pearlygirl

I think this is right on. It is awful that your DH did what he did. It is awful that this woman didn't mind that he was married. Honestly though, her responsibility was not to you or your marriage. That was your DH's job. HE is the one who didn't keep his promises and vows. HE is the one that cheated on you and your family. HE is the dirty whore. I am not condoning sleeping with a married man by any means but it was your DH's responsibility to do the right thing.
Maybe it is easier to be so angry and put so much blame on her but it belongs with your DH. He betrayed you, not her.
I am not trying to be cold or rude. You certainly have my sympathy and my heart aches for what you've been going through. I really encourage you to seek couseling both for you alone and marriage counseling. It is very important(especially with kids) that you both are able to sort through all of these feelings in a healthy and safe way. Maybe you already are, I haven't read through the entire thread.
Good luck to you!