biginjapan

As the only Male I agree - Shape up Mr or i see you on your way to the curb! But i do hope you can fix his attitude and Gosh Darn Ladies there are some tough Females on this site!
This is why I am single I suck as a husband and suck as a monogamous relationship partner, Funny thing is know it! so i just don't want to hurt anyone so i stay clear of it!
Maybe a brutally honest in your face conversation, while he chokes down a Big Mac to start!
DO NOT WASTE TO MUCH TIME, YOU GOT THIS AND YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD!

I agree 100%. This is an abusive relationship. Get out of it.

Sorry love but you're in an abusive relationship. Get Out.

what is HE going to gain from you losing weight?? This isn't about him, for God's sake!!

I agree with the above commenter. You can lose 150-200 lbs right away by kicking that jerk to the curb!

You wanna lose 150-200 pounds instantly?? Kick him to the curb!!😉
I know that is a terse, non comforting comment, but your post makes it clear that this man doesn't have your best interests at heart and is in this relationship for his own benefit. I am glad you followed your own desires to improve your health by WLS. If you want long term happiness you may have to question y'all's relationship. Ask yourself "will I be better in five years with him or without him?" and then follow your heart.
Good luck, we are here for you!

@AliciaBoyles ..... Lets start with the obvious. He is your BF... and sounds like a controlling ****. Your child, is it his? Not that it really makes a difference. Did anyone ever warn you about the high % of people that lose relationships due to WLS? (raises hand, screaming meeeee)
I can see so much of what you said in myself. I meet my x in the late 90ies, we have one son together. We were married for 26 years. When we first got together i was 5'2" and about 100lbs. very tiny. After having my son i started putting on weight. He would make comments about me gaining and that i was fat and ugly and that no one would want me if i left him. He was very controlling. He controlled everything... Me, son, money, house.... even the food i was allowed to buy, i didn't even have a CC for our account. He would give it to me, send me to the store and as soon as i walked he i would have to turn it over to him. He is 6'4" so even when he would gain a few, he was still ok. Years went by and my confidence and self-worth went down to nothing.... It was everything to get out of bed and go to work every day. My weight kept going up up up.... my HW 232#. One day i was talking to a co worker and she told me about her WLS (band). I started researching and knew i could get approved. So i mentioned it to him.... He BLEW HIS TOP. Saying i didn't love him anymore and that i was being selfish... oh and i must have another man on the side that i wanted to lose weight for. I didn't start my WL journey because i wanted to get healthy... i wanted to "save my marriage". I wanted him to find me attractive again (sex 1-4 x's a year). In my crazy head if i lost the weight he would love me again like he use too........ NOT. It didn't help at all, in fact, it made it worse. He became even more of an a$$ hole than before. He bacame more controlling... I couldn't even have a cell phone. Well i didn't listen to him and had the Band in 2009. It saved me in so many ways. My weight (at 143) and my mental health. I woke up from this fog that i had been in for 25+ years. I realized that i didn't have to live like that anymore. Even if i were to never meet a man and live the rest of my life alone.... i was ok with that. I divorced him. last Sept. i married the most amazing man EVER.
Here is something to think about..... If your Best friend would come to you and tell you the same things that you are going through.... What would you tell her? You need to prepare yourself... lots of people start cheating (both ways). I know tons of women in your situation that found out later that their husband started cheating when they started losing.
He is looking for a way out.... he's not happy with the overweight you, now he's not happy with the slimmer you. He basically making you chose him or your health and happiness. There is one problem... HE doesn't have to do your dying for you. God forbid something happened.... Trust in the fact that he would go on and find another woman to control. My ex told me to stop losing weight and at first, i did, then i thought...... F*ck him.. i'm doing this for me. I need to take care of me. He is a grown a$$ man. Now he has no one to cook, clean, work, make his appointments, pick up his RX's, take care of the dog, take care of the yard..... He didn't even know how to turn on the dishwasher.....
My life is so amazing now, there no way i could tell everyone without people say..... Man she is full of sh*t... No man does all that.
My band had to be removed in 2017, after i was divorced. Over the last 2.5 years i put back 30 and got up to 173.5. I talked to him about a revision.... He said, i think you are absolutely beautiful, but i will support what ever choice you make.... he is my biggest cheerleader (although no one else knows). But if someone comes up to him and says....Chris has lost a lot of weight..... He tells them i know, she looks great. She just changed the way she eats.... BAM!!! husband of the year award.
Read and really try and answer the question @Krimsonbutterflies asked.... they are great.
don't be like me and wake up 25 years later and think.... WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING....
Two words...... BE HAPPY!!!!

