Foxy_lady

@@Sajijoma I always tell him let's eat healthy together I promise you'll feel better! But he goes back to his old ways in no time soon, I did tell him last night though we can do this together, since I'm noticing his eating habits are getting worse and worse. He agreed and said he will actually try.

@@Valentina Thank you so much, I really appreciate all posts especially this one. Prayers and blessings your way.

Any drastic change that takes place in one spouse affects both partners. Relationship issues after bariatric surgery are a common but couples counseling beforehand helps both partners manage the change together.


Counseling Before and After Bariatric Surgery Helps Couples Manage Change
Relationship issues after bariatric surgery are a common topic discussed during the orientation class prior to surgery. Any drastic change that takes place in one spouse affects both of the partners. In fact, bariatric surgery will impact the lifestyle of the entire family. In a prior post, the high rate of divorce after bariatric surgery was explored.
Relationship Issues after Bariatric Surgery
There are two leading causes of relationship issues after bariatric surgery.
Perhaps the relationship was poor before the bariatric surgery. The new more confident bariatric surgery partner now finds the esteem and courage to end a bad situation. Bariatric surgery can have a positive effect on a solid marriage but it can tear apart a marriage that is already on the rocks.
Sometimes the partners can no longer find a common ground where interests are shared. The partner who had bariatric surgery has been energized and is no longer attracted to a sedentary lifestyle centered around eating. Whereas the remaining partner is comfortable with the lifestyle that existed prior to the bariatric surgery.
It is this latter relationship dynamic that I wish to explore. Specifically, what can be done to resolve these sorts of relationship issues after bariatric surgery?
Resolving Relationship Issues after Bariatric Surgery
Dramatic change comes with bariatric surgery. Food shopping, mealtime, and the activities engaged in for enjoyment must shift to accommodate healthier habits if the bariatric surgery is to succeed. The loss of familiarity with “what was” calls for adjustment. And change, whether positive or negative, can be charged with emotions that promote stress. Stress will in turn grate patience, especially if the partner who did not have bariatric surgery is unenthused about the changes taking place.
If common ground cannot be found then you have to be ready to turn the page and end that chapter of your life. In the lifespan of a relationship sometimes a couple becomes incompatible. It is better to be alone and understand the power of aloneness than to be in a dysfunctional or incompatible relationship. But let it not go unspoken that a divorce after bariatric surgery is a decision that should come after an honest effort has been made to find solutions to the problems inherent in a marriage. Why abandon a relationship that may be able to weather the winds of change?
If after bariatric surgery your relationship becomes strained then counseling might help to resolve your issues. The purpose of relationship counseling is for a therapist to assist in moving the couple from conflict to resolution.
Resolving Relationship Issues before Bariatric Surgery
We are a society that was raised on a false notion of romantic love. We think that true love means “happily ever after” and not having to work at compatibility. That’s just a fairy tale we were told as children. Perhaps, then, a deep exploration of feelings and the solidarity of the relationship should be undertaken sooner rather than later. Read, “True Love after Weight Loss.”
Resolving relationship issues after bariatric surgery may not be the ideal time to seek counseling. With the extremely high divorce rate after bariatric surgery, it makes sense to play the odds and resolve relationship issues before bariatric surgery.
Pre-marriage counseling is often done to help couples address differences prior to taking their marital vows. Likewise, relationship counseling for bariatric surgery can be undertaken. Even couples in healthy relationships can attend couples counseling to further strengthen their already strong unions. In either case, relationship counseling before bariatric surgery will prepare and strengthen the couple to better withstand the changes that will come.
What to Expect from Relationship Counseling
Relationship counseling is a type of psychotherapy and is usually practiced by licensed professionals such as a marriage and family therapist. Counseling is usually short, and both partners should participate. The benefit is that couples counseling avoids the victim or “poor me” attitude that can be a by-product of individual therapy, which encourages people to dig deeper into their own world view. Each spouse’s job in couples therapy is to focus on his or her own learning and growth, not to try to get the other person to change.
Couples therapy will involve discovering the strengths and weaknesses in a relationship, improving communication, and developing problem-solving skills. Partners work on understanding their spouse’s feelings and viewpoint, negotiating the differences that can be negotiated or accepting those differences that cannot. Sessions can be animated, argumentative, or pass in stony silence. The therapist must be able to guide all sessions regardless of the climate.
Couples need not be married to participate, and a couple can be heterosexual or homosexual. As is stated, another term for relationship counseling is couples counseling and marriage is not a prerequisite. A couple sharing a relationship will suffice.
When selecting a counselor some of the more pertinent questions might be about the counselor’s level of education, general availability, number of sessions per week, length of therapy, fees and coverage through health insurance. You may find a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in your area through TherapistLocator.
If additional but separate problems surface then the therapist should involve other mental health counselors that specialize in those areas of need.
If the sessions lead to the discovery that the marriage is beyond repair then it could very well in the best interest of both partners to terminate the relationship. Although such decisions can be emotionally difficult, such difficulty is probably preferable to remaining in a hopeless relationship. Sometimes relationship issues only can be resolved by dissolution of the marriage.
Living larger than ever,
My Bariatric Life

