helpingfriend

Hello Everyone. A bit of back story: My coworker/friend had his surgery on February 1st this year. Was out of work for the month of February and came back to work the first week of March. We are a group of 4 friends at work (we are all close and not just coworkers) and the 3 of us support him greatly with his new lifestyle change but we are concerned with his eating habits and falling back into old ways. We've spoken to him about how he feels/thinks throughout his whole process and at first he was so excited because the weight was dropping off so fast, he was strict with his liquid and pureed diet but once he got cleared from his doctor to "eat anything he wants" in moderation, we saw him go way overboard with that and he's been getting sick at work because of it. Anyway, we try not to push him and live his life for him and try to not tell him what to do but after noticing his eating habits now, we are concerned. I had a few heart-to-hearts with him and he told me that he feels it's so difficult and he wonders why he did this and if he made the right decision and then says he knows it's what's best for him and he needs to take care of himself but that it's really hard and doesn't feel like any of us TRULY understand what he's dealing with food wise. So I told him I would help him with meal planning so it would be easier for him if he has everything laid out and he gave me the little packet of diet recommendations that his nutritionist gave him and I've been researching this all morning. I told him that I don't want to boss him around but that I was going to be serious about this and strict with this because his health is important and he agreed it's what's best and said he really needs it and appreciates it. So he's open to me supporting him this way and I don't want to mess it up. Just to give you guys an idea of what he's eating now, he started ordering out again from fast food places and making excuses like "I ordered a bacon egg and cheese from mcdonalds and only ate the egg and cheese and some of the bread", orders full roast beef sandwiches from the deli that has the roast beef, lettuce, oil and vinegar, salt and pepper and onions and eats a few bites with a can of brisk iced tea. drinks a lot of iced teas that has a lot of sugars and Arizona teas. Eats chicken quesadillas with no restrictions. Eats tons of cashews at night, etc. Just regular ordering out with no kind of filtration. After seeing his food choices for Breakfast and lunch at work and doing all my research now, I'm really worried about him going back into all his old habits and messing up the progress he's made so far! He still meets with his nutritionist and tells us a bit about what she wants him to do but we see that he hasn't been keeping up with it. Today I started putting together a daily meal plan set by the hour to break down what he can/should eat/drink throughout the day and I gave him a couple sheets to look at to see if that's something that he likes and thinks he can keep up with. He was really happy about it but I could see that he viewed it as a lot of work that he didn't want to do because he started talking about how hard it is and that he's gonna try to do it. So finally my questions to you all are: How are your friends/family supporting you? What kind of support do you like/don't like from them? Can you share how you keep up with your diet requirements throughout the day? Do you have a daily breakdown by hour or plan your meals weekly/monthly? Are there any apps that you use daily that helps you with this new lifestyle? Any quotes, ideas that you think on throughout the day to help stay positive about this decision? Are there any favorite online resources that have helped you or that I can look into so I can help support my friend? I'm really trying to gain a well rounded understanding of what he's going through so any suggestions or stories shared is greatly appreciated. I am reading through this forum as well. Thank you all!

Thank you. He does do the monthly support groups and said he really likes it and wishes he can do it twice a month and said he was going to look into other ones. Yea, there isn't going to be a magic solution to this. It's day by day and he has to want it. So far we have just been trying to keep him in good spirit about it and focusing on celebrating his achievements that he shares with us and not dwelling on when he's feeling down. Ultimately he needs to change his mindset but we are just trying to be positive and more uplifting for him and I just want to make sure we don't support him in a negative way by doing or saying the wrong things when he brings this up. Thanks for your reply!

Yes, definitely. I know we can't live this for him and ultimately all of his decisions are up to him. I'm hoping that we can just be a positive force for him to help achieve his goals. So far he's told us that he's been in close contact with his nutritionist and goes to a monthly group meeting and wants to find a second group so he can go twice a month because he likes being around the people who are going through the same process as him which I completely understand. He tried working out a week or two ago but overdid it and his doctor told him to take it easy and stick with walking right now so he invites us along on his walks. I know my post really comes off that way but the only time we really get into the topic with him about it is when he brings it up with us. We don't go out of our way to talk about his food habits or exercise or whatever else because ultimately, we don't know everything he does throughout the day and he needs to live his life but we just want to be properly equipped to be there for him. I have read your whole post and really appreciate your response. Thank you for your reply!

To be clear, he is the one who invited us in months before the operation and throughout the whole process. It's why we havent been micromanaging and not saying anything about it until now when he mentioned it to us about how he was feeling down about it all and the struggles hes been having. And even now we arent constantly over him saying "eat this, dont eat that." But he came to us for support so now im trying to understand the best way to go about it. Thanks for your reply.