i got into my car. Which was interesting since it was not only storming ( so i was wrestling with an umbrella) but i was juggling a bunch of bulky bags too. And seeing as I park not only in full view of the building, but my boss's office as well, I couldn't reach and pull them up. -_-. 

I am down 30 lbs now. Feeling lighter. I went ahead and went shopping since my pants look disgusting with how droopy they are now.    Quite exciting for me. The only problem is that now, all my shoes are too big.  I love heels, but now my feet are flopping out of them.  A little scared to think I will need to replace my entire collection. 

This morning I dropped about 3 lbs. I have been struggling to lose this past week. But I think I have figured out my body's pattern. It absolutely refuses to lose within a week of my period.  Does anyone else do this?

I am now 1 month and 2 days out from surgery. Down about 25 lbs. Now that i am on solid food, I find myself eating smaller portions as chicken and beef fill me up so quickly. I was bad and tested out tortilla and bread. My body did not like it. Did not like it AT ALL. But that's ok. I don't need them anyway. Considering trying out the Trim Healthy Mama or Keto diet. I see my nutritionist on the 7th so I will broach with her. Not sure which one fits me better though. I want something I can maintain for life.  

I have hit the dreaded stall. I had surgery on May 26th, so this is a little disheartening. Trying to remind myself that this is a part of the process. It's still frustrating though. (-_-) I have been bouncing been 1.5 lbs for the past week and a half. Just have to focus on getting my water and protein in and ignore the stall. Maybe I should just hide the scale?