greycurls

I work in a high school and one of then inspirational posters says "Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind".

Our stats are right on and I was about the same age as you when I had my surgery. Here is my story:
http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/308645-i-was-a-super-healthy-fat-person-until-surgery-changed-my-life-was-it-worth-it/page-15?hl=%2Bwas+%2Bsuper+%2Bhealthy#entry4274115
And if my husband was against it? Not my problem. He'd have to figure that out on his own. I'd listen to his concerns, I'd direct him to appropriate research and I'd let him take it from there. I love him but I don't LIVE for him. He is a huge and important part of my world but he is not my world in it's entirety. Big diff.

Perhaps I am an anomaly (doubt it), but I never really worried about what my friends and family thought about my surgery. I chose to tell very few people -- my husband, my kids, my father and at the last minute, my mother. I also told my close knit group of besties.

My surgery had absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. I was having surgery, not for cosmetic reasons, but to improve my quality of life. I wanted to be a more active participant in my own life and theirs, instead of sitting on the sidelines.

I did not hear one objection or any real concerns. Perhaps because they knew that I was not acting on a whim and had done my research thoroughly? Maybe because they know that once I make up my mind to do something, it's going to be done and nothing will stop me? (Or maybe they were just hoping to get rid of me in case the worst happened. HA!)

If anyone HAD objected, I would have absolutely listened to their concerns, I would have given them some sites to do their own research and I would have ended the conversation there. I don't make such decisions lightly, nor do I invite anyone's "permission".

This surgery was 100% about me and no one else's opinions really factored in -- including my husband. We've been happily married for 21 years and together for 24. We often bounce ideas off each other, but never have we felt the need to "allow" or "disallow" each other's decisions. If he had objected in any way, that would have been his issue to deal with, not mine.

When I had surgery in 2003 I didn't tell a soul since I knew that everyone (friend's and family!) would try to talk me out of my decision to move forward. I felt guilty about hiding this big secret from them. It was the BEST decision I ever made! Years later most of my family and friend's are pro-WLS since they've seen how it positively changed my life.

This hits home because just last Saturday, my daughter cried and begged me not to make a decision now. She thinks we can try again with mainstream weight loss endeavors...while I see her point, I know what I've been through over the years. She is so afraid I'm going to die, either on the table or from a post-op complication, she refuses to listen anymore.
This makes me sad because I told her I'd try again for her. But in reality, now I'm pushing ahead with plans of the surgery behind her back. She doesn't realize that in a year, she will be moving out. I'm alone and I want to move forward with my life. I've already made huge changes and my weight is the last thing holding me back. I'm 42 years old. I WANT TO LIVE!
I realize dieting with her will help. But I know where my weight plateau will be--it will be still considerably overweight, but will put me low enough that I will not be accepted for this surgery. I didn't come to this decision lightly and have been researching for two years! Now that I've made the decision to do it, I don't think a lack of support will hold me back. I'll just have to work harder to prove that the decision I made was the right one for me and that it will have a happy ending.