I agree with Jennifer. I got an IUD. It's weird because it would take a miracle for my husband and I to have a baby the old fashioned way.
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With respect and props to all the replies...
The only person you can control is you.
The only person who has to live your life is you.
Is his behavior a deal breaker for you? If it is, move along. If it isn't, deal with it and don't complain.
Dating is a time to assess whether he's the one. If your "one" supports you in a particular way, then he isn't it. If your "one" is wonderful in many ways but his eating style challenges you, then keep him.
But don't expect him to change. He is who he is.
For me, I'm personally in the why the heck should my husband and kids change? They are healthy and fit. We have eliminated a few bad eating habits from the house--mostly soda, but my son still has one or two a week when he's out--more fresh foods and less processed just because that's what I cook. But I prepare potatoes and rice and Pasta and other things I don't eat.
But if the support in the form of eating change is important to you, that's your right! You just need to factor that into your choice of partner. Chose one that wants to support you in that way.

I don't think you are being a brat. Right after my surgery, my husband went on an epic eating crap binge and put on almost 80lbs eating all the things he used to moan and groan about me buying. My first few months after surgery were sheer hell watching him eat a train wreck of Cookies, candy, ice cream, doughnuts, ice cream and fried foods galore chased with soda all the time. It was hard to watch and I would tell him "that's how I got here in the first place" but he wouldn't listen. Fast forward 6 months and he just had his checkup and he's not doing well. Everything is elevated and his doctor wants him to lose the 80lbs ASAP plus the baggage he had before and adopt basically my eating style-low carb, Protein and not too much fat(except good fats). I just want him to be healthy, but now that we are in a colon cancer scare waiting to find out if it is or isn't, he's finally decided if he makes it through unscathed that he will turn it around and start caring again. We have healthy food in the house now always, we own a ton of exercise equipment(thanks tax return!) and videos and even have a room that is semi dedicated for exercise (it's also the storage room in our basement) but it's cool in the summer and private so you don't have to feel like you are being watched by all the eyes in the house and as long as someone is watching the little ones, I actually get time to myself now. I spend 2hrs a day down there working on me, but during the hours he's home, it's always free(unless my teenager is in there but usually she does her workouts during the daytime). Anyway, I kind of got distracted a bit, but my point is, you can try to lead by example, but you can't make him do it anymore than he could have made you lose weight or exercise. You have to want it for yourself. Just keep pressing the "how good I feel now that I exercise and eat better" and hopefully he'll come around on his own without having to have a crisis to scare him into it like mine.

You need to have WLS for only one person---yourself. For yourself, a gift from yourself, Love--yourself.
That takes a great deal on inner strength, but to have WLS for any other reason is asking for turmoil along your entire journey.
Hopefully the BF will acknowledge your commitment and be not only supportive, but respectful to your decision to travel down the WLS path.
When he isn't, we are and always will be here to listen. Sometimes that is all any of us needs---some one to just listen.
We are here for you, Friend---and we're listening.
Prayers going up for you.

It's not about the food.
Couple's counseling sounds like an excellent idea.

The episodes that kill me are on the ride home from the hospital, fresh out of surgery and the person driving goes through a drive thru.

On 600lb life, Zasalynn's husband didn't want her to lose weight. He sat in front of her eating all her favs, refusing to get her anything healthy and taunting the heck out of her all the time. He never gave a damn about her beyond his fetish.
He can eat whatever he wants when he isn't around her, it wouldn't kill him to show her a little respect when she was fresh out of surgery. People do the same thing when people have heart surgery or other diet changing surgery. My friends dad had surgery and we all ate different around him to support him, and make it easier for him to transition after his not WLS, surgery.
It is called respect and compassion. It isn't hard. He is being an asshole.

