Alfred Day

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I'm doing much better now a few days later. I'm practicing mindfulness around my eating and trying to break the pattern of eating to allay my anxiety. I think I was mostly worried about the possibility that I was gonna go into a spiral and end up over goal weight when I show up on the day of surgery (It's been made clear to me that it would be cancelled in that circumstance). I'm working to continue to lose weight between now and the end of the month and am about 5 pounds below it, but as you all know, five pounds can come back in the blink of an eye. I'm hoping to be 10 - 15 under by the surgery date.

So I freaked out a little bit last night. On Tuesday, I met with my Case Manager, was weighted at 5 pounds below goal weight, and set a date for my surgery on Nov. 30. Yesterday, I started the process at work of prepping for my absence. Put my medical leave on everyone's calendars, starting setting meetings with my direct reports so they are set for success while I'm gone, started figuring out how I'm getting to and from the hospital (I live by myself, and while my sister is coming to the hospital with me, she doesn't drive so I have to figure out how to get to the hospital, get her back to my apartment from the hospital, and then get me home from the hospital when I'm done with my stay a day or two later since I can't drive myself). For the first time last night it seemed like it was really happening and I started to get some anxiety for the first time. Until now it's all been academic but last night for the first time it seemed very real. And what do I do when I feel emotions that I'm uncomfortable with. I eat stuff I shouldn't. I didn't go on a full binge, but I definitely did the late night, head hunger, keep looking in the fridge and picking at the leftovers thing. How have folks with experience dealt with the tendency to self sabotage? At this point, the only thing to keep me from having the surgery would be if I show up on the day of over my goal weight. I'm trying to be mindful and stay on target, but I still have a few weeks and don't want to screw myself over.