Firecallie

Today sucked...work was demanding. Decided to punish myself by eating. Seems like I think eating is a way to unwind or that I deserve it. In the end i'm just doing myself damage.

Today I had:

2 protien shakes

soup

half a tuna sandwinch and a few chips

3 cheese sticks

soup

2 taquitos

After eating all of this I do not feel better, or less stressed, or good about myself. I feel miserable. Like I ruined it once again. Am incapable of losing weight and that my band will not work for me. Remember this tomorrow. When I do good by eating right and excersizing during the day I end up feeling good about myself. When I indulge and eat I do not feel good about myself. It's my choice. Temp. fix or long term feel good. Ultimately I will choose.

All of this bad eating is happening after work for the most part. MUST REMEDY THAT.

Note to self. Tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate and a new beginning. Learn from the past, try not to repeat their mistakes.

A very philosophical title for a very nonphilosophical post. Sometimes it seems as if I finally have a good fill. But then this evening I ate a whole chicken pot pie. If I had a good fill I shouldn't be able to do that...RIGHT?!? And then suddenly about an hour later my stomach feels tighter again. It's so frustrating. Then you have the question of how much do I eat. My Dr. says to do a 7 day liquid diet. Which sucks but okay say I do it. HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GET ENOUGH CALORIES ON LIQUIDS?!? So then comes the question of will I lose weight if I don't get enough calories in? Yada yada yada. I really think I need to stop worrying about it and let happen what will happen. That's what I shall endevor to do tomorrow...

Today I ate:

1 protein shake for breakfast

1 cup of soup for lunch (split up by a few hours)

1 chicken pot pie (chewed up and spit out chicken and veggies but ended up eating the crust) <----not a good food choice and I shouldn't have had the crust.

On the upside I did work out on the eliptical for 15 minutes and then went swimming. I fear i'll be a paranoid old lady in a few years. I am so worried if the pool is clean...almost like dirty water is beginning to be a phobia. I hope not. One day when I have kids (which would mean I would have to be in a relationship...which right now seems like such a long ways off.) I would like to be the kind that takes them swimming and has fun with them.

Thought of the day:

When I am in a good mood, the children in my class behave better and I have a better day. It's amazing how much your mood controls your life.

P.S. I woke up feeling fine and haven't been sick all day. Odd huh?

I have begun to love the idea of journaling. This isn't the first time i've started one so I have my doubts as to if I will keep it up. Been watching DVD's of "DOOGIE HOWSER" and I doubt that i'll have any thoughts as deep as his. Well today i'm feeling kinda bleh. I went and got a fill yesterday and went to a concert and wonder if I over did it. I left feeling bad and this evening I am running a fever. I hope everything is okay.

Now for what i've eaten today.

1.5 cups of potato cheese soup from Black Eyed Pea

Water