I used to weigh daily, now more like every four days. I'm not bothered by normal fluctuations but I don't want to gain during the lockdown. The scale actually provides very little information about health, but it's one of the easier things to do. If normal fluctuations do bother you, I'd recommend doing it a lot less often than I do.

I'm all over the place lol. I try and only weigh in once a week but sometimes it's twice a week and sometimes it's once every TWO weeks (particularly when I'm in a stall like I have been for the last two weeks... -_-')

Everyday to keep myself focused and to track any changes and to figure out what I need to do to keep going in the right direction....
I must be doing something right 150lbs gone in 7 months!!!!!

Please please please do not deprive yourself of food. It can actually make the stall last even longer. Having a stall around 2-3 weeks is very normal and it happens to most people. Please continue to follow your Surgeons plan and I promise you the weight will come off.

Start soft foods when your Team/plan suggests (unless there's an internal/physical/medical reason you cannot) & Trust the process. ❤

You are in the "three week stall" zone. Trust the process, you will start dropping again. I agree that a few more calories might actually help things moving again.

You said it yourself - your boyfriend is all about what's in it for HIM, how does losing weight help HIM? You didn't get HIS consent to change your body? Are you kidding? He hasn't shown you the least bit of support in any of your weight loss efforts and you are feeling guilty that you are the person that is causing this relationship to fail? You did this for YOU, not him. You did this because you want a healthier, happier life. If he hadn't been your boyfriend for the past 4 years, would you have done this anyway? I think you really need to take a good hard look at your relationship and to evaluate if it's the best thing for YOU going forward. Even though the surgery helps with weight loss, you still need support (or at the very least, the lack of negativity). Is he the one to give it to you? Would you rather live with his negativity than be alone?
I'm not saying any of these things to make you feel bad, but just because there's no point in beating around the bush. The reality is, a lot of relationships fail when weight loss surgery is involved. If you don't believe me, search these forums. You'll find plenty of examples of people who broke up, or divorced, directly as a consequence of the success that resulted from the surgery. It's often not because of the surgery itself, but because of what it represented. Maybe the person losing weight was getting too attractive and the other partner felt threatened by it. Or because the person getting the surgery decided to focus on themselves instead of focusing everything on their partner (and others) that they had been doing for years - and then the partner didn't like it. You just have to decide if he's worth keeping, and if so, what kind of counselling or other help you both can get to help you stay together; or if he's not and it's better to be free, whatever happens. Either way, it's a tough choice.

I weigh myself once every morning but I only log the weight once a week (every Monday). I find, for myself, this actually helps. I see my weight fluctuate on a day-to-day basis, but overall, over the week it's still going down. I found that when I stopped being regular about weighing myself after I had my sleeve done, that that's when I started to gain weight without noticing. By the time I did notice, it was hard for me to reverse the trend.

You said it yourself - your boyfriend is all about what's in it for HIM, how does losing weight help HIM? You didn't get HIS consent to change your body? Are you kidding? He hasn't shown you the least bit of support in any of your weight loss efforts and you are feeling guilty that you are the person that is causing this relationship to fail? You did this for YOU, not him. You did this because you want a healthier, happier life. If he hadn't been your boyfriend for the past 4 years, would you have done this anyway? I think you really need to take a good hard look at your relationship and to evaluate if it's the best thing for YOU going forward. Even though the surgery helps with weight loss, you still need support (or at the very least, the lack of negativity). Is he the one to give it to you? Would you rather live with his negativity than be alone?
I'm not saying any of these things to make you feel bad, but just because there's no point in beating around the bush. The reality is, a lot of relationships fail when weight loss surgery is involved. If you don't believe me, search these forums. You'll find plenty of examples of people who broke up, or divorced, directly as a consequence of the success that resulted from the surgery. It's often not because of the surgery itself, but because of what it represented. Maybe the person losing weight was getting too attractive and the other partner felt threatened by it. Or because the person getting the surgery decided to focus on themselves instead of focusing everything on their partner (and others) that they had been doing for years - and then the partner didn't like it. You just have to decide if he's worth keeping, and if so, what kind of counselling or other help you both can get to help you stay together; or if he's not and it's better to be free, whatever happens. Either way, it's a tough choice.

