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I was actually coming on to see if you had any updates. Woo! We can roam the halls in our flashy hospital gowns together. I am actually really excited to have a buddy in all of this. Congratulations on getting to the final stage. Is your final nutrition class also this Wednesday?

Hey y'all. Now that I have a date, this is real and I'm stupidly beginning to second guess myself. I know this is dumb behavior, but I kind of just need to ask this in the hopes that I'm not alone and someone else can quell my nerves. I've mentioned on here before that I'm in perfect health - just 130lbs overweight! Right now, I'm healthy. I'm not on medication, I'm normally active (I currently have a broken foot so I'm less active right now unfortunately), my blood pressure and cholesterol, are normal, I'm not a diabetic, etc. So I guess the question is - are there any other people on here, pre or post op who got the DS when they were still healthy? This is such an extreme surgery. I'm nervous that doing this is the equivalent of chopping off my toe when all I did is stub it. I'm hoping there are 1 or 2 people on here who were also healthy beforehand, had the surgery and are glad they did. The people in my support groups who are getting it are almost all in wheelchairs, coming from the hospital, diabetics, etc. I am SO SO SO happy for them, but that isn't the situation I am in and not having anyone to relate to is making me feel like I'm taking the nuclear option when it isn't necessary.

I just got off of the phone with my insurance company. I was approved the first time around in barely 3 business days! This entire thing has been so surreal. I'm not sure if other people go through life like this, but for me, I know major events are coming but they don't really register as happening to me until something kicks me and I fully realize it. Going to nutrition classes, getting all of my prerequisites done, etc...I knew those all served a purpose, but I think getting the official approval made me realize that THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. I don't have any regret or anxiety. I was worried that when this started to get real, I'd talk myself out of it. I'm just giddy that I was approved to have life altering surgery! I suspect the next wave of realization will come as they dress me in my hospital blues. Hopefully I'll still be excited and only normal levels of nervous then!

. I've done hundreds of hours of research on all of the different surgeries and what kind of commitment it'll be. I'm okay with vitamins for life and aware that this is the case.

@OutsideMatchInside - I love love LOVE how you phrased it like that. Suddenly all of my dumb fears are alleviated by you pretty much rephrasing the question . Thank you!

@bayougirlmrsc LOL - Thank you for sharing that! I was cackling at my desk!

Oh totally. I went to a surgeon. A surgeon is going to want to cut people open. A surgeon with a specialty is going to want to do his specialty. I've been doing a ton of research into the options though. I was totally against a DS when he brought it up at our initial appointment. Since then (around late November) I've educated myself on the topic as much as possible and DO feel this is the best option for me. He told me I could pick any of them but recommended the DS. I came to the decision on my own after extensive research though. I appreciate everyone's input in trying to talk me out of this selection, but I'm confident in which surgery I am picking. The question is if I should be doing ANY of this right now. But as OutsideMatch said, this is cold feet. You're totally right. It still is scary though!

My BMI is 50.1 I'm short.

@OutsideMatchInside Thanks for reading the post. It'll be a modified DS, so more of a RNY and VSG mixed together. He's keeping a longer intestinal track so there is more room for absorption. There is medical reason there (see above). I was all gung ho for the VSG initially. As for not doing the RNY, that's being avoided for personal reasons. My mother had an RNY and while I know rationally that she did everything wrong, I still am terrified to get the same procedure after watching her almost die multiple times due to surgery complications (and then having no success - again, entirely due to her being a bad patient).

@Airstream88 - I kept it brief in the first post, but my body is broken. I've been working under medical supervision for the past 3 years on different drugs, diets, etc to lose weight without any luck. After exhausting all of our options, my doctor finally admitted the only thing we hadn't tried yet was surgery. My doctor is one of the best DS surgeons in the country. We're doing a modified DS, not a full one. The reason for it is because of my diagnosis of being unable to lose weight, with a huge medical record to back it up. I went in wanting a VSG but my doctor told me that because of my history and inability to lose, that might not be a very successful option for me. I'm comfortable with the surgery. I'm just nervous that I don't need this YET. I'm fat but healthy now. I know it's dumb once I say it out loud, but should I just wait until my body starts to fall apart before I have an optional surgery?

