biginjapan

Hi Grace, I totally understand! But we have to be patient and take things with a grain of salt. For instance, my profile shows a 21lb loss. But 12 of those were pre WLS, so in 2.5 weeks that’s only a 9lb loss, not 21. I get why they suggest we not compare ourselves to others, because we cannot see the entire story.

During my post op I mentioned to surgeon that I wasn’t losing as much as others...he cited pre op WL often results in a slower early post op loss as the body wants to preserve itself, but being patient, following the program, we will lose! Also, you and I Grace are a tad bit older than some, and our metabolism doesn’t kick it like in our 30’s, 40’s, even 50’s!

So this morning I said to myself, “Myself? Yea, a lot of work, angst, etc. for 21 measly pounds.” BUT, I have NEVER been able to lose 21lbs before so WHAT A VICTORY! Gracie, we may be slightly slower in losing, but perhaps our skin will benefit from the pause and not need surgery. Surgeon also cited those with a higher starting BMI will usually lose much faster.
You and I had this vision of pounds seemingly effortlessly, rapidly melting away! It’s happening! We just have to envision it melting away until we can see. Love and Hugs!

Your head is messing with you! That will go away, once you get the hang of this and your new life and being healthy You will never second guess yourself!
Option one: Stay the way you were obese, and you will die and along the way deal with disease and be miserable
Option two: Get the surgery, change my life, live longer, less chance of disease. and be Happy!
You can always go back to option one, but i think you should choose two.
Live the dream enjoy the journey! Be patient it is a journey not a sprint

For all you who wonder if cooking for others gets easier, yes it does - Whipped out below yesterday for the kdis - Really never bothered me. In the past I would woof down a slab like it was nothing. Now one rib No sauce FYI i have designed the new Florida Tshirt Logo also for Disney!

Video.mov

Sorry AJ, I didn't mean to imply that that's why you travelled abroad - you did say it was primarily for the fishing! I like travelling myself, but photography is my main reason to go...anything else that happens is just a bonus.

This is a great thread and I am shocked I did not get ambushed. Only counter to above i go to these countries because of the offshore fishing, The girls run second to fishing offshore. But i do see your point, Love to see the other sides and I agree with the one thing. Seems you can be more confident in other countries
Now lets end the virus so we can all go :FISHING? We will just use that word for now

I would Not sure about how the male thing goes but go for it! Nothing more fun then meeting new people and getting serviced!

I'm Canadian actually, and will probably be in Japan until I retire. Just work-wise I know I'm in a much more secure position here than I could ever have back home (I've got tenure at a university here). I did leave Japan after my first five years here, as, at that time, I knew that if I ever wanted a shot of being in a real relationship and/or having kids, that was the time to do it (I've known a lot of other women who also left in their late 20s/early 30s for exactly the same reason). But that didn't work out for me either (in 2 different countries) and eventually I came to accept that maybe I was meant to be single forever and not have kids, no matter where I was (which is why I returned to Japan). I've never been the kind of person who needs to be with others (happy introvert over here!) so never felt the need to chase people to date because I was lonely or needed sex. Maybe it's just bad luck on my part, but I never really met someone who I really hit it off with (I mean, who were single to begin with😉), so I've always felt happier on my own than the other way around (who needs the stress of a lot of bad or mediocre dates?). But, I'm still an optimist and who knows what will happen in the future.

FWIW, I'm kind of with AJ here - I think travel to other places/countries opens up a lot of possibilities, and you are able to find likeminded-people more easily. I recently came back from a trip to several African countries where I got a lot of compliments from the local men (who prefer curvier women, even though the local women are quite beautiful (but thin)). I know quite a few people who using online dating apps to hook up with (or just meet) people when they travel. That said, years before apps were even a thing, one of my friends from school got talking to a guy on a bus when she was in Thailand, by the time they got off the bus they decided to spend the rest of their time together for the remainder of their trip, by the end of the trip she flew back to Europe with him and they eventually got married and had kids. It really happened that fast, and they are still together 20+ years later. So, you never know what could happen.

However, to counter AJ a little bit - he's financially well-off and travels to countries where women are not, and where they often have to depend on men to take care of them (whether they want them to or not). That's fine if that's what both parties want, I'm not judging in any way. But I'm in the opposite camp. I have some financial stability and can take care of myself - I'm not looking for a man who can do that for me, but who can complement my life (and I his). And to be with someone who is attracted to, and wants to be with a successful, confident woman who knows what she wants, and is not the weak/dependent person in the pair (to be clear, I don't want either person to be weak or dependent).

Here's a final thought too, about what happens when you lose weight, and are successful in keeping it off. I remember reading somewhere (I'll have to find it) that it's not just the person who loses weight who has to deal with their own body image, but people who knew them too. If people around you know/knew you as obese, they may always see you through that "filter", despite the fact that it's been years of more since you were that way. That may make it more difficult to find someone within your own circle of friends, family, and acquaintances, since they may refer to you that way for a long time, even to people who didn't know you at that weight. I know, for example, in my own family, my parents often refer to one our former neighbours (who is a cop), as, "you know, the one who weighed 350 pounds and lost 200 pounds, you remember her?" How do people ever overcome that stigma of obesity? I don't know.

