lotus10

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I went through a rough patch and couldn't bring myself to think about this. Its been over a year but it still hurts every single day. I know my friend has had a rough go at things, and I know she just had major surgery and could have been on an emotional roller coaster, I am just sad the way she took this out on me. I tried to explain to her that I wish she had talked to me about the issues she perceived in our relationship before cutting me out like this. Because I know I was going through a tough time and maybe didn't realize that I was complaining because chronic health issues tend to do that. I actually found this site because after her surgery I was researching things she could eat and sent a huge care package her way. I even told her i could visit her post-op if she didn't want to be alone. But I guess the truth is she didn't want me around, and used my health issues and depression to manipulate me into getting angry so she could make the end of our friendship my fault. In some warped area of her brain, I guess I was a "repeat offender" of something I didn't realize was a problem. And she projecting her insecurities onto me, that people get to where they are because they choose it. I feel she has also been victim to the cult of positivity, that nefarious meme generating cult that sucks up those with chronic medical conditions, surgery, etc. The truth is my friend is not the person I thought she was, and she is not a nice person. She probably has a personality disorder like her family members, and her difficult childhood and subsequent weight issues tipped the scales and shes gotta figure her life out. I am still hurting because I trusted this person. I wish I had just been given a chance. But, it is healthy for me to be away, to not have to listen to her complaints and anger and blaming others for her unhappiness. I bore the brunt of it for a decade. My advice to anyone getting surgery would not be to write off your friends and loved ones forever. Some of us want to be supportive and we just didn't know how. We don't know how we are supposed to be either when this new person emerges. I didn't know how life altering this was going to be for her, and I had no idea the extent of her pain and suffering and what she perceived to be my role in her pre-op negative lifestyle. Now its too late, she has removed me from her life, blocked me on social media, phone, etc. I thought it was my fault for a long time but through talking with people I realize this is not on me. I don't know if she will get in touch years down the road. I know I am not the first person she has done this to, many friends and family have had it happen....some deserved, some, maybe not. In the end, I guess it is her loss.

Hi all, I've been reading the forums a bit trying to understand a bit more about bariatric surgery. My best friend of over 25 years had gastric bypass in 2015. She had been struggling with weight since end of high school, been through many diets, would lose and gain weight. she went through a period of time where she gave up. There was a suicide attempt, my dropping everything and flying across the country more than once to check on her. Its been years of me always worrying and trying to support her, and I was very excited that she got the surgery. Things were fine until about a month after the surgery. Then she became monstrous. I've been her dumping ground for years, but I have never been allowed to have problems. She's always been super judgmental, difficult and angry. She was am emotional eater for years. Around the time she had surgery, i had my own health problems. Serious thyroid issues, gained over 40 pounds, super sick. Lost my job, my bf, my home. Pretty much the epitome of having a rough time. I developed a chronic illness that i may have to manage the rest of my life. Even during that, I was supportive. But, things started to get a little weird. If i asked her a question about herself, she'd get angry. She would blow a gasket if it involved a question about her surgery or what she can eat/can't eat. I couldn't talk about my diet, or my struggles following a restricted diet (found I had multiple food sensitivities). I couldn't be upset about gaining weight because I was never "fat" like her. All my health problems were my fault. I was refusing to seek psychiatric help (not true). I wasn't really sick, I was choosing to be sick. I got where I was because i was mentally ill and made bad choices (no words..). After that, she cut me out to be in a more positive place. I've just been really sad that she would behave this way. Is it normal for people to go through the surgery and demolish their friendships? I feel as if I made the mistake of not researching what her mental state would be post-op. I've read a lot of posts about people writing about their friends and family being non-supportive and saying awful things...and I've never done those things. I guess in the end she was the toxic part of my life, but I still miss her. And I wish she hadn't given up on me when we both had an incredibly difficult time. I do miss the person she was before, because that person was kind. I know she sees her new persona as strong and not letting people take advantage of her, but she's been really horribly mean. Im incredibly worried about her. I guess if I had any advice to give people, it would be to not give up on everybody. Some friends want to change with you. They want to be there for you.