LEILE

I can't decide whether I want to be a Flaming Forum Troll or a Forum Overlord...
Looks like I've got a decision to make...

@@LEILE - "People are more similar than not. A lot of emotions come up after surgery. For me, it was a lot of anger. I wanted to leave my partner of 6 years--he was so annoying ALL OF A SUDDEN. I still have a long ways to go on this journey--I am almost 6 months out, but I am not going to invite any life changing newness into my life and I am not going to discard anything important from my life for the next at least 6 months. I really struggle with food, even still. food for me, has been my constant companion for over 25 years and putting that down makes me want to pick up something else. Whenever people on this site talk about passing their mental health inspection--because they DON'T have an eating disorder, hence they could get the surgery--I just shake my head. No one I have ever met, gets to be super obese because they have a genetics problem and are otherwise the picture of perfect mental health."
I was on an emotional roller coaster after the first month for nearly 6 months. In retrospect it is funny, but I'm glad I didn't make any life changing decisions. I fell in love, hated them soon after, jumped in bed too quick et.al. The "hormone dump" that goes along with rapid weight loss affects everyone differently. This is not always a reflection of the state of someone's mental health IMHO. Very few people here are in the "super obese" category. Most are strugglers. We dieted, went up and down for a wide variety of reasons, and screwed our damn metabolism up. Now very few know about this aspect of dieting, and in 30 years they will be teaching this in school, but right now it is too new. I am sorry but I am convinced the result of yo-yo dieting is a screwed up set-point for weight that will always result in a return to the high weight unless you go to extreme Dr. Dean Ornish diet program.

It is all a distraction. My food is down--because I just had surgery, now let me solve all of my problems in the first 60 days. People are more similar than not. A lot of emotions come up after surgery. For me, it was a lot of anger. I wanted to leave my partner of 6 years--he was so annoying ALL OF A SUDDEN. I still have a long ways to go on this journey--I am almost 6 months out, but I am not going to invite any life changing newness into my life and I am not going to discard anything important from my life for the next at least 6 months. I really struggle with food, even still. Food for me, has been my constant companion for over 25 years and putting that down makes me want to pick up something else. Whenever people on this site talk about passing their mental health inspection--because they DON'T have an eating disorder, hence they could get the surgery--I just shake my head. No one I have ever met, gets to be super obese because they have a genetics problem and are otherwise the picture of perfect mental health. Good luck to you in your pursuits and I hope that you find whatever it is that you are looking for. If you are struggling with loneliness you could adopt a dog, they are loyal, adorable, in need of good homes and right now I have a 95 pound Great Pyrenesse laying in my bed next to me who wants nothing from me but to be loved, fed and scratched--he is amazing and I got him after my surgery. He was at a no kill shelter for two years. I didn't rescue him, most days I feel like he rescued me.

It is all a distraction. My food is down--because I just had surgery, now let me solve all of my problems in the first 60 days. People are more similar than not. A lot of emotions come up after surgery. For me, it was a lot of anger. I wanted to leave my partner of 6 years--he was so annoying ALL OF A SUDDEN. I still have a long ways to go on this journey--I am almost 6 months out, but I am not going to invite any life changing newness into my life and I am not going to discard anything important from my life for the next at least 6 months. I really struggle with food, even still. Food for me, has been my constant companion for over 25 years and putting that down makes me want to pick up something else. Whenever people on this site talk about passing their mental health inspection--because they DON'T have an eating disorder, hence they could get the surgery--I just shake my head. No one I have ever met, gets to be super obese because they have a genetics problem and are otherwise the picture of perfect mental health. Good luck to you in your pursuits and I hope that you find whatever it is that you are looking for. If you are struggling with loneliness you could adopt a dog, they are loyal, adorable, in need of good homes and right now I have a 95 pound Great Pyrenesse laying in my bed next to me who wants nothing from me but to be loved, fed and scratched--he is amazing and I got him after my surgery. He was at a no kill shelter for two years. I didn't rescue him, most days I feel like he rescued me.

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

It was only an invitation for introspection. I get it, not everyone does that. The best thing about the topic board is that I can write something (start a topic) and there will be twenty different interpretations of what I have said or what I should/could think about. It is really quite an amazing process. I welcome it, even when I feel someone is snappy--because at the end of the day I recognize that I am not in control of people's reactions and I trust that most people are sincerely only trying to share what worked for them or their personal experience. WLS is not just a physical change it is also very emotional for many of us who have been invisible due to our obesity. My top weight was 261 pounds as an adult, today I am 176 pounds (I have quite a bit to go), but I still find myself on guard against the world that ignored me or belittled me. Today, I am just trying to find peace with my process and I wish everyone peace with their individual processes.

Agree. If I only wanted an opinion that matched mine, I'd call on my granny. If I only wanted a single opinion, I'd call my NP. When I want a true variety of experiences and opinions, I come to a public forum.
And one of my favorite things about forums like this? Not only can I get a variety of thought processes presented to me, but the twists and turns of the actual conversations are fascinating. How boring would it be if all the threads stuck 100% to the original question posed?
What a snore that would be!