AHH YAY!!! Mine didn't have the date thing, just a window of approval which was April something through 6 months from now to get it done. My pre-op starts on the 24th (I have the 1 week plan). My final nutrition class is on 5/10, I plan on buying everything then. I have a container of vanilla protein powder and about 3 dozen Premier Proteins (I've been using them for breakfast for the past 2 months), but I figure I'll just stock up when I can look at things. Your poor son! That's a hoot.

WOOHOO! High fives all around!! I think the 5/22 is when your approval is officially begins to be valid, then you have a 6 month window to get it done. I have a different insurance though, so I'm not sure how yours works. I could be completely wrong! I'm such a huge dork. I want you to go on 5/31 too so we can be surgery buddies!

AHH! So excited for you. Keep us posted and good luck!!

Well, here's to hoping you hear back soon. When I spoke with Candice, she said there were plenty of openings still. Maybe we can be surgery buddies.

@ChaosUnlimited - Just got off the phone. May 31st! Let's do this thing!!

NO. So I didn't bother recapping here, but it turns out the guy at the insurance was an idiot and I was actually denied. How he mixed it up that much is beyond me. Dr Sharp appealed it and I got my official approval 2 days later. Since then, they have been waiting on a confirmation number from my insurance. I called up and got it on Tuesday and left multiple voicemails since then. No one has called me back. I'm working from home today. If I don't hear back by 3ish, I'm just going to go in there in person. This is getting frustrating. I was supposed to be set to go at the end of MARCH. Now it is looking like end of May. *grumble*

Tl;dr: Husband says he supports me. Actions speak louder than words and his actions are screaming otherwise. What should I do? Let me preface this post with a note. My husband is wonderful. Our relationship is healthy and happy, and while I’d change some things, they are tiny things like biting his nails, nothing substantial. We have been together in some form for 14 years and while he might come off in a negative light in this post, that isn’t who he is. There was a small hiccup and despite being told I was approved earlier in the week, I was actually REALLY approved yesterday. My husband and I were discussing the news last night. My husband has been against this surgery since the day I told him. When I initially began looking into it, I sat on telling him for nearly 3 months, making sure it was what I wanted before I told him. He is amazing at arguing a point and I didn’t want to have my mind changed unless his arguments were amazing. Once he realized I was in this 100%, he told me that he didn’t agree with the decision, but he’d support me completely and be there for me. I…I don’t feel that he has. He hasn’t gone to a single support meeting with me, though I have asked him to. He went to one doctor’s visit, but that was after I browbeat and begged him to come. My first visit had been a disaster. The entire waiting room was filled with patients and +1’s. I was literally the only person that day who was there alone. I actually broke down crying when the nurse took me back. Having him there the second visit made a world of difference for me and my mental health, and I think it helped him understand that while he has issues, this surgery is about as safe as many others and I am a great candidate. I feel unable to talk to him about the topic. If I broach it, he discusses it as pleasantly as possible, but his body language just screams “I DON’T AGREE WITH THIS.” After telling him my good approval news, I asked him point blank if this was the right choice, mostly hoping to allay my anxiety. He let out a really drawn out sigh and then told me he still didn’t think it was and that I was making a lifetime commitment for cosmetic reasons. I explained again that while the cosmetic thing was a nice bonus, this was being done so I could live a long and healthy life without major health issues. His reply was “well those years at the end would suck anyway.” He also argued that instead of taking pills for being sick, I’d take pills to remain healthy. I tried to argue the difference between taking vitamins vs taking insulin or heart medication, but as mentioned above, he’s REALLY good at arguing a point, so I let it go. To be fair, the blame on asking him a direct question and getting a direct answer is on me. I don’t begrudge him telling me the truth. It just really hurt to hear him say it. This is happening. He knows this is happening. He has voiced his concerns multiple times and I’ve tried to quell them by using science and facts. Would it really hurt for him to give me little white lies when he knows this is an inevitability? I asked him if he’d visit me when I was recovering at the hospital and when he asked how long I’d be there and I told him probably a day and a half, he said “Yeah, I’d have to pick you up and drop you off anyway.” That…that’s kind of crushing to hear. You guess you might drop in on your wife? For someone who claims to support me and my decision 100%, that feels oddly unsupportive. It would be nice to wake up and see him there. My friends have already told me to tell them when I’d be in the hospital so they can visit. Meanwhile, I have to ask my husband to make an appearance? At the end of the conversation, he said “we’ll figure this out.” Honestly, I almost cried. He said WE, not me. I pointed out how nice it felt to hear him as being on the same team and he ruined the moment by saying “well, I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” The moment he said “we” instead of singling me out felt amazing, like we were a team and I had my partner and best friend on my side. This is a huge undertaking and it would be amazing to have him there instead of dragging his feet. I don’t know what to do guys. Am I reading too much into all of this? For as long as I have known him, he has always been very outspoken against elective surgery. I’m healthy (now) and this isn’t medically necessary (yet). I’m just not going to be able to convince him that this is the right decision for me unless I have a serious medical condition related to weight happen. I’m not waiting for my body to break before I make repairs. If he says he supports me, should I take it at face value? Should I stop bothering him with this and keep him out of the loop? The friends I have told have been wonderful, should I just rely on them and not bother him with this?