Exactly this! I've been on soft foods for 2 weeks now (can start regular foods tomorrow, as I will be one month out), and it kicked me out of the small stall I had (so far, no stall has been longer than 5 days for me). With bypass or sleeve the weight will come off - there are some real physical and hormonal changes going on in your body that are helping this along, regardless of what you eat. But if you stick to liquids for too long you may end sabotaging yourself. Try one or two different soft foods for the next few days and see what happens.

Me too. Tomorrow will be one month post-op and I drink normally now, although I'm certainly not drinking an entire glass of Water at a time. But I haven't done sips in 2 weeks I think.

I'm Canadian actually, and will probably be in Japan until I retire. Just work-wise I know I'm in a much more secure position here than I could ever have back home (I've got tenure at a university here). I did leave Japan after my first five years here, as, at that time, I knew that if I ever wanted a shot of being in a real relationship and/or having kids, that was the time to do it (I've known a lot of other women who also left in their late 20s/early 30s for exactly the same reason). But that didn't work out for me either (in 2 different countries) and eventually I came to accept that maybe I was meant to be single forever and not have kids, no matter where I was (which is why I returned to Japan). I've never been the kind of person who needs to be with others (happy introvert over here!) so never felt the need to chase people to date because I was lonely or needed sex. Maybe it's just bad luck on my part, but I never really met someone who I really hit it off with (I mean, who were single to begin with😉), so I've always felt happier on my own than the other way around (who needs the stress of a lot of bad or mediocre dates?). But, I'm still an optimist and who knows what will happen in the future.

FWIW, I'm kind of with AJ here - I think travel to other places/countries opens up a lot of possibilities, and you are able to find likeminded-people more easily. I recently came back from a trip to several African countries where I got a lot of compliments from the local men (who prefer curvier women, even though the local women are quite beautiful (but thin)). I know quite a few people who using online dating apps to hook up with (or just meet) people when they travel. That said, years before apps were even a thing, one of my friends from school got talking to a guy on a bus when she was in Thailand, by the time they got off the bus they decided to spend the rest of their time together for the remainder of their trip, by the end of the trip she flew back to Europe with him and they eventually got married and had kids. It really happened that fast, and they are still together 20+ years later. So, you never know what could happen.

However, to counter AJ a little bit - he's financially well-off and travels to countries where women are not, and where they often have to depend on men to take care of them (whether they want them to or not). That's fine if that's what both parties want, I'm not judging in any way. But I'm in the opposite camp. I have some financial stability and can take care of myself - I'm not looking for a man who can do that for me, but who can complement my life (and I his). And to be with someone who is attracted to, and wants to be with a successful, confident woman who knows what she wants, and is not the weak/dependent person in the pair (to be clear, I don't want either person to be weak or dependent).

Here's a final thought too, about what happens when you lose weight, and are successful in keeping it off. I remember reading somewhere (I'll have to find it) that it's not just the person who loses weight who has to deal with their own body image, but people who knew them too. If people around you know/knew you as obese, they may always see you through that "filter", despite the fact that it's been years of more since you were that way. That may make it more difficult to find someone within your own circle of friends, family, and acquaintances, since they may refer to you that way for a long time, even to people who didn't know you at that weight. I know, for example, in my own family, my parents often refer to one our former neighbours (who is a cop), as, "you know, the one who weighed 350 pounds and lost 200 pounds, you remember her?" How do people ever overcome that stigma of obesity? I don't know.