Honestly he was against me getting the WLS for the beginning, i suggested we do it together because hes also morbidly obese. He is upset that now I want to go out more and I also explained to him that it bothers me he's eating unhealthy. I guess in a way I did this surgery for both us, to set an example that we can be healthy together.
@OutsideMatchInside I do agree with you,sometimes he does make a comment saying I am losing weight too fast and that I should eat more.
@@KristenLe and @@Inner Surfer Girl you're right he didn't do the surgery, but like everything we do together I expect him to be there on my side with me not in front of me eating delicious nachos lol and he promised he would do it with me eat better and exercise with me
I can control myself, it's just difficult when I feel like I'm progressing and my partner is happy sitting on sidelines
he said it was because me losing weight and changing, but I did it to be healthier. and I am noticing how he keeps bringing food into

There is a huge difference between setting an example and expecting someone to do what you think they SHOULD do.
You need to take care of yourself. Let him take care of himself.

I have worked out and gone to the gym since about 5 months post op, so about a year and a half. Not once has my husband gone with me. Does that mean he's not supportive of my journey? Not one bit. He's very supportive, and always has been.
I just want to emphasize the fact that just because someone isn't doing exactly what you think they should be doing, doesn't mean they are automatically sabotaging you. Like Ann said, why don't you just ask him what's going on?

Jeez, I have no idea what's going on. Your eating less could be triggering his own food / eating insecurities or binge-eating (if he suffers from that). Or he could be sabotaging you because he doesn't want you to lose weight. Or he could be one of those guys who just does what he does and has no idea why he's doing what he's doing. Or he could be an asshole. Or you could be hormonal. Or you could even be imagining he's eating worse because you're under typical early-post-op WLS stress.
Why don't you just ask him what he thinks is going on and see what he says?

Your boyfriend didn't have surgery. You did. You can only control yourself. He has no reason to change just because you decided to change. Do what is best for you and let him do his thing.

I never did and never will worry about what people are eating around me. This is my gig, not thiers.
When you go to a buffet, party, restaraunt, work event, or holiday get together are you going to insist everyone around you eat the way you eat?
You're going to have to get used to temptation because it's going to be around you the rest of your life. Think of it as building up your will power muscles. Keeps us honest.

Even if he didn't have surgery, if he cared and supported her, he could change his eating habits. When I have low carbed in the past my friends and family joined in to support me, because they love me.
At worst he is trying to sabotage her, at best he doesn't really care about her or her health.
WLS patients and fat people give people too many chances. That is why we have a new thread every day about people having their feelings hurt by their co-workers, friends, family, etc. People let others treat them poorly, missing all the little signs along the way that these people don't care about you.

How are you feeling now? I did have alot of pain near my big incision but in time it did go away. Maybe you should see your primary, if you're not comfortable with your surgeon. Let your primary know your concerns and they might send you for an ultrasound just to make sure everything is ok! And yea he does sound like he's blowing you off. Feel better

I'm one month post op and lost 50 pounds already...and honestly I kind of feel the same way. I feel like I'm just criticizing myself more and more everyday.

I felt the same way, honestly I did feel regret right after because I was in so much pain and I felt like I betrayed my body by going through surgery; but in time it got better. Good luck

I am excited because this has been such a long process lol. I'm ready to be on the other side of surgery. I think not drinking will be hard. I've had only Clear liquids for over 24 hours and nothing allowed beyond midnight last night. I'm nervous, too. It's a big deal having that much of any organ removed, but I think I'll be okay. Thank you!
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Aren't you excited?! lol I was nervous but for me they just did the blood work, prepped me for surgery and that was it. But then told me that I would not be able to drink for about 12 hours after the procedure Good luck I hope everything goes well.

Not even taking into consideration the carbonation being a very bad idea that early, caffeine and sodium are both present in most sodas, and they both are dehydrating - they will make you feel worse, not better.

No! Not unless you want to be in pain. Carbonation fills your tiny pouch is painful gas! Don't do that!
If you can't do Water try some coconut water. Coconut water is a natural super hydrator.

I'm scheduled for my gastric sleeve procedure at 3:15pm, but I'm to be there by 1:15. Can anyone give me a general idea of what to expect from when I get there?
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