Slider foods are often simple carbs (chips, pretzels, crackers, popcorn, Cookies, most Desserts, etc) that go down real easy!!! So easy in fact, that you'll finish off a whole bag of _____ and wonder where they all went. They have a lot of empty calories and no real nutritional value, so what you end up doing is eating foods you shouldn't, instead of foods you should. That's why it's easy to regain, no matter what surgery you had. You have to be careful in your food choices forever. That's not to say that once you are in maintenance mode you can't have a treat now and then, but if you had any kind of food addiction before surgery, you have to think about whether or not eating these foods will take you back down that (weight regain) path again.

I wonder if I will be able to fit my work pants by the time I return to work as well. I have dresses that I'll certainly be able to wear, but the pants and blazers concern me. I will donate those when business resumes for women returning to the workforce in need.
Looking forward to seeing the next size down and a size medium is my goal.

I'm could drink normally a little after 3 weeks.

It took a few weeks, but I can "drink" fairly normally now. I can't full on chug Water, but I can take fairly normal mouthfuls without any discomfort now. The farther along you get with your recovery, the more you will be able to do things comfortably. ❤️ Hang in there.

you'll be able to eventually. I drink the same way I did pre-surgery and have been for quite awhile.

*Caution, Kind of a long read*
Hi everyone,
I had a my surgery in December 2019 and even before surgery my boyfriend of almost 5 years was very against me having surgery. His question is always "what am I going to gain from you having this surgery?" and he doesn't seem to care at all that losing weight is what is best for me. At my highest weight I was about 10 pounds shy of reaching 300 pounds and he always was very against me getting over 300 pounds and he constantly told me that if I worked out and ate right I could easily lose the weight I wanted to lose on my own (though it is very hard to lose almost 100 pounds on your own with support, i couldn't imagine doing it with the little to no support he was offering). He has horrible eating habits himself, soda, fast food 3-5 times weekly, and no exercise but lucky for him he has always been skinny and has a fairly good metabolism and never has to worry about his weight. I went back and forth for years over having surgery and my mom had gastric bypass in 2016 and lost about 200 pounds and is doing amazing and he swears up and down that I did this surgery just because she kept telling me to (which is entirely untrue) and that if I didn't listen to everything my mom said then I would have been able to lose the weight on my own and now he just thinks I took the easy way out. Which, a bit of back story, I was very very sick after my surgery and in a lot of pain and I could not get fluids or food down well for the first 2 months post op and I was so weak I could hardly get out of bed and if I did I would feel faint and practically pass out in the shower, on the toilet, etc. He saw me go through all of this until they found out I had a stricture and they had to go in and dilate it and now I feel amazing, but still after watching me go through all of this he still thinks that I was weak and took the easy way out. Now he thinks that at 3 months post op and 65 pounds down from my highest weight and still another 60 pounds away from my goal that I am getting far too skinny and that I need to stop right now at the weight that I am at or else he will no longer find me attractive. I don't think he seems to understand that I can not simply just stop losing weight and that I had this surgery in the first place to lose a significant amount of weight because I was morbidly obese. I have been overweight almost my whole life and all I have ever wanted was just to be a normal goal, have boys like me, make friends, have confidence, and be able to shop in a normal store and not have to desperately search for cute clothes which rarely existed in the plus sized section. Now I have a boy that I love and would hate to lose but he is making it seem like I made this super selfish decision to change MY BODY without his consent and that now I should feel guilty for potentially flushing out 4 year long relationship down the drain and wasting his time. I just don't know what to do now, he said not to call him until I can explain to him how me losing weight and getting "skinny" is going to benefit him in any way. I'm just saying, I did this surgery for me, I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself too. I don't give a single damn about being skinny, I just want to be happy and healthy and at almost 300 pounds I was so far from that that it's not even funny. I just need his support and I don't think i'll ever get it.

You may actually need more calories to jump start the loss again. Your body is in starvation mode. I bet your stall will be gone in two days of eating soft foods and hoping calories a bit.

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Single is not always fun, but it can be great. I have been single for a minute too. There are times that I don't like it, but there are times that for similar reasons to what Aj Tylo described, I am like Thank God (no offense to the American Male or perhaps the Californian Male). I am just not willing to settle, which is the reason for my single stature at the moment.
Paul, perhaps this unfortunate quarantine can be a time that you do webinar type dating (without video or name to keep your anonymity) and have those dates rate you in the end to see what might be a turn on or turn off in whatever your dating style is. Or something of the sort. Look at age, cultural-not meaning race but perhaps race too, your dating style, what that persons dating style might be. Incorporate those you know, if you can handle their honesty whether it be good or bad, and ask your friends and family about their honest opinion (instructive criticism, so to speak) of the overall you and tell them to leave your looks out of it.