Oh alright. You've got a different model than I do then! Mine is super nerdy. He does enjoy sweatpants though. He's also super stoic with movies. The only times I know if he liked a movie/restaurant/etc is when he is describing it to someone else! Mine is also SUPER annoyed when I talk about him online. HI SWEETIE I LOVE YOU!

@teacupnosaucer - Holy crap, your reply...if you didn't live in Canada, I'd be mad right now for my husband clearly living a double life and being married to you as well. You just described him to a t! Now quick, what are his hobbies? What does he look like? Let's make sure we're not getting played here. Seriously though, thanks for your reply. Hearing your story from someone who married someone with my husband's demeanor is really helpful!

My husband isn't throwing on a cheerleader outfit and doing backflips, but compared to your ex, he's definitely close! He's said he has seen me bust my ass doing everything I possibly can and knows that I'm doing this for the right reasons. He just doesn't think I need it and that I'm fine the way I am. I think hearing your story helps me realize that even though he's not as supportive as I wish he was, it could be a lot worse. It really does suck. I haven't been divorced, but I can imagine how much it must hurt. You plan to spend your life with someone and plan for that. Hell, you spent 25 years with him. You DID spent a large part of your life with him. People change though and you only get one life. You need to make sure you enjoy it as fully as you can. I'm so happy Tim is there for you! I also got a chuckle out of you naming your band. Too funny!

@bayougirlmrsc - Holy crap, that story was quite a read. I think the takeaway from that story is you need someone on your side and on your team. Even if they're not going to be there every step of the way, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. It sucks that it ended, but it sounds like you are much better off without Jim. It's his loss for not being there for you emotionally and physically. I hope you and Tim work out!

No no! I mean it hurt to read/hear, but in a hard truth kind of way. I'm so glad you contributed and I really appreciated your bluntness. Sorry that I didn't say that clearly enough!

Hard truths suck!! But you're right. Thank you. I'm glad I posted. I wasn't expecting this kind of feedback, but it has really helped put things in perspective. I really appreciate everyone chiming in with more or less the same response, but with different ways to share it. This is such a wonderful community.

Hey Bunny, That hurt to read and hear, but I think I needed those hard truths. You're absolutely right. The situation sucks, but it is what it is and I can't change it. The most I can do is change how I handle it. I really appreciate your reply.

He's classified as overweight. He's 6'3/6'4 and around 230. Nothing drastic. I'd like to think that he's secure enough in our relationship that he knows I'm only attracted to him. (Seriously. I was more or less asexual until he came around. I'm (husbandsname)sexual! I hope he comes around too. Thanks. Thanks for the reply. That's actually really reassuring. Maybe once he sees the deed is done, he'll join me. I know he definitely is nervous. When he did come to my appointment, he picked the doctor's brain for statistics on the safety of the surgery and if it would even make a difference for me (since my body is broken). I thought the responses put him at ease. Maybe not? Maybe once the weight starts coming off and the surgery is a success, he'll come around?