The joke was 6' vs 6" = 6 foot vs. 6 inch. I wasn't trying to make a point about 6 months out vs 2 months out... but you were to trigger happy to realize the difference. When you can't understand different unit symbols, and try to make a point about me through making a parallel that was derived from a total lack of understanding... I have no words.
Alright I'm done with this thread ✌
Thanks again everyone for all the advice.
Best,
Sanju

It was only an invitation for introspection. I get it, not everyone does that. The best thing about the topic board is that I can write something (start a topic) and there will be twenty different interpretations of what I have said or what I should/could think about. It is really quite an amazing process. I welcome it, even when I feel someone is snappy--because at the end of the day I recognize that I am not in control of people's reactions and I trust that most people are sincerely only trying to share what worked for them or their personal experience. WLS is not just a physical change it is also very emotional for many of us who have been invisible due to our obesity. My top weight was 261 pounds as an adult, today I am 176 pounds (I have quite a bit to go), but I still find myself on guard against the world that ignored me or belittled me. Today, I am just trying to find peace with my process and I wish everyone peace with their individual processes.

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

When I taught, I learned from my students because they challenged me. Now I own a local business and I learn the most from my team members because I give them the ability to try new things in the work process.
Regarding my sleeve, I learned the most from people who were willing to call me on my actions, point out my flaws and challenge me to do better.
If I wanted pat answers and warm fuzzy advice, I'd have visited my Aunt Marie. Probably would have enjoyed a slice of her amazing coconut cake while there, too.

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not.
I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable,
Leilie

Babbs, your posts give me life.
This forum should not be an infinite plane of eggshells we tiptoe over. It is absolutely a place of support, and sometimes, reality checks and doses of humility are supportive. I think there is great value in having people check you on your bad habits, not just when they are diet-related, but when they are behavior-related too.
Asking for validation mislabeled as advice, or demanding that opinions be bubble-wrapped and lukewarm so as not to appear judgmental or finger-wagging? Believe it or not, demanding these kinds of emotional cushions likely play a bigger role in your weight loss struggle than you'd like to think.
food is comfort and self protection. So is demanding others pull their punches when you ask for advice. Both can be destructive, and neither really helps you in the long run.
P.S. Slapping the "bully" or "shame" label onto anything that makes you feel uncomfortable does nothing but shut down honest discourse and let you swallow down moral superiority like a deep-fried carb. Don't do it.
**Edit: I know the convo has moved on, but I still wanted to address some earlier points. Back to your regularly programmed macronutrient tallies

Oh! Is this where we get to list our educational/professional credentials? Is that akin to whipping it out and measuring? How fun! I call front row view!!

73 lbs? Wow - no wonder why she's jealous! Congrats!!!

Your doing amazing! I love yoga videos--in fact I like to try a variety of them on amazon prime. I also bought ballet beautiful which is a wonderful video.

I think sometimes it's people fearing that if you continue losing you will weigh less then them.

I have a relative that has a very checkered past - so I used her as a sample. Could not find evidence of her misdeeds... OR her marriage to the Nigerian prince (I could not make that up)

@@Katrinakit my views are similiar. I don't want to die, but I don't sit around worrying about it either. The other day a very scary horse incident occured that my sons heard but didn't see. I came in the house and my oldest said "mom, did someone just get stomped to death?" I told him what happened (close call, but no one was hurt) and we were heading out and he said... "Mom, don't die today." Even though they are young adults - I still feel that if something were to happen to me, the real tragedy would be the impact on my loved ones. This poor woman had 3 minor children - they REALLY still need their mother.

In the case of this murder, she had been chatting with him awhile, had been dating about 3 weeks... especially if I had met friends or family by then I would be very trusting and getting in a car with him etc. I won't change my behavior significantly because of this but it definately gave me pause.
I am not in the least bit comforted in the knowledge that women are more likely to be assualted/killed by someone they know. That happened to me, I was attacked and held hostage for the better part of a day by someone I had worked with for about 6 months... he pointed a gun at me besides being physically overwhelmed. That happened when I was 17 and i have never forgotten that feeling of being completely not able to control the situation and keep myself safe. We operate under the illusion of safety until we are not...

My approach has been to take a neutral stance. I have told very few people outright, but if someone asks "how I did it" and they are someone who like me has had issues, then I tell them. I'm not ashamed of having the surgery, but at the same time it's not everyone's business either. I don't evangelize the awesomeness of my rny to the grocery checkout clerk when she commented how good I looked and she could tell I lost a lot of weight, but between friends and stuff, there really isn't a reason to keep it a secret or lie. I have lost one friend after she found out I had wls and that's ok because doing a post mortem on that friendship, I realized she wasn't really my friend to begin with and only wanted someone to beat down and I made a great target. If your friends turn on you let them go. Life is better without the toxic life suckers and if you do tell, it might help someone. My former college roommate was the one who got me thinking about it. We had always been the same size and then the next time I saw her she looked amazing and when I found out she did wls I thought "heck, if she did it, why can't I?!?".