jessgnc

Hi everyone!
First time poster here. I have started the journey and I'm in the super preliminary "dipping my toes in the water" stages now. I just wanted to pick the brains of the people here.
Here's a tl;dr since I ended up rambling. Diet and self-control aren't an issue for me, but I can’t lose weight. Is the sleeve right for me? Am I mentally prepared for this? Hi, how are you doing?
A quick history: My whole life I have been overweight. When I graduated college, I promised myself I would get in shape. I really made a concerted effort. I changed my diet and started working out. I have been out of college for almost a decade now and while internally I'm healthy, externally I am still fat.
I see a wonderful endocrinologist and we have been working for almost 2 years to get to the root of this problem. I learned that I have PCOS and a serious metformin allergy which is what is making this such a struggle. I have blood tests that show everything is within range and I am technically healthy. She has reviewed nearly 900 days’ worth of MyFitnessPal logs and confirms I am eating correctly. We have tried a range of different weight loss drugs, none of which have had any effect. I did Keto for over a year. I lost 30lbs in the first 3 months and then never lost anything else (and yes, I updated my macros as needed).
At our last meeting, my doctor admitted that she was running out of ideas to try and it might be time to consider looking into weight loss surgery. I have nothing against surgery (or I wouldn’t be here), but I’ve got to admit that I have some preconceived notions which turn me off of it. I have an aunt who had a lap band put in and is frequently sick from complications. My mother had a gastric bypass and almost died when her body stopped absorbing Iron. Since heading down this path, I realize that my family doesn't take very good care of themselves and as long as I listened to the doctor and went in for routine visits, I should be safe from these things.
I also always was under the impression that WLS was for people who had poor Portion Control and that doing something like this would force them to eat less which was why it worked. Portion control isn’t my issue. When I spoke to my doctor about this, she explained that WLS almost reforms your gastric system. People who were pre-diabetic suddenly get better. People who couldn’t lose weight start losing. This is my big concern. I think I'd like to do the sleeve. I need a tool to make things work. Therefore, I'm okay with a slower loss to hopefully avoid excessive extra skin. Still, as this is an optional surgery, I want to be 110% sure this I can be a success story.
My husband helped convince me to stop doing keto. I was making myself absolutely miserable with the incredibly strict diet and no results (now I just keep low carb instead of 20g or less). He helped me see that I was banging my head against a wall and while he was proud of me for doing everything I could, I’d exhausted all of my non-surgical options. He is supportive and tried to convince me to love the body I'm in. Bless him for that, but that's not enough in my head. He is very tall, so while he's a bit overweight, you can't tell. I'm 5'1 and almost 260. We live in a world that's pretty prejudiced against fat people. I don't think he gets understands fat people go through as a daily struggle since he hasn't experienced it first hand.
I’m sick and tired of people making split second decisions about me. I’ve had a doctor deny me basic medicine because I’m too fat. I’ve been harassed on the streets and told I don’t belong outside since I’m a gross fat cow**. I am sick of trying on clothing I like and discovering it doesn’t come in my size. I want to look at pictures of myself and see more than my chins. I try not to let these things get to me, but it still sucks to have these experiences. I am healthy, I’d really like that to be reflected on the outside as well.
On top of that, I posted something similar to this elsewhere and someone pointed out "you're healthy until you aren't. Being overweight makes you a walking risk factor." They're right. If I break my leg, the recovery would be significantly harder with the extra weight. If I needed life saving surgery, going under anesthesia would be more dangers as a fat person. I'm healthy now, but there's a reason you don't see many old fat people.
So there's my long and boring background. When I discussed this with my husband, he had two large fears.
1) The big one was that I would have this surgery and nothing would change. Are there any studies which show not the effectiveness of success stories, but the percentage of people who follow instructions and don't lose? Committing to the diet is not an issue for me, but I'm terrified of the idea of going under the knife for an optional surgery and not having anything to show for it.
2) Mental health issues. I don't think this one is valid, but for my husband's sake, I'll ask! I had a pretty traumatic childhood in multiple ways. He is worried that even if I lose the weight, I won't be happy. I'll hate myself for the extra skin, for a large toenail, for something. He thinks I'll never be happy. I don't agree at all. My childhood was pretty messed up, but I have spent well over a decade outside of that environment and have healed and become a healthy and well adjusted person. He was there the entire time to see the transition. I want to lose weight for the discussed reasons above. I don't want to have to carry around lab results to my primary doctor to prove I'm not diabetic and that my cholesterol looks good. I want to wear cute clothing and not have breakdowns in the dressing room when the largest size doesn't fit right. Still, I'm bringing this up for him. When you lost the weight, did you feel better afterwards? Did you have any lingering mental issues?
I have an appointment with my endocrinologist coming up where I plan to discuss options and get a good bariatric recommendation. I will be bringing all of this up with her. However, I'm the type of person can't sit still and wants to research everything available! Plus, if I'm going to be doing this, it would be nice to join the community and get to know you guys.
Sorry for the wall of text. I swear, I'm not nearly this long winded! I hope someday to be able to go "Hi, I'm Jess. I used to be fat and now I'm not." and that'll count as my entire weight loss history.
*He had terrible bedside manner. I spoke to another doctor in the practice who was horrified and immediately gave me the medicine I needed
**Which, while it doesn't bother me directly (I've got thick skin) frustrates me. I'm healthy. My lab work keeps coming back showing I am healthy. I don't care what strangers think, but I also hate knowing that only those close to me realize how hard I work to be healthy without anything to show for it.