I dunno, just a suggestion. Whatever you do or whomever you happen upon, I hope that it works out for you!

Hell yes!! That is the best synonym I’ve ever heard to describe this! Each day my fancy car gets a little more shine.
@Paul Hufnagl go on brush your shoulders off. You got this!

Thank you to every one sharing your stories, I know it's probably just a matter of time but I compare it to having a new sports car (well maybe not new) after you have been driving a junker for so long, you want to get out on the road and test it out.

@biginjapan Are you originally from the US? If so, do you think you’ll ever come back?

@AJ Tylo when this virus is over perhaps I should should travel outside the USA, lol. I have friend who used hinge app prior to his trip to France and found a hook-up that has now turned into a long distance relationship. ❤️

Ok I am going to get jumped on by every female on this site - Or at least most of them!
The USA is a pain in the ass to date, Females here have careers are way more into being single and with kids there main focus is on there kids, careers and themselves!
So as a fellow single male who does a lot of friends with benefits vs relationships. I am fortunate to be financially strong so that gives me a slight advantage, The cars, boats, and places i go allow me to attract.
But i also have another game i play - FOREIGN COUNTRY'S Yes i travel to cool hot fishing spots and as a benefit the girls are more out for you then you are for them. They need help and will be a lot easier to date or marry then a US female. So as life passes you buy here is my suggestions
Cuba - Very nice females who hate cuban men cuz they are abusive as hell. Problem is they are really shelted from the world and usually very domesticated. You can marry them takes a little time but is possible
Costa Rica - Little more aggressive attitudes but tropical mentality and layed back attitude -
Panama - Same as Costa Rica
Mexico - quiet and very domesticated and carting
That is the only four I have tested, but i have friends that have gone to the Orient and married there,
DO NOT FALL FOR ANY ONLINE TRICKS, WATCH YOUR WALLET. it is possible to have a mail order bride that really does care for you and you for her. I have girfriends all over those areas that i have met and still stay in touch with, If i chose to marry one of them I am confident i could. Friend of mine is marrying one from Cuba as we speak going thru the paperwork now.
The difference is these girls are looking for a guy who will care for them, They then will care for you and the relationship begins to build. Just easier to find a spouse when you are in a area where they want a Amercian Man.
So get ready to buy there daddy a goat for trade! Ok that was maybe a little to much

This is something I think about for myself as I lose weight.* I sort of wonder if I have always used my weight as an excuse not to be in a relationship, because whenever I lose weight and start to attract attention again, it mostly annoys me (usually I think because if I'm not interested, what's the point?) I've been alone for a very long time and I don't know how I would deal with dating again (not that I was ever that great at it). That said, I've always been optimistic that eventually I would find someone to share my life with (even a deep meaningful friendship, something I don't currently have). I don't know how I'll navigate this going forward, but to be honest, it's not a huge issue for me at the moment.
*Not that any of this matters because here in Japan there is no one for me. The majority of Japanese men are not interested in dating a middle-aged "fat" woman (and no matter how much weight I lose, I will always be fat here) and many are intimidated by Western women - so, no. The non-Japanese guys my age are either married with kids, or the kind that like to chase tail that's half their age. Either way, they're not interested in me and I'm definitely not interested in them.

What type of foods are you eating? I had surgery 1/7 and there is no way I can get close to 1200 calories at this point...not to mention 90 grams of carbs. I have to struggle to get 500 calories at this point.

Forget about sugar, carbs, fat, Protein. How many calories are you eating?

@Dawn Hanaphy thank you for sharing this story of hope!!
I am 40 and I’ve been in therapy for the past year after finally getting out of a very volatile domestic violence relationship. It really is true about a woman taking on average 7 times to finally leave their abuser for good. I lost a lot. My home, my pets, my independence. I had to move 50 miles away and into my family’s home. Luckily, my employer stuck with me through all this and provided me amazing support.
Sorry didn’t mean to go off on a tangent. Just sharing my experience and my anxiety of dating now. Going through that hell is the main reason I got so overweight. I comforted myself with food and alcohol. I’m much better today and much more gentle with myself and making good choices.

I’m scared of getting into another relationship. I’m scared of dating in my 40’s. Dating in my 30’s was hard enough. Every one comes with their own baggage. Their own wounds from past heartbreak. I hope I’m not a Debbie Downer but a lot of us are struggling trying to navigate this new dating dilemma. I’m not ready yet, but I know it’s going to be a challenge when the time comes. As I lose more weight, I think it will give more confidence to get out there and go fishing. Lol
@Paul Hufnagl I hope you find love soon or at least some excitement and good times! I would say enjoy the process but you may not want to hear that. I wonder if there are dating sites specifically for those of us who have had weight loss surgery? Hang in there. Keep putting yourself out there and it will happen.