I weigh myself once every morning but I only log the weight once a week (every Monday). I find, for myself, this actually helps. I see my weight fluctuate on a day-to-day basis, but overall, over the week it's still going down. I found that when I stopped being regular about weighing myself after I had my sleeve done, that that's when I started to gain weight without noticing. By the time I did notice, it was hard for me to reverse the trend.

I have a few questions for you to pose to yourself, from a viewpoint of support for you as a fellow member of this community that you are lovingly accepted into.
Do you think his behavior is respectful, loving, uplifting towards you?
You do know that you aren't his property and don't need his "consent" to prioritize yourself or your health?
Does he have a fetish for bigger women and is your losing weight a turnoff for him (physically and mentally)?
Is he genuinely a friend who sincerely supports you with other endeavors in your life, without needing to personally gain/benefit from you/it?
Does he encourage you to build your confidence and self esteem daily?
Does he encourage your individuality?
Does he support you having healthy outside relationships with your family, colleagues and etc.?
Do you feel comfortable discussing your individual dreams, goals, achievements and vision for your life/future independent of his benefit?
Do you feel uplifted after talking to him and like he's a positive light in your life?
These are a few things to ask yourself and be honest with yourself about how you are truly feeling. 5 years in a relationship doesn't mean that you are being loved, supported and respected by your mate. I know that we don't know the entire history of your relationship, but he sounds cruel and controlling. His punishment that he's imposing upon you and his request to not be contacted until you can explain yourself to him what he will benefit from you is not the behavior exhibited by a person who cares for someone. He sounds insecure, manipulative and insensitive to your need to get your health on track. He's right there in the dictionary under narcissist!!! His attitude towards you and yes your mother too is disrespectful and you are worthy of being respected, loved and supported. You should be celebrated by your partner for your accomplished weight loss thus far and please don't dream of sabotaging your success and trying to stop your journey. We will cheerlead, shout to the mountain tops and yell praises for you to win!!
You are worthy, beautiful and deserving of whatever your heart desires.
I wrote this with the intention of being a supporter of your journey and not to preach or judge. This is the judgment free zone, I just don't like bullies who rain on other people's happiness and blessings.

The benefit to him is the years you are adding to your life, and the significantly better health you will have during those years. For example, check out these articles.
https://asmbs.org/articles/weight-loss-surgery-reduces-risk-of-coronary-heart-disease-by-40-percent
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/07/180716103541.htm
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25466723
You've reduced your risk of coronary heart disease by 40%.
If you already had diabetes, your chance of remission is 40% - if you don't have it you've reduced your chances of getting it by 74%.
You've reduced your risk of certain cancers (breast, endometrial) by 77%.
If he does not see your improved health and longer life as enough of a benefit to him, then he is not the sort of person you want to be with.

most people lose 15-25 lbs the first month. Yes some lose more and some lose less, but the majority seem to lose somewhere in that range. So you're absolutely normal! I lost 16 lbs the first month, if that makes you feel any better. And I ended up losing 100% of my excess weight, so...

Thank you for your response to my post Cammy. It made a lot of sense and was very helpful. I've been getting discouraged but folks on here are great and have helped a lot. Yes, I don't have THAT MUCH to lose and I think it makes a difference.
Best to you and yours

@IAmGrace I’m not an expert at this but from what I’ve gathered is that people who weighed more prior to surgery lose more at first. Now I don’t know for sure but. My start weight on 10/7/19 was 256.6. Surgery date of 3/3/20 I was 230. Today I 215.8. I’ve noticed people 300+ seem to have more weight loss at first. I’m not sure what your weight was / is, but it’s working! I’m down 15 pounds in 4 weeks! It took me 5 months to lose 26. I don’t lose weight every day, it’s more like every 3 to 4 days a drop a pound. But I’ll take it! Also I got into a pair of pants yestersay I haven’t been able to wear since 2017. Whoop whoop!!
We Just keep doing the right thing and it will pay off for all of us!

Hi Lily:
I've been wondering how you are doing! So nice to hear from you. Last time we talked you were suffering from some Constipation. I have had some of that too. Seems to have resolved with some changes in what I eat. Many thanks for responding (so nicely) to my post.
Best